Life is so simple yet complex - depending on - whether you are focused on meaningful worthwhile living or chasing the glamour.
In this article I will try to give clarity on
- 1.When winning is really a long-term and actual loss AND
- 2.When losing makes us a real-winner
Many-times choosing to lose is essential to makes us the real winner – in the long-term and in the most profound ways.
We need to learn when to choose to fail/when to lose - strategically.
Because of our societal conditioning - failure and losing are considered a very bad and negative thing.
That's why we have politicians, students, employees, businesses and companies with their only one principle – winning at any cost AND winning by whatever it takes - irrespective of whether it is good or bad, legal or illegal, ethical or unethical.
Always winning and always being successful is a fantasy interwoven with hallucination and if someone is addicted with this – they certainly need big-time psychological expert help.
We end up learning more from our failures than we do from our successes and from listening to those who have lost constructively than those who've simply won.
I am a follower and champion for excellence rather than perfection – and I am not suggesting even for a moment that any of us - focus on losing or even strive for mediocrity.
All of us need to understand that Failing and Losing is equally important as winning and succeeding - In fact they are interdependent with and inseparable from each other.
Success and winning is the consequence – whereas losing and failing is part of the process to take us there.
A person who has trained himself/herself to be adept at dealing with uncertainties, setbacks, crises - quickly navigates to an alternate route and finds another solution - and in many instances a better one.
Unanticipated defeats make us more agile, flexible and adaptable.
People in a growth mindset thrive on challenges sought pro-actively.
We can only grow – when we stretch ourselves - beyond what we are capable of doing at present.
And when we stretch ourselves into the realm of unknown – we would definitely fail – many-many times, before we start winning.
Then too this win would not be permanent - Nothing ever is.
When you Win by Losing
In sports and competitive endeavors- there are clear-cut winners and losers.
But What do you think about winning and losing when you look at each day in your life. Are you winning? Are you growing, learning, succeeding.
Everyone can win. Everyone can also lose. It's through our experiences that we grow.
To become an expert, you have to have experience and to get experience you have to experiment – and no experience ever come with water-tight positive-only experiences – meaning you will fail and lose battles once in a while.
You will WIN
- 1.When you take risk of ridicule AND IN-SPITE OF THE OUTCOME
- I.Expressing what you feel
- II.Expressing your fears
- III.Asking for what you want
- IV.Suggesting ways for improvement
- V.Taking responsibility
- VI.Taking initiatives by sticking your neck-out
- VII.Being scared yet taking action
- VIII.Challenging the experts
- IX.Losing an argument – letting another person win
- X.Refusing to be part of the rumor/gossip group
- XI.When you go along with your own beliefs and passions – irrespective of popular wisdom being against it
- XII.When you be totally yourself – vis-à-vis living a life as per others
- 2.When you let your child go for his/her dreams – instead of imposing your own wishes on him/her
- 3.When you make mistake – and – accept it
- 4.When you make mistake – and – then keep trying and making mistakes – till you find the most correct solutions
- 5.When you fail – but then you get up again – and restart
- 6.When people laugh at you – you also laugh at yourself – but still follow your heart
- 7.When we lose our innocence through being cheated/getting hurt/back-stabbed – but gain wisdom
- 8.When we lose/let-go of our expectations from others of for their approval, their appreciation, their recognition
- 9.When we lose our own false self-image and we face and accept who we are with our weaknesses and strengths
- 10.When we fail – but learn – where in our life we need to make changes – to grow
- 11.You are willing to give things a shot, even when you think that in probability it won't work out - Probability means that the supposed odds are not in your favor. But make no mistake — probable does not equal possible
- 12.When even facing hurdles - you Follow your dreams - never even think of surrendering
- 13.When you take on new challenges – and then going on and learning all about it
- 14.When you get the spirit of just doing it
- 15.When you kill your urge to speak and be heard – and – listen with respect
- 16.When you respect others
- 17.When you don't let anyone dis-respect you
- 18.When you respect, accept and love yourself
When is winning actually losing
In life and business – going for short-term gains through short-cuts/cutting corners often creates long-term losses – they happen when
- 1.In organizations - where politics takes preferences over progress
- 2.People backstab to get ahead of peers
- 3.People are more focused showing-off for looking good – rather than actually working on themselves to excel at whatever they do
- 4.Form policies those are aimed at win[theirs]-Lose[others]
- 5.Someone tries to cheat others of their rights – through lies, deceit
- 6.Takes advantage of other's trust to deprive others of what they were entitled for
- 7.Taking advantage of other's weaknesses and helpless-nesses
- 8.Using your power to get what you want
- 9.You don't have any problem sabotaging others for your own gain
- 10.Preferring profits over people's growth
- 11.Reaching the top of the ladder anyhow
- 12.Gaining edge by stepping on others
- 13.Engineering results
- 14.Saving money by forcing people take cut in their earning
- 15.Taking credit for other's efforts
- 16.Exploiting the system and people to your advantage
- 17.Short-changing your customers
- 18.Winning an argument
- 19.Playing favoritism
- 20. Encouraging idol-worshiping
All of above would seemingly get you profits/success/name/fame/power/satisfaction – but it is really very short-term – these are self-destructing in longer frame of life.
A punch in the gut comes from an enemy.
But A stab in the back comes from a friend – These are the ones we have to be the most scared of, who stab us in the back.
Stabbing others in the back to get what you want creates too much harm - later.
When you choose to focus on creating sustainable constructive outcomes - you soon learn that short term gains never outperform the long-term side effects of short-term actions.
The benefits of Losing once in a while
- 1.It Keeps You Humble
- 2.Your EGO remains in check - If you're always on the winning side-you will feel invincible and become arrogant
- 3.You will learn to relish and recognize what really matters through pains that comes because of failures and losses
- 4.You Learn What You Need To Work On to shapes your future character
- 5.You will become better problem solver
- 6.You will handle setbacks more effectively
- 7.You learn to deal with stress, anxieties, fear and anger better
- 8.You Learn Not To Quit – not to give up – because life is not about whether you get knocked down BUT about whether you get and start again
- 9.You will learn to try harder - Those who always win see no reason to try harder
- 10.You will take and bounce back from disruptions faster
- 11.If you learn then you would find numerous Opportunities to Do Better
- 12.You will learn to challenge yourself
- 13.You will learn to compete with yourself
- 14.If you will be able to identify your weakness as well as your strengths – and if you work on them you will be able to constantly improve
- 15.You will also know what you want in life
- 16.Besides sometimes - You learn a lot of things by coming in last place - You learn about the winners, and everyone else along the way
- 17.Failing Teaches You to Handle Adversity