In this article you will learn about the following 10 deaths and their influence
- 1.DEATH of my 1st business startup - and its good-bad-ugly effects
- 2.DEATH of my 1st wife - and its positives as well as negatives
- 3.DEATH of my 2nd marriage - and its disasters and triumphs
- 4.DEATH of my father - the guilt and the realizations and the subsequent self-corrections
- 5.DEATH of professional -relationships - cessation of business
- 6.DEATH of my financial-nest
- 7.DEATH of few of my idols
- 8.DEATH of my earlier ideals and beliefs
- 9.16 major milestones of my life's odyssey so far - all types of outcomes from hugely-negative to highly-positive
- 10.18 highlights of my journey as an employee - while working with GM, JC and Raymond and later as consultant, coach, counselor and mentor - the ups and downs
This article is only about living and life - even though I have used the word DEATH in numerous places.
DEATH plays very-very critical role in the quality of life that all of our lives.
DEATH is not always the DEATH of a human-being- DEATH of a person signifies the ultimate-end as far as that departed person is concern..
DEATH can also be the end of something - a phase, a relationship, a career, a specific type of life-style or breakup from your debilitating mental-emotional-physical shackles.
At times we might even pray for the DEATH of something - like that of a toxic relationship or of a bad-habit.
Depending on how each-person deals with their loss or disruptions through different types of DEATH - the lives of people gets impacted significantly and irrevocably for many people - it could be positive or highly negative
I have encountered various DEATHs in many-hues and shades of my life of 6 decades so far - it is very colorful and have instances of utter-misery & sadness to the feelings of complete freedom, jubilation and liberation.
Because all these DEATHs have contributed in their significant ways - to who I have become today - I have tried to show how the different types of DEATHs can impact your life through seeing the effects on me.
At the end of this - I have also given the chorology of events of my life from the time I finished my post-graduation - to give the readers - the details of mistakes made and meaningful things created - and the impact of these DEATHs - both positive and negative.
This article was prompted because of my mother's recent passing-away.
Because I learned and self-corrected myself - looking back I have very less regret in how I took care of her and treated her vis-a-vis what I did for my father when I was alive.
DEATH of my 1st business startup - and its good-bad-ugly features
- 1.Starting a poultry-farm from my father's total retirement-gains - which ended in total financial ruin - because of my not doing anything which was smart and prudent and also many-many foolish decisions.
- 2.This created a financial-emergency and i had to search for job and that started my corporate-career - which made me work with general-motors, Johnson-control and Raymond in the middle-east.
- 3.This phase as employee although started on extreme dire-circumstances - but actually brought financial-stability in my family.
- 4.And the money thus earned thus not only made my parents live comfortably but also helped us take care of the expenses for my two sister's marriage.
- 5.And also created favorable circumstances which made way for - the next-DEATH & next big-disruptive-change.
DEATH of my 1st wife - and its positives as well as negatives
- 1.Within 15 days after I got the job with Raymond I got married.
- 2.But because my wife was a senior government-employee she had to get no objection certificate to get the passport and travel abroad.
- 3.So i had to go alone after staying with my wife for 12 days - during which she became pregnant with our daughter.
- 4.So by the time she was able to get the passport and i could get her visa to travel with me - my daughter was born - i came on leave - after 6 months of my daughter's birth - to take them with me to the middle-east.
- 5.Within 10 days - my wife met with an accident and passed away - leaving 6 months old daughter.
- 6.This was the end of my corporate working-career - as i never went back to my job.
- 7.This was also the DEATH of my aspirations of migrating to Canada - for which the papers were already submitted and we were to appear for final interview.
- 8.Additionally i also had to face a court-case - initiated by my in-laws for my daughter's custody - in the grieving-period.
- 9.To deal with my pain - i applied - got selected and was trained as a counselor - then counselled domestically-abused women
- 10.Because i could no travel and all the jobs i was offered had travel as part of the job-requirement - I took the franchisee of an American firm leadership management international and started selling their leadership program.
- 11.Although i lost all the amount - but i got connected with few small-medium business-owners - which started by expedition into consulting training coaching profession and did some very large projects successfully.
- 12.All the while raising my daughter and my niece with help of my mother and my sister and [my method of strict-parenting was not only wrong of parenting but also created more emotional-insecurity issues in both my daughter and niece although all it was with good intent only].
DEATH of my 2nd marriage - and its disasters and triumphs
- 1.After remaining single for 14+ years - I went to Singapore for a conference and met this woman who invited me for dinner and that led to physical-intimacy and marriage.
- 2.Initially it looked too good to be true - and in that euphoric-phase - I did take some most damaging-actions - that has caused not only emotional-scar but also impacted my daughter's brilliant-career.
- 3.I uprooted and shifted my daughter from the best college of the best university of India plus the globally recognized chartered-accountancy to Singapore for ACCA - a professional course which does not have much respect and recognition globally and especially in India it is not recognized.
- 4.My dream marriage turned into nightmare - as her ill-treating and torturing my daughter - surfaced [I learned much later as I was in Singapore for 10-15 days every three months and my daughter was there 24x7].
- 5.My wife also started showing signs and symptoms of very unhealthy-narcissist behaviors - which was traumatic - although I sought medical-help - but as this disorder cannot be reversed - we went for divorce.
- 6.The triumphs were - my creating from scratch - a Singapore government recognize hotel management diploma institute and plus doing some very-large and financially-gratifying projects with Singapore it and Singapore governmental sector.
- 7.After coming back from Singapore - leaving every penny that i earned in Singapore - I had to deal with the break-up trauma.
- 8.Then to mitigate my pain i started online free counseling and mentoring portal success unlimited mantra and 1 year later relationship and happiness portal.
DEATH of my father - the guilt and the realizations and the subsequent self-corrections
- 1.After reflection post my father's demise - only then i can understand - how he loved me and cared for me his whole life and that I never showed any gratefulness to him and how I hurt him by always being irritated with him [without trying to understand him and his loving-gestures].
- 2.Also later could understand in retrospect - how my daughter's behavior- did not stem from her not loving me but from her various pains that she was suffering and is still struggling with few - all these were caused because of my reckless decision.
- 3.Then i could also understand that she is very loving and also very mature - but is not expressive as she shows her love and care though subtle gestures.
- 4.I also realized that this is also a reflection of how the nature makes you experience the same feelings - that you have made others go-through.
DEATH of few other relationships - the pains and the changes
- 1.These made me start writing on Quora - where I got 2 million plus views
- 2.Then I created 250+ videos on YouTube on self-help
- 3.Almost all my sensual-relationships - ended in extreme pain - which made me start and create something meaningful and legacy in totally different fields - except the last one - which actually made me stop recording YouTube videos after 1 year of uploading 250+ videos
DEATH of professional -relationships - cessation of business
- ÞBecause of reaching 60 and not considered fit by most of the corporates [including those with whom i had professional relationship with all these since 2007 onwards till 2019 with a very impressive track-record].
DEATH of my financial-nest
- 1.Lost my savings from abundance to almost zero three times - after the DEATH of my 1st wife [when I did not work] - then after the divorce from my 2nd wife[had to leave everything with her]
- 2.And because no regular earnings at present for some times now - managing from the savings kept for twilight-years of life now
DEATH of few of my idols
- 1.I used to respect the two people who are among the most popular in India - Amitabh-Bacchan and Sachin-Tendulkar and all those who display similar traits
- 2.Now after seeing their attitude during covid19 plus their supporting fascists plus their being only focused on earning-money without very insignificant philanthropic gestures to make this world a better place - I have decided they are not someone I will look-up-to anymore
DEATH of my earlier ideals and beliefs
- 1.After seeing the miseries people suffered in India during covid19 1st and 2nd waves plus correlating with similar miseries since the beginning of human-life - both nature's and man-made and specifically having seen the criminals-dictators-fanatics making people suffer beyond imaginations.
- 2.I have started questioning the existence of god.
- 3.Thereby I started supporting the living-gods like - Doctors-NGOs-good Samaritans
16 major milestones of my life's odyssey so far - all types of outcomes from hugely-negative to highly-positive
- 1.I have tried to give entire story in sequence and although i have put under different questions - they are part of the whole story
- 2.Immediately after I finished my post-graduation - my father had to quit working because of his much troubling angina.
- 3.He got a lump-sum amount of rupees 1.5lacs from his employer in 1984 as gratuity for his life's work - there was no other deposits or savings [or any other property or asset - for all 5 of us - me, my parents and two sisters who were in college and whose studies were still funded by my father].
- 4.Because he always wanted to start a poultry-farm - we decided to start a poultry farm and went to a place called Jhansi which has a cantonment and is surrounded by many big army-cantonment in nearby towns.
- 5.I assumed [under the arrogance of recent graduates - with know-it-all air] that because army is a big-consumer [under the arrogance of qualification - wrongly of-course] - we will be overnight-success and our business cannot fail.
- 6.We did not do any surveys or even talked to people in army who were supposed to be our target-customer - or other poultry-farm owners mistake number 1 in hindsight
- 7.Did not even doing the retail market study - my mistake number 2 in hindsight.
- 8.Then i invested almost 60% of the aforesaid amount in constructing the farm - [on a land owned by someone I knew - who said that he does not need this land and that we can have this land for free - I accepted with full trust - without signing any documents and agreements or contracts [what he said fully without even having any doubt that the words are fully reversible] - my mistake number 3 in hindsight
- 9.Then we started running the poultry farm - mind you none of us knew anything about what to do or have consulted any expert or taken any training my mistake number 4 in hindsight
- 10.We kept on experimenting - which proved to be very expensive financially for us
- 11.Then only after we invested in construction and got the chicks - and started running the farm - I focused on marketing - my mistake number 5 in hindsight [marketing should have been the first thing to do even before we thought of spending any amount]
- 12.Then when i landed in Jabalpur - where the army-tenders are floated - I found two things to my horror - one that there is a big-mafia [who threatened me openly to go back or face dire-consequences] plus that the cost the army is getting the supply is almost three-times our cost [because we fed the most expensive and balanced food to our chickens].
- 13.I came back and decided to go for retail selling - again the cost was more than our selling price and at last we started our own shop - but because of not knowing how to manage staff they stole us blind.
- 14.After 2 years our total deposit of money reached to Rupees 5,000/- with day-to-day expenses to take care and both the sister's marriage also had to be managed.
- 15.When we asked for the money for our construction - the person who owned the land refused
- 16.Then I started applying and within 3 months manage to land a job with general motors inmiddle east - and I left my parents and sisters with Rupees 5,000/- total amount to manage their expenses.
18 highlights of my journey as an employee - while working with GM, JC and Raymond and later as consultant, coach, counselor and mentor - the ups and downs
- 1.After getting the job with general motors - I spent only what was minimum and ensured that my parents lived comfortably - then within few years saved enough money to take care of expenses for both sister's marriage.
- 2.Later I joined Johnson Control and managed to get 30% market-share of entire middle-east market
- 3.After that I joined Raymond and established their operation out of India by setting up their retail chains in Muscat-Dubai-Abu Dhabi - managed to create significant in-roads in the market dominated by Japanese, British and European brands and supplied even to emirates and few big royal-ministries and army.
- 4.After three years at Raymond - and after 1 & ½ years of marriage[where we stayed together only for 12 days at the time of marriage] - in 1997 when i came to take my wife and daughter of 6 month old - my wife met with an accident and passed-away the same night
- 5.At that time all my ambitions and plans just vanished - I had already submitted the documents for migration to Canada - through my ambassadorial connections acquired through Raymond
- 6.Then there was only one thing to do - I took care of my daughter with the help of my parents-sisters-nieces
- 7.During the grief-cycle I got trained myself in counseling from one of the premier and most respected NGO in India and counseled pro-bono for 18+ months to domestically abused women.
- 8.Then I took a franchise of an American leadership company LMI and while selling these products - got introduced to many top decision-makers - although I could not even recover even half the amount I invested - instead I spent lots of money while marketing - from my savings of that time
- 9.But two of these small-medium business owners - asked me to help them overcome - their business-challenges - which I did
- 10.After that I got into training-coaching-counseling - free-lancing - after many years of struggle to learn and create a niche - I managed to get few MNCs as my client - and did workshops-training programs - other interventions in 10+ countries.
- 11.In 2012 - I went to Singapore and met a woman who was divorced and had a daughter - we became intimate and it turned into marriage within 4 weeks - which proved to be a very-very wrong decision - as my daughter's career was completely destroyed and she was emotionally-mentally tortured by my ex - I also started realizing that my ex have few psychological issues - I tried various therapy but nothing happened.
- 12.In Singapore - I created a Singapore-government recognized hotel-management institute as well as started a CBSE Indian school, besides these I also established ourselves as small-scale industries consultant - both had to close down because of governmental regulation change.
- 13.Then when I learned of my daughter being tortured [yes I did not know because I used to stay in Singapore for 15 days and in India for 4-6 weeks all throughout.
- 14.Then we went for divorce - and as a part of agreement - I had to leave everything all that I had earned there - that was almost all that I had.
- 15.Then we came back to India - I did not have any clients and my daughter's qualifications was not recognized in India - it's being one of the UK chartered accountancy out of three which she completed in Singapore.
- 16.Somehow i managed to start the income trickling - but it was not even 30% of earlier.
- 17.My daughter through her own determination got a job in one of the big4s.
- 18.After coming back from Singapore - to easy my pain initially - later because I started enjoying it - I wrote in Quora [got more than 2.5 million views of my answers] plus I sated my two websites https://successunlimited-mantra.com/ [2.2 million hits] and http://relationshipandhappiness.com/and also am involved in pro-bono online mentoring-counseling-coaching - to individuals-womenpreneurs-startups
37 things that DEATH taught me about living and life
- 1.Understand that you like me - we have very limited time
- 2.Follow your heart - and live in the present moment
- 3.Take all the second chances you get - after you have been knocked down
- 4.The world continues to move forward around you
- 5.If you feel lonely and alone - you don't have to be alone - being lonely has nothing to do with being alone
- 6.Sadness and joy can co-exist.
- 7.The real challenge is to create something positive with your new life to create joy & purpose for others as well as for yourself
- 8.There's no timeline and certainly no right or wrong way
- 9.To carry on is hard, but we need to create a new normal.
- 10.You may struggle to accept that good things will happen for you in this life even after the most devastating tragedy changed it
- 11.You may have to abandoned few people in order to walk on your healing journey
- 12.Little moments count and forgiveness and love should always be on your lips.
- 13.You can be happy again but your life can not be exactly-same like before
- 14.It is ok to cry but not apologize to anyone for crying
- 15.While you are grieving you will also realize many missed and wasted opportunities
- 16.Your earlier ambitions and dreams will not matter to you anymore along with what used to be important for you earlier may no longer have any attraction for you
- 17.You can part with places and things but still cherish the good memories attached with them
- 18.The counselors and therapist can either be helpful or most-useless - unless you find one who understand the grief and loss and is more keen on helping rather than stretching to make more money
- 19.In most case after a disruptive life you will be a different person and the world will look different to you
- 20.You will get hurt in the innermost parts of your being
- 21.You may ask yourself frequently what in the hell you are doing with your life
- 22.DEATH may teach you [it happens to few people who are emotionally resilient] - that life is about living
- 23.Life is for running your race and finishing your course
- 24.DEATH is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live
- 25.There is a survivor in each one of us.
- 26.Do not take the people you love for granted
- 27.Let go of expectations that events in life need to happen in a certain manner that you favor
- 28.It is not your fault that bad things beyond your control happen
- 29.Learn to live your life fully
- 30.Importance of love in relationships and creating contentment in life
- 31.DEATH as a way to understand the meaning of life and life as a way to understand the meaning of DEATH
- 32.You can make DEATH your friend if you learn to live your life fully
- 33.DEATH teaches you that life is precious
- 34.DEATH teaches you that life is impermanent
- 35.DEATH teaches you to focus your time and effort on what is important
- 36.DEATH teaches you to express gratitude for life
- 37.DEATH teaches you to leave a legacy of love and respect and generosity
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