In this article we will learn the following
-10 causes that makes us feel powerless, helpless, weak and hopeless and puts us in un-resourceful and dis-empowering state [it is a sample list and not an exhaustive one - because every person's story is different]
-19 tips to understand the drama-triangle and victim trilogy
- Understanding - 4 possibilities of - the I am ok you are Ok Quadrant - to empower ourselves
-24 Self-empowerment tips to make you emotionally-resourceful, mentally-resilient and powerfully-motivated
Ways to become powerful through empowerment
Empower yourself -be a winner by piloting your life to take it to whichever destination you want to go.
Be the engine and not a carriage – stop being driven by other people, circumstances - any-more.
Become the creator of an exceptionally high quality life – for yourself and for the people you care for.
Only the most powerful people in the world can take it by storms by making their own life meaningful and leaving a long-lasting impact-imprint-legacy - in their area of influence.
This power can be acquired by self-discipline, self-training and constant-practice – the more you practice the bigger power you acquire to accomplish all that you desire, want and capable of.
Many of us believe that we do not have any control over what happens to us and if we have a series of misfortune/failures/negative events – some of us give up and get into a dis-empowering mode.
Once we get into the quagmire of negativity and depression – and the more we remain in this defeatist attitude mode – the more difficult it becomes to see any light at the end of your tunnel of future.
10 causes that makes us feel powerless, helpless, weak and hopeless and puts us in un-resourceful and dis-empowering state [it is a sample list and not an exhaustive one - because every person's story is different]
- 1.You have gone through an intense emotional events/sickness /death /separation etc. – that has left you totally depleted of mental, emotional and physical energy
- 2.You are playing victim[explained in detail, below
- 3.You are currently facing insurmountable and overwhelming situation and phase
- 4.As a result of long-term exposure to negative outcomes in your past - you have developed psychological dis-order and dysfunction
- 5.You were brought up in an environment - where you were always made to feel bad about yourself, were shamed and insulted-belittled-demeaned publicly
- 6.You have had traumatic and painful-past and you are still re-living in that past which does not exist any more
- 7.Because of all the setbacks-failures-mistakes - you have given-up on yourself and your life
- 8.You feel good playing victim
- 9.You can find justifications for not taking right actions and are able to convince yourself of your helpless and powerless situation
- 10. Most of the time your internal dialogue starts with - how can I do it, I just can't or that it is too scary to even try
- 11. Avoids finding solutions or solve the problems and avoid making decisions
- 12. Are focused on gratifications and pleasures through external and unhealthy means
19 tips to understand the drama-triangle and victim trilogy
- 1.It is said that - if it is not our responsibility - it is not our fault.
- 2.People who acquire victim-mindset never take responsibility for their own life - their decisions - their actions and the consequences
- 3.People with victim-mindset - feel good living in self-pity
- 4.Self-pity is very-very addictive - as the poor-me syndrome is the most destructive non-pharmaceutical narcotics - it definitely gives the player momentary pleasure by separating these people from knowing, facing and accepting the truth, the facts and the reality
- 5.The victims usually play - what is known as victim-trilogy or the drama triangle
- 6.Playing victim - feels that everyone around them mistreat, ill-treat, and do injustice and are not empathic to their conditions
- 7.Playing Persecutor - this is role-reversal where the victim-mindset person becomes the persecutor and starts bullying others who are weaker and or dependent on them
- 8.Playing rescuer - this their time being on the 9th heaven - here they try to protect few people from others trying to suppress or control these
- 9.In this drama-triangle - the persecutor and rescuer both assume a position of power
- 10. The people who play victim switch roles and may start with the victim becoming the persecutor - say because the victim is unable to take more bullying and may hit out at the persecutor
- 11. The victim into the persecutor and starts persecuting the genuine rescuer by pushing the rescuer
- 12. After this the victim-turned-persecutor becomes the rescuer to keep the balance - all the players within this victim-mindset person move within these three roles
- 13. Sometimes it is within one person can also happen within groups - where one or multiple people filling each of the roles - at least three persons connected with each others are needed to play this drama-triangle
- 14. The Persecutor - blames, criticizes, throws temper-tantrums to control and suppress
- 15. Victim - have this poor-me - and feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed and at times guilty
- 16. Victims actually need - a rescuer who will reinforce their disempowering-feelings
- 17. Rescuer - have a need to help and recuses others - when these people don't need any help - rescuers feel guilty if they don't rescue - the proverbial damsel in distress people of all genders
- 18. Rescuers wants to keep their victim dependent on them
- 19. If the dram is being played between three people - if anyone in this triangle changes roles, the other change their roles as well to keep all the three actors and the triangle balanced
Understanding - 4 possibilities of - the I am ok you are Ok Quadrant - to empower ourselves - this was created by Dr. Thomas a. Harris
- 1.I'm not ok - but you are ok
- I.Gives feelings of jealousy-envy-even hate
- II.Feel inferior and unlucky
- III.Have low self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth
- IV.Often these people become people-pleasers
- V.This emotional-mental attitude is acquired as a result of being belittled as a child or perhaps from having dominating and controlling parents, bullying peers or teachers who punishes and ridicules
- 2.I'm ok - you're not ok
- I.People in this position feel themselves superior to others
- II.This is a mindset of arrogance, smugness and of contemptuous emotions
- III.They can find reasons why they are perfect while comparing their strengths with the limitation and weaknesses of others
- IV.This is a serious emotional-insecurity trap - in which many bosses, parents, teachers and people in authority and power may fall
- V.This also stems from deep underlying emotional-insecurities
- VI.To mask their weaknesses they assume that being in power makes them better-superior-godlike - and that most of the others are not ok.
- VII.They may also operate from perfectionist mindset - which again is harmful
- 3.I'm not ok - you're not ok
- I.These people often are projecting their feelings-emotions-weaknesses - onto others
- II.They project their feelings of shame and bad thoughts to others by accusing others of what they are doing
- III.They feel bad while also perceiving others as bad.
- 4.I'm ok - you're ok
- I.This is a great quadrant to be in for the most satisfying and contended life
- II.They treat everyone with same scale as they treat themselves
- III.They are fully comfortable with being genuinely and authentically - and thereby with other people
- IV.When people are in this quadrant or frame of mind - they feel confident, happy and assertively accept when there are points of disagreement.
24 Self-empowerment tips to make you emotionally-resourceful, mentally-resilient and powerfully-motivated
- 1.Become and stay hungry -for more growth - for more learning -for a better you in every sphere of life
- 2.Stay foolish – do not assume you know it all and make every experience a learning experience and keep your eyes open to learning from everyone – with a belief that all you meet have something to teach you
- 3.Be innocent and curious – do not assume – without understanding the person or situation
- 4.Be emotionally thankful and start a grateful journal
- 5.Take responsibility for your life – resolve not blame anyone for your life past
- 6.Recognize if you are playing any of the 3 roles of victim triangle and then take the relevant action as given
- I.If you've been playing the victim (fearful, defensive, submissive) – create and identify and start taking actions to live your dream - you can do this by constantly asking and updating - What do I really want which will make me feel great about myself
- II.If you've been playing the persecutor (exerting power over others) by shifting your focus from putting others down to building them up.
- III.If you've been playing the rescuer (overly protective, making decisions for others) shifting from telling to asking others what they want and if they need your help.
- 7.When you feel totally lost – sometimes it is great to do nothing, simply lay back - engage yourself in other activities reading good books, watching motivating movies/videos
- 8.When you realize you are using the words while communicating internally or externally - I cannot – try replacing these words with I use to say I cannot…." because I did not know what to do and how to do then…….." but now let me learn this and then do it again
- 9.Why this point is relevant because when you say I cannot – You are giving up and putting yourself in a helpless situation but if you start having this internal dialogue within you which says - that right now I do not know but I have a choice to go and learn and fight back
- 10. Start dreaming big – start identifying your passions - which makes you come alive - taking actions and living
- 11. Create your step by step action plan on how to achieve your dream
- 12. Identify what you need to have - knowledge, skills, help, resources etc. AND how will you get these
- 13. Identify all your internal as well as external challenges and obstacle you are facing - then create solutions on how will you overcome these challenges
- 14. Start implementing
- 15. Then improvise - what is not working
- 16. Start monitoring-tracking-improving
- 17. Celebrate your accomplishing major milestones
- 18. Stop accepting mediocrity in your life - every where
- 19. Get recognized and identified with excellence
- 20. Create new avenues to reinvigorate and recharge yourself
- 21. Interact with likeminded people – if there are no such groups – create one yourself
- 22. Start reading motivational books and watching inspirational videos
- 23. Get yourself few mentors
- 24. Change your wardrobe, your look, learn something new to make you more confident, take up a socially meaningful project.