<p><span>In this article you will learn the following</span><br></p><p>- 10 elements of Argument, 6 elements of debate, 8 elements of discussions, </p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">12 parts of Bad argument </b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">14 reasons why arguments are harmful and the TRUTHs about winning-losing arguments</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">11 Things which puts us into I-am-right Egoist mind-frame of arguing</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">45+ ways on How to win argument EVERYTIME - by learning to practice emotional-hygiene of avoiding like we try to keep-away from corona-virus]</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">15 Things to become aware about - when the argument is over and you are reflecting on [later these should become your natural-thinking habits - with months and years of practice</b></p><p>How to win arguments How to avoid arguments - Why and when you should avoid arguments and how to win all your arguments</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Arguments have their genesis in our EGO which gets formed because of our deep rooted emotional-insecurities. </b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">The more severe the insecurities - the stronger EGO that we may have.</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Arguing with anyone, anywhere, any time - is guaranteed losing proposition and that is why it is Pointless - because the benefit only has short-time gratification of our false self-image.</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Having discussions are the best way for the growth of everyone - but - unfortunately discussions are very-very rarely used in personal-relationships</b> or even among the corrupt political-religious class.</p><p>You have <b data-redactor-tag="b">heard the words - Arguments, disagreements, debates, discussions, quarrels, brain-storming, fighting, negotiating etc.</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Many of us use these words - interchangeably and as synonyms</b> - at times.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">But all of these have different meanings and context. </b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Any conversation or interaction can switch from arguments</b> into verbal-fight and may create conflict for generations to come.</p><p>Ugly Arguments and constant confrontations with your <b data-redactor-tag="b">partner with a view to teach-a-lesson or settle the score or giving back in the same coin -</b> will not only kill your relationship - it may also create irrecoverable mental-emotion-physical-social-financial-family distress and diseases.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Arguments can become highly toxic and harmful to the weak-parties</b> [if there are people who have authoritative-legal-political and radical-blind followers].</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">If you get caught even as a non-participant - religious-political-orthodox ideologies can wreak havoc on societies-countries-people - like it is currently happening and as a result there-of </b>- the innocent and the middle-class is being butchered in many ways - economically and otherwise.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Having healthy-mature confrontations through discussions is very-very healthy and intimacy-builder - if done with the goal of understanding the other's point of views</b>-perspective and their understanding of you PLUS to clarify and resolve conflict to make relationship great and better.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Because if all you get is stress in your relationship because instead of having open discussions you are only arguing and fighting - then you might be living in hell with a very pathetic quality of life </b>[especially if you happen to care-for and attached-with others deeply and genuinely AND your partner does not].</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Let us first understand - What is the difference between three major [often used] words as substitute for each other -"discussions", "debates" and "arguments". </b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">10 elements of Arguments - you can add other elements which I have missed </b></p> <ul><li>1.When you believe that you are right and the other person is wrong </li> <li>2.When your entire emotion-mental-physical focus happens to be ON proving that you are RIGHT and the other person is WRONG</li> <li>3.Argument is about your winning and defeating others through all means-tools-aids</li> <li>4.In Arguments everything gets taken personally - which fuels and may escalate into fights. </li> <li>5.You attack and hit below the belt in arguments. </li> <li>6.In arguments listening is negligible and more of telling-shouting-throwing tantrums and aggressive behaviors happens. </li> <li>7.Because there is very little listening and as a result there-of minimal or absolutely no understanding of other's views and others factors and facts. </li> <li>8.In arguments we pretend to listen BUT actually our mind is only focused finding a befitting reply.</li> <li>9.Arguments can turn nasty with no holds barred</li> <li>10. Arguments are generally rooted in EGO</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">8 elements of discussions - please add what is missing</b></p> <ul><li>1.When you do not have any hang-ups or fixations about what is being spoken. </li> <li>2.You are open to suggestions-opposing views-different perspectives-paradoxes. </li> <li>3.Discussion is about finding out what is RIGHT. </li> <li>4.In ideal discussions even through there are contradictory perspectives - they are accepted as being part of the life. </li> <li>5.In discussions some people may defuse the fire if it start getting into personalities. </li> <li>6.Discussions makes everyone learn </li> <li>7.In discussions almost everyone has high emotion-mental energy levels </li> <li>8.Discussions are to find what is the best and right.</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">6 elements of debate </b></p> <ul><li>1.Debate has at least two parties - who either speak in favor of or against a certain topic.</li> <li>2.Debates are generally a formal academic-professional-social exercise</li> <li>3.In debate - generally you are supposed to present your point-of-view</li> <li>4.Although in some debate - attacking the opponent's points to take place - but it generally does not turn nasty - because only one person at a time is presenting</li> <li>5.Debate can turn into personality-clashes and may acquire the qualities of argument when both the parties are into debate but are actually arguing and are stubbornly-believe that only their opinion is the TRUTH. </li> <li>6.In debates - it is normally understood that there are going to be conflicting views - therefore listening to diametrically-opposite opinions does not generate heat - unless emotionally immature participants start taking thing personally. </li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">6 Types of Fighting</b></p> <ul><li>1.Fighting for a cause</li> <li>2.Fighting with yourself</li> <li>3.Fighting with others</li> <li>4.Fighting for others</li> <li>5.Fighting to win </li> <li>6.Fighting to survive</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">5 Types of Conflict </b></p> <ul><li>1.Conflict of interest</li> <li>2.Conflict in values</li> <li>3.Conflict of personalities</li> <li>4.Internal Conflict</li> <li>5.Conflict due to misunderstanding and disagreements - and when these are not resolved in time and in effective manner may escalate to full-blown fights-breakups etc.</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Brain storming</b></p> <ul><li>1.In the ideal way of brain-storming the purpose is to proactively seek alternative views-perspectives-solutions and options BECAUSE the goal is to solve the problems through generating multiple radically-different possibilities and then choosing the most appropriate one. </li> <li>2.But you may often find this turning into criticism, brow-beating and un-empathic bulldozing and power-plays.</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Negotiations - are those - where each party needs something from the other [although either of the party may not feel the power they have on the other - in many cases].</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">12 Parts of Bad argument </b></p> <ul><li>1.You show a fundamental disrespect for your partner</li> <li>2.When you fight, you insist that you're right</li> <li>3.You're having the same argument again</li> <li>4.You argue over chores</li> <li>5.You fight about lifestyle choices</li> <li>6.You fight about money</li> <li>7.Your fights turn into personal criticism</li> <li>8.You argue about why you ever got together</li> <li>9.You fight about how you fight</li> <li>10. You fight about trust issues</li> <li>11. A heated argument over something little</li> <li>12. One person is calm, the other withdraws</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">14 reasons why arguments are harmful and the TRUTHs about winning-losing arguments</b></p> <ul><li>1.Because energies get wasted on proving something that has no value whatsoever</li> <li>2.Because we are not learning anything</li> <li>3.Because we don't want to find and face or know the truth. </li> <li>4.Because we fail to even consider the possibility that our opponent might be correct or that we could learn something from them.</li> <li>5.Sometimes we get into the arguments just to prove that we are smarter than them</li> <li>6.Sometimes we do this to get rid of boredom, to time-pass and to entertain ourselves </li> <li>7.Because we might be getting an ego-booster-dose of adrenaline we get from picking a fight </li> <li>8.No-one wins or gains anything - by winning an argument or </li> <li>9.By losing a valuable-relationship or by losing a customer [unless this customer more expensive to retain and does not add any value to you or to your organization].</li> <li>10. In fact many times when you have won and argument - the loser turns into a passive-aggressive enemy - especially if he/she/they - have to lick the dust in front of their supporters.</li> <li>11. Arguments-quarrel-disagreements-conflicts-fights - more often than not - kills those relationships - which were or could have become supportive-ones.</li> <li>12. When we get sucked into an argument it is often because someone pressed your triggers to draw into wasteful altercation - instead of focusing on meaningful discussions</li> <li>13. Most of the tie during arguments - facts-rationale-logic-truth LOSES big time </li> <li>14. Bad arguments are harmful to everyone involved in a debate. They don't get us anywhere because we're not tackling an opponent's actual viewpoint</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">11 Things which puts us into I-am-right Egoist mind-frame of arguing</b> - find out which one applies to you [please add all these I missed in this] - because all of us have a goal that we want to achieve through winning arguments - which could be conscious- cold blooded planned or subconscious one</p> <ul><li>1.To prove you are right - many times especially when you know that you are wrong and other is right</li> <li>2.To show that you are the person - your partner listens and accepts your point of view - whatever that is</li> <li>3.You want to punish your partner - for they did in the past</li> <li>4.You want to create one-upmanship [or one upwomanship]</li> <li>5.You want to coerce your partner into submission</li> <li>6.You feel inferior to your partner in anything - that is why your urge of showing who is the master[or mistress in the game]</li> <li>7.Your EGO is making you totally blind to the facts - your perspectives have become THE TRUTHS</li> <li>8.You are taking out your frustrations of your life - on your partner</li> <li>9.You want to teach them a lesson</li> <li>10. You want to justify - your actions-mistakes or any such thing</li> <li>11. Or because your partner won the last time - you need to win at any cost now</li> <li>12. Because that person hurt-insult-belittled-embarrassed you - now you are using this to get even</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">45+ ways on How to win argument EVERYTIME - by learning to practice emotional-hygiene of avoiding like we try to keep-away from corona-virus]</b></p> <ul><li>1.Stop getting sucked or drawn into arguments of any nature</li> <li>2.Find your triggers that makes you get into emotional-insecurities - to make defensive to make you start proving you are right AND the others are wrong</li> <li>3.Avoid the people who are masters in dragging you in arguments - if someone tries to draw you into an argument -learn to ignore the bait by trying to force your EGO</li> <li>4.Change the subject or politely let the person know you don't want to engage in a discussion about it</li> <li>5.Never ever go for arguments - ON RELIGIOUS - POLITICAL & Your-values - they have the tendency to create animosity -riots -mob mentality - lynching - murder etc.</li> <li>6.Avoid arguments with all your will-power and resolve</li> <li>7.Let others feel great</li> <li>8.Walk away from all arguments</li> <li>9.Don't go for gossiping and talking at the back</li> <li>10. Draw a boundary and tell others - that this thing you don't do - as you can tell them that you never do discussion on say religious-political issues</li> <li>11. Stop arguing - the moment you become aware that you have become active partner in the ongoing argument</li> <li>12. In case you are unable to walk-away from argument - have a smile on your face - and say - yes yes yes or that you are right or that you accept whatever they are saying</li> <li>13. If you feel very strongly about something - take time to think before trying to express </li> <li>14. Resist the temptation to start an argument in the first place</li> <li>15. If you are already in the middle of an argument and realize it's going nowhere - then tell that you need to start understanding their views thoroughly - start asking questions - open ended questions - for which they have to think deeply - ask more questions to make them talk </li> <li>16. Never ask questions to prove them wrong BUT to make them focused on talking and explaining and to make them open-up</li> <li>17. Then listen AND you yourself keep yourself busy in nodding your head with smile</li> <li>18. Also keep using the current version of Morse-code words - Hmmm, Oh, Haa etc. </li> <li>19. Never respond with anything that has more than 4-5 words - which neither gives them the fuel to reenergize nor it shows that you are actually ignoring them</li> <li>20. While asking questions - if you are good - ask some service-road questions to take their mind away from their upsetting-mindset to something less threatening to them</li> <li>21. If possible get them shift to something which they find positively passionate and different from the topic of arguments</li> <li>22. After some time just say that - thanks for sharing and then walk away</li> <li>23. But never never never let anyone bully you</li> <li>24. If you must argue - identify what are your goals and intentions and do this strategically - by accepting that you are wrong and losing sometime and confusing some and playing dumb sometime</li> <li>25. Being flexible - to admit if you are wrong and accepting your mistake</li> <li>26. When others are not listening or have acquire a position of no-budging - then it is pointless to make them understand - walking away could be the smartest strategy</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">27. </b>Things to do To persuade powerfully - it is very important that we convert bad-arguments and get into useful debate - <b data-redactor-tag="b">When the stakes are high and you can't walk away from discussions - like if you are - </b></li> <li>I.Presenting your suggestions to a board</li> <li>II.Attending job-interview</li> <li>III.Pitching for investors</li> <li>IV.Competing for a contract</li> <li>V.Seeking support of an influential person or group with different ideology</li> <li>28. Constantly paraphrasing and summarizing - other people's statements - in brief to acknowledge as well as to show our understanding </li> <li>29. Every time you summarize - seek their validation and correction - that this is what they said </li> <li>30. This is a very powerful methods - as their EGO gets tremendous boost when they are hearing from your mouth what they have said in BETTER words</li> <li>31. Take a small part of their position and with their concurrence make it sound as if it represent larger position - even though it is not </li> <li>32. Use the method of oversimplifying and highlighting - to prevent them attacking you</li> <li>33. Using the tactic of over-exaggerating something less to the point of absurdity - so that they won't oppose when you refute this point</li> <li>34. You should attempt to re-express your target's position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, "Thanks, I wish I'd thought of putting it that way."</li> <li>35. Put emphasis on all the points of agreement - that is not of that major focus of your opponents</li> <li>36. Acknowledge and appreciate anything that you have learned from your target.</li> <li>37. Instead of argument producing - BUT - learn to use AND to combine with a minor agreement and clubbing it with your important point PLUS then seek their acceptance</li> <li>38. Sometimes it is better to point the bad-argument part and Explain what why it isn't helpful</li> <li>39. If this doesn't work, you can continue to repeat your original point and make no attempt to defend the bad argument. </li> <li>40. Should your opponent prove unwilling to recognize their use of a bad argument (and you're 100% certain that's what they're doing- walkway</li> <li>41. Take time-out - as at times it is a good idea to just walk away from the situation till the initial agitation has cooled substantially</li> <li>42. Use 'I' phrases, not 'you' phrases</li> <li>43. Have very few non-negotiable major needs - on which you won't or can't compromise</li> <li>44. Let go of things those are negotiable</li> <li>45. If it is possible - announce a new rule - that puts a spike - if the other person is not ready to listen</li> <li>46. Use these statements to delay - Let me think about that, let me see if I can understand that, I understand from where you are coming from [here you can use BUT]</li> <li>47. <b data-redactor-tag="b">Following tactics are not very effective to deal with arguments</b> - so try not to use them</li> <li>I.Speaking loudly - shouting</li> <li>II.Showing evidence and proof why you are right</li> <li>III.Speaking with a tone of urgency</li> <li>IV.Refusing to let minor non-essential let-go</li> <li>V.Throwing tantrums</li> <li>VI.Pleading while arguing</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">15 Things to become aware about - when the argument is over and you are reflecting on [later these should become your natural-thinking habits - with months and years of practice</b></p> <ul><li>1.What were your body reacting and your body's sensations - like shallow-breathing, breathlessness, high-palpitations, racing-heart, feeling the neck and brain muscles tightening, stomach muscles are taut or might be feeling irritating-bowel symptoms.</li> <li>2.What emotions and feelings you had - were you on the verge of losing your self-control or calm OR your partner was about to [ did you take a walk separately, went away and did something that made you focus on that activity with more concentration</li> <li>3.How was your breathing - was is shallow-fast or erratic [ the solution is at that time - consciously breath in and out fast - then after taking a deep-full breath hold it for as long as you can - till you can come back to normal natural breathing]</li> <li>4.Check objectively - if you were only focusing on identifying the weakness in their logic and were focused on planning a more powerful counter-arguments</li> <li>5.Were you feeling strung - because what they said was the truth and that made you feel ashamed </li> <li>6.Did you take a remark of general nature as an personal affront and insult and that is why you became so agitated [because it might not be what they said BUT how you took it]</li> <li>7.Did you try to understand why they are so attached with their position - could there be any merit</li> <li>8.Can you be the person who has wronged and not your partner - in hindsight try to identify</li> <li>9.Could it be that - because you were not aware about the topic - and to hide your ignorance you took this stance </li> <li>10. Do you think NOW that the points made by the other party had merit - can you change your mind after accepting what is better NOW</li> <li>11. Now that you know - your partner was right - would you go apologize AND in future arguments - you would be a better listener</li> <li>12. Were you just pretending to listen but internally actually creating battle-plans </li> <li>13. Supposing you won the arguments - what are the real gains can you identify and list - all long-term ones [feeling great by defeating does not fall under this real-win definition]</li> <li>14. What are the impact of whoever won this argument on the relationship-bonding-understanding - list all</li> <li>15. Overall - why your winning was such a great feat AND what are your losses after you won this argument in such a fabulous way</li></ul><div><br></div><p>#whyweargue, #whyargumentsarebad, #howtowinarguments, #howtoavoidarguments #differencebetweendiscussionsdebate&arguments, #whyyouloseafterwinningargument, #whatisbadarguments</p>