Most of us go through small-temporary phases of insecurities, uncertainties, anxieties – numerous times throughout our lives.
We are forced to face situations that we must deal-with - even though we don't have any clue on how to handle it.
Yet the moment we get into action mode by trying, experimenting and taking-baby-steps – many of these insecurities and anxieties vanishes on their own.
On the other hand - Most of the problems that we have in our personalities, our relationships, our growth, our success, our happiness, our confidence levels, our self-esteem, our self-worth, our dependency on/substance-abuse etc. etc. – has its roots in our sub-conscious insecurities.
How we develop emotional insecurities is very complex and can't be fully identified in each case – it has contribution from various factors – from genetics to our conditioning to our upbringing-environment [most are beyond our area of control and influence].
When our insecurities start creating mayhem in ours [as well as lives of those who are connected with us closely] - And we don't deal it on the most important war-footing basis – our all aspects of life become hell.
People who are insecure always cause problems and create various serious-issues for others.
The more deep rooted the insecurity you have– the more suffering for the people who are closest to you.
Insecure people use Higher Level of Aggression – the submissive-insecure people use – the most dangerous form of aggression that is passive-aggression.
All the dictators and many well-known powerful people are/were emotionally-insecure [whether of countries or in families or in organizations or religious-zealots or terrorists].
It is said that Hitler was so emotionally-insecure [of exposing his weaknesses] – that he didn't get married till the last moment and after that he co-committed suicide.
In current world of Politics in many countries including yours – you can identify few of the most criminally-insane-insecure people – who are in positions of POWER and are wrecking lives of people, economy and societal structure [and they are doing it extremely well].
You would definitely have come-across and have faced highly insecure people in your close relationships, in your job as well as in your societies/ communities.
In many cases professional help is needed [when we are unable to deal with these on our own].
24 Signs of How to spot an insecure person [Outwardly Observable Signs]
[You can also candidly examine yourself to identify you have few of these signs yourself]
[If you are honest with yourself and find yourself agreeing with more than 6 of these signs – which drives your day-to-day actions - Then you must deal with your insecurities immediately. You can seek Ours / Success Unlimited Mantra's help].
- 1.Controlling and domineering attitude
- 2.Aggression to suppress others
- 3.Use of positional power to subdue people
- 4.Showing-off just to impress others
- 5.Emotional blackmail to make others say or do what they want
- 6.Being jealous and envious of others – just because others have something that they don't
- 7.Bulldozing to have My-way or no-way
- 8.Bullying others
- 9.Threatening others
- 10.Obsessed with taking and posting selfies and self-videos every-day on social media [this one is for you as well]
- 11.Regular Infidelity while being in a committed relationship [this one is for you as well]
- 12.Throwing tantrums to get what they want
- 13.Boosting about self even when it is not needed
- 14.Name dropping as well as puff themselves up on a pedestal to alleviate their own sense of weakness
- 15.People who want to seem important want to create the impression of how busy they are and how much they have to do, so if they do arrange a time to meet you - They'll never be the first one to arrive there [By being forced to wait, you're now put in a position of lower power, which suits their need to be important
- 16.Surrounding themselves with yes-sir/yes-ma'am people
- 17.Arrogant and Acting know it all
- 18.Bad listeners – over-talkers
- 19.Would always be in rush – to portray how busy they are - People trying to seem important will act as if their schedule is so full that they can't really spend any time with you
- 20. They use out-of-office messages on email even if they're not away
- 21.They exaggerate their accomplishments on social media
- 22. Behaving as if they're the smartest person in the room
- 23. Blaming others and Fault finding – whenever anything goes wrong
- 24. Taking credit for other's efforts or successes
33 Signs How Insecure You are
[to be observed within yourself through introspections]
[However, you need to create distinction – if these are the main focus of your doing everything OR THIS HAPPENS WITH FEW SPECIFIC situations AND/OR people]
- Always trying to seek other's approval
- Always trying to please others – at the cost of your rights, needs, wants etc. etc.
- Always trying to impress others - You have a compulsive need to impress others
- While alone and thinking - Your thoughts are mostly about others
- You let people take advantage of you – even though you know they are using you
- You don't protest or put your foot down – when people take away your rights
- You have a constant fear that your partner may leave you
- You say sorry more often
- You can't say NO – to the demands of others - because you feel it might hurt them or displease them
- You say yes to others more often than you like – especially to those which you know are downright wrong
- You sulk – when others have done something bad to you and you could not even confront them
- Backbiting behind others and be part of the gossip groups
- Burning in rage internally
- Planning revenge – because someone did not do what you wanted or said no to you for something
- Feeling hurt – when you have done something for others and – they didn't even bother to acknowledge.
- Cursing and wishing them hell
- Being too consumed with what someone said [your impression] – by reflecting on it for days
- Going out of your way to accommodate the feelings and needs of others – on regular basis
- Always seeking attention of others
- Willing to do anything to be in lime-light
- Being overly anxious when you perceive – others are judging you
- Unable to take compliments from others gracefully – instead proceeding to point out all the things that are actually wrong with you
- Putting yourself down around other people in a way that actually highlights your insecurities
- Lying about who you are and what you think, feel, or believe around others - by pretending or creating a mask of of who you are
- Staying in toxic relationships - in spite of knowing that it is harming you
- Constantly comparing your life and yourself with others and other's life – [AND off-course you will find - that while others are living and having great times, yours is the worst possible]
- You have a constant need to be reassured by others – about – your being worthy
- You depend on others for your being happy and satisfied
- You Read Too Much into What other people said or did – without even checking/verifying if your assumption is true
- You are Obsessed with your Personal Appearance – as per the media's ideal man or woman
- You have become a loner - you have very less social life besides your partner
- More often than not – you find yourself defending your views, justifying your actions, explaining your reasons – just to feel better with yourself
- Taking out your frustration and anger on weaker person
15 ways How your emotional-insecurity Affect Your Life - The BIG Insecurity booby-traps
- 1.You will always attract the wrong types of people in your life – who are either there to get whatever they can from you OR who are as screwed-up like yourself
- 2.You will never be able to respect yourself and feel worthy
- 3.You will depend on external gadgets, other people and wrong actions to make yourself feel temporarily better
- 4.Your rights will be neglected
- 5.People will use you and when you need them – there won't be anyone for you
- 6.If you are able to find someone worthy – you will either say something or do something to scare them away
- 7.You will get ill-treated by others
- 8.If your insecurities do not kill the relationship – then it would certainly cause lots of hurts, disappointments, conflicts, misunderstanding, pent-up feelings, etc. etc.
- 9.You will always be living a life being someone else – as it will be a fake life
- 10.Because you can't trust yourself – you would have trust issues with others as you would in many cases projecting
- 11.You will constantly in state of panic of say losing job or a relationship etc.
- 12.You will cry very easily – for no reasons
- 13.You will also laugh too much at smallest reason
- 14.The point 12 and 13 indicates that you have few unhealed wounds and sadness welled up within you
- 15.You will always feel that your partner/colleague is doing something behind your back and not telling you
21 examples of Internal dialogue of insecure people
- 1.I am stupid
- 2.I am unattractive
- 3.I am not inferior to other people
- 4.I am a failure
- 5.I never get anything right
- 6.No one will ever love me
- 7.I am fat, thin, dark
- 8.I am such a loser
- 9.How can I be expected to do all these things - all by myself
- 10.I am under too much pressure – I can't take it
- 11.Let me put this off until tomorrow
- 12.No one appreciates me
- 13.Nobody likes me
- 14.No one will ever understand me
- 15.She/he is too good for me
- 16.I will give him/her all that heshe wants to keep him/her hooked with me
- 17.As soon as she/he gets to know me, she/he will reject me
- 18.I have always got to be in command and full control
- 19.It's my fault if she/he gets upset with me
- 20. I should not allow others to see my weaknesses and vulnerabilities
- 21.I should not have said that/done that
42 Tips on How to deal with your insecurities
[Please note – that most of the following *marked points are the separate article written as Do-it-Yourself tips as separate blogs in Success Unlimited Mantra dot com + relationship and happiness dot com]
- 1.Getting in touch with yourself – finding the real you with all your fears*, anxieties*, negativities, failures*, regrets*, mistakes* AS WELL AS all your strengths*, victories, triumphs*, positivities* etc. etc.
- 2.Learning how to be vulnerable* to be free
- 3.Practicing to accept yourself*
- 4.Loving yourself unconditionally*
- 5.Learning to be Assertive*
- 6.Learning to deal with your anxieties* effectively
- 7.Learning to deal with your fears*
- 8.Learning to deal with Difficult people*
- 9.Learning to deal with Toxic People*
- 10.Learning to turn your weaknesses into strengths*
- 11.Learning to deal with building your confidence*
- 12.Ditch perfectionism* - focus instead on excellence*
- 13.Learning on how to use the energy of frustrations*, irritation, anger* into something meaningful*
- 14.Learning how to express yourself*
- 15.Finding a mentor/friend with whom you can share your insecurities
- 16.Learning how to build trust* in yourself
- 17.Joining groups and communities – otherwise – creating a group so that you can have a support group of people who are facing or have faced similar situations
- 18.Learning to deal with stress* effectively
- 19.Learning on how to stop comparing yourself* with others
- 20. Learning How to create the life you want*
- 21.Learning how to boost your social*, emotional* and other types of intelligence
- 22. Learning how to make your life Meaningful* - making yourself busy in taking proactive actions towards your goals
- 23. Learning how to say No*
- 24. Learning how to get rid of and walk away from Toxic-people*
- 25. Learning how to deal with put-downs*
- 26. Exercising and taking care of your well-being*
- 27.Creating hobbies that makes you feel good by make you stretch beyond your current capabilities
- 28. Upskilling* yourself so that you are always employable
- 29. Creating financial security by generating income through multiple means*
- 30. Not bothering about what you can't do – which is beyond your area of influence currently. Only taking actions within your area of control
- 31.Learning to ask tough questions* of yourself and others
- 32. Challenging your assumptions and perceptions*
- 33. Reframing* your beliefs in such way – so as to make you feel better about yourself
- 34. Learning to be yourself*
- 35. Be aware of the baggage that you bring into the relationship that effects your ability to trust your partner and check yourself if you find that your insecurities aren't justified
- 36. Finding courage to leave any relationship that lacks safety and leaves you feeling vulnerable at every turn
- 37.Understand that - Doubting your worth will make your partner doubt your worth – also - Knowing your worth will make them know your worth.
- 38. Self-acceptance you can get overnight - but relying solely on your partner to make you feel adequate enough, attractive enough, fun enough, smart enough, kind enough – can never make you feel happy both with yourself and in your relationship
- 39. Initial insecurities are normal and healthy – at the start of a new relationship for the first time
- 40. Take risk* – to boost your situation handling capabilities
- 41.Set clear boundaries with other people* - Identify and stick with what are the behaviors [ meaning type of sh*t you will take from others AND what you won't] and stick with it
- 42. Identify, build and practice healthy habits of mind*