<p> <b data-redactor-tag="b">I am a genius</b><span> – </span><b data-redactor-tag="b">when it comes to screwing-up my life</b><span> – Again and again and then again AND that too </span><b data-redactor-tag="b">in every aspect as well as in every respect Big-time</b><span>.</span></p><p>You would think– that – <b data-redactor-tag="b">after making mistakes after mistakes after mistakes I should be a Zen-master-wiser</b>.</p><p>Yes, <b data-redactor-tag="b">I do learn And I do recall my resolve of never to making that mistake again</b> [in the post incident introspection period] – BUT – <b data-redactor-tag="b">it lasts only till I mess up again.</b></p><p>If my life-pattern gels with you – <b data-redactor-tag="b">then probably you will appreciate, understand and benefit from this article better than others</b>.</p><p>In this blog you will get the light-bulb-sparks through - <b data-redactor-tag="b">21 advantages of messing up</b> your life PLUS minimum <b data-redactor-tag="b">52 ways we can mess up our life</b> and <b data-redactor-tag="b">45 tips on how to come out of the mess </b>stronger and recreate the life that we want.</p><p> AND <b data-redactor-tag="b">why it is okay to mess-up time to time</b> - for having an emotionally, physically, professionally and relationship-wise - <b data-redactor-tag="b">happy, healthy and fulfilling life</b>.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">The unparalleled 3 benefits of surviving the forced or self-created mess</b> [irrespective of <b data-redactor-tag="b">whether you are a messed-up kind OR perfectly un-messed</b> folk] </p> <ul><li>1.Become comfortable with taking risk*</li> <li>2.Venturing into the unknown and uncertain* with more ease </li> <li>3.Approaching fearful situations – which must be faced - with lot lessor degree of unnerving feelings </li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b"><br></b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">21 Advantages of messing up your life</b></p><p>I have now become almost at peace with the following- because of having come-out through sh*t-scared, terrified and mummified situations, events, incidences - many times [<b data-redactor-tag="b">it would be your value-addition too</b>]. </p> <ul><li>1.That it is okay to end few relationships </li> <li>2.It is perfect to not to know everything</li> <li>3.It is alright to be proven wrong many-many times</li> <li>4.That I may not get Some answers ever</li> <li>5.I don't have to prove anything to anyone</li> <li>6.That in spite of major failures and setbacks and hardships – the life will go on – therefore living it the best way IS THE ONLY CHOICE I CAN MAKE</li> <li>7.That even if I have fallen in the pits – still I can get up</li> <li>8.That I can restart my life – from ZERO – anytime and every time [I have done this few times – total beginning from scratches]</li> <li>9.As long as I have added value to others [and have not hurt people deliberately] it is life worth lived => irrespective of where I end up in life financially, professionally </li> <li>10.Sometimes it is very-right taking action without knowing all the answers, facts and figures</li> <li>11.That The life will create lots of misunderstanding anyway [ without my initiatives] – therefore sort outing those I can – and leaving those I can't as they are</li> <li>12.That I will have many-many embarrassing moments, awkwardness, discomfort, disappointment, doubt*, guilt*, shame and disagreement – Moving on is the only way to NOT to GIVE these Emotions* Undue Powers* [<strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">read my various blogs on how to deal with them – all *marked ones have Separate Do-It-Yourself Blog in Success Unlimited Mantra's Blog Section from the Heart of Subhashis</strong>]</li> <li>13.That Our biggest relationship* problems* come from our irresistible urge of fixing others – which always create many wounds, hurts* and regrets*</li> <li>14.Some hurts cannot be healed – unless we go through some significant emotional/perception transforming events </li> <li>15.In many cases - we just cannot make everything right again, no matter how hard we try</li> <li>16.The biggest lesson I have learned that – our reality is often muddied so much so that – we see the world through tinted glasses and MAKE MAJOR MISTAKES*</li> <li>17.At the cost of few years of toil and financial mess – I learned that most of the failures that we face [anywhere in life] – can be avoided in future ONLY when we start working on ourselves</li> <li>18.Learning-unlearning-relearning* - doesn't have any substitute and is as essential as breathing </li> <li>19.Some of the issues/situation/events/incidents may only make sense in hindsight OR bring the clarity – so many times after we have given our 100% * and done our best – the only thing to do is Trust in time</li> <li>20. Accomplishing whatever is worth your while – can only happen through a series of challenging* times, setbacks*, failures*, Big-groups, coming across a wall and being in thoroughly uncomfortable zones*</li> <li>21.But if you can persist* and improvise* and find newer approaches in solving problems* - then you would get to the pinnacle like many others did before you. You need to polish, trust, and use your sixth-sense/gut-feeling/intuition to go to higher realm </li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">52 ways - How we mess-up our life [you can add more]</b></p> <ul><li>1.You feel bored* and empty and lost and alone because you never really do anything different – no challenges, no stretching ONLY Routine that too mundane one </li> <li>2.You use external things to make you feel good – like make-up, dresses, posting endless selfies, changing jobs and having multiple relationships etc. – but nothing changes as internally the drivers are same and the correct drivers are not being exercised</li> <li>3.You have gotten used to living in your safe-bubble </li> <li>4.You don't look forward to changes* - in fact you resist changes as long as you can</li> <li>5.You have become a loner and don't have social*-professional*-support network* alone.</li> <li>6.You Blame Everyone Else for Your Problems</li> <li>7.You berate yourself Constantly </li> <li>8.You are in a Job – that does not satisfy many of your motivational drivers [ this one is – sure-shot recipe for messing yours as well as all the people who are closest to you]</li> <li>9.Not paying attention and Listening to Your Intuition</li> <li>10.Never taking risks</li> <li>11.Allowing limiting beliefs* about yourself* on what you can and what you can't - to win</li> <li>12.You don't make decisions* - many times because you are afraid of the outcome might not be the one you want</li> <li>13.Lost believing yourself</li> <li>14.You equate change with problem</li> <li>15.Some of you Take multiple-projects which makes you Overwhelmed big-way [you do this Just to prove to others OR to show-off]</li> <li>16.Not having clear and healthy boundaries* </li> <li>17.No able to say no* to others</li> <li>18.Your make your needs as the last Priority* - other's gets preferences</li> <li>19.Your focus* is not clear as to your big picture</li> <li>20. Maintaining Unhealthy lifestyles</li> <li>21.Don't know when to Quit* and Give-up* and When to keep going</li> <li>22. Giving-up every-time Things become Difficult</li> <li>23. Thinking and having a victim mindset* – wallowing in how sorry your life is</li> <li>24. Doing things to impress others – seeking their attention and approval</li> <li>25. Not living your values*</li> <li>26. Not going for your passions*</li> <li>27.YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY</li> <li>28. Wanting too much too soon without building the right foundations and basics*</li> <li>29. Don't focus on becoming financially independent </li> <li>30. Focusing* more on the short-term* gratifications* rather on long-term sustainable* results*</li> <li>31.Go too far into extremes and being primarily concerned with enjoyment OR work so hard and so long that other parts of life becomes screwed </li> <li>32. Underestimating and sometimes over-estimated your abilities and capabilities</li> <li>33. Underselling yourself</li> <li>34. Staying in the Wrong Partnership, relationship, friendship</li> <li>35. Dream Without Taking Action</li> <li>36. Absolutely no Introspection</li> <li>37.Gossip and passing time</li> <li>38. Let the temporary values take your focus* - like wanting desperately to Be Famous, to be rich, to be popular etc. through all the means</li> <li>39. Being passively-Lazy*</li> <li>40. Procrastinate* on important actions</li> <li>41.Spend More Than You Can Afford</li> <li>42. Get unnerved by Criticism*</li> <li>43. Promise More Than You Can Do AND Don't Keep Your Promises</li> <li>44. Say Only Yes AND Say Only No</li> <li>45. Be A Control Freak - Micromanage</li> <li>46. Be Cheap and shallow – not classy*</li> <li>47.Try To Please Everybody</li> <li>48. Be A Perfectionist</li> <li>49. Complain* only</li> <li>50. React Instead Of Act On Things</li> <li>51.Feel ok being Average – no desire to excel</li> <li>52. Talk More than listen*</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b"><br></b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">45 Tips on Un-messing our life</b> - <b data-redactor-tag="b">How to ensure we Don't mess-up our Future - How to Keep Trying – even though your life is falling apart</b></p> <ul><li>1.If you are unhappy being in a mess – first Slap yourself in the face - real Hard – if you hesitate to slap yourself hard – then the situation that you are facing is definitely less painful than the pain of self-slap</li> <li>2.Stop comparing your situation and suffering with others – nothing is similar</li> <li>3.Identify the feeling – Anger*, Frustrations*, Grief*, Shame*, Guilt* Jealousy*, Despair* </li> <li>4.Stop worrying about how you would look to others - let yourself feel bad and feel the feelings deeply</li> <li>5.Go ahead and cry* if you need to – it is liberating* and healthy*</li> <li>6.You can get in touch with me for a free hug within logistical possibilities* it is guaranteed – AND to be a listening ear</li> <li>7.Even through the situations could have happened not because of you but due to areas beyond your control - Identify what you could have done better, what you could have done differently, what would you that is new – in case similar thing happens</li> <li>8.If you have a trustworthy person – share your inner-turmoil with him/her</li> <li>9.If no one is there – just resolve that you will take actions to bounce-back*</li> <li>10.Do something for people who are not as privileged as you are – it is DO – meaning your giving money is not the substitute although it may help too</li> <li>11.Practice to accept yourself and love yourself unconditionally*</li> <li>12.Practice be alone time to time – make your this MeTime your recharging* moment* Become your own best friend.</li> <li>13.Sometimes the same thing in life will both be good as well as bad at the same time. What changes is our perspective [Imagine you suddenly finding a fortune (read cash) buried in your yard – but it was the currency before demonetization].</li> <li>14.Identify all the things you are grateful* for – if you are unable to then you have to put more efforts to identify at least couple of things</li> <li>15.If you can't - Understand that life can suck and may not be fair to you right now</li> <li>16.Stop generalizing and distorting your situation just to feel miserable*</li> <li>17.Develop patience* by taking challenging habits* changes – that you know you must </li> <li>18.Get out of the house and go be social – in the company of people who are generally enthusiastic, energetic, motivated and supportive</li> <li>19.We all face unexpected challenges - just Changing our mindset* won't ensure that everything will be okay</li> <li>20. Notice and acknowledge your negative thinking pattern and how it keeps you stuck</li> <li>21.Our ability to change can happen in an instant – when we decide* and choose* and become sick and tired *of being sick and tired</li> <li>22. Never try to many things at the same time otherwise you will both fail as well as make yourself overwhelmed</li> <li>23. Make a big picture – identifying what type of life you would like to live – identify as many elements as you can</li> <li>24. Break them into tiny milestones and small action-steps*</li> <li>25. Pick one thing and do it for a week or ten days, then maybe add another and so on - Figure out what you're good at and start doing it</li> <li>26. Never Ignore the Mistake* - acknowledge, find ways to mend/make-up, correct the mistake </li> <li>27.Don't Bury Your Feelings and neither live in regret* </li></ul> <ul><li>28. If you have hurt someone - Give A Proper Apology – by following this process => Express Regret, Explain What Happened, Acknowledge the Part You Played, State Your Remorse and Repent, Offer To Make It Better, Ask For Forgiveness, do a symbolic-atonement</li> <li>29. Create New priorities based on your current state</li> <li>30. Identify Things To Remember The Next Time You 'Mess – as You didn't know then, but you know now</li> <li>31.Understand that it could have been worse BUT This will pass too as everything passes – eventually</li> <li>32. Even if you failed miserably – It is ok to not always be on top </li> <li>33. Accept that If you fail to keep your cool about the small things, then you're going to be in real trouble when you're faced with the real, big life problems</li> <li>34. Learn to laugh* at yourself – and creating humor*</li> <li>35. Nobody wants to talk about depression – but if you are feeling low - accept the fact that you're depressed* - And never try not to minimize it as Being able to accept the fact that you're depressed is a huge step.</li> <li>36. Now We just need the right strategies* to deal with it</li> <li>37.Celebrate the small wins</li> <li>38. Write - The insights you learn from your own sufferings and pains can be invaluable in helping you and others</li> <li>39. Your problems may never get smaller - but your capacity to deal with them will become stronger</li> <li>40. Be Open To Change and don't sit still being Afraid To Make Mistakes</li> <li>41.Understand All Problems Have Solutions – multiple ones, we only have to brainstorm to find them</li> <li>42. Find People who could be you Sources of Help</li> <li>43. Find a coach or mentor</li> <li>44. Be an action person – just don't sit and overthink*</li> <li>45. Take actions however small – those – which takes you forward and towards your goals everyday</li></ul>