How to win arguments always by avoiding arguments

In this article you will learn the following

- 10 elements of Argument, 6 elements of debate, 8 elements of discussions,

-12 parts of Bad argument

-14 reasons why arguments are harmful and the TRUTHs about winning-losing arguments

-11 Things which puts us into I-am-right Egoist mind-frame of arguing

-45+ ways on How to win argument EVERYTIME - by learning to practice emotional-hygiene of avoiding like we try to keep-away from corona-virus]

-15 Things to become aware about - when the argument is over and you are reflecting on [later these should become your natural-thinking habits - with months and years of practice

How to win arguments How to avoid arguments - Why and when you should avoid arguments and how to win all your arguments

Arguments have their genesis in our EGO which gets formed because of our deep rooted emotional-insecurities.

The more severe the insecurities - the stronger EGO that we may have.

Arguing with anyone, anywhere, any time - is guaranteed losing proposition and that is why it is Pointless - because the benefit only has short-time gratification of our false self-image.

Having discussions are the best way for the growth of everyone - but - unfortunately discussions are very-very rarely used in personal-relationships or even among the corrupt political-religious class.

You have heard the words - Arguments, disagreements, debates, discussions, quarrels, brain-storming, fighting, negotiating etc.

Many of us use these words - interchangeably and as synonyms - at times.

But all of these have different meanings and context.

Any conversation or interaction can switch from arguments into verbal-fight and may create conflict for generations to come.

Ugly Arguments and constant confrontations with your partner with a view to teach-a-lesson or settle the score or giving back in the same coin - will not only kill your relationship - it may also create irrecoverable mental-emotion-physical-social-financial-family distress and diseases.

Arguments can become highly toxic and harmful to the weak-parties [if there are people who have authoritative-legal-political and radical-blind followers].

If you get caught even as a non-participant - religious-political-orthodox ideologies can wreak havoc on societies-countries-people - like it is currently happening and as a result there-of - the innocent and the middle-class is being butchered in many ways - economically and otherwise.

Having healthy-mature confrontations through discussions is very-very healthy and intimacy-builder - if done with the goal of understanding the other's point of views-perspective and their understanding of you PLUS to clarify and resolve conflict to make relationship great and better.

Because if all you get is stress in your relationship because instead of having open discussions you are only arguing and fighting - then you might be living in hell with a very pathetic quality of life [especially if you happen to care-for and attached-with others deeply and genuinely AND your partner does not].

Let us first understand - What is the difference between three major [often used] words as substitute for each other -"discussions", "debates" and "arguments".

10 elements of Arguments - you can add other elements which I have missed

• 1.When you believe that you are right and the other person is wrong
• 2.When your entire emotion-mental-physical focus happens to be ON proving that you are RIGHT and the other person is WRONG
• 3.Argument is about your winning and defeating others through all means-tools-aids
• 4.In Arguments everything gets taken personally - which fuels and may escalate into fights.
• 5.You attack and hit below the belt in arguments.
• 6.In arguments listening is negligible and more of telling-shouting-throwing tantrums and aggressive behaviors happens.
• 7.Because there is very little listening and as a result there-of minimal or absolutely no understanding of other's views and others factors and facts.
• 8.In arguments we pretend to listen BUT actually our mind is only focused finding a befitting reply.
• 9.Arguments can turn nasty with no holds barred
• 10. Arguments are generally rooted in EGO

8 elements of discussions - please add what is missing

• 1.When you do not have any hang-ups or fixations about what is being spoken.
• 2.You are open to suggestions-opposing views-different perspectives-paradoxes.
• 3.Discussion is about finding out what is RIGHT.
• 4.In ideal discussions even through there are contradictory perspectives - they are accepted as being part of the life.
• 5.In discussions some people may defuse the fire if it start getting into personalities.
• 6.Discussions makes everyone learn
• 7.In discussions almost everyone has high emotion-mental energy levels
• 8.Discussions are to find what is the best and right.

6 elements of debate

• 1.Debate has at least two parties - who either speak in favor of or against a certain topic.
• 2.Debates are generally a formal academic-professional-social exercise
• 3.In debate - generally you are supposed to present your point-of-view
• 4.Although in some debate - attacking the opponent's points to take place - but it generally does not turn nasty - because only one person at a time is presenting
• 5.Debate can turn into personality-clashes and may acquire the qualities of argument when both the parties are into debate but are actually arguing and are stubbornly-believe that only their opinion is the TRUTH.
• 6.In debates - it is normally understood that there are going to be conflicting views - therefore listening to diametrically-opposite opinions does not generate heat - unless emotionally immature participants start taking thing personally.

6 Types of Fighting

• 1.Fighting for a cause
• 2.Fighting with yourself
• 3.Fighting with others
• 4.Fighting for others
• 5.Fighting to win
• 6.Fighting to survive

5 Types of Conflict

• 1.Conflict of interest
• 2.Conflict in values
• 3.Conflict of personalities
• 4.Internal Conflict
• 5.Conflict due to misunderstanding and disagreements - and when these are not resolved in time and in effective manner may escalate to full-blown fights-breakups etc.

Brain storming

• 1.In the ideal way of brain-storming the purpose is to proactively seek alternative views-perspectives-solutions and options BECAUSE the goal is to solve the problems through generating multiple radically-different possibilities and then choosing the most appropriate one.
• 2.But you may often find this turning into criticism, brow-beating and un-empathic bulldozing and power-plays.

Negotiations - are those - where each party needs something from the other [although either of the party may not feel the power they have on the other - in many cases].

12 Parts of Bad argument

• 1.You show a fundamental disrespect for your partner
• 2.When you fight, you insist that you're right
• 3.You're having the same argument again
• 4.You argue over chores
• 5.You fight about lifestyle choices
• 6.You fight about money
• 7.Your fights turn into personal criticism
• 8.You argue about why you ever got together
• 9.You fight about how you fight
• 10. You fight about trust issues
• 11. A heated argument over something little
• 12. One person is calm, the other withdraws

14 reasons why arguments are harmful and the TRUTHs about winning-losing arguments

• 1.Because energies get wasted on proving something that has no value whatsoever
• 2.Because we are not learning anything
• 3.Because we don't want to find and face or know the truth.
• 4.Because we fail to even consider the possibility that our opponent might be correct or that we could learn something from them.
• 5.Sometimes we get into the arguments just to prove that we are smarter than them
• 6.Sometimes we do this to get rid of boredom, to time-pass and to entertain ourselves
• 7.Because we might be getting an ego-booster-dose of adrenaline we get from picking a fight
• 8.No-one wins or gains anything - by winning an argument or
• 9.By losing a valuable-relationship or by losing a customer [unless this customer more expensive to retain and does not add any value to you or to your organization].
• 10. In fact many times when you have won and argument - the loser turns into a passive-aggressive enemy - especially if he/she/they - have to lick the dust in front of their supporters.
• 11. Arguments-quarrel-disagreements-conflicts-fights - more often than not - kills those relationships - which were or could have become supportive-ones.
• 12. When we get sucked into an argument it is often because someone pressed your triggers to draw into wasteful altercation - instead of focusing on meaningful discussions
• 13. Most of the tie during arguments - facts-rationale-logic-truth LOSES big time
• 14. Bad arguments are harmful to everyone involved in a debate. They don't get us anywhere because we're not tackling an opponent's actual viewpoint

11 Things which puts us into I-am-right Egoist mind-frame of arguing - find out which one applies to you [please add all these I missed in this] - because all of us have a goal that we want to achieve through winning arguments - which could be conscious- cold blooded planned or subconscious one

• 1.To prove you are right - many times especially when you know that you are wrong and other is right
• 2.To show that you are the person - your partner listens and accepts your point of view - whatever that is
• 3.You want to punish your partner - for they did in the past
• 4.You want to create one-upmanship [or one upwomanship]
• 5.You want to coerce your partner into submission
• 6.You feel inferior to your partner in anything - that is why your urge of showing who is the master[or mistress in the game]
• 7.Your EGO is making you totally blind to the facts - your perspectives have become THE TRUTHS
• 8.You are taking out your frustrations of your life - on your partner
• 9.You want to teach them a lesson
• 10. You want to justify - your actions-mistakes or any such thing
• 11. Or because your partner won the last time - you need to win at any cost now
• 12. Because that person hurt-insult-belittled-embarrassed you - now you are using this to get even

45+ ways on How to win argument EVERYTIME - by learning to practice emotional-hygiene of avoiding like we try to keep-away from corona-virus]

• 1.Stop getting sucked or drawn into arguments of any nature
• 2.Find your triggers that makes you get into emotional-insecurities - to make defensive to make you start proving you are right AND the others are wrong
• 3.Avoid the people who are masters in dragging you in arguments - if someone tries to draw you into an argument -learn to ignore the bait by trying to force your EGO
• 4.Change the subject or politely let the person know you don't want to engage in a discussion about it
• 5.Never ever go for arguments - ON RELIGIOUS - POLITICAL & Your-values - they have the tendency to create animosity -riots -mob mentality - lynching - murder etc.
• 6.Avoid arguments with all your will-power and resolve
• 7.Let others feel great
• 8.Walk away from all arguments
• 9.Don't go for gossiping and talking at the back
• 10. Draw a boundary and tell others - that this thing you don't do - as you can tell them that you never do discussion on say religious-political issues
• 11. Stop arguing - the moment you become aware that you have become active partner in the ongoing argument
• 12. In case you are unable to walk-away from argument - have a smile on your face - and say - yes yes yes or that you are right or that you accept whatever they are saying
• 13. If you feel very strongly about something - take time to think before trying to express
• 14. Resist the temptation to start an argument in the first place
• 15. If you are already in the middle of an argument and realize it's going nowhere - then tell that you need to start understanding their views thoroughly - start asking questions - open ended questions - for which they have to think deeply - ask more questions to make them talk
• 16. Never ask questions to prove them wrong BUT to make them focused on talking and explaining and to make them open-up
• 17. Then listen AND you yourself keep yourself busy in nodding your head with smile
• 18. Also keep using the current version of Morse-code words - Hmmm, Oh, Haa etc.
• 19. Never respond with anything that has more than 4-5 words - which neither gives them the fuel to reenergize nor it shows that you are actually ignoring them
• 20. While asking questions - if you are good - ask some service-road questions to take their mind away from their upsetting-mindset to something less threatening to them
• 21. If possible get them shift to something which they find positively passionate and different from the topic of arguments
• 22. After some time just say that - thanks for sharing and then walk away
• 23. But never never never let anyone bully you
• 24. If you must argue - identify what are your goals and intentions and do this strategically - by accepting that you are wrong and losing sometime and confusing some and playing dumb sometime
• 25. Being flexible - to admit if you are wrong and accepting your mistake
• 26. When others are not listening or have acquire a position of no-budging - then it is pointless to make them understand - walking away could be the smartest strategy
• 27. Things to do To persuade powerfully - it is very important that we convert bad-arguments and get into useful debate - When the stakes are high and you can't walk away from discussions - like if you are -
• I.Presenting your suggestions to a board
• II.Attending job-interview
• III.Pitching for investors
• IV.Competing for a contract
• V.Seeking support of an influential person or group with different ideology
• 28. Constantly paraphrasing and summarizing - other people's statements - in brief to acknowledge as well as to show our understanding
• 29. Every time you summarize - seek their validation and correction - that this is what they said
• 30. This is a very powerful methods - as their EGO gets tremendous boost when they are hearing from your mouth what they have said in BETTER words
• 31. Take a small part of their position and with their concurrence make it sound as if it represent larger position - even though it is not
• 32. Use the method of oversimplifying and highlighting - to prevent them attacking you
• 33. Using the tactic of over-exaggerating something less to the point of absurdity - so that they won't oppose when you refute this point
• 34. You should attempt to re-express your target's position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, "Thanks, I wish I'd thought of putting it that way."
• 35. Put emphasis on all the points of agreement - that is not of that major focus of your opponents
• 36. Acknowledge and appreciate anything that you have learned from your target.
• 37. Instead of argument producing - BUT - learn to use AND to combine with a minor agreement and clubbing it with your important point PLUS then seek their acceptance
• 38. Sometimes it is better to point the bad-argument part and Explain what why it isn't helpful
• 39. If this doesn't work, you can continue to repeat your original point and make no attempt to defend the bad argument.
• 40. Should your opponent prove unwilling to recognize their use of a bad argument (and you're 100% certain that's what they're doing- walkway
• 41. Take time-out - as at times it is a good idea to just walk away from the situation till the initial agitation has cooled substantially
• 42. Use 'I' phrases, not 'you' phrases
• 43. Have very few non-negotiable major needs - on which you won't or can't compromise
• 44. Let go of things those are negotiable
• 45. If it is possible - announce a new rule - that puts a spike - if the other person is not ready to listen
• 46. Use these statements to delay - Let me think about that, let me see if I can understand that, I understand from where you are coming from [here you can use BUT]
• 47. Following tactics are not very effective to deal with arguments - so try not to use them
• I.Speaking loudly - shouting
• II.Showing evidence and proof why you are right
• III.Speaking with a tone of urgency
• IV.Refusing to let minor non-essential let-go
• V.Throwing tantrums
• VI.Pleading while arguing

15 Things to become aware about - when the argument is over and you are reflecting on [later these should become your natural-thinking habits - with months and years of practice

• 1.What were your body reacting and your body's sensations - like shallow-breathing, breathlessness, high-palpitations, racing-heart, feeling the neck and brain muscles tightening, stomach muscles are taut or might be feeling irritating-bowel symptoms.
• 2.What emotions and feelings you had - were you on the verge of losing your self-control or calm OR your partner was about to [ did you take a walk separately, went away and did something that made you focus on that activity with more concentration
• 3.How was your breathing - was is shallow-fast or erratic [ the solution is at that time - consciously breath in and out fast - then after taking a deep-full breath hold it for as long as you can - till you can come back to normal natural breathing]
• 4.Check objectively - if you were only focusing on identifying the weakness in their logic and were focused on planning a more powerful counter-arguments
• 5.Were you feeling strung - because what they said was the truth and that made you feel ashamed
• 6.Did you take a remark of general nature as an personal affront and insult and that is why you became so agitated [because it might not be what they said BUT how you took it]
• 7.Did you try to understand why they are so attached with their position - could there be any merit
• 8.Can you be the person who has wronged and not your partner - in hindsight try to identify
• 9.Could it be that - because you were not aware about the topic - and to hide your ignorance you took this stance
• 10. Do you think NOW that the points made by the other party had merit - can you change your mind after accepting what is better NOW
• 11. Now that you know - your partner was right - would you go apologize AND in future arguments - you would be a better listener
• 12. Were you just pretending to listen but internally actually creating battle-plans
• 13. Supposing you won the arguments - what are the real gains can you identify and list - all long-term ones [feeling great by defeating does not fall under this real-win definition]
• 14. What are the impact of whoever won this argument on the relationship-bonding-understanding - list all
• 15. Overall - why your winning was such a great feat AND what are your losses after you won this argument in such a fabulous way

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