Dealing with Your Emotional Insecurities

Are You Emotionally Secure Find if You are Emotionally Secure or Insecue

Most of us go through small-temporary phases of insecurities, uncertainties, anxieties – numerous times throughout our lives.

We are forced to face situations that we must deal-with - even though we don't have any clue on how to handle it.

Yet the moment we get into action mode by trying, experimenting and taking-baby-steps – many of these insecurities and anxieties vanishes on their own.

On the other hand - Most of the problems that we have in our personalities, our relationships, our growth, our success, our happiness, our confidence levels, our self-esteem, our self-worth, our dependency on/substance-abuse etc. etc. – has its roots in our sub-conscious insecurities.

How we develop emotional insecurities is very complex and can't be fully identified in each case – it has contribution from various factors – from genetics to our conditioning to our upbringing-environment [most are beyond our area of control and influence].

When our insecurities start creating mayhem in ours [as well as lives of those who are connected with us closely] - And we don't deal it on the most important war-footing basis – our all aspects of life become hell.

People who are insecure always cause problems and create various serious-issues for others.

The more deep rooted the insecurity you have– the more suffering for the people who are closest to you.

Insecure people use Higher Level of Aggression – the submissive-insecure people use – the most dangerous form of aggression that is passive-aggression.

All the dictators and many well-known powerful people are/were emotionally-insecure [whether of countries or in families or in organizations or religious-zealots or terrorists].

It is said that Hitler was so emotionally-insecure [of exposing his weaknesses] – that he didn't get married till the last moment and after that he co-committed suicide.

In current world of Politics in many countries including yours – you can identify few of the most criminally-insane-insecure people – who are in positions of POWER and are wrecking lives of people, economy and societal structure [and they are doing it extremely well].

You would definitely have come-across and have faced highly insecure people in your close relationships, in your job as well as in your societies/ communities.

In many cases professional help is needed [when we are unable to deal with these on our own].

24 Signs of How to spot an insecure person [Outwardly Observable Signs]

[You can also candidly examine yourself to identify you have few of these signs yourself]

[If you are honest with yourself and find yourself agreeing with more than 6 of these signs – which drives your day-to-day actions - Then you must deal with your insecurities immediately. You can seek Ours / Success Unlimited Mantra's help].

  • 1.Controlling and domineering attitude
  • 2.Aggression to suppress others
  • 3.Use of positional power to subdue people
  • 4.Showing-off just to impress others
  • 5.Emotional blackmail to make others say or do what they want
  • 6.Being jealous and envious of others – just because others have something that they don't
  • 7.Bulldozing to have My-way or no-way
  • 8.Bullying others
  • 9.Threatening others
  • 10.Obsessed with taking and posting selfies and self-videos every-day on social media [this one is for you as well]
  • 11.Regular Infidelity while being in a committed relationship [this one is for you as well]
  • 12.Throwing tantrums to get what they want
  • 13.Boosting about self even when it is not needed
  • 14.Name dropping as well as puff themselves up on a pedestal to alleviate their own sense of weakness
  • 15.People who want to seem important want to create the impression of how busy they are and how much they have to do, so if they do arrange a time to meet you - They'll never be the first one to arrive there [By being forced to wait, you're now put in a position of lower power, which suits their need to be important
  • 16.Surrounding themselves with yes-sir/yes-ma'am people
  • 17.Arrogant and Acting know it all
  • 18.Bad listeners – over-talkers
  • 19.Would always be in rush – to portray how busy they are - People trying to seem important will act as if their schedule is so full that they can't really spend any time with you
  • 20. They use out-of-office messages on email even if they're not away
  • 21.They exaggerate their accomplishments on social media
  • 22. Behaving as if they're the smartest person in the room
  • 23. Blaming others and Fault finding – whenever anything goes wrong
  • 24. Taking credit for other's efforts or successes

33 Signs How Insecure You are

[to be observed within yourself through introspections]

[However, you need to create distinction – if these are the main focus of your doing everything OR THIS HAPPENS WITH FEW SPECIFIC situations AND/OR people]

  1. Always trying to seek other's approval
  2. Always trying to please others – at the cost of your rights, needs, wants etc. etc.
  3. Always trying to impress others - You have a compulsive need to impress others
  4. While alone and thinking - Your thoughts are mostly about others
  5. You let people take advantage of you – even though you know they are using you
  6. You don't protest or put your foot down – when people take away your rights
  7. You have a constant fear that your partner may leave you
  8. You say sorry more often
  9. You can't say NO – to the demands of others - because you feel it might hurt them or displease them
  10. You say yes to others more often than you like – especially to those which you know are downright wrong
  11. You sulk – when others have done something bad to you and you could not even confront them
  12. Backbiting behind others and be part of the gossip groups
  13. Burning in rage internally
  14. Planning revenge – because someone did not do what you wanted or said no to you for something
  15. Feeling hurt – when you have done something for others and – they didn't even bother to acknowledge.
  16. Cursing and wishing them hell
  17. Being too consumed with what someone said [your impression] – by reflecting on it for days
  18. Going out of your way to accommodate the feelings and needs of others – on regular basis
  19. Always seeking attention of others
  20. Willing to do anything to be in lime-light
  21. Being overly anxious when you perceive – others are judging you
  22. Unable to take compliments from others gracefully – instead proceeding to point out all the things that are actually wrong with you
  23. Putting yourself down around other people in a way that actually highlights your insecurities
  24. Lying about who you are and what you think, feel, or believe around others - by pretending or creating a mask of of who you are
  25. Staying in toxic relationships - in spite of knowing that it is harming you
  26. Constantly comparing your life and yourself with others and other's life – [AND off-course you will find - that while others are living and having great times, yours is the worst possible]
  27. You have a constant need to be reassured by others – about – your being worthy
  28. You depend on others for your being happy and satisfied
  29. You Read Too Much into What other people said or did – without even checking/verifying if your assumption is true
  30. You are Obsessed with your Personal Appearance – as per the media's ideal man or woman
  31. You have become a loner - you have very less social life besides your partner
  32. More often than not – you find yourself defending your views, justifying your actions, explaining your reasons – just to feel better with yourself
  33. Taking out your frustration and anger on weaker person

15 ways How your emotional-insecurity Affect Your Life - The BIG Insecurity booby-traps

  • 1.You will always attract the wrong types of people in your life – who are either there to get whatever they can from you OR who are as screwed-up like yourself
  • 2.You will never be able to respect yourself and feel worthy
  • 3.You will depend on external gadgets, other people and wrong actions to make yourself feel temporarily better
  • 4.Your rights will be neglected
  • 5.People will use you and when you need them – there won't be anyone for you
  • 6.If you are able to find someone worthy – you will either say something or do something to scare them away
  • 7.You will get ill-treated by others
  • 8.If your insecurities do not kill the relationship – then it would certainly cause lots of hurts, disappointments, conflicts, misunderstanding, pent-up feelings, etc. etc.
  • 9.You will always be living a life being someone else – as it will be a fake life
  • 10.Because you can't trust yourself – you would have trust issues with others as you would in many cases projecting
  • 11.You will constantly in state of panic of say losing job or a relationship etc.
  • 12.You will cry very easily – for no reasons
  • 13.You will also laugh too much at smallest reason
  • 14.The point 12 and 13 indicates that you have few unhealed wounds and sadness welled up within you
  • 15.You will always feel that your partner/colleague is doing something behind your back and not telling you

21 examples of Internal dialogue of insecure people

  • 1.I am stupid
  • 2.I am unattractive
  • 3.I am not inferior to other people
  • 4.I am a failure
  • 5.I never get anything right
  • 6.No one will ever love me
  • 7.I am fat, thin, dark
  • 8.I am such a loser
  • 9.How can I be expected to do all these things - all by myself
  • 10.I am under too much pressure – I can't take it
  • 11.Let me put this off until tomorrow
  • 12.No one appreciates me
  • 13.Nobody likes me
  • 14.No one will ever understand me
  • 15.She/he is too good for me
  • 16.I will give him/her all that heshe wants to keep him/her hooked with me
  • 17.As soon as she/he gets to know me, she/he will reject me
  • 18.I have always got to be in command and full control
  • 19.It's my fault if she/he gets upset with me
  • 20. I should not allow others to see my weaknesses and vulnerabilities
  • 21.I should not have said that/done that

42 Tips on How to deal with your insecurities

[Please note – that most of the following *marked points are the separate article written as Do-it-Yourself tips as separate blogs in Success Unlimited Mantra dot com + relationship and happiness dot com]

  • 1.Getting in touch with yourself – finding the real you with all your fears*, anxieties*, negativities, failures*, regrets*, mistakes* AS WELL AS all your strengths*, victories, triumphs*, positivities* etc. etc.
  • 2.Learning how to be vulnerable* to be free
  • 3.Practicing to accept yourself*
  • 4.Loving yourself unconditionally*
  • 5.Learning to be Assertive*
  • 6.Learning to deal with your anxieties* effectively
  • 7.Learning to deal with your fears*
  • 8.Learning to deal with Difficult people*
  • 9.Learning to deal with Toxic People*
  • 10.Learning to turn your weaknesses into strengths*
  • 11.Learning to deal with building your confidence*
  • 12.Ditch perfectionism* - focus instead on excellence*
  • 13.Learning on how to use the energy of frustrations*, irritation, anger* into something meaningful*
  • 14.Learning how to express yourself*
  • 15.Finding a mentor/friend with whom you can share your insecurities
  • 16.Learning how to build trust* in yourself
  • 17.Joining groups and communities – otherwise – creating a group so that you can have a support group of people who are facing or have faced similar situations
  • 18.Learning to deal with stress* effectively
  • 19.Learning on how to stop comparing yourself* with others
  • 20. Learning How to create the life you want*
  • 21.Learning how to boost your social*, emotional* and other types of intelligence
  • 22. Learning how to make your life Meaningful* - making yourself busy in taking proactive actions towards your goals
  • 23. Learning how to say No*
  • 24. Learning how to get rid of and walk away from Toxic-people*
  • 25. Learning how to deal with put-downs*
  • 26. Exercising and taking care of your well-being*
  • 27.Creating hobbies that makes you feel good by make you stretch beyond your current capabilities
  • 28. Upskilling* yourself so that you are always employable
  • 29. Creating financial security by generating income through multiple means*
  • 30. Not bothering about what you can't do – which is beyond your area of influence currently. Only taking actions within your area of control
  • 31.Learning to ask tough questions* of yourself and others
  • 32. Challenging your assumptions and perceptions*
  • 33. Reframing* your beliefs in such way – so as to make you feel better about yourself
  • 34. Learning to be yourself*
  • 35. Be aware of the baggage that you bring into the relationship that effects your ability to trust your partner and check yourself if you find that your insecurities aren't justified
  • 36. Finding courage to leave any relationship that lacks safety and leaves you feeling vulnerable at every turn
  • 37.Understand that - Doubting your worth will make your partner doubt your worth – also - Knowing your worth will make them know your worth.
  • 38. Self-acceptance you can get overnight - but relying solely on your partner to make you feel adequate enough, attractive enough, fun enough, smart enough, kind enough – can never make you feel happy both with yourself and in your relationship
  • 39. Initial insecurities are normal and healthy – at the start of a new relationship for the first time
  • 40. Take risk* – to boost your situation handling capabilities
  • 41.Set clear boundaries with other people* - Identify and stick with what are the behaviors [ meaning type of sh*t you will take from others AND what you won't] and stick with it
  • 42. Identify, build and practice healthy habits of mind*
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