How to stop your shyness make your life miserable

In this article you will learn the following

-19 ill-effects and negative-impacts as well as pains-hurts-disappointments I suffered because of my shyness - many shy-people may identify with few of these

15 Signs to check whether you have social anxiety disorder - ask and check if these applies to you - often

-12 types of shyness - which has the various degree from being shy to having social-phobia or SAD or to a megalomaniac-fake]

-About SAD or social-anxiety-disorder - signs and symptoms

-60 Tips to overcome your shyness

-14 questions to identify your triggers - the situations and people which triggers different degrees of shyness - some examples to make you get started with your own list

How to overcome your shyness when it is making your life miserable - How to use the advantages of being shy and manage negatives - How to stop your shyness ruining your life

How to overcome your shyness and manage social anxiety disorder. 

Many people in the world suffer from mild to extreme shyness and are struggling not knowing how to overcome it.

Those who are not shy - cannot empathize-with - how debilitating extreme form of shyness can be.

I have lived my most of the life - as an-introvert, highly-shy and submissive person - still because of my nature I get into that state in non-threatening, irrelevant and insignificant situations.

I also have come across - many people who are recognized globally - for their accomplishments and the impact and positive differences they created in the world - few of them were highly-shy - humble - polite and unassuming.

From these people - I learned that being shy and introvert is - no reason - to not to have success and happiness and quality of life that you desire.

If your shyness has become debilitating and impacting your emotional-social-mental-physical-professional-relationships-famliy life - then you need to learn how to overcome or manage this nature of yours.

To overcome shyness - you will need to understand your triggers - like which situations-specific people - other's expectations from you - makes you feel shy.

In this article - I have given simple-practical-basic action steps - which you need to customize as per what works for you - through learn and applying the most effective strategies for overcoming your shyness & your social anxiety issues.

Even if you are not shy - this article can propel your growth and improve your quality of life exponentially better.

In many places - I have used - the clichés like - practice and become assertive or learn how to be confident [for all these - I have more than 350+ blogs in my two websites as well as 250+ videos of YouTube (all this contains Do it yourself techniques for each one of them in detail)].

You may feel overwhelmed with all these action-plans - they do look too-huge and too-many to be able to manage and remember.

Understand that many of the actions are common [for most elements of the shyness] - and required such small fine-tuning that once you start applying they will become part of your nature.

But please-please-please understand that - this will not happen magically and overnight.

You will have to put consistent-persistent-focused-motivated efforts - for long [depending on your levels on insecurity and shyness] - even though you may find you are unable to experience the changes and the results.

19 ill-effects and negative-impacts as well as pains-hurts-disappointments I suffered because of my shyness - many shy-people may identify with few of these

• 1.I lost opportunities of learning big-time - because of the fear how stupid I would look
• 2.Because I was shy-introvert-submissive - I could not ask tough questions of myself and from others - in many situations to convert them to opportunities
• 3.I did not challenge experts and authority figures and was in awe of everyone who had one skill that I wanted to have - although in many areas I was better - and I also realized that my doubts were solid and that the experts in that particular situation had skewed perspectives
• 4.I could not share my ideas and solutions in large brainstorming seasons which had so-called global-experts - which could have impacted the organization's future big-time [and these did create big difference later when I applied these] - this also stunted my professional rise.
• 5.I did not express my true feelings of care-love-appreciation in right-time - with my most-loved ones.
• 6.Although I appreciated other's for even the most insignificant deeds.
• 7.I could not claim my rights - although no one would have refused
• 8.I could not ask for help - when I was struggling and suffering
• 9.I kept bothering about what others are thinking about me
• 10. I Did not ask penetratingly questions in the meetings where people in powerful-positions were present and neither did I could challenge some of their illogical and irrational ideas
• 11. I accepted bad and shabby service without protest [especially at the places good-service is taken as natural].
• 12. I did not negotiate and lost big-time
• 13. I had big difficulty in asking for remunerations for my services - which were substantial - and others did not give
• 14. I always undersold myself
• 15. I kept helping people who least deserved and also those who were using me and taking advantage of me.
• 16. I compromised on my rights and needs and ALSO the rights and needs of my most-loved ones.
• 17. I wanted to be perfect - so I kept on acquiring knowledge - but did not apply these or use them for my advantage.
• 18. Because I did not express my feelings with my loved-ones - the quality of relationship and the understanding even with my most loved ones was not very strong
• 19. This impacted my growth and also stunted my levels of success, happiness, accomplishments etc.

Extreme shyness can interfere and diminish not only your self-confidence and self-esteem but also can prevent you from taking advantage of opportunities, experimenting with or trying new things.

Now let us spend little time understanding - the terms - social-anxiety-disorder or social-phobia.

Although social-anxiety-disorder and shyness have few similar signs and symptoms - SAD or social anxiety disorder is a debilitating condition - whereas shyness up-to a level is manageable.

In its extreme unhealthy form people with social anxiety disorder start avoiding - even the most essential tasks - because of their having a very strong terror of being watched and judged by others.

A person with social anxiety disorder may avoid eating, drinking, or writing in public because of a fear of being embarrassed by having others see their hands-shaking - and as result they may spill food or do something that attracts attention which they were trying to avoid.

Social anxiety disorder often disrupts day-to-day life in a way that shyness doesn't.

12 types of shyness - which has the various degree from being shy to having social-phobia or SAD or to a megalomaniac-fake]

• 1.Complete recluse
• 2.Total asocial
• 3.Totally uncomfortable with self
• 4.Shy within their own family and known person
• 5.Shy with the people of opposite gender
• 6.Shy with strangers
• 7.Shy with people of power and authority
• 8.Shy when in the company of people who are SMARTER, more qualified, better experienced and have knowledge and expertise that makes them iconic
• 9.Comfortable with self - Comfortable with people
• 10. Having contagious confidence levels - people who are emotionally-secured
• 11. Being Overconfident - without any solid base
• 12. People with complete FAKE-persona and tyrant-dictator-despotic-autocrat [this interestingly also results from a different type of anti-social disorder]

Shyness of the type like given in the points 5, 6 & 8 being shy with strangers and opposite-genders AND being shy with people SMARTER, more qualified, better experienced etc. are manageable.

Rest of them have psychological and genetic causes - some treatable [these would need treatment from expert-professionals] and some are part of your core and hence difficult to get rid of ALTHOUGH few of them are manageable.

Unless you have an extreme-unhealthy-state of social-anxiety-disorder or phobia [this means you are anywhere points 1 to 4

People who are Sociopaths or psychopaths point 12 - not only manage to hide their emotional-insecurities, fears and anxieties through superficial ways BUT also create havoc on the people - who look-up to them or depend on them.

15 Signs to check whether you have social anxiety disorder - ask and check if these applies to you - often

• 1.Do you pay excessive attention to avoid humiliating or embarrassing yourself in public
• 2.Do you feel terrorized in certain social situations
• 3.Do you go out of your way to avoid social situations
• 4.Are you always creating meaning from even the expressions or the way they looked at you or did not pay attention to you and go bonkers thinking about
• 5.Does your social-anxiety is impacting your day-to-day functioning like - professional-interactions, work, relationships or even your interests and hobbies
• 6.Do you use any medications or substances - to feel good or confident or powerful
• 7.It fill you with sheer fright - with meeting and introducing yourself and strangers
• 8.Public-speaking or giving presentations - so much so that - you go overboard to avoid if you can
• 9.Talking with authority figures makes you feel like treating them like GOD and do anything to please them PLUS makes you very scared of them OR you just can't ask them of any favors - even if your life depends on it
• 10. Expressing your feelings to a person you love or going on a date
• 11. Being in perpetual fear of being judged
• 12. Eating on table with people whom you considered very cultured - fills you with dread so much that you drop-spill-do many things to attract attention
• 13. Fear of being seen while doing - even those things that you are well proficient in
• 14. Being the lime-light gives you cardiac-arrest
• 15. You feel as if the sky has fallen - if someone even questions or criticizes you

60 Tips to overcome your shyness

• 1.Accept that you are shy
• 2.14 questions to identify your triggers - the situations and people which triggers different degrees of shyness - some examples to make you get started with your own list
• I.You get paralyzed into inaction with fear - even though your taking action is must for you and your loved-ones wellbeing and future
• II.Name using different emotions from emotional-wheel to list of all your jitters, anxieties, fears and worries.
• III.Unable to even open your mouth to talk-share
• IV.You have nice quip - but can't share as you are not sure that people may laugh or like your joke
• V.Scared to go out to places where you have interact with strangers
• VI.Avoid places where - you may be called to speak in front of gathering
• VII.Have knowledge-skills-solutions - YET - your shyness prevents you from sharing
• VIII.Share with others [these have to be your most trusted friends and well-wishers and not the fake-people in your circle] - about your being shy and uncomfortable
• IX.If you have to address a gathering and you are terrified - start with announcing - that you are scared sh*t to be talking - but the topic is close to your heart that - you are going to present anyhow - ask them to ignore your mistakes
• X.Make a list of all your positive-qualities, strengths, expertise, your USP, all that makes you stand-out and unique
• XI.List how you can add value to others - make a list of your past contributions
• XII.Create a list of all those situations - where you were shy but pulled it off nicely
• XIII.Choose only those people - who uplift you and those who are extroverts
• XIV.Create a list of situation-people - which raises your anxiety levels to a very disturbing unresourceful emotional-state in you
• 3.Avoid toxic-people and all those who pull you down till you get the right degree of comfort and confidence levels - to get rid of them completely
• 4.Work on your humor - to make any awkward and uncomfortable situation into a funny one - read jokes and try to apply them in safe-situations initially with acceptance that no one will understand the joke
• 5.Learn how you can handle the bullies and difficult people better - as you will face them regularly in your life
• 6.Spend time with responsive, warm, and encouraging people
• 7.Stop generalizing and magnifying - one negative or bad incident into reinforcing that you are weak
• 8.Stop spending a lot of time inside your own head - revisiting that incident again and again
• 9.Face your fear of being in spotlight - you have understand that in reality most people are involved in their own world and in their own problems and in their own insecurities to pay attention to you
• 10. Understand that your anxieties are not that visible to others - most of the time no one will notice anything wrong with you
• 11. Even if you say - drop something on dining-table - only becoming as if you have done a big irreversible mistake and you fear will make you do something to cover-up - will attract more attention
• 12. If this happens - just say my apologies and carry-on as if nothing big happened
• 13. Be genuine - stop putting up a front of boldness you don't actually feel can even leave you more anxious that everyone will see through you.
• 14. Identify the benefits of being hesitant and shyness - in certain situations - if you think through you may get better deals or ideas or solutions and results
• 15. Identify the situations you need to be bold
• 16. Face your fears by - because the more you avoid the more monstrous proportion your fears will acquire
• 17. The more you look-up your fears in its eyes - the more your fears move farther-away
• 18. Become curious about others - start asking questions to know them better and understand human
• 19. If you are making yourself crazy thinking that your shyness has ruined an entire event - try to look objectively - you may find that it was not a big deal to anyone -one bad moment doesn't mean a bad day
• 20. Learn to shut-down your overactive imagination and overthinking - which puts you in a spiral of fearful and melancholic and negative emotional-mental-physical state
• 21. Don't assume that - if you get rejected or your requests does not get approved - it is because no one likes you
• 22. If you are feeling scared - gather your all will-power and take one action that can push that fear further and then take another action
• 23. Now using your past fears and mistakes as in hindsight - develop a plan on which actions you can take which will either eliminate your fears and anxieties or make you better in handling them
• 24. Use your shyness to develop listening skills into your one of the strongest strengths
• 25. Learn to listen to understand the words and in-between the lines - then verify your hunches
• 26. Shift your focus learning to ask open-ended questions - at least in the initial phases of any conversations - till you get to the level of being comfortable in talking with your audience
• 27. When you are feeling shy talking with someone - ask questions about their likes, their life and even what they are wearing - be genuinely interested in learning
• 28. Choose to go to different types of networking events and social events - where no one know you - go with a goal of introducing yourself with at least say 2-3-4 people
• 29. Create a one sentence interesting line - to say something that - sums up your qualities and what you do and why you want to get to know them [make it intriguing-enough - so that at least 1 out 10 people ask you back] - like - I am Subhashis and I help others being happy
• 30. Accept people rejecting you - it is perfectly normal
• 31. Accept people criticizing you - this is also part of our everyday
• 32. Learn to feel awkward - then learn to seek out opportunities to do which makes you feel very awkward
• 33. Accept people not liking you - everyone should not like us - this is actually good [about not everyone liking you - because if this happens something is terribly wrong and you are surrounded by fake-opportunist people]
• 34. Choose to put yourself in situation - which are new or uncertain - by choice
• 35. Take and volunteer for bigger-responsibilities
• 36. Choose challenges which are beyond your current-capabilities and then learn and solve the problem
• 37. Learn to take risk - starting from very-very non-threatening actions with people you are most comfortable with - and then as you feel comfortable to attempt the difficult ones
• 38. Learn to become aware about the world in general and become expert in what is your strength
• 39. Overcoming shyness takes practice, time, patience, and courage, -Take slow, steady steps forward - you can overcome or manage your social phobia or extreme shyness
• 40. You have learn to be brutally candid and honest with yourself - identify and accept yourself with all your mistakes-failures-weaknesses AS WELL AS your positive-qualities and strengths
• 41. Reduce caffeine, smoking and alcohol
• 42. Minimize - unless prescribed by doctors - use of anti-depressants
• 43. Practice smiling to everyone - especially strangers or those who make you feel anxious
• 44. Learn to progressively relax and loosen your facial-neck-stomach muscles - even while sitting in a group or even while you are giving
• 45. Find a posture that makes you fill uplifted and confident
• 46. Practice power-walk and confident hand-shake
• 47. Look people in the eyes
• 48. Create scripts and practice these in privacy - for all the conversations and interactions - that tend to make you feel nervous
• 49. Learn to share your mistakes by turning them into jokes
• 50. Be a fun person to be around - without turning into office-clown
• 51. Challenge the rationality and truth about your worries-overthinking-stress-anxieties - test it with - how many of your feared [imagined] situation happens
• 52. Challenge your these 4 panic-triggering thinking habits
• 53. Mind reading – guessing that other people are thinking about you negatively
  Fortune telling – Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just "know" that things will go horribly, so you're already anxious before you're even in the situation.
• 54. Catastrophizing – Blowing things out of proportion. For example, if people notice that you're nervous, it will be "awful", "terrible", or "disastrous."
• 55. Personalizing – Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what's going on with other people has to do with you.
• 56. Learn to breath normally - from various for changing your agitated breathing to relaxed form of natural breathing can do wonders to calming your anxiety - just hold your breath for few second - slowly exhale and then inhale slowly and hold - follow 4-4-4-4 count formula for holding-exhaling-inhaling-holding. Do it for at least 6 times
• 57. Take a social skills class or an assertiveness training class. These classes are often offered at local adult education centers or community colleges.
• 58. Work on your communication skills. Good relationships depend on clear, emotionally-intelligent communication.
• 59. Make physical activity a priority
• 60. Get enough quality sleep – When you're sleep deprived, you're more vulnerable to anxiety.

Types of Social Phobia

• 1.Few people get into total mental-freeze with fear - with almost any type of social events where they are supposed to go - these people may have what is called a generalized social phobia.
• 2.Then there are people with less-scary and less anxiety-producing social-phobia of non-generalized form - as this gets triggered by few specific situations, events or happening.
• 3.People with performance social phobia - have strong anxiety at the idea of doing anything and being watched by others while they are working - and especially when they have to perform in front of camera-TV, on stage, in from of large or making presentations in front of high profile and powerful people,dining out or even using a public restroom
• 4.Then there are people who get extreme stressful states - when they have to meet, converse or otherwise engage and interact with strangers
• 5.You may also discover that a completely different social situation triggers your social anxiety.

Few Symptoms of social anxiety disorder or social-phobia - These two list very common fears people with social anxiety disorder experience - but is not comprehensive and exhaustive at all.

• 1.Physical social anxiety symptoms that you might notice - dizziness, nausea or fainting - taut muscles in neck-head-stomach, excessive-blushing, high heart palpitations, panting or shortness of breath, constant feeling of going to rest room, excessive-sweating, trembling
• 2.Emotional-mental-Psychological social anxiety symptoms - absolute terror before the event, stressed in social situation, brain-fog during conversations, panic-attacks, feeling all-alone even when among people, excessively fatigued after social event, low-self-esteem and as a result not making eye contact and not participating in conversation or asking anything

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