Using conflicts to create fantastic relationships

How To Utilize Conflicts To Create Fantastic Relationship And Highest Growth

​Conflict Can Be A Major Game Changer & A Growth Propeller Plus Relationship Builder If Handled Properly Or A Cause Of Disaster If Handled Carelessly.

There Could Be 3 Major Conflicts We May Come Across.

1. External Conflict => Whenever There Are More Than One Person – There Is Bound To Be Conflict. This Type Of Conflict Can Be Between Individuals, A Group, Or Even Countries

2. Internal Conflict => Then There Is Always Conflict Within Each One Of Us, When We Struggle To Decide, Have Difficulty Choosing Between Options, Freeze Or Become Immobile To Take Action.

3. Conflict Between Nature & Man => This In Turn Creates Massive Long Term & Sometimes Irreversible Loss For The Mankind

Is Conflict Good – It Is Good When It Is Resolved Keeping A Win-Win & Long Term Approach/Goals Based On Growth, Happiness, Value Addition?

Is Conflict Bad – It Is,If Not Resolved Properly – In The Following Cases?

1. In Personal Relationship It Can Lead To Constant Quarrels, Separation, Violence, Stress, Depression, Suicide & Even Murder
2. In Social Relationship => Many Types Of Physical Or Material Damages Can Happen – Family Or Caste Feuds, Black & White Skin Differentiations Are Some Examples
3. Among Business – It Can Lead To Unhealthy Competition To Lead To Bankruptcy Or Even Closer Of Business
4. Among Countries => It Can Lead To War With Devastating Results
5. Man Vs Nature => It Has So Far Caused Many Man Made Avoidable Calamities & Is Continuing Threat

So What Is Conflict => ConflictRefers To Any Form Of Friction, Disagreement, Opposition Or Discord - Resulting From Actual Or Perceived Differences Or Incompatibilities

The Conflict Can Be Due To Physiological, Psychological, Conceptual, Mental/Emotional/Spiritual, Social Or Financial Reasons

The Major Causes Of Conflicts Can Be The Following [There Can Be Few Additional Ones Not Mentioned Here]

1. Difference In Goals, Priorities & Interests – Life Goals, Materialism
2. Difference In Perceptions – How They Treat & Feel Towards People, Situation, World
3. Difference In Values
4. Lack Of Resources - Creating Survival Of The Fittest Mindset
5. Desire For Power & Supremacy
6. Difference In Needs & Concerns
7. Difference In Beliefs/Mindset Attitude – I Am Superior + I Am Right + I Am Helpless + I Am Weak Or Vulnerable +
8. Difference In Approach/Method In Handling A Situation/Task/ Work/Job
9. Pressure, Harassment, Abuse, Injustice Or Hurt => Perceived Or Real
10. Psychological Causes => Leading To Distrust, Suspicion, Doubt, Fear, Insecurities, Lack Of Self Esteem/Confidence, Making Issues Out Of Nothing, Lacking Courage To Ask/Saying No – Perceived Or Due To Past Experience
11. Difference In Knowledge About Fact/Situation
12. Difference In Personalities – Introvert/Extrovert, Thinking/Feeling Etc Etc[Refer To MBTI Or Enneagram For Different Types Of Personalities]
13. Difference In Understanding – Poor Communication/ Communication Gap/Inability To Understand Others/Lack Of Empathy
14. Poor Listening
15. Arrogance
16. Unfair Or Unrealistic Expectation From Others Or Total Dependence On Others For Emotional Needs
17. Frustration/Stress/Anger
18. Lack Of Clarity/Uncertainty/Not Knowing What To Do

STAGES OF CONFLICT:

1. Harmony
   
2. Latent Stage: Participants Not Yet Aware Of Conflict.
3. Perceived Stage: Participants Aware A Conflict Exists.
4. Feeling Stage: You Can Feel The Current Of Stress And Anxiety.
5. Emergence Or Manifestation: Conflict Is Open And Can Be Observed.
6. Escalation
7. Stalemate
   
8. De-Escalation – Goes In Quite Mode, No Further Stimulations
9. Settlement Or Resolution
10. Peace Building And Reconciliation
    

How Does Conflict Manifest

1. Dis-Agreement On Any Of The Common Elements/Issues
2. Communication Gap Which Leads To Misunderstanding => Poor Listening/Not Being Clear/Not Clarifying Pro-Actively/Not Confirming Your Understanding
3. Taking Animosity Stand – Treating The Other Party As Enemy
4. Verbal Argument/Abuse/Put Down/Insult
5. Increasing Level Of Stress
6. Reaching The Level Of Resignation/Dismissal/Punishment/Labor Strikes[In Organization] Or Violence/Separation/Suicide/Murder[In Personal Relationship] Or Mental, Emotional Or Physical Health Issues
7. 
   
8. Conflict Resolution Steps
9. 
   
10. For External Conflicts – With A Person/ Group/Society/ Country
11. Skills Needed 1. Actively And Empathic Listening 2. Good Understanding Of Body Language 3. Higher Than Avarage Emotionally Intelligent 4. Ability To Manage Anger

Steps To Be Followed By Each Parties

1. Make Sure That Good Relationships Are A Priority. Treat The Other Person With Respect. Do Your Best To Be Courteous, And To Discuss Matters Constructively.
2. Identify The Source Of The Conflict
3. Separate People From Problems
4. Define The Problem
5. Look Beyond The Incident.Often, It Is Not The Situation But The Perspective On The Situation That Causes
6. Listen Carefully To Different Interests. You'll Get A Better Grasp Of Why People Have Adopted Their Position If You Try To Understand Their Point Of View.
7. Let Individuals Express Their Feelings
8. Listen First, Talk Second - Set Out The "Facts." Decide On The Observable Facts That Might Impact Your Decision, Together. Acknowledge That A Difficult Situation Exists
9. Determine Underlying Needs
10. .Find Common Areas Of Agreement, No Matter How Small
11. Agree On The Problem
12. Agree On The Procedure To Follow
13. Agree On Worst Fears
14. Agree On Some Small Change To Give An Experience Of Succes

• b.Find Solutions To Satisfy Needs:

1. Problem-Solve By Generating Multiple Alternatives
2. Determine Which Actions Will Be Taken
3. Make Sure Involved Parties Buy Into Actions. (Total Silence May Be A Sign Of Passive Resistance.) Be Sure You Get Real Agreement From Everyone.
4. Determine Follow-Up You Will Take To Monitor Actions
   
5. Determine What You'll Do If The Conflict Goes Unresolved
6. Request Solutions - Explore Options Together. Be Open To The Idea That A Third Position May Exist, And That You Might Reach It Jointly
7. Identify Solutions Both Disputants Can Support
   

Channels For Conflict Resolution => The Following Can Be Used As Per The Type, Intensity, Gravity Of The Conflict

1. Two Individuals – Directly Communicating With Open Mind, Empathic Listening & Resolving Their Conflict Successfully & Bond Closer
2. Taking Help From A Person Of High Integrity From Known Circle
3. Using A Self-Help Group Or A Social Group
4. Using Professional Counselors Help
5. Using Regulatory Bodies – In Case Of C2B Or B2B Conflicts
6. Using Corporate Arbitrators – In Case Of Professional Disputes
7. Use Of Relevant Cour

I.Resolving Internal Conflicts - Introspect & Grow Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

Sometimes We Are Incapable Of Identifying, Understanding, Sorting, Accepting & Solving Our Own Internal Conflicts At That Time We Need The Help Of A Mentor, A Wise Man, An Independent Expert To Help Us.

Here We Are Talking About When We Are Healthy And We Want To Understand Us & Clarify. Plus We Have Courage To Start, Implement & Persistently Follow-Up On The Given Steps Below

A.Identify What, Where ,When & With Whom You Feel Lost, Troubled, Foggy, Confused

B.Identify Your Core Values That You Don't Want To Violate – You Will Know Whenever You Break These As They Will Make You Feel Miserable

C.Identify Which Are The Times You Feel The Feelings Described In Point A Immediate Above – Are Due To Your Value Violation

D.Identify Which Are The Time You Feel Lost, Troubled, Foggy, Confused – Due To => Be Brutally Honest With Yourself

a.Either Not Knowing How To Solve A Problem

b.Your Fear Of Failure

c.Uncertainties

d.Not Having Confidence In Self

e.Fear Of Handling That Type Of People

f.Want To Do Extra Work – Love To Remain In Comfort Zones

g.Like To Play Victim

h.Feel Good When You Claim Martyr Hood

i.Self-Loathing Gives You A Sense Of Relief

j.Feel Happy To Procrastinate

k.Don't Want To Take Responsibility For Yourself

l.Feel That You Are Entitled For Certain Things From Others

m. Do Not Know How To Handle Some Of Your Emotions & Feelings

n.Are Scared Of Looking Internally To See Your True Self

E.Make A List Of Things That You Love Doing Every Day, Which Support You In Being A Strong, Empowered, Present, Happy Person. These Things Don't Have To Be Grand Or Fancy. They Can Be Anything That Reminds You Who You Are, Why You Are Amazing. We All Strive For Peace, Purpose, And Happiness In Our Own Unique Ways, And This Is Something We Must Never Lose Sight Of

F.Then Identify What Skills/Attitude/Emotion You Have To Master To Achieve "E" & Overcome "D"

G.Then Create A Plan – Beginning With Small Steps

H.Learn From Everyone Whom You See Having What You Need To Be Happy

Seek Help From Mentors Or Your Support Group