100+ Practical and Do-It-Yourself tips to gain control of your mind, emotions, thoughts ad life.
Do you sometimes find that situations and people are in control and driving your emotions, your feelings and even your mind.
OR do you frequently experience the feeling of not being in control of your life.
OR Do you get agitated very fast [this for me happens on a very regular basis – especially with the progressively deteriorating political, social, economic environment, in India currently – in fact I call it impotent-rage, because I can do so little that makes me mad].
Although if someone is constantly irritated, frustrated, angry with themselves as well as others – it could be signs of deeper psychological factors and issues - they may need expert professional help.
THE FACT – NO ONE and nothing CONTROLS OUR LIFE – only our own thoughts at any given time – determine what type of emotional-state we would be in, Resourceful and Empowering or Un-resourceful and Dis-empowering.
The shortest Advice – to control your mind – STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ANYTHING including your mind – instead use the 100+ tips given to really have the control.
Most of our regretful decisions and actions happens during our being in an unresourceful mental, emotional and physical state and when we are forced to take any action – without our being comfortable.
On the other hand, when we are in a resourceful state – we feel capable, confident, calm and comfortable.
In resourceful state - Our mind is clear and we are able to think-through and are able to see from widely different perspectives – which helps us make solid decisions, as we choose from the informed choices and alternatives.
Just see if you the following two types encounters every-day.
The First, your day seems to be spiraling out of your control and if someone asks you – how are you – many of us give the automated conditioned response – I am fine.
The Second, If someone ask us What is on your mind – few of us respond with the word – nothing. It is never true.
We have lots on our mind ALL THE TIME – but - Most of us, most of the time, are not consciously aware of what they are thinking about.
Yet the thoughts we have at any given moments [irrespective of it being conscious or sub-conscious] – almost always impacts our emotional-state.
Repeating again that ONLY our thoughts can put us either in a resourceful state making us feel happy, hopeful, blessed, proud, confident, planning on our next venture etc].
OR – they can put us in unresourceful state to make us depressed, angry, frustrated, lonely, disappointed, fearful, worried, sad, and doubtful, justifying, blaming/accusing etc etc.
THE SITUATIONS, EVENTS, PEOPLE only play the role of triggering the INITIAL FEELINGS – YET they are never the reason for all our reactions, responses and actions, impulses that happens later.
All our miseries happen when we go into the overthinking mode and replaying the events and situations through our mental filters – again and again.
Ways Our Thoughts Control our Lives
- 1.When we want to say no but end up saying yes.
- 2.When we feel inadequate on seeing someone's happy and success stories in the media and we start comparing their happiness with our presumed unhappiness [although you could really be going through a tough patch]
- 3.When we believe in popular folklore of some people being born with gifts of creativity, intelligence, charming skills
- 4.When we try to control others
- 5.When we identify ourselves with just 10% failures and ignore 90% success
- 6.When we put our energies, efforts and time in gaining approval, recognition and appreciation from others
- 7.When we are pursuing a life based on what others are doing
- 8.When our focus is on Means-Values*[the temporary giddy-things like power, position, material wealth etc] – instead of the End-Values*[like Happiness, Relationships etc]
How to Acquire a resourceful state of strong positive feelings and emotions – which are practical.
For this we need to Learn to change gear/disrupt our Thoughts – by becoming aware of what we ae thinking – and – then immediately changing our physical location and attention to create a forced change in emotions
This is very simple to say, and advise others or for preaching – but one of the most difficult things to master.
But master you certainly can – with consistent, focused and enough practice.
100+ Tips to master your thoughts and gain control of your life
[All the *marked ones have my separate blogs in success unlimited mantra – from the heart of Subhashis]
- 1.Schedule a quiet time to just be aware about what you are thinking – put in in your daily to-do list
- 2.It would take days to get into actually sitting as per your schedule of just sitting to identify what you are thinking
- 3.Initially just sit quietly – do nothing
- 4.When you have more or less manage to follow this schedule for at least 7 days continuously – then slowly introduce introspection and start asking yourself – what you are feeling at the moment
- 5.Once you kind of identify the category of your feelings - Then name the feeling
- 6.Once you have managed to identify and name your feelings and emotions – practice to disrupt yourself in the middle of your thoughts – irrespective of whether these thoughts are good, bad, ugly or useless
- 7.At various times throughout the day - Catch yourself thinking => what are you feeling, What are you thinking about - Why are you thinking about these – this will be very-very difficult especially when you are frustrated, upset, tired, or angry about something
- 8.Yet all of us need to understand and accept that - The angrier and more emotional we become, the dumber we tend to get.
- 9.Identify Your Negative Thoughts - Every feeling we have is the direct result of something we were thinking about – then work backwards to find what led you to this state – e.g., if you're feeling anxious or scared or angry or frustrated or hopeless, begin by stepping back for a minute, and asking yourself - Why do I feel anxious or scared or angry or frustrated or hopeless
- 10.Be totally honest with yourself – that is – even if you are feeling a emotion that makes you feel ashamed or guilty or embarrassed about yourself – identify that
- 11.Then go further - What about the situation or project that you are thinking about - is making you anxious or scared or angry or frustrated or hopeless – is it because you previously have a bad experience in a similar situation, Did fail miserably, or did you receive some toxic feedback from your boss - Identify the root cause behind your feelings
- 12.Understand that By default, the majority us have negatives ingrained in our conscious mind and it is like a video-clip - When a current situation reminds us of a previous situation we tend to replay this clip again and again - Even if we had five successes and one disappointment, it is the disappointment our minds will return to because most of us want to avoid pain more than we want to seek out pleasure
- 13.Then write it down as by Writing it down – now your wound is in the open and outside of your mind and you can distance yourself easily from the emotion that it is creating – this is one part of the NLP process of dissociation - Dissociating yourself from an event means to remove yourself from the first-person position in the memory.
- 14.If I were to ask you to think of a painful time in your past and to remember it as if it were happening, you would put yourself right back in that situation. It would stir up emotions and you would feel yourself becoming angry, bitter, frustrated, depressed, etc. That is referred to as associating – putting yourself inside of the event. By default, this is how our mental movies play – with us back in the position of pain.
- 15.Start With The Thoughts You Want To Think - Ask yourself, how would I like to be thinking right now? Do I want to be stressed and frustrated or at ease? Do I want to be worried about this or that, or feeling like it's under control?
- 16.Define The Habits of the person - You would like To Be
- 17.Tap Into Your Burning Desire – as the popular wisdom says that The hardest part is getting started – it is nothing but cocky bullsh*t – BECAUSE- The REAL hardest part is staying committed[don't believe me – just check how many start their Birthdays and the New Year with a resolution, then after few days it vanishes]
- 18.Learn to channel your anger appropriately*
- 19.Be clear about your priorities* - Say no to low-priorities – if possible eliminate them
- 20. Identify where you are stuck in your life – then find solutions and Take actions to get unstuck by consciously pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. Action is the only remedy for fear.
- 21.Identify your biggest strengths and ensure that you use these everywhere
- 22. Make yourself accountable*
- 23. Develop a love for learning* - Become a research-scholar in your chosen career and life
- 24. Always go for the big picture and make short-term sacrifices to achieve your long-term passions*
- 25. Set deadlines* and take small action steps to achieve them
- 26. Visualize* by beginning with the end in mind – your succeeding in your goals
- 27.Be absolutely clear in what you would be doing every-day for moving towards your goals - Plan your day the day before and plan your week the week before.
- 28. Take calculated risks* - you can never succeed if you are not in the game
- 29. Be clear about your values* and make decisions, choices and actions based on these
- 30. Be prepared and ready
- 31.Stop living life as things happen to you - instead start living by taking actions to make your dreams come true
- 32. Understand this – We do live in a complicated world filled with VUCA - still there are things we can do to take control of our life
- 33. Understand those things that are beyond your control - examples
- I.What anyone around you does, thinks and feels
- II.The economy
- III.The weather, including natural disasters.
- IV.World events,
- V.What politicians do.
- VI.The traffic
- VII.The stock market
- IX.Other person's support to you
- 34. Practice Pro-active Prevention Actions - of handling objections later - to reduce uncertainty. Few examples -
- I.You don't want to get sick, so you eat healthy meals most of the time, and get regular exercise. This doesn't guarantee that you won't get sick, but it does reduce your risk of contracting certain diseases.
- II.You don't want your car to break down in the middle of the road, so you take it in for regular tune ups. This doesn't guarantee that your car won't break down in the middle of the road, but it does lessen the probability that this will happen.
- III.You don't want a thief to break into your house, so you put bars on your windows. This doesn't provide 100% assurance that a thief won't break into your house, but it is a hindrance that makes it less likely that your house will be robbed.
- IV.If you don't want to get lung cancer, don't smoke.
- V.If you don't want to be in a car accident, don't speed, and don't talk on your phone while driving.
- VI.If you don't want to get mugged, don't walk alone at night in the bad part of town.
- VII.You can take control of your life by thinking of the things that you don't want to happen, and then acting in a way that makes it less likely that those things will happen
- 35. Be Prepared for the Unexpected* and the worst
- 36. Take out health, accident and household insurance
- 37.Leave early for important meetings
- 38. Include time to deal with unexpected events when you calculate how long an important project will take to complete; and so on.
- 39. Create an emergency fund*
- 40. Always have few Different Plans – in case something does not work
- 41.Take responsibility, take ownership and take initiatives without Waiting For Other People's help, approval etc[in those areas where it is within your area of influence]
- 42. Make a List of Things You Can Control
- 43. Stop wishing for it and start working for it
- 44. Create healthy daily rituals
- 45. Create discipline*
- 46. Focus on excellence and continuous improvement – ditch the need to be perfect
- 47.Learn to Let Go*
- 48. Be with the right people
- 49. Get rid of toxic people*
- 50. Understand that Successful people create a sense of self-built urgency in themselves for taking necessary actions – however distasteful these may be
- 51.Learn to handle difficult people*
- 52. Don't confuse activity with accomplishment*
- 53. Listen to be with the right people
- 54. Learn to deal with the uncertainties*
- 55.Learn to handle criticism*effectively - Identify and work on to eliminate and stop believing either your own self-destructive-talk or other people's comments
- 56. Think about what you really want your life to be like – in say next 1, 3, 5, 10 years from now
- 57.Now List those things that have kept you from doing the things you wanted to do in the past – find solutions to overcome these
- 58. Create healthy Boundaries* - Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration - Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people
- 59. Break your Default non-productive or even success-blocker Habits*
- 60. Take Small Steps Every Day
- 61.Ask the Tough Questions* - to Find Clarity and to challenge your assumptions*
- 62. Do something that scares you at least once a week
- 63. Save your money*
- 64. Minimize time on social media
- 65. Start a side business
- 66. Build your network of mentors and encouragers
- 67.Fast once a week
- 68. Practice to live in poverty time to time – travel with less than shoestring budget
- 69. Disrupt your life* time to time
- 70. Make a short to-do list for every day
- 71.Learn to Say NO* to almost everything
- 72.Practice to walk away from instant gratifications
- 73.Think of life as being a series of choices – where you must constantly explore options and choose the best options at that moment
- 74.Try to avoid doing something that you are being compelled to do
- 75.Do the most important thing first in the morning
- 76.Do the toughest thing first
- 77.Stop multitasking - Do one thing at a time
- 78. Work in sprints
- 79.Stop overgeneralizing, Avoid personalization, Avoid catastrophizing
- 80.Stop jumping to conclusions
- 81.Make limited commitments
- 82. Learn to Have fun
- 83. Start early for everything
- 84. Decide how to move forward in the best way you can
- 85. Work on to minimize your emotional triggers
- 86. Do nothing - if someone is trying to frustrate you OR you don't know what to do
- 87. Try doing the opposite of what you would normally do
- 88. Express feelings directly and confidently
- 89. Use I-statements rather than you-statements that blame others
- 90. Discover the why of your emotions – what it is trying to tell you
- 91.Learn to and choose how you want to react
- 92. Feel, Recognize and Experience Uncomfortable Emotions But Don't Stay Stuck in Them – by any or all of the following
- I.Modify the situation
- II.Shifting your attentional focus
- III.Change your thoughts by engaging in different activities
- IV.Change your response
- V.Learn to get the emotions on demand*
- VI.Learn to reframe*
- 93. Learn to build healthy habits of mind*
- 94. Know your rights and insist that others respect these rights - Your rights include the following:
- I.You have the right to ask for what you want
- II.You have the right to say no to requests or demands You can't meet
- III.You have the right to change Your mind
- IV.You have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect
- V.You have the right to follow Your own values and standards
- VI.You have the right to express all of Your feelings, both positive or negative
- VII.You have the right to say no to anything when You feel You are not ready or it is unsafe or it violates Your values
- VIII.You have the right to determine Your own priorities
- IX.You have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems
- X.You have the right to expect honesty from others
- XI.You have the right to be angry
- XII.You have the right to be uniquely Yourself
- XIII.You have the right to feel scared and say - I'm afraid
- XIV.You have the right to say - I don't know
- XV.You have the right not to give excuses or reasons for Your behavior
- XVI.You have the right to make decisions based on Your feelings
- XVII.You have the right to Your own needs for personal space and time
- XVIII.You have the right to be playful and frivolous
- XIX.You have the right to be healthy
- XX.You have the right to be in a non-abusive environment
- XXI.You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people
- XXII.You have the right to change and grow
- XXIII.You have the right to have Your needs and wants respected by others
- XXIV.You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect
- XXV.You have the right to be happy