How to stop feeling like a victim

In this article we will learn -

-25 Pointers to help you understand what victim mindset and martyr complex is

-65 Traits of Victim Complex Sufferers

-22 reasons how Victim Mentality develops in someone

-8 Damages Victim Mentality causes

-33 Points Checklist are you - yourself suffering from 'Victim Mentality

-8 Guidelines for Dealing with Someone with a Victim Mindset - Establishing boundaries for victims - Helping someone overcome the victim-mindset

-22 ways to deal with A Martyr - especially if you are living with one

- 35 Ways to stop playing the victim and how to Deal with the Martyr Complex within Yourself

-70+ Tips on How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome

How to stop feeling like a victim - How victim mindset and martyr complex is killing you -How to get out of victim mindset and martyr complex - Understanding the Victim Complex

Even if you don't think that you play victim - please read and listen - it may save someone you love from getting ruined.

Have you ever faced situations and phases where you felt - that the entire world is scheming against and you are under attack from multiple fronts.

This happens to all of us few times - most of us manage to come back to better emotionally resourceful state.

Let us first understand what these two terminologies - victim mindset and martyr complex means from non-medical perspective.

25 Pointers to help you understand what victim mindset and martyr complex is

• 1.The victim mindset is the unhealthiest pattern of thinking and most pathetic way to live and exist.
• 2.Although many of the people with victim mindset and martyr complex - have suffered real harm, trauma and upheavals – it is natural for an emotionally healthy person to bounce-back and move on with their lives - post-trauma.
• 3.There are numerous people who not only recovered from their abusive and toxic past-relationships and other emotionally-turbulent events - but also created a life for themselves to become role-models for many.
• 4.There are many people - who continue to hold on to their pains, their hurts AND either refuse to leave their past behind or are unable to let go and move-on - and as a result turn into perpetual victims.
• 5.The reality of the life is - irrespective of what we have suffered and gone through - after a reasonable shock and grief cycle - we have to take the ownership of our own happiness, our growth and our wellbeing - along with that of our loved ones.
• 6.People with martyr-complex and victim-mindset - are almost always toxic and emotionally draining to others as well as themselves.
• 7.If you come across or are living with someone - with whom the drama, the tears, the outbursts and the tantrums is a regular phenomenon - then they are sure to have severe psychological disorders needing urgent interventions.
• 8.People with high level of empathy - feel bad and want to help these victim-mindset martyrs - but not being trained they end up suffering more and might get into psychological issues themselves - if don't take proper care.
• 9.Please understand that to deal and handle and cure - unhealthy level of victim mentality - only qualified, trained and experienced professional - who have been exposed to this type of people can deal with them - sometimes it is a case even beyond them.
• 10. For martyr-complex and victim-mindset people - the person who is their [perceived] current tormentor may keep changing - but their underlying drama never ends.
• 11. These martyr-complex and victim-mindset people managed to create façade of their being gentle, sophisticated, well-cultured, accomplished and extremely helpful
• 12. But the people closest to these victim-mindset people - go through sheer HELL [you may recognize many signs given here – if you happen to be connected or close to someone of this disorder].
• 13. The martyr-complex and victim-mindset person - deliberately seek suffering.
• 14. They help and do favors - without even being asked and needed – and when they don't get thanks and appreciation - they play martyrs.
• 15. These are the type of people who would choose to suffer - rather than solving and fixing their problems - because if it gets resolved - their deep-rooted psychological needs won't get fulfilled
• 16. Irrespective of the impression they create of being simple, gentle, righteous and kind person - they are very complex people - who need continuous validation, recognition and approval from people around them.
• 17. They have mastered the art of manipulations and can blackmail people emotionally without any guilt and remorse.
• 18. Most of them have this unrealistic expectations - that others will read their mind and know what they want.
• 19. They will never take responsibility for their action, decisions and choices - but they would blame their closest people- for their failures and unhappiness.
• 20. Their objective is to seek continuous sympathy and pity - and even if their current set of problems are solved - they would find or manufacture newer reasons to complain.
• 21. Victim-mindset person believe that - everybody is plotting against them, conspiring against them and whatever the others intend is harmful for them.
• 22. This acquired and learned mindset - facilitates them - to suppress their guilt and shame, avoid self-responsibility - but most unfortunately it makes this person avoid getting in touch with themselves the real-one and are unable to grow and live peacefully
• 23. In this article I have used victim-mindset and martyr-complex - interchangeably - although it can have distinctions if you define them clinically.
• 24. People with a victim mindset have ingrained beliefs - that others are responsible for their miseries AND that nothing is their fault AND that they are incapable and powerless to change their lives.
• 25. Many of them prefer continuing to live with their martyr-complex and victim-mindset - because of certain benefits given later.

65 Traits of Victim Complex Sufferers

1. They refuse to accept responsibility for dealing with their problems.

2. They never feel any accountability to solve their issues

3. They always find reasons why suggested solutions will not work - in case they share their problems with you and you suggest something positive

4. They carry grudges - and neither forget nor forgive - that is why they have difficulty in move on - with their life

5. They are rarely assertive and find it hard to express their needs.

6. They believe everyone is "out to get them" and thus trust no one.

7. They are negative and pessimistic, always looking for the bad even in the good.

8. They are often highly critical of others

9. They rarely have lasting relationships and friendships - in fact they may have few or no friends.

10. They frequently blames others, circumstances - when things go wrong or when they fail to accomplish whatever they were working on.

11. Their focus is always on problems, obstacles and difficulties that they are facing - with an innate expectation that others will feel sorry for them

12. They may avoid joining any fun activities or show that they are enjoying

13. They may have this statement - "others have such good luck and how easily others succeed"

14. They resort to continuous - drama, tantrums and temper flays

15. They always seems to have lots of misfortune, ill-luck and curses

16. They immediately become defensive - if you catch them doing something which they can't escape from

17. Their constant rant - internally as well as with others - is that "Bad things only happen to them".

18. They would claim that their every partner was toxic

19. They feel that others are always taking advantage

20. They imagine that people are scheming behind their back

21. They magnify innocent remarks and insignificant incidents into huge injustices

22. Because they can never be wrong - They NEVER feel the need to apologize

23. They feel angry that everybody is telling them to change and don't understand why others don't supports their situation

24. They may have one specific person - this person could be their Ex - who is responsible for all their woes

25. They usually have low self-esteem, negative self-image and negligible self-worth

26. They have this compelling need to get validation, attention and acceptance by others

27. They devises innovative ways to seek sympathy from others

28. They rarely take initiative to solve their problems

29. If any problem is solved according what they claim would be the ideal solution - they will find another problem to complain about.

30. They complain about problems that do not concern them in the least

31. They do not appreciate any good things being done for them

32. They LIE and TWIST FACTS to prove their point.

33. They selectively forget, ignore and avoid any facts that may prove them wrong

34. They are experts in gas lighting

35. They will use name-calling and accusing happens when they don't find any other way to handle

36. They generally find it uncomfortable - to accept or receive - genuine and unconditional love

37. They have mood-swings

38. They are highly judgmental and form opinion instantly

39. Most of them might have come from and grown-up in mentally, physically or emotionally abusive atmosphere

40. They expect you to be all the time obliged to them - even for doing something insignificant and which you neither expected nor asked for

41. They have a very high sense of entitlement

42. They lack empathy almost totally

43. Because they can't understand themselves - they can never understand others

44. They get very angry and upset - if others don't appreciate and recognize what they have done

45. They cannot say NO.

46. They always want to fix and change others

47. They will never accept responsibility for - what has happened to them

48. They have an overly obsessed need to be right all the time

49. Sometimes these victims or martyrs - are not only toxic but are also a covert narcissist - and - like the people with typical narcissistic personality disorder - they too are intensely self-absorbed, hollow and have very high sense of entitlement.

50. Typical narcissist believe that they are superior to others - a covert narcissist with a martyr complex proves their superiority- through helping others to elicit sympathy, sense of obligation, love and admiration - their helping others making this person realize their magnanimity - also meant to evoke guilt.

51. They are wonderful manipulators - they show to you as if they are selfless and giving - but only the recipient of their gifts will know how cruel and completely Self-absorbed, self-involved and self-focused they actually are.

52. They are always full of suspicion of people's intent

53. Many of them would often appears inconsolably oppressed or depressed

54. If you are living someone like this - you will feel - burned-out, fatigued and emotionally-mentally-physically drained - constantly

55. Being in a romantic relationship with someone with a martyr complex is so frustrating and destructive [for the healthy partner]

56. You will get gas lighted by your partner into believing you are the cause of their pain and sufferings - no matter how hard you try - you can never make them happy

57. However hard you try to please them - you would end up hurting them emotionally as per their perspective [not because what you did] - it could be because they are holding a grudge. They have a grudge manufacturing brain - which can create grudge and complaints - where there is none

58. They will turn even the smallest misunderstanding into a huge injustice

59. For them your needs does not even exist - but if they want something from you - they will become all charm

60. And if you happen to talk about your needs, your feelings, your hurts - they will play victim and turns the tables back on you - as if it is you have done wrong to them

61. The Victim Complex in Relationships - causes extreme emotional chaos - The victim-mindset person may ask their partner to help them BUT will later reject their suggestions or even find ways to sabotage the genuine help that their partner is giving AND may even use this to torment their partner or break the relationship

62. They bully their partners into making attempts to take care of them

63. Sometimes these victim mindset and martyr complex persons—often seek persons with a victim complex as their partners.

64. Most likely person to suffer lasting damage from relationships with victim mindset and martyr complex - are partners whose wanting to help these people become their curse

22 reasons how Victim Mentality develops in someone

1. They were born into a family where the culture has very strict gender-discrimination, rules and roles, religious beliefs and expectations

2. They were abused as a child emotionally, psychologically or physically (e.g., by a parent, sibling, family member, church member, teacher etc.).

3. They stayed in abusive relationship for long - either because they did not have power or control [let us say as a child] or even the idea that there could be another choice or possibility but gave up - when they did have choices

4. They avoided taking responsibility for the decisions and choices that is causing them pain and suffering.

5. They have chosen to live a make-belief life portraying themselves - as someone they are not

6. Because they don't accept responsibility for their actions - they learned and mastered making excuses and blaming others for their sad state

7. They live into denial mode to reassure that they are better and different

8. They exaggerate their suffering, hardship and problems ALONG WITH their success, accomplishments and actions

9. They have an obsessive need to be right almost all the time with everyone.

10. They find it extremely difficult or impossible to say No

11. They feel that other people should read their mind and understand their needs, wants and desires without their ever mentioning these to them

12. They emotionally coerce people into doing what they want

13. They cannot think of taking steps to solve their problems

14. They are great in discovering the problems facing them - real and imagined

15. They have LEARNED this behavior of Learned-helplessness to avoid unpleasant, uncomfortable or harmful situation and people

16. They have generalized their past failures into this erroneous belief - that they are incapable of improving themselves

17. They believe that they have no power to change - perceive events as uncontrollable and unpredictable

18. Truly bad things beyond control have actually happened to them

19. When they make attempt and fail and then their belief gets reinforced - that whatever they do is futile - although they have the ability to better their situation

20. They assume that they are unable to CONTROL similar events in future as wells

21. They never initiate or even want to learn - solving their problems - to handle similar situation in future in more effective ways

22. They believe in passively facing all the different, unknown and uncertain situation and people - and in many this becomes their defense mechanism

8 Damages Victim Mentality causes

1. This mentality is very-very damaging for morale of people who look up-to the people with Victim Mentality and drain energies of others along with spoiling overall happiness.

2. Victim Mentality does not add value to productivity, hampers growth and limits success and progress in life

3. Victim Mentality is for relationships-breaker - and may destroy their partner emotionally and in many other ways

4. People with Victim Mentality loses their ability to trust others

5. The person with Victim Mentality loses all credibility- people start ignoring all their concerns - even if some of them are real and important - due to boy who cried wolf syndrome

6. People avoid doing anything for the person with Victim Mentality - which the martyr uses for feeding their own-ego

7. A martyr creates many enemies directly and indirectly - as they picks fights with anyone who disagrees with them

8. Most close people to Victim Mentality person - realize that too much close association with this person is harmful, draining and sheer waste of energy, effort, time and money - so they just avoid

33 Points Checklist are you - yourself suffering from 'Victim Mentality

• 1.You blame other people or circumstances for your misfortunes.
• 2.You believe the world is against you.
• 3.You approach most situations with a pessimistic view.
• 4.You like to wallow in despair, sadness and guilt and shame
• 5.You feel that - others have it better
• 6.You don't take initiative for changing and bettering your situation.
• 7.You enjoy telling people about your hardships and sufferings and about your past misfortunes
• 8.You don't see much bright spot in your future
• 9.You blow your problems out of proportion
• 10. You enjoy self-pity
• 11. You have a hard time managing stress and stressful situations.
• 12. You believe all of your misfortunes - are the result of bad luck and others who manipulate and take advantage of you
• 13. You get upset when people don't feel bad for your bad life
• 14. You don't accept that you might have some role and responsibility in your hardships.
• 15. You often take and try to do too much
• 16. You choose the people to spend time with - who make you feel bad about yourself
• 17. You are always dissatisfied in your job or in your relationships
• 18. You have a pattern of taking care of others in relationships - going out of your ways and ignoring your needs - and then expecting them to recognize and appreciate you
• 19. You feel like nothing you do is right
• 20. You are so USED TO a certain way of behaving that you DON'T RECOGNIZE it as being unhealthy and harmful to you
• 21. You lack HEALTHY self-esteem, Self-belief and self-respect
• 22. You come from HIGH-STRESS families where their rights were never respected therefore they lack the competencies, skills, and abilities to stand up for their rights.
• 23. You lack information about assertive behavior and have no experience in using assertive behavior and setting healthy boundaries.
• 24. You are timid, scared, and SUSPICIOUS of help being offered to them
• 25. You are SKEPTICAL about someone really wanting to help them.
• 26. You often hold to some of the following IRRATIONAL BELIEFS
• I.That you must be nice to everyone, even if they are not nice to you.
• II.That life is supposed to be filled with unhappiness and uncertainty.
• III.That the small guy never wins.
• IV.My role in life is to be a loser.
• V.Most people are basically selfish, mean, self-centered and disrespectful.
• VI.You should never complain.
• VII.You should never express what you feel and need
• 27. You often DO NOT stand up for your RIGHTS because you have this irrational FEAR of -
• I.Disapproval
• II.Rejection
• III.Conflict
• IV.Taking a risk
• V.The unknown
• VI.Change, Unknown, Uncertain
• VII.Confronting their own feelings
• VIII.Confronting others
• IX.Overwhelmed emotionally and physically
• X.Loss of self-respect
• 28. You lack knowledge of assertiveness and may be either extremely passive or overly aggressive with your antagonists.
• 29. You feel overwhelmed by work, the responsibility of relationship, the need for you to show that all is well.
• 30. You feel Listless and lack motivation
• 31. You believe that nothing you do matters.
• 32. You have Learned to feel Helpless most of time
• 33. You are now Passive and Complacent EVEN THOUGH you can take action to HELP YOURSELF.

8 Guidelines for Dealing with Someone with a Victim Mindset - Establishing boundaries for victims - Helping someone overcome the 'victim' mindset

1. Never use logic to argue with a victim-mindset person - they have their own rationale and which will never be anything like yours - so you will end up making them mad at you

2. Remember you are dealing with someone who has an unhealthy mindset

3. Without agreeing with them - demonstrate that you have heard them

4. Through indirect and different questions - try to figure out if the person is willing to seek a solution

5. If this person - shows enthusiasm and commitment in finding a solution, - ask what action they will take

6. Persevere and support them - because it takes a very long time to break unhealthy thought-pattern

7. Offer ongoing support to the victim

8. If possible and this person is willing - make them seek professional help

22 ways to deal with A Martyr - especially if you are living with one

Warning - PLEASE NOTE - Don't play psychologist or mental-health specialist if you are not - let the right professionals make diagnoses - never label people based on few signs, symptoms and behaviors.

• 1.Don't encourage the victim mind-set - when they try to involve you for validating their victimhood
• 2.If you don't want your partner to act like a martyr - do the chores that your partner used to do yourself - it will be painful and hard initially BUT you won't have to take their obligation
• 3.Identify how your own behaviors - which encourages their victimhood
• 4.Treat them with compassion
• 5.Stop accepting unnecessary gifts, favors and help - by telling them openly that you appreciate their offer BUT sorry you will do this yourself
• 6.Stop fulfilling their need for pity, approval or sympathy - by acknowledging and showing sympathy
• 7.Don't feel scared to talk with then with openness, frankness and honesty
• 8.Sincerely tell them how much you value them and appreciate their positive qualities
• 9.Let them know - specifically which of their behaviors are creating detrimental and negative impact on relationship
• 10. Accept that when you highlight any of their faults - they will either deny out rightly and blame you or go on offensive by attacking your flaws - to take your attention off them
• 11. You also need to be consciously aware of your triggers which makes you lose your cool - and work out a way you can let them press your triggers
• 12. While talking with them - give them clear specific examples of their behavior - if they agree that they have a problem - encourage them to explore what they can do - don't give any solutions
• 13. Never defend yourself if - when try to put you down by attacking your positive behaviors and actions into big negative harm and hurt which you have caused
• 14. Under no circumstances criticize THEM in general terms to soften - focus on their that specific BEHAVIOR - which is the reason for distress
• 15. Use "I" sentences - avoid "You" sentences altogether - unless you are showing genuine praise and appreciation
• 16. Never expect your conversation with them to go perfectly and smoothly - most of the time it won't
• 17. Stop yourself falling victim to someone using you for their own needs
• 18. Never validate their Self-pity and poor-me statements - as this would be totally detrimental to you and also dis-empowering
• 19. Beware and consciously avoid getting blackmailed-emotionally - if they are trying to get something from you because - they have done something for you
• 20. Ignore all their threats, ultimatums and tantrums - in most cases they will never carry these out
• 21. Normally they may not resort to - but if they shout and create scene in the public place - either get out or call the authorities - there is no simple way to handle this type of assault
• 22. Work on yourself - so that you don't start feeling guilty - which they will continuously try to make you feel

35 Ways to stop playing the victim and how to Deal with the Martyr Complex within Yourself

• 1.Understand that you have to start living your life - being authentically genuinely yourself - it is going to be scary and painful initially
• 2.Take responsibility for yourself to bounce back in life
• 3.Prepare yourself for backlash from people - who are used to your helping them - unconditionally
• 4.Understand that there will be many mistakes made by you - so you have practice to just correct the mistake - ensure that you learn the lessons and move-on
• 5.Accept that people in your social circle may become alarmed or annoyed by your change of behavior.
• 6.Understand the reason you play victim - and see the harm these so-called benefits are doing to you like - getting attention, you don't have to take risks, you can avoid taking big responsibilities, it helps you feel good by justifying your being right
• 7.Become OK with not playing victim and avoid seeking sympathy
• 8.Turn your focus to help people who are really helpless - meaningfully and unconditionally
• 9.Understand that you have choices - you can take control of your life and live it the way feeling empowered and powerful
• 10. Choose the opposite of martyrdom - by expressing your needs and asking for your rights to be honored
• 11. Identify your needs, wants, passions and the results you want your life
• 12. Create as big a list - of all the ways you want your life to be - keep adding- initially creating this list will be very confusing - but if keep on - slowly it will become clear
• 13. Focus on your actions and how they can contribute for taking your life towards your desired outcomes
• 14. Surround yourself with positive, motivated and self-inspired people.
• 15. Try to look at the bright side of bad situations – with practice this is possible
• 16. When you get into negative feelings and moods - try to feel the pain of these negative emotions fully - instead of burying them like you usually do
• 17. Take full responsibility for your emotional responses and reactions - and their consequences.
• 18. If you choose to do something for others - do it unconditionally - stop expecting to be rewarded with praise or favors
• 19. Start accepting your mistakes when you are wrong
• 20. Stop trying to justify - why you did something
• 21. Re-evaluate your priorities - and recalibrate your expectations from others
• 22. Create healthy emotional and personal boundaries and let people know of these boundaries - then stick with them
• 23. Don't compromise with - whatever boundaries you have set – enforce them with assertiveness
• 24. Learn to be assertive and learn to say no to people and their undue demands
• 25. Respect other people's boundaries - Understand that they may be different from yours
• 26. Stop doing anything that makes you feel devalued
• 27. Stop taking on extra work and responsibilities just to prove yourself and make others like you
• 28. Accept that not every things has to be picture-perfect and not every need is life-or-death situation - adjust your standards
• 29. List all the activities which makes you come alive - start doing more of them
• 30. Delegate those which does not add value to you - so that you get the needed results even if they are not exactly perfect the way you would have done it
• 31. Seek help of others - in whatever you feel you can't do it alone
• 32. Express your intentions of the changes that you are making - with your most trusted and caring people in appropriate ways - that now onwards - you will be doing these ALSO tell them about the boundaries that you want to set - without explaining and defending yourself
• 33. Identify, choose and do - what you have always wanted to do and be - without bothering about what someone may think - as long as you deliver what you are accountable for
• 34. If you are not sure about something or uncertain about what your loved ones needs - ask them - how you can add maximum value.to them
• 35. If you don't feel like doing ANYTHING - ask yourself - why you have to do this - and also ask yourself if you don't do this - will the heaven fall

Welcome to Our Today's DO-IT-YOURSELF Topic - 70+ Tips on How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome

70+ Tips on How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome - When we suffer from martyr syndrome - we may always feel like a person – who have been wronged and have been given injustice -If you want to get out of this - then you should be willing to change Big-time - the following tips may help

• 1.Brush-up your communication skills - which includes Asking-questions [to understand, to clarify and to communicate], Listening and speaking [in this order only]
• 2.Be committed to take initiative to clear up all the misunderstandings and resolve all the conflicts– with the people who matter to you
• 3.Become aware when you resort to the drama element through pouting, sulking - and STOP doing it
• 4.Recognize that the only way another person will understand you - when you communicate your wants, needs and desires Assertively
• 5.When you need help - just ask - without feeling apprehensive or embarrassed
• 6.Learn and practice Assertiveness
• 7.Practice saying No - when you don't feel like doing anything
• 8.Learn to express Your Needs - Stop expecting others to read your mind - If other people could understand your needs without your telling them - they would have done so already - use these six ways to express
• I.Express your feelings using "I" statements – without beating about the bush
• II.When you want to express yourself - before expressing understand what emotions you are feeling - identify them as specifically as possible and name them as specifically as you can - like - anger, sadness, hurt, happy and jubilant
• III.While expressing - be specific about what made you feel whatever emotions you are feeling - using "I" statements
• IV.When we express ourselves using "YOU' statements - they are not expressions of our feelings - they are disguised blame and accusations
• V.While expressing focus only on the current incident, behavior or circumstance objectively - Do not get dragged into telling how others are responsible or let your past experiences, emotions or problems control - how you act now
• VI.Express your needs clearly and specifically - no beating around the bush anymore
• 9.Don't try to hide, suppress or justify your feelings - by using your favorite escape mechanisms
• 10. Focus on the ways to get what you need - BUT - you need to know first what you want - People with victim mindset very rarely would know what they want from others or in their future
• 11. Be direct - be forthright – be straight-forward
• 12. Instead of complaining and whining - work on the solutions that empower you and help you get what you want
• 13. Instead of complaining learn to negotiate the solutions
• 14. Learn to recognize - when you start justifying and giving excuses - STOP
• 15. Learn to recognize - when you feel the strong urge to blame others - STOP
• 16. Analyze your feelings, emotions and Moods - ask why you feel as if the world is against you and why you feel so nice - wallowing in your pains and acting like a martyr
• 17. Ask yourself - Do you believe that you are not worthy AND Do you think that others and circumstances control your life - and you are just a spectator challenge this thought process and thinking-pattern
• 18. When you feel upset - are you able to pin-point the cause - or you feel lost or you just don't bother to identify what is causing it - If you are able to identify the cause - find the solution as well - ask yourself the following five questions
• I.Do you often hold grudges - what are your major complain against your partner OR anyone else for that matter - can you challenge these complains objectively - and identify if they have an iota of logical validity
• II.Are there something from your past that you are unable to let go - pains, hurts, shame, guilt - anything
• III.Do you feel life is really-really tough - only with you
• IV.Do you try to avoid uncomfortable situations
• V.Identify when, why and how you justify your current state of life
• 19. Martyr or victim syndrome triggers feeling of helplessness - Understand and Recognize that you have choices – to take action and take charge of your life and empower yourself
• 20. Although things which are not within your area of influence - may not be changed –
• 21. Don't try to attempt changing those things and people - which are overwhelmingly difficult as well as totally out of your control and power
• 22. We can always influence and control how we react and respond- and doing what are within our area of influence and power
• 23. If you find yourself often in situations and people - you are unable to deal with – then identify situations which makes you feel powerless and learn to create better and more effective ways to handle them - to make you feel more in control
• 24. Stop sacrificing your own needs – only in the hope of being recognized and rewarded by others
• 25. Stop trying to please others - get other's attention - validation -recognition and appreciation – life is as it is tough – and none of us need other's validation for what we do with our life
• 26. When you slip into talking like a victim and martyr - STOP
• 27. In relationships - if you are putting more and not getting the appropriate reciprocation - then this relationship does not have a great future
• 28. Recognize that only giving and giving to difficult - manipulative and toxic people will keep on increasing demands on you eventually resulting in more and more resentments and frustrations for you – and toxic and manipulative people will never change – on the other hand the people who care for you will suffer
• 29. Identify your unspoken expectations - when you expect others to act like clairvoyant and read you mind and heart
• 30. Challenge your ideas of how people should behave and act - because no one will ever do that
• 31. Whenever you feel like a victim go through your expectations and ditch those which are unrealistic and triggering victim feelings
• 32. Analyze what all you expect from others - are they rational, logical and reasonable - in most cases you may find you are not sure - then - ask a trusted family member or friend for their perspective
• 33. Examine your suffering and ask yourself - are you suffering because of the types of beliefs you have - like your soul will only get liberated when you suffer and purge yourself - get rid of these useless conditioning
• 34. Ask yourself - are you trying to live up to an impossible standard
• 35. Do you take too much work just to get appreciation – if you answer YES - then redesign your work and start doing what is your responsibility and not what is other's
• 36. Expect imperfection in others - like you no one is perfect
• 37. Expect people to misunderstand you and your misunderstanding others
• 38. Know that not everything will turn out the way you wanted
• 39. Learn to observe, recognize and appreciate others for what they have done and their efforts -even these don't meet your exact expectations
• 40. Focus on creating meaningful life
• 41. Spend time with people you love
• 42. Expand your social circle - mix with people of different cultures
• 43. Enjoy being in the company of people - who are smarter than you
• 44. Take vacations - relax - do nothing for a while
• 45. Be among people who uplift you
• 46. Get toxic people out of your life
• 47. Seek help from others - when you need it
• 48. Help others when they need it and ask you for it
• 49. Create effective personal boundaries
• 50. Don't say YES if you want to say NO
• 51. Prioritize and spend more and more time on activities - which adds value to your growth
• 52. Make learning new things, skills and competencies - a regular part of daily regimen
• 53. Stop blaming others
• 54. Be compassionate to yourself
• 55. Practice gratitude
• 56. Resist self-sabotage
• 57. Perform acts of kindness to others
• 58. Forgive and let go
• 59. Build self-confidence
• 60. Find the source of your learned helplessness - The process is painful, but taking the time to find the underlying source of your negativity will empower you with knowledge. This knowledge in turn will give you an opportunity to address the source of the pain - if you're struggling to get through this step - a good therapist can help.
• 61. Shift your mentality from that of victim to winner - who is conquering own demons
• 62. Challenge your perceptions of reality - The simplest answer or explanation is often correct
• 63. Let go of victimhood so you can be free - What if you could positively influence your negative circumstances instead of passively accepting defeat?
• 64. What if you could experience gratitude or even joy, in the midst of pain and sorrow
• 65. Don't underestimate your power
• 66. Don't undermine your capabilities, strengths and qualities
• 67. Don't undervalue yourself - learn to see your unique strengths
• 68. Never undersell yourself

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