Dangers of living in denial

Types and dangers of living in denial Why Living in Denial is Harmful to Us

In this article we will learn

  • -26 Clarifications about Denial
  • -8 Upsetting and traumatic events that possibly can trigger denial in us
  • -91 Signs of Subtle denial-modes – How to recognize if you are living in denial
  • -19 of Our Major Denial-Tools or Defense Mechanisms
  • -37 ways on How to move past denial
  • -6 damages denial does to things most important to us

Why denial is bad. What is denial and how does living in denial help or hurt us.

Dangers of living in denial and types of denial we use generally without being aware.

I might be wrong – but I have discovered that only those people can be positive all throughout their life 24X7 in all 365-days– only if they are of B+.

26 Clarifications about Denial

  • 1.Denial is our bodies in-built primary subconscious defense mechanism for coping with catastrophic-failures, very great griefs and shocking situations – this acts as a temporary shock-absorber so that we get time to adjust with the reality.
  • 2.Denial is healthy and useful only for very short-time and only in catastrophic situations of unprecedented nature.
  • 3.While facing a shattering event - to cope with emotional stress, painful thoughts, threats, fears and anxieties – many times our mind refuses to acknowledge and recognize that something is wrong.
  • 4.But in this article, we are exploring what types of permanent damages - living in denial can cause us in our life's major aspects.
  • 5.The biggest danger of living with denial is that – it will also numb positive emotions - such as making us immune to excitements, fun, happiness or enjoyment and bliss from fulfilling relationships.
  • 6.But many of us has adopted it as our default strategy to fall back on - subconsciously.
  • 7.So-Many of us could be living in denial without realizing it – which can be referred as ostrich-syndrome or living in fools-paradise as the proverb goes.
  • 8.Biggest harm takes place – when we lie to ourselves, when hide our own feelings, when we refuse to acknowledge what is happening within us mentally, physically and emotionally.
  • 9.When we are not being sincere, objectively-straight forward and brutally honest with ourselves about us – we are actually approaching a stage- where we would need treatment and therapies of various kind [if we are not already there] – in case we live with denial for long.
  • 10.When we live in denial – it hampers our ability to bounce-back, handle future challenges and lead a healthy fulfilling life [some people can remain for years or the rest of their life in denial].
  • 11.Emotionally healthy people are able to bounce-back from denial to understanding their emotional instabilities then taking actions to start living their lives as best as they can.
  • 12.The impact of traumatic-events and our being in denial-mode should not go beyond maximum few days to weeks - depending upon the severity of this emotionally-shocking event.
  • 13.If it goes beyond that – we definitely need help of an expert to heal and come back to life.
  • 14.Sometimes many of us use denial to hide from feeling any disturbing negative emotions like - shame, fear, guilt, or embarrassment etc.
  • 15.Sometimes feeling positively may be just as threatening as negative feelings.
  • 16.People with low self-esteem - when their emotions exposes their vulnerability in a relationship - may go into aggressive-attack-mode which could also be through passive-aggressive tactics.
  • 17.Normally denial seem easy way out and easier to continue - but it will leave your life with void, emptiness, unexplained sadness, joyless
  • 18.While defense mechanisms are often thought of as negative reactions, we all need them to temporarily ease stress and protect self-esteem during critical times, allowing us to focus on what is necessary at the moment.
  • 19.Some of these defenses can be more helpful than others. For example, utilizing humor to overcome a stressful, anxiety-provoking situation can actually be an adaptive defense mechanism
  • 20.Playing the victim most strongly correlates with cognitive dissonance - A person is aware of an uncomfortable truth - yet, childishly acts as if they have no control
  • 21.Denial is pushing against what is unwanted – to refuse to accept something – that is why whatever we resist, persists.
  • 22.Denial does not work because unless you know where you actually are, you cannot visualize where you want to be
  • 23.Denial is not just about denying that there is a problem – they deny the quantum of its impact on their lives
  • 24.Denial in a relationship makes a relationship impossible- the one who is not coping with denial is in torment because they are not just alone - they are alone in their pain.
  • 25.The single most painful thing a person can experience - is going through something painful - entirely on their own.
  • 26.To really help someone with their pain, it has to be acknowledged, seen and valid and understood.

8 Upsetting and traumatic events that possibly can trigger denial in us

  • 1.Losing your job suddenly – and I know few people who leave their houses at the same time as usual and they maintain this faced for months – without telling their family
  • 2.Losing a loved one
  • 3.Separation and divorce from someone you are still very-very emotionally dependent and attached
  • 4.Being bypassed for a prized and much anticipated promotion
  • 5.Sudden identification of a terminal or serious-illness
  • 6.Losing Financial-nest
  • 7.Being victim of regular violence and abuse
  • 8.Very upsetting relationship conflicts.

91 Signs of Subtle denial-modes – How to recognize if you are living in denial

  • 1.Your performance is falling in the job - but you still feel that your organization will not throw you out – because of your past great performance
  • 2.Your sense of entitlement and resentment is growing – as you have been constantly being bypassed for promotion and increment and also getting poorer grades - and you blame the bosses
  • 3.Your finances are not good and maybe because of covid19 you also had a salary-cut – but you still maintain the same lavish life-style that you can't possibly afford unless you borrow through credit-cads and personal-loans
  • 4.You have been put on forced-leave or furlough AND you are just sitting and waiting for them to call you – without trying to acquire new talents as well as seek alternative avenues of income
  • 5.You have not updated and upgraded your skills, knowledge and qualifications – since very long time – and find that youngsters are getting hired at better remunerations than you
  • 6.You have started using lots of aids [based on advertisement value] – to look young – including wearing flashy dresses which does not suit you
  • 7.You talk a lot about your past accomplishments – when you did extra-ordinary great things
  • 8.You have not got increments or promotions in ages – but – you don't do anything but blame the management for not recognizing your talents
  • 9.You are thinking about going for upliftment of face and other body parts through various medical and non-medical procedures
  • 10.You are using lots of quack-based supplements – without consulting qualified medical experts
  • 11.Your relationship has hit bottom – but you feel that if you don't bring out the tough topics and discuss openly – thy will go away
  • 12.You are aware that you have been manipulated and being advantage of by few people regularly – but you say to yourself – let them have good time, it is their values not mine
  • 13.You are depressed, feeling melancholic and sad AND know that you are not able to cope with – but still when real well-wishers offer to help you by taking you to experts – you lash-out at them and tell them that they are paranoid and that you don't have any problems
  • 14.You have been self-sabotaging your life and relationship [read my blog on this for additional information
  • 15.You are being harsh with your supporters and trying to make that somehow your problems have come because of them
  • 16.You are using unhealthy habits to overcome your negative feelings and to feel good
  • 17.You have become too arrogant and very poor listener
  • 18.When you are facing something hugely difficult challenge - You try to control things which is beyond your area of influence AND ignore things you need to change within yourself – then you blame everything
  • 19.You feel good as you have people around you – who always agree with whatever you say
  • 20.You want to hear only good news
  • 21.You actually shoot the messenger of bad news by just laughing at them
  • 22.You can't take criticism
  • 23.You wait for the problems to go-away – without taking any action on them
  • 24.You have solution for everything and got all the answers AND don't have any questions and doubt
  • 25.You are over-confident that whatever you think will work
  • 26.You don't share information openly – which can impact others
  • 27.You are afraid of expressing what you feel
  • 28.You normally don't like your juniors or people you think are inferior to give any suggestions
  • 29.You believe in – this is the way it has always been done here
  • 30.Most of time you think everything is fine and nothing is wrong with you – if at all it the others who are making mistakes
  • 31.You almost never share your problems with others even when you don't know how to solve them – for fear of looking stupid
  • 32.You want to look perfect to others and flawless – that is why you use lots of show-off techniques, boosting about yourself, taking control over meetings, throwing parties etc.
  • 33.You are usually short with others
  • 34.You can blow your top and explode – many times you that internally perfectly hiding your feelings – but use passive-aggressive methods to punish the person who [you perceive has insulted you, put you down, hurt you]
  • 35.You avoid confronting the real issues – even if you know that they are causing havoc in your life
  • 36.You normally will not take initiative to resolve a conflict or clarify misunderstanding
  • 37.You will normally never commit to anything – because you know that you may not do it
  • 38.But you will promise a lot
  • 39.Your apology will sound hollow even to you
  • 40.You feel as if the entire world is out to defeat you and everyone is conspiring against you
  • 41.You distract yourself from your own emotional-pain by trying to make it someone else's problem and fault
  • 42.Some people cope with depression by acting in the opposite way to how they really feel. Sometimes – you delusion yourself – by asserting that you have found the solutions to [say] your relationship issue with you partner – by making feel guilty, giving him silent treatment, fighting and blaming and trying to show that you are very happy to get rid of him from your life at last
  • 43.As a illusion of taking control of your life - you suddenly decide to start up a new and previously completely unconsidered and unlikely project – or quit your job to write a book or launch your career as a singer – and you feel absolutely invincible and capable of anything – this is One major effect of depression is feeling that you have no control, so taking control, even if it is an illusion and actually about you losing control
  • 44.You stop feeling anything. – absolutely nothing at all – Yet you don't care
  • 45.Rather than accept your depression - you seem to give up feeling altogether You end up denying the pain by dismissing it – and everything and everyone else. People try to help, you but you ignore or reject them and even snap at them for asking how you are – or dismiss the attempt to engage with you by praising you as insincere AND alienates those who really care for you
  • 46.You are in a zombie like dream – where everything is going to be alright
  • 47.When people are depressed – they are unable to see or find solutions to their problems – so they make themselves busy in doing chores for longer and longer - they just carry on, trying to manage the unmanageable, not facing it, just doing it
  • 48.You Overreact emotionally to minor things and underreact to major things
  • 49.You feel you are right most of the time and others are wrong - often
  • 50.You do the same things again and again but expect different results
  • 51.You feel as if you are stuck in life
  • 52.You hide a habit – you feel ashamed of
  • 53.When people ask you how you are feeling you say - FINE - without even thinking about it
  • 54.The Denial of Reality – is a delusion [meaning having a firm belief in some idea which is known to be false and strongly adhering to their false ideologies in spite of clear evidence to the contrary]. These people believe in only One Absolute Truth. But when people refuse to accept or believe scientifically proven factual data because these interfere with their mind-set – problems happens
  • 55.When you find yourself dealing with the same types of negative situations repeatedly – like having same types of bad relationships or repeatedly making choices that put you in a similar bad situation.
  • 56.Blaming Others and Seeing Ourselves as Victims
  • 57.We are in denial when we abuse other people and tell ourselves that they'll get over it – and won't leave us – BUT - sooner or later they leave and there could be too hurt, resentment and anger for the relationship to be repaired
  • 58.When someone tells us something we don't want to hear or deal with - we find ways to attack them and invalidate them - We might tell them that "You do it, too
  • 59.In relationships we may tell our partner that "I don't have any problem -You're the one with the problem - You're the one who needs therapy not me
  • 60.Rejecting an idea without first evaluating it to determine whether it is really useful
  • 61.When we are told something that is true that we don't want to hear or deal with and we seek out people who will yes us and support our position, this is denial - Just because we can find a bunch of people who tell us we're right doesn't mean we're right.
  • 62.I am only kidding or I was just joking or was trying to pull your leg - is a form of denial – it happens when we say something to somebody that is hurtful and they react negatively and we backpedal
  • 63.Living in the past and not seeing the changes taking place everywhere
  • 64.Not accepting that forgiveness, acceptance and love - may heal us from many of us pains as People think that forgiveness is a sign of weakness.
  • 65.They don't believe that Forgiveness is a reflection of great strength and personal power.
  • 66.Most people believe that anger and aggression are the way to solve problems – this is another form of denial
  • 67.We sabotage ourselves with denial and in other ways as well because at an unconscious level we are filled with guilt, shame and self-loathing and we believe we are undeserving and unworthy of happiness, health and success.
  • 68.Denying that our attitudes, habits and behaviors are actually self-sabotaging our life, our success, our growth and our relationships
  • 69.Won't acknowledge a difficult situation
  • 70.Try not to face the facts of a problem
  • 71.Downplay possible consequences of the issue
  • 72.Displaying unusually volatile mood swings
  • 73.Giving silent treatment to others
  • 74.Punishing emotionally by withholdings
  • 75.MAKING EXCUSES
  • 76.Blaming others for even their own mistakes
  • 77.Not accepting their mistakes and Not taking responsibility to make-up for the mistake
  • 78.Not holding themselves accountable to make amends
  • 79.PLAYING THE VICTIM – although they had been victimized, abused, tortured, faced-violence etc. etc. themselves – but it was long time back
  • 80.Throwing tantrums
  • 81.You lie to yourself – always by telling
  • I.This is the last peg of drink I am having – but you keep on
  • II.This drink is actually helping me forget my stresses
  • III.I will start exercising once I get my timings right
  • IV.I will make for the mistake and the hurts I have caused soon
  • V.If you recognize few of these in you and these are present for long - yet you don't seek help – you are in denial.
  • 82.Even if you see these are happening with someone who is close to you – and you don't do anything to mitigate – you are still in denial.
  • 83.People who cope with denial run into big difficulties in relationships and cannot often keep them long term and have following issues
  • I.You can't get on the same page with a person in your life no matter how hard you try.
  • II.You are confused in your relationship about what is happening.
  • III.You want to fix others
  • IV.You judge other people only for their negativity – and what they did not do
  • V.Your reaction to conflict or problems is - to immediately blame the other person.
  • 84.You have an excuse for not doing the right things
  • 85.If you're overly confident, especially in a situation where all signs point to demise.
  • 86.You feel that your most loved ones are against you.
  • 87.Your relationships seem to go bad fast and with no warning.
  • 88.You feel that people around you are always overreacting.
  • 89.You realize that don't have certain emotions
  • 90.You feel talking about problems does not solve anything.
  • 91.You will your philosophy is the only correct one

19 of Our Major Denial-Tools or Defense Mechanisms

  • 1.Displacement – taking our frustration of one situation and person – on others [who are weaker than you] and who did not have any role in your frustration
  • 2.Denial -Denial is an outright refusal to admit or recognize that something has occurred or is currently occurring. People living with drug or alcohol addiction often deny that they have a problem, while victims of traumatic events may deny that the event ever occurred
  • 3.Repression -Repression acts to keep information out of conscious awareness – but because these memories can't just disappear - they continue to influence our behavior - For example - someone who has repressed memories of abuse suffered as a child - may have maintaining intimate relationships.
  • 4.Suppression -Forcing the unwanted information out of our awareness – by burying it deeply – but they still influence our lives when some unconscious triggers are pressed.
  • 5.Sublimation - This allows us to act out unacceptable emotional-energies in more acceptable form. For example, a person experiencing extreme anger might take up karate as a means of venting frustration
  • 6.Projection – this is about taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people- For example - if you are suspicious of others – you may believe and tell your partner that they are being neurotic
  • 7.Intellectualization - For example, a person who has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness might focus on learning everything about the disease in order to avoid distress and remain distant from the reality of the situation
  • 8.Rationalization – creating reasons to justify an unacceptable behavior or feeling in a rational or logical manner, avoiding the true reasons for the behavior
  • 9.Regression – in this people sometimes abandon coping strategies and revert to patterns of behavior used earlier in their earlier childhood development stage
  • 10.Reaction Formation- it happens by taking up the opposite feeling, impulse, or behavior.3 An example of reaction formation would be treating someone you strongly dislike in an excessively friendly manner in order to hide your true feelings
  • 11.Acting out - Coping with stress by engaging in actions rather than acknowledging and bearing certain feelings
  • 12.Altruism - Satisfying internal needs through helping others
  • 13.Avoidance - Flatly Refusing to deal with or encounter unpleasant objects or situations
  • 14.Compensation - Overachieving in one area to compensate for failures in another
  • 15.Dissociation - Becoming separated or removed from one's experience
  • 16.Fantasy - Avoiding reality by retreating to a safe place within one's mind
  • 17.Humor - Pointing out the funny or ironic aspects of a situation
  • 18.Passive-aggression - Indirectly expressing anger
  • 19.Undoing - Trying to make up for what one feels are inappropriate thoughts, feelings, or behaviors (e.g., if you hurt someone's feelings, you might offer to do something nice for them in order to assuage your anxiety or guilt)

37 ways on How to move past denial

  • 1.When faced with an overwhelming turn of events, it's OK to say, "I just can't think about all of this right now." You might need time to work through what's happened and adapt to new circumstances. But it's important to realize that denial should only be a temporary measure — it won't change the reality of the situation.
  • 2.HOW TO RECOGNIZE that we are in denial or using one or few of these mechanism - Most of the time – we will have to depend on our sincere and true well-wishers - to point out when we are in denial mode
  • 3.Ask yourself, Am I willing to feel all my own negative emotions and pain and until the day that you can honestly answer yes to this question, you will struggle with denial
  • 4.Ask yourself how you have been in denial in as far as your past is concerned. Identify what damages that denial did AND what could have avoided if you were not in denial at that time - What would do differently if faced with same situation again
  • 5.Are you brave enough to ask trusted people to tell you what they think you are in denial about- Go over the list with the genuine desire to see how they might be right instead of spending your time defending how they are wrong.
  • 6.If denial is one of your coping mechanisms – then you are into a self-abusive relationship you have with yourself- and – what you deny is what you actually need and actually want.
  • 7.Ask yourself- What am I really afraid to share with othersI am trying to hide which is giving lots of stress
  • 8.Reach out for support for those painful truths from someone you trust to see you clearly and accept all of you
  • 9.The desire to isolate and not let anyone in on things that you, yourself don't want to admit to is strong – is also a very bad harmful denial
  • 10.Ask what you are really ashamed to admit to even yourself – as shame is literally the base of denial.
  • 11.You do not want to admit to unpleasant truths because if you did and especially if people around you saw or knew those truths, you and they would see you as not good enough or less than or unworthy and you would have to feel shame.
  • 12.If Shame is the emotion that you want to hide – then you have to really let yourself feel ashamed
  • 13.By not accepting the reality of something unpleasant - we you really can't change anything
  • 14.Honestly examine what you fear.
  • 15.Think about the potential negative consequences of not taking action.
  • 16.Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions.
  • 17.Try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation.
  • 18.Journal about your experience.
  • 19.Open up to a trusted friend or loved one.
  • 20.Participate in a support group
  • 21.When you can't make progress dealing with a stressful situation on your own — you're stuck in the denial phase — a trained counselor can help you find healthy ways to cope with the situation rather than trying to pretend it doesn't exist
  • 22.When a loved one needs help as she might be in denial about a serious health issue like depression – listen and offer your support – but don't force them to seek treatment – at the best you can Offer to meet together with a doctor or mental health provider.
  • 23.Self-sabotage and denial are the result of guilt, shame and self-loathing - then the way to end self-sabotage and denial is to love ourselves and forgive ourselves.
  • 24.The way to love ourselves and forgive ourselves is to love others and forgive others and be of service to others.
  • 25.The more we do this, the more we send the message to our subconscious mind that we are good, loving beings who deserve happiness and success, and the more the subconscious mind shifts its purpose.
  • 26.Be open to people who think differently than you do.
  • 27.Allow them to challenge your thinking on various issues
  • 28.Be willing to examine your assumptions and opinions
  • 29.Ask different questions about a situation and consider facts those you have been ignoring because they don't fit into your version of reality.
  • 30.Accept the anger you may be feeling.
  • 31.Overcoming denial doesn't mean you can't feel. You're allowed to cry and you're allowed to move on with your life while still carrying that loss with you.
  • 32.You will always carry the event in your heart, but you will overcome the feelings of anger and blame.]
  • 33.If you are in pain or hurting, acknowledge that - There is no comparison of pain that you should measure yourself against - Your feelings matter, and so does your happiness. Overcome your denial to live in happiness.
  • 34.Ask yourself
  • 35.Do you spend a lot of time wishing the situation hadn't happened or had turned out differently?
  • 36.Do you find yourself refusing to accept a circumstance even through the circumstance is in fact a reality
  • 37.The correct Therapy can help you if your denial is preventing you from living life fully - Different forms for therapy – approaches denial in different ways and you can choose a therapy based on which theories best suit you

6 damages denial does to things most important to us

  • 1.Relationship issues
  • 2.Depression
  • 3.Anxiety
  • 4.Low Self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence
  • 5.Will create unexplained regular and repeated illnesses for no reasons
  • 6.May lead to additions – even like taking painkillers and antidepressants

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