Why we blame others and make excuses & how to break it

In this article we will learn the following

-36 reasons why we blame-others and make-excuses or play-victim or start justifying and become defensive [to create an illusion of security]

-24 negative consequences of blaming others - the real cost we pay when we become a chronic blamer - what are you losing out in life by blaming others

-26 basic tips on How to stop this behavior how to avoid the habit of blaming - all the cliché have their detailed do-it-yourself videos in our YouTube channel and blogs in our both the websites

Why we blame others and make excuses

Blaming is the art of making others responsible for all bad things happening to us.

It is very easy to blame others - when things are going wrong and are not going the way you wanted.

Blame can also be in form of denial or projection - as it helps us protect our self-esteem, self-pride by avoiding awareness of our own lacunas and taking ownership.

Some people spent most of their life - blaming others - for their poor quality of life.

Making-excuses and blaming-others - are part of our defense-mechanism which comes into play and gets triggered because of our deep emotional-insecurities.

But making excuses and blaming-others - not only limits your growth-success-happiness and other important-things but also prevents you from living and enjoying your life to the fullest.

Your successes-happiness-relationship-growth-satisfaction-peace can only happen - when you face-truth, accept-facts and take full responsibility for your life.

At the other end of the spectrum are people who blame themselves for everything - even when they have had nothing to do with any unfortunate outcome - this can be due to their deep-rooted beliefs - that they cause every bad thing all or most of the time.

This is because of one of the cognitive-distortions - personalization – wherein we blame ourselves for something that is not within our control -the flip side of this distortion is blaming other people for what happens in our lives

Then there are people who blame fate or the higher power- religious people might feel that The God is testing their faith or punishing them for their sins.

Have you ever caught yourself making excuses or blaming others - just to divert the attention from your mistakes or follies.

If you pay-attention objectively - you may find yourself using [at times sub-consciously] - this tool - to rationalize and invent creative-reasons to defend your behavior - to postpone taking action or simply to boost your self-esteem.

Many times - few people may even feel that blaming others is the perfect and natural thing to do.

Masking the truth by making excuses and playing blame-game - actually play havoc with your self-confidence and all the important aspects of life.

When we consistently blame others for everything that goes awry in our lives - we also forgo working-on and finding solutions to our problems.

Life isn't perfect things will go wrong and all of us will keep making mistakes.

36 reasons we blame-others and make-excuses or play-victim or start justifying and become defensive [to create an illusion of security]

• 1.Avoiding accepting our mistakes
• 2.Avoiding attention on our weaknesses
• 3.Denying and accepting failure
• 4.Suppressing embarrassment
• 5.Avoiding becoming center-of-attraction
• 6.Looking good in the eyes of others
• 7.Making others feel-bad and thus making us feel-good
• 8.Avoiding taking responsibility
• 9.Hiding mistakes
• 10. Hiding our fears and anxieties from others
• 11. Because some of them are really toxic-bad-evil
• 12. To create a false sense of superiority
• 13. To create a higher social status and identity
• 14. When we feel bad about something and want to get rid of this bad feeling - then we project the same as being the quality of others
• 15. Labeling them to avoid or deny responsibility - when anything goes wrong
• 16. When we feel that we are under attack, we may use blaming as a method of defending ourselves
• 17. If we are not at fault - then too - we blame to defend
• 18. Deflecting attention from ourselves - when we are at fault
• 19. Protecting our self-esteem by pointing the finger elsewhere.
• 20. Grudge-attacking - this happens when we believe someone is bad and deserve punishment
• 21. Getting even - as they might have blamed you unfairly - earlier
• 22. For purposely hurting others
• 23. If we have grown in an atmosphere of being blamed and we found blaming and finding scapegoat works effectively to safeguard our emotional states
• 24. To explain why something happened.
• 25. To attack someone.
• 26. We use it for - feeling good as our mood-therapy
• 27. For escaping from guilt.
• 28. To not to feel vulnerable
• 29. To PROJECT yourself as perfect and fault-free
• 30. To feel that you are in control of situation and people
• 31. To get rid of your pent-up negativities by off-loading it to others
• 32. for boosting your ego
• 33. for feeling like a victim - where nothing ever is your fault
• 34. To get instantaneous feel-good gratification
• 35. Because you don't have to fix for your problems
• 36. to avoid acknowledging their own flaws and shortcomings

24 negative consequences of blaming others - the real cost we pay when we become a chronic blamer - what are you losing out in life by blaming others

• 1.You will become toxic - and hurt people who truly care and love you
• 2.You feel and become powerless - just think - if you feel - that everything is someone else's fault - then who is powerful you or them
• 3.You can't have meaningful and satisfying relationships - because you will never develop empathy
• 4.Because you avoid accountability and suppress feeling negative-emotions - you won't be able to let go of your pains-hurts-traumas
• 5.You will not have healthy relationships - as you will attract toxic people
• 6.You won't be able to trust others - as you don't have confidence to trust yourself
• 7.You will become chronic-complainer and whiner
• 8.You will have a big-ego and will feel hurt more
• 9.You will live a pathetic life of being a victim
• 10. You will have very-very low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and feelings of being inadequate
• 11. You will lose valuable friendships, relationships and jobs
• 12. If you don't challenge yourself to reach new heights - you will never really know what you're truly capable of - people blame or make excuses can't reach this level
• 13. New opportunities lie hidden around every corner- but no one can ever find them - if what you have got is excuses for not doing things
• 14. You will lack growth - personally, professionally and in relationships
• 15. You will not have meaningful accomplishments
• 16. You will have strong beliefs which falls under - it can't be done
• 17. You will have regrets which would have many-many - if only i
• 18. You will become and have pessimistic outlook in life
• 19. You will be unable to take critical decisions
• 20. You will have extreme fear of taking decisive action
• 21. You will be lonely with feelings of abandonment
• 22. Because you blame others for all the bad things - you lose the most important habit of self-reflection
• 23. You will make poor-harmful-negative choices
• 24. Because you are not able to connect with yourself - you won't feel connected with anyone

26 basic tips on How to stop this behavior how to avoid the habit of blaming - all the cliché have their detailed do-it-yourself videos in our YouTube channel and blogs in our both the websites

• 1.Changing any negative behavior - needs as the first step - acknowledging and accepting that you have this problem - before you can even begin to address them
• 2.Even acknowledging -might not be easy for you - because ironically you will have to take the blame yourself - and hold yourself accountable for your actions
• 3.Ask yourself - what excuses do you usually make - when do you feel like making excuses - when do you feel like justifying what you did - when you become defensive
• 4.Ask yourself - if you don't make this change right now - what all negative consequences- will take place [in addition to what are already in your life]
• 5.Then make a list of all positive transformation that will take in your life and how your life will be changed powerfully
• 6.Start to actively notice your thought process the next time you make a mistake - what is the first thing you do - blame others, justify or rationalize or make-excuses
• 7.Start making conscious efforts to start saying this is my responsibility to correct the mistake made by me - and not anyone else's
• 8.We have to learn to be able to hold ourselves accountable for all the mistakes - big and small - undoubtedly it is going to be scary
• 9.Start learning how you can view your mistakes in empowering ways - learn to view the failures and mistakes as opportunities for your self-improvement and growth - instead to be blamed on others
• 10. All the time - acknowledge your responsibility
• 11. Learn to apologize - if you happen to blame others
• 12. Start pro-actively accepting mistakes - instead of trying to hide or when someone points it to you
• 13. Start paying attention to your habit of magnifying and making mountains from molehills
• 14. Stop trying to impress others - start finding reasons to respect yourself and to impress yourself
• 15. Strat becoming a better listener - just listen to understand - try to see why people act the way they do
• 16. Understand that - seemingly irrational behaviors or views of others can also be valid
• 17. When you notice yourself becoming upset - learn to create a pause - before reacting
• 18. Stop comparing yourself with anyone
• 19. Learn to ask uncomfortable questions of yourself
• 20. Learn to challenge your perceptions and assumptions
• 21. Learn to train yourself - not to talk about the problems - but - putting all efforts to find multiple solutions
• 22. Always be in the company of people who have different views that yours - to seek alternate perspectives
• 23. Identify your strengths and play to them
• 24. Become an action-person - set small, attainable goals & take action every day
• 25. Remember - it is okay to not be perfect
• 26. Learn to reduce your habit of overthinking

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