In this article you will learn
- -12 Questions to Clarify – if we really need to prove ourselves – please answer honestly and sincerely
- -14 Benefits I experienced AND you too can – when you your life without trying to prove to others of your worth
- -20 ways how can you create meaning in your life – it is my list – you can use it and add yours
- -20 things that others should notice on their own – you absolutely don't have the need to tell the world yourself
- -42 tips how to stop trying to impress other people - by discovering how you can minimize the look at me urge to live a happier and more fulfilled life
Why we try to prove ourselves to others AND to know should we be trying to prove ourselves at all AND How to feel good about ourselves being perfectly authentically genuinely us
In today's highly competitive volatile, ambiguous, uncertain, confusing and constantly changing world [VUCA as well as disruptive] – each one of us are under very heavy pressure and it takes a big-toll on almost every aspects and every area of our lives.
The constant disruptions, the ever increasing pressures and changes plays havoc in our relationships, our happiness, our successes and on our self- image/ self-esteem/ self-confidence/ self-worth etc. etc.
Which in turn makes us feel insecure, unsure, and confused – thus creating a vicious cycle.
Many of the current millennials and generation Zs - are growing up with FOMO*[fear of missing out].
And we get caught-up in trying to seek others' approval, other's acceptance and other's validations of our actions, wishes and living our life as per other people's wishes.
You may not know all the keys to your success - but one of the definite keys to failure is trying to please others.
And trying to satisfy everyone – is the best recipe for disappointments, hurts and upsets.
In todays' time where most of us have to be exposed to the social media - many of us may start comparing our lives with others[without knowing the real scenario] – just based their social media posts.
It has become so serious – that many of us may attach our self-worth by how many likes we get.
So many of us spend our almost entire life - trying to impress others. What a colossal waste.
We all know how good it feels to have somebody look at you with awe in their eyes – it becomes especially great if that someone is the one - you look up to and respect.
And while this experience is fantastic [only when it is earned naturally, unintentionally and simply as the outcome of doing what has made you feel good].
But it will play havoc with our self-confidence and sub-conscious – when we try to manufacture this situation.
The fact is that when we are trying to project an image of who we are not [by exaggerating our accomplishments, qualities and intentions] – it only impacts us negatively as in our sub-conscious we very well know that we are lying
Why we are we so eager to impress people – because as human being we are hungry for meaning - but when we have not reached the level to make it worthy for us – we tend to compensate our feelings with an artificial booster from others.
People who believe in themselves don't need public recognition to reassure their worth - if you believe in yourself, you won't care what others think.
In fact - the idea to write this article came out when one of the portals asked me to write blog on - "what is one piece of advice I will give to large groups and which I found difficult to follow myself at times".
Having lived almost 55+ years of trying to live my life as per others - only since last few years I am trying to live as per my terms, my passions and my dreams.
But it is not easy – because of my 50 years of deep-rooted conditioning there are emotional turmoil and inner resistance which makes me go back to old behavior now and then.
Only because my sub-conscious finds the life to be happier and less stressful – by being myself and living by my standards and my rules – I am succeeding
12 Questions to Clarify – if we really need to prove ourselves – please answer honestly and sincerely
- 1.What are the important areas of your life
- 2.Which areas do we need to prove that we are good enough
- 3.Why do we need to prove that we are good-enough and to whom
- 4.Whom we have to prove that we are good-enough -identify the people who make you feel inadequate and creates this urge in you
- 5.What are the measurable parameters and milestone [which would show us that we are making progress] and an end-state indicator which tells us we have finally become good enough
- 6.Supposing that we have managed to prove [it is always to others] that we are good enough – was the struggle, the pains, the anxieties and the stress worth it
- 7.Did those people for whom you have proved yourself – have even acknowledged it – this is a question – you will find that no one will ever seem to notice and mention - all your efforts – even if these might have bankrupted you in every manner emotionally, physically, mentally, financially and all other ways
- 8.All the while when we were focusing on proving to the world that we are really worthy of their attention, admiration and approval – did we also accomplish what we always wanted to be, do and have OR lost it completely
- 9.When you are able to introspect objectively - you will find that this validation seeking urge exist only within our own psyche – others may use our this weakness to take advantage of us by making us slave more for them – nothing more
- 10.You will find all your struggles to prove yourself is not worth a damn – asone in the world actually gives a damn about you – Chances are, they are in the similar rigmarole of their own.
- 11.Ask yourself that – living your entire life and existence – just to prove that we are worthy – have you ever really felt fully satisfied with living this life of show-off
- 12.Did proving to others that we are good-enough - made us more fulfilled and blissful
You can certainly break free from this thinking and obsessive pattern – because it is only a loose, loss,then loose even more and regret GAME - because nobody in this world can satisfy, please and get approval from everyone.
14 Benefits I experienced AND you too can – when you your life without trying to prove to others of your worth
- 1.I have truly started believing and living the concept that the only person I should live to impress is myself
- 2.I am no longer ashamed to be who I am at the core of my being
- 3.I am no longer scared or concerned to express what I feel gracefully
- 4.I need not explain everything about my actions and my decisions – at least not to everyone
- 5.I don't have to prove my worth to anyone – I am worthy enough
- 6.Only exception are the formal examinations and interviews - that I am taking by my own choice
- 7.I have learned to focus on living meaningful life - and not for gaining applause from others
- 8.Someone asked me why I write blogs and make videos on YouTube – very few reads them or listens to them AND especially when it does not earn me any money - I told him it is because I enjoy writing and sharing my views - even if no one ever reads or listens - it is perfectly alright with me – today it feels great
- 9.I also don't have the need or urge to make my presence noticed – I am perfectly happy being no-one – meaning I don't crave for attention
- 10.I choose to do things which adds value to me, my loved ones and to others AND makes me feel good about myself
- 11.Because I have stopped comparing myself with others – my anxiety levels too have come down
- 12.Just because your life doesn't match somebody else's definition – it does not mean that it isn't exciting and full.
- 13.I have attempted larger than life big goals – I have a very fair share of failures, pain, miseries and setbacks – along with satisfactions, successes and happiness
- 14.Looking back I feel – my being myself and living for my loved ones is worth living – no regrets absolutely
20 ways how can you create meaning in your life – it is my list – you can use it and add yours
- 1.Expressing what you really feel – of-course – nicely, politely, assertively, respectfully
- 2.Expressing your views, opinions, perspective, pleasure, dis-pleasure, likes, dislikes, appreciation, apologies, love, affections – as and when you want – without expecting anything in return
- 3.Doing what makes you feel come alive – [exactly like the proverb dance like no one is watching –my take – dancing when you want it where you want it and irrespective of anyone watching you or not]
- 4.Doing what scares you but also makes your adrenalin rush in such a way to make it thrilling and exciting
- 5.Being yourself – accepting openly your mistakes, failures, weaknesses
- 6.Loving yourself unconditionally
- 7.Stretching yourself in the realm of unknown, uncertain and ambiguous and failing because you attempted the larger than life goals
- 8.Learning all the time – making learning fun and meaningful
- 9.Accepting your ignorance without feeling guilty
- 10.Giving your 100%* and focusing* on Excellence* only
- 11.Letting go of the past – especially because you gave your 100% and –especially because no one can really go back and change their past
- 12.Developing the habit of being an action-person to fill your days with the high-payoff activities [like creating meaning in your life, nurturing relationships, taking care of yourself, adding value to others and not giving a damn to what others do/say/think about you
- 13.Experimenting with your life the way you want it to be
- 14.Taking risks
- 15.Creating legacy
- 16.Making positive differences to others
- 17.Enjoying being dumb in the company of the brilliant and smarts
- 18.Laughing at your failures after taking the lessons
- 19.Spending time with your loved ones
- 20.Collecting memories rather than materialistic things
20 things that others should notice on their own – you absolutely don't have the need to tell the world yourself
- 1.You don't need to convince anyone that you are smart
- 2.You don't need to inform people that you exercise
- 3.You don't need to tell others that you are pretty or handsome
- 4.You don't need to impress anyone through using makeup, clothes, cars, bank-balance – GIRLS your face and hair are not coloring canvas – just chill out with your natural beauty
- 5.The truth is that - no one [at least who matters to you] - really care about that pimple on your face
- 6.However wear makeup because it makes you feel good and not to make people think you are beautiful and to make them attracted to you
- 7.Understand that you need to impress only yourself
- 8.Accept that your dignity is not determined by the opinions of others
- 9.Understand and accept that you can't please and satisfy everyone – no one should try to do this
- 10.Trying to impress people by putting up an act - is very exhausting – it gives you no joy internally
- 11.The right people will love you for who you really are - and respect you for your beauty of thoughts, your care, your respecting them, your knowledge etc. etc.
- 12.You would lose your own identity – while you are trying to impress and prove to others and making them accept you
- 13.Our society's materialistic measurement of worth is really worthless – ask the big celebrities if you could AND read about those who committed suicide
- 14.Life isn't a race - you have nothing to prove
- 15.The path to all great things passes through failure
- 16.Be yourself it does not cost you BUT makes you feel wonderful - people will judge you anyway
- 17.Accept that no one can control others' opinions, views, decisions, action etc. etc.
- 18.Your standards for your life are the only standards that matter
- 19.Understand and see - if your life is centered on comparing yourself to others - you will find that most of the time you feel depressed thinking about the people who are having better life than yourself
- 20.Understand that good thing sells itself and a bad thing must be advertised and hard-sold
42 tips how to stop trying to impress other people - by discovering how you can minimize the look at me urge to live a happier and more fulfilled life
- 1.Find out why you're trying to impress others - for some it is to be socially accepted by the group of their choice- for other it could be creating a feeling of having someone look at them and think – wow – he/she is successful/smart/beautiful/or something like this
- 2.Ask yourself why you feel the need to impress other people - what do you ultimately hope to accomplish
- 3.Ask yourself - what you feel you lack
- 4.Ask and face the fact – whether your thought-patterns and the need to prove yourself - stem from a lack of confidence or insecurity
- 5.Ask yourself - whether you feel that the only way to impress other people is to boast about your accomplishments or to amuse them with stories of your success
- 6.Ask yourself are you really impressing others – by whatever techniques you are using – or does it make you come out as a desperate person
- 7.Now start addressing the issue - keep in mind - that behavior change isn't an overnight process - there will be periods of success and relapse
- 8.Whenever you get the urge of impressing others - start telling yourself "I am going to give my best and my 100% - thereafter I don't care and I don't give a damn"
- 9.Make a list of things you do with the intention to impress others – then ask whether putting up a false front make you feel great or lousy
- 10.Find out what motivates you and what makes you come alive when you are by yourself and doing what excites you
- 11.Create your own definition of success and happiness – not borrowed from others
- 12.Focus on your dreams and taking all the actions to make yourself successful as per your definition - free yourselves from other's opinions
- 13.Try to consciously make yourself busy in taking actions – and forgetting about what will they think and what will they say – it really does not matter
- 14.Let your results speak about you
- 15.Reframe your meaning of life and what is meaningful - if you want to be great - then do something great
- 16.Ask yourself - given the choice - would you be famous-and-miserable - or happy-contended-and-unknown
- 17.Start becoming aware whenever you start putting up an act to impress others – you will also notice that there is no real joy and your heart feels empty
- 18.Create your own personal power of knowledge, passion, dependability, excellence, commitment, skills, professionalism etc. etc.
- 19.Work on the simple logic - why try fit in when you could stand out – stand-out by being the unique you
- 20.Create your own signature style
- 21.Understand that when we are trying to prove something – it is actually an insult
- 22.Take initiative - take lead – take responsibility
- 23.Stretch yourself beyond your comfort zones
- 24.Explore new relationships – where people see the real you
- 25.Discover yourself
- 26.Find your talents and make them your strong suits
- 27.Do the right things - don't be afraid to be unpopular – if you doing the right thing
- 28.Never be ashamed of your failures
- 29.Accept your mistakes and correct them
- 30.Say no *– to things, demands and people, that does not make you feel good about yourself
- 31.Believe in yourself* and Be proud of your work
- 32.Create some pointers to make you notice the moment you feel the need to impress others – and stop – it would need practice
- 33.When you have done something silly and embarrassing – feel the emotions fully – don't try to suppress them
- 34.Stop spending efforts, arguments, time and energy to prove people wrong and yourself right –it has no value
- 35.Focus on things that actually matter - Turn your life upside down – take new challenges that makes you come alive
- 36.Be comfortable in Being vulnerable*
- 37.Ready to be unaccepted, undermined, or misunderstood – because this will happen irrespective of all that you try
- 38.Take initiative to resolve conflicts and clear misunderstanding
- 39.Learn to ask silly and stupid questions to gain clarity and understand things better
- 40.Learn to express yourself by mastering the use of I sentences rather than You sentences
- 41.Take complete ownership for your life and your actions
- 42.Continuously learn*, unlearn* and relearn*
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