How to stop feeling like a victim

How victim mindset and martyr complex  is killing you breaking out of the most self-destructive habits of victim-mentality

In this article we will learn -

  • -25 Pointers to help understand what victim mindset and martyr complex is
  • -65 Traits of Victim Complex Sufferers [kindly ignore the ones which seem repeating - as I could not proof-read - after typing]
  • -22 reasons How this Victim Mentality develops
  • -17 Signs to Understand - What is victim mentality - VICTIMS and MARTYRS mindsets
  • -12 impacts of victim mindset - Dangers of a Victim Mentality
  • -8 Guidelines for Dealing with Someone with a Victim Mindset - Establishing boundaries for victims - Helping someone overcome the victim-mindset
  • -20 Points Checklist Are you - yourself suffering from 'Victim Mentality
  • -22 ways - how to handle - If You Live with A Martyr
  • -108 Ways to stop playing the victim - How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome - Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim


How victim mindset and martyr complex is killing you -How to get out of victim mindset and martyr complex - Understanding the Victim Complex

Have you ever faced situations and phases where you felt - entire world is working against you with multiple things going wrong together.

This happens to all of us - and most of us would have managed to come back to emotionally powerful, resourceful and positive state.

25 Pointers to help understand what victim mindset and martyr complex is

  • The victim mindset is the unhealthiest pattern of thinking and most pathetic way to live and exist.
  • Although many of these people have suffered real harm – yet it is natural for an emotionally healthy person to bounce-back and move on with their lives - post-trauma.
  • There are numerous people who not only recovered from abusive and toxic relationships and other brutal events but also created a life to become role-models for many.
  • And there are many-more - who continue to hold on to their pains, their hurts AND refuses to leave their past behind and as a result turn into perpetual victims.
  • The reality of the life is - irrespective of what we have suffered and gone through - after a reasonable shock and grief phase - we need to take the ownership of our own happiness, our growth and our wellbeing - along with that of our loved ones.
  • People with martyr-complex and victim-mindset - are almost always toxic and emotionally draining.
  • If you come across or are living with someone - with whom the drama, the tears, the outbursts and the tantrums is a regular phenomenon - they are sure to have severe psychological disorders needing urgent interventions.
  • People with high level of empathy - feel bad and want to help these victim-mindset martyrs.
  • Please understand that at unhealthy level - only qualified, trained, experienced have exposed professional can deal with them - sometimes it is a case even beyond them.
  • For martyr-complex and victim-mindset people - the person who is their current tormentor may keep changing - but their underlying drama never ends.
  • The outsiders perceives these martyr-complex and victim-mindset people as gentle, sophisticated, well-cultured, accomplished and extremely helpful.
  • The closest people go through sheer HELL - if any of you are at the receiving end - in present - then you would recognize all or many signs given in this article.
  • These martyr-complex and victim-mindset person - deliberately seek suffering.
  • They also impose help and favors on others without even being asked - so that then they can play martyrs.
  • These are the type of people who would choose to suffer - rather than solving and fixing their problems - because if it gets resolved - their deep-rooted psychological needs won't get fulfilled
  • Irrespective of the impression they create of being simple, gentle, righteous and kind person - they are very complex people - who need continuous validation, recognition and approval from people around them.
  • They have mastered the art of manipulators and can emotionally blackmail people without any guilt and remorse.
  • Most of them have this unrealistic expectations - that others should read their mind and know what they want.
  • They will never take responsibility for their action, decisions and choices - but they would blame their closest people- for their failures and unhappiness.
  • Their objective is to seek compassion and pity - and even if their current set of problems are solved - they would find or manufacture newer reasons to complain.
  • Victim-mindset person believe that - everybody is plotting against them, conspiring against them and whatever the others intend is harmful for them.
  • This acquired and learned mindset - facilitates them - to suppress their guilt and shame, avoid self-responsibility - but most unfortunately it makes this person avoid growth of self and in life.
  • In this article I am using victim-mindset and martyr-complex - interchangeably - although it can have distinctions if you define them clinically.
  • People with a victim mindset ingrained beliefs - that the entire world is against them AND that others are responsible for their miseries AND that nothing is their fault AND that they are incapable and powerless to change their lives.
  • Many of them prefer continuing to live with their martyr-complex and victim-mindset - because of certain benefits highlighted in this blog later.


65 Traits of Victim Complex Sufferers [kindly ignore the ones which seem repeating - as I could not proof-read - after typing]

  • 1.They refuse to accept responsibility for dealing with their problems.
  • 2.They never accept any degree of blame for their problems.
  • 3.They always find reasons why suggested solutions will not work.
  • 4.They carry grudges, never forgive, and simply cannot "move on."
  • 5.They are rarely assertive and find it hard to express their needs.
  • 6.They believe everyone is "out to get them" and thus trust no one.
  • 7.They are negative and pessimistic, always looking for the bad even in the good.
  • 8.They are often highly critical of others and rarely enjoy lasting friendships.
  • 9.Identify the Signs of a Victim Mentality - as given in the blog under
  • 10. Frequently blames others, circumstances and all and sundry - when things go wrong or when fails to accomplish their targets goal or target.
  • 11. Always focused on problems, obstacles and challenges with an innate expectation that others will feel sorry for them
  • 12. May not join the fun activities or show that they are enjoying
  • 13. They may have this statement - that others have such good luck and get easy success
  • 14. Endless and regular - of drama, tantrums and temper flays
  • 15. Always seems to have lots of misfortune, ill-luck and curses
  • 16. They immediately become defensive
  • 17. Their constant rant - internally as well as with others - Bad things only happen to them.
  • 18. Their every partner was toxic
  • 19. Others are always taking advantage
  • 20. People are planning behind their back
  • 21. They magnify innocent remarks and insignificant incidents into huge injustices
  • 22. Because they can never be wrong - They NEVER feel the need to apologize
  • 23. They feel everybody is only telling them to change and fail to realize why no one supports their points of views
  • 24. They have favorite person - usually their partner or Ex's - who is responsible for all their woes
  • 25. Usually have low self-esteem, negative self-image and negligible self-worth
  • 26. They have compelling need to get validation, attention and acceptance by others
  • 27. They devises innovative ways seek sympathy from others
  • 28. They rarely take initiative to solve their problems
  • 29. If any problem is solved according to their solution - they will find another problem to complain about.
  • 30. They complain about problems that do not concern them in the least
  • 31. They do not appreciate any good things being done for them
  • 32. They LIE and TWIST FACTS to prove their point.
  • 33. They selectively forget, ignore and avoid any facts that may prove them wrong
  • 34. They are experts in gas lighting
  • 35. Name-calling and accusing happens when they don't find any other way to handle
  • 36. Generally find it uncomfortable - to accept or receive real and unconditional love
  • 37. They are very moody
  • 38. Highly judgmental
  • 39. Most of them have grown-up in mentally, physically or emotionally abusive atmosphere
  • 40. They expect you to be all the time obliged to them - even if they have done a small favor even without your asking and needing
  • 41. They have a very high sense of entitlement
  • 42. They lack empathy almost absolutely
  • 43. Because they can't understand themselves - they can never understand others
  • 44. They get very angry and upset - if the people who are closest to them - don't appreciate and recognize what they have done
  • 45. They cannot say NO.
  • 46. They always want to fix and change others
  • 47. They will never accept responsibility for - what has happened to them
  • 48. They have an overly obsessed need to be right all the time
  • 49. Sometimes these victims or martyrs - are not only toxic but are also a covert narcissist - and - like the people with typical narcissistic personality disorder - they too are intensely self-absorbed, hollow and have very high sense of entitlement.
  • 50. Typical narcissist believe that they are superior to others - a covert narcissist with a martyr complex proves their superiority- through helping others to elicit sympathy, sense of obligation, love and admiration - their helping others then making the person they helped realize their magnanimity - also meant to evoke guilt.
  • 51. They are wonderful manipulators - they show to you as if they are selfless and giving - only the recipient of their gifts will know how cruel and completely Self-absorbed, self-involved and self-focused they actually are.
  • 52. They are always full of suspicion of people's intent
  • 53. Many of them would often appears inconsolably oppressed or depressed
  • 54. If you are living someone like this - you will feel - burned-out, fatigued and emotionally-mentally-physically drained - constantly
  • 55. Being in a romantic relationship with someone with a martyr complex is so frustrating and destructive [for the healthy partner] as being raised by a parent with such issue
  • 56. You will get gas lighted by your partner into believing you are the cause of their pain and sufferings - no matter how hard you try - you can never make them happy
  • 57. However hard you try - you would manage to emotionally hurt them[not because what you did] - because they have a grudge manufacturing brain - which can create grudge and complaints - where there is none
  • 58. They will turn even the smallest misunderstanding into a huge injustice
  • 59. For them Your needs does not even exist - unless they want something from you - they are all charm
  • 60. And if you happen to talk about your needs, your feelings, your hurts - they will play victim and turns the tables back on you
  • 61. The Victim Complex in Relationships - causes extreme emotional chaos - The victim-mindset person may ask their partner to help them BUT will later reject their suggestions or even find ways to sabotage them AND may use this to torment or break the relationship
  • 62. They bully their partners into making draining attempts at care-giving, ranging from financial support to assuming full responsibility for their lives.
  • 63. Because of this, bullies—looking for someone to take advantage of—often seek persons with a victim complex as their partners.
  • 64. Perhaps the most likely to suffer lasting damage from these relationships are partners whose pity for the victim transcends sympathy to become empathy


22 reasons how this Victim Mentality develops

  • 1.You were born into a family where the culture has very strict gender roles, religious beliefs and expectations
  • 2.You were abused as a child emotionally, psychologically or physically (e.g., by a parent, sibling, family member, church member, teacher, etc.).
  • 3.You stayed in this abusive relationship - either because you did not have idea, power and control [let us say as a child] or just gave up when you did have choices
  • 4.You avoid taking responsibility for the decisions and choices that is causing you pain and suffering.
  • 5.You like to live a fake life portraying yourself - the great hero, saint and leader
  • 6.Because you don't accept responsibility and actions - you learn to make excuse and blame others for your sad state
  • 7.You get into the denial mode to reassure yourself of your greatness - although you can't give even one reason why you think you are extra-ordinary
  • 8.You exaggerate your suffering, hardship and problems ALONG WITH your success, accomplishments and actions
  • 9.You have an obsessive need to be right.
  • 10. You find it extremely difficult or impossible to say No
  • 11. You feel that other people should read your mind and understand your needs, wants and desires without your ever mentioning these to them
  • 12. You emotionally coerce people into doing what you want
  • 13. You avoid taking steps to solve your problems
  • 14. You are great in discovering the problems facing you
  • 15. You have LEARNED this behavior of Learned-helplessness to avoid unpleasant, uncomfortable or harmful situation and people
  • 16. Generalizing past failures into erroneous belief - that you are incapable of improving your performance
  • 17. Believe that you have no power to change - perceive events as uncontrollable and unpredictable
  • 18. Truly bad things beyond control have actually happened to you
  • 19. When you make attempt and fail and then you make the conclusion that whatever you do is futile - although you have the ability to better the situation
  • 20. Assume that you are unable to CONTROL similar future events
  • 21. Not learning problem solving to handle similar situation
  • 22. When due to emotional-insecurities - through various factors - makes them think and believe in passively facing all the different, unknown and uncertain situation and people


17 Signs to Understand - What is victim mentality - MARTYRS mindset

  • 1.Lack the knowledge that they are being TAKEN ADVANTAGE of by others
  • 2.Are so USED TO a certain way of being treated that they DON'T RECOGNIZE it as unhealthy for them.
  • 3.Lack HEALTHY self-esteem or self-concepts.
  • 4.Have little belief in themself.
  • 5.Come from HIGH-STRESS families where their rights were never respected therefore they lack the competencies, skills, and abilities to stand up for their rights.
  • 6.Lack information about assertive behavior and have no experience in using assertive behavior and setting healthy boundaries.
  • 7.Are timid, scared, and SUSPICIOUS of help being offered to them
  • 8.Are SKEPTICAL about someone really wanting to help them.
  • 9.VICTIMS often hold to some of the following IRRATIONAL BELIEFS
  • I.You must be nice to everyone, even if they are not nice to you.
  • II.Life is supposed to be filled with unhappiness and uncertainty.
  • III.The small guy never wins.
  • IV.This is the way things are supposed to be.
  • V.There are winners and losers in all transactions between people.
  • VI.My role in life is to be a loser.
  • VII.Most people are basically selfish, mean, self-centered and disrespectful.
  • VIII.You should never complain.
  • IX.Be silent about your feelings.
  • 10. Victims often DO NOT stand up for their RIGHTS because they suffer from the irrational FEAR of -
  • I.Disapproval
  • II.Rejection
  • III.Conflict
  • IV.Taking a risk
  • V.The unknown
  • VI.Change, Unknown, Uncertain
  • VII.Confronting their own feelings
  • VIII.Confronting others
  • IX.Overwhelmed emotionally and physically
  • X.Loss of self-respect
  • 11. Lack knowledge of assertiveness and may be either extremely passive or overly aggressive with their antagonists.
  • 12. You are Overwhelmed.
  • 13. Have stopped trying to help yourself.
  • 14. Your Vitality and Zest are GONE.
  • 15. You are Listless and Discouraged.
  • 16. You believe that nothing you do even matters.
  • 17. You have lost the struggle and Learned to become Helpless - You are now Passive and Complacent EVEN THOUGH you COULD take action to HELP YOURSELF.


12 impacts of victim mindset - Dangers of a Victim Mentality

  • 1.Damaging for morale of people who look up-to them and drain energies plus spoil overall happiness.
  • 2.No productivity No Growth Limited or no success and progress in life
  • 3.Damaging for relationships may kill it completely - in the process destroying their partners emotionally and in many other ways
  • 4.Ability to trust gets damaged
  • 5.The person loses all credibility.
  • 6.People start ignoring all their concerns - even if some of them are real and important - due to boy who cried wolf syndrome
  • 7.People avoid doing anything that can be used by the martyr for feeding their ego
  • 8.Sometimes the very fact that the idea came from a martyr is cause enough to abandon the idea
  • 9.A martyr creates many enemies directly and indirectly.
  • 10. They picks fights with anyone who disagrees with them
  • 11. Thy just say yes to martyrs - and it reinforces their beliefs
  • 12. Close people realize that too much close association with this person is harmful, draining and sheer waste of energy, effort, time and money - so they just avoid


8 Guidelines for Dealing with Someone with a Victim Mindset - Establishing boundaries for victims - Helping someone overcome the 'victim' mindset

  • 1.Never use logic to argue with a victim-mindset person
  • 2.Remember you are dealing with someone who has an unhealthy mindset
  • 3.Without agreeing with them - demonstrate that you have heard them
  • 4.Through indirect and different questions - try to figure out if the person is willing to seek a solution
  • 5.When the victim finally shows some commitment to finding a solution, ask what action they will now take
  • 6.Persevere and support them - because it takes a very long time to break unhealthy thought-pattern
  • 7.Offer ongoing support to the victim
  • 8.If possible make the victim seek professional help


20 Points Checklist are you - yourself suffering from 'Victim Mentality

  • 1.You blame other people or circumstances for your misfortunes.
  • 2.You believe the world is against you.
  • 3.You approach most situations with a pessimistic view.
  • 4.You like to wallow in despair.
  • 5.Everyone else seems to have it better than you.
  • 6.You don't take initiative for changing your situation.
  • 7.You enjoy telling people about your failures.
  • 8.There are very few bright spots
  • 9.You like talking about your past misfortunes.
  • 10. You blow your problems out of proportion.
  • 11. You enjoy self-pity.
  • 12. You have a hard time managing stress and stressful situations.
  • 13. You believe all of your misfortunes - is a result of bad luck and others who manipulate
  • 14. You get upset when people don't feel bad for you.
  • 15. You don't accept your role in your hardships.
  • 16. You often try to do too much
  • 17. The people you spend time with make you feel bad about yourself
  • 18. You are always dissatisfied in your job or in your relationships
  • 19. You have a pattern of taking care of others in relationships
  • 20. You feel like nothing you do is right


22 ways - how to handle - If You Live with A Martyr

Warning - PLEASE NOTE - Don't turn yourself into know-it-all psycho-analytic - let the psychiatric professionals make diagnoses - never label people based on few signs, symptoms and behaviors.

  • 1.Don't encourage the victim mind-set - when they try to involve you in making you their partner in supporting what they have done right - DON'T
  • 2.If you don't want your partner to act like a martyr - do the chores that your partner used to do - it will be painful BUT you won't have to take obligation
  • 3.Stop validating their actions which encourages their victimhood - instead treat the person as normal with compassion
  • 4.Stop accepting excessive gifts, favors, and expressions of effort or sacrifice from them
  • 5.Acknowledge or agree with them, but don't fulfill their need for pity, approval or sympathy
  • 6.Be courageous and speak to them honestly
  • 7.Open the conversation by telling them how much you value them and appreciate their effort.
  • 8.Let them know - specifically which of their behaviors are creating detrimental results and impacting relationships
  • 9.Be aware that they will either deny out rightly blame you or go on offensive by attacking your flaws - to take the attention off them.
  • 10. Be conscious of your triggers which makes you lose your cool
  • 11. Give them clear examples of their behavior
  • 12. If they agree that they have a problem - encourage them to explore what they can do - don't give any solutions
  • 13. Never start defending yourself - then it will be same like earlier
  • 14. Under no circumstances criticize THEM - focus only on that BEHAVIOR
  • 15. Use I sentences - avoid You sentences altogether - unless you are showing genuine praise and appreciation
  • 16. Never expect the conversation to go perfectly How to deal with a martyr
  • 17. Listen to their issues ONLY ONCE - consciously stop yourself falling victim to someone using you for their own needs to blame and to be self-sacrificing.
  • 18. Never validate their Self-pity and poor-me statements - as would be totally detrimental to you and dis-empowering
  • 19. Stop all types of emotional blackmail or abuse - if they are trying to get something because - they have seemingly done something for you
  • 20. Ignore all their threats, ultimatums and tantrums
  • 21. Normally they may not resort to - but if they shout and create scene in the public place - either get out or call the authorities - there is no simple way to handle this type of assault
  • 22. Work on you self - so that you don't start feeling guilty - which they will continuously endeavor


108 Tips on How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome - Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim - kindly ignore the tips which are repeated.

  • 1.When we suffer from martyr syndrome - we may always feel like a person wronged and given injustice -If you want to get out of this - then you should be willing to change Big-time - the following tips may help
  • 2.Expressing Your Needs - Stop expecting others to read your mind. If other people were going to understand your needs without you telling them, they would have understood by now.
  • 3.Brush-up your communication skills - which includes Asking [to understand, to clarify and to communicate], Listening and speaking [in this order only]
  • 4.Always wow to clear up all the misunderstandings and resolve all the conflicts
  • 5.Stop expecting others to read your mind - and - by being aware stop drama element through pouting, sulking - Recognize that the only way another person will understand you - when you communicate your wants, needs and desires Assertively
  • 6.When you need help - just ask - without feeling apprehensive
  • 7.Learn and practice Assertiveness
  • 8.Practice saying No - when you don't feel like it
  • 9.Express your feelings using I sentences - with being totally direct and straightforward
  • 10. When you want to express yourself - get in touch with what you are feeling - identify them as - anger, sadness, hurt, happy, jubilant
  • 11. While expressing - be specific about what made you feel What you are feeling - using I statement
  • 12. When we express ourselves using YOU statements - they are not expressions of our feelings - they are disguised blame and accusations
  • 13. While expressing focus only on the current incident, behavior or circumstance objectively - Do not get dragged into telling how others are responsible or let your past experiences, emotions or problems control how you act now
  • 14. Express your needs clearly and specifically - no beating around the bush anymore
  • 15. Don't try to hide, suppress your decorate your feelings - by using your favorite escape mechanisms
  • 16. Rather focus on the ways you can get what you want - BUT - You need to know first what you want - People with victim mindset very rarely would know what they want from others or in future
  • 17. Be direct, be forthright
  • 18. Instead of complaining and whining - work on the solutions that empower you and get you what you want
  • 19. Instead of complaining learn to negotiate the solutions
  • 20. Learn to recognize - when you start justifying and giving excuses - STOP
  • 21. Learn to recognize - when you feel the strong urge to blame others - STOP
  • 22. Now start analyzing your feelings, emotions and Moods - ask why you feel as if the world is against you and why you feel good wallowing in your pains and acting like a martyr
  • 23. If you are able to identify the cause - find the solution as well
  • 24. Ask yourself - Do you believe that you are not worthy AND Do you think that others and circumstances control your life - and you are just a spectator
  • 25. When you feel upset - are you able to pin-point the cause - or you feel lost or you just don't bother to identify what is causing it
  • 26. Do you often hold grudges - what are your major complain against your partner - can you challenge those and identify if they have an iota of logical validity
  • 27. Is there something from your past that you are unable to let go - pains, hurts, shame, guilt - anything
  • 28. Do you feel life is really-really tough - only with you
  • 29. Do you try to avoid uncomfortable situations
  • 30. Why you justify your current state of life
  • 31. Understand and Recognize that you have choices - Martyr or victim syndrome triggers feeling of helplessness
  • 32. Although things which are not within our area of influence - may not be changed
  • 33. We can always influence and control - what we can absolutely and positively do
  • 34. If you find yourself often in situations and people - you difficult to deal - then - make a list everything that you can do yourself - to make you feel more in control
  • 35. Stop seeking and enjoying suffering in the hope of being rewarded by others for your sacrifices - because you will never
  • 36. Stop trying to please others, get other's attention, validation, recognition and appreciation - it tough - but we don't actually need it
  • 37. Recognize your victim and martyr talks - STOP
  • 38. In relationships - if you are putting more and not getting the right reciprocation - then this relationship does not have a great future
  • 39. Recognize that only giving and giving to difficult, manipulative and toxic people will eventually result in those people changing and becoming more loving and caring - because it won't - ever - it will only create more and more resentments and frustrations for you
  • 40. Identify your unspoken expectations - where you expected or expect others to act like clairvoyant and read you mind and heart - instead of keeping this type of hope and expectations - start telling others what you want
  • 41. Challenge your ideas of how people should behave and act - because they won't - whenever you feel like a victim go through your expectations and ditch them
  • 42. Analyze what all you expect from others - and are they rational, logical and reasonable - in most cases you may find you are not sure - then - ask a trusted family member or friend for their perspective
  • 43. Examine your suffering and ask yourself - is it because of the view you have - like only after sufferings my soul will get liberated - and identify why and whether you choose to suffer
  • 44. Are you trying to live up to an impossible standard
  • 45. Do you take too much work just to get appreciation - do only what is your responsibility and not other's
  • 46. Expect imperfection in others, people misunderstanding you, you getting misunderstood and that not everything will turn out the way you wanted
  • 47. Learn to observe, recognize and appreciate others for what they have done, their efforts -even if they don't meet your exact expectations
  • 48. Focus on creating meaningful life
  • 49. Spending time with people you love
  • 50. Become social and mix with different cultures
  • 51. Enjoy being in the company of people - all of whom are smarter than you
  • 52. Take vacations - relax - just do nothing
  • 53. Keep people who uplift you
  • 54. Get toxic people out of your life
  • 55. Seek help from others - when you need it
  • 56. Help others when they need it and ask you for it
  • 57. Create effective personal boundaries
  • 58. Don't say YES if you want to say NO
  • 59. Prioritize and spend more and more time which adds value to your growth
  • 60. Make learning new things, skills and competencies - a regular part of daily regimen
  • 61. Focus on Self-care and your well-being as well as of those who are your most closest ones
  • 62. Stop blaming others
  • 63. Be compassionate to yourself
  • 64. Practice gratitude
  • 65. Resist self-sabotage
  • 66. Perform acts of kindness to others
  • 67. Forgive and let go
  • 68. Build self-confidence
  • 69. Find the source of your learned helplessness
  • 70. The process is painful, but taking the time to find the underlying source of your negativity will empower you with knowledge. This knowledge in turn will give you an opportunity to address the source of the pain.
  • 71. If you're struggling to get through this step, a good therapist can help.
  • 72. Shift your mentality from that of victim to survivor
  • 73. Challenge your perceptions of reality
  • 74. the simplest answer or explanation is often correct
  • 75. Let go of victimhood so you can be free
  • 76. What if you could positively influence your negative circumstances instead of passively accepting defeat?
  • 77. What if you could experience gratitude, or even joy, in the midst of pain and sorrow?
  • 78. Don't underestimate your power.
  • 79. Don't undermine your capabilities, strengths and qualities Ways to stop playing the victim - How to Deal With the Martyr Complex within Yourself
  • 80. Understand that you have to start living your life - as yourself - it is going to be scary and painful
  • 81. Take responsibility for yourself - and bouncing back in life
  • 82. Prepare yourself for backlash from people - who are used to your helping them - unconditionally
  • 83. Understand that there will be many mistakes made by you - so have to just correct the mistake if you can or learn the lessons and move-on
  • 84. People in your social circle may become alarmed or annoyed by your change of behavior.
  • 85. Understand the reason you play victim - and challenge those benefits of being of victim mentality, that you have been living
  • I.Attention and validation
  • II.You don't have to take risks
  • III.Don't have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility
  • IV.It makes you feel right
  • V.Be OK with not being the victim
  • 86. Turn your focus outward and help the needy
  • 87. Understand that you have choices - The opposite of martyrdom is expressing your needs
  • 88. Identify your needs, wants, passions and the results you will feel wonderful with - this too will be very confusing - but you have to create list as big as you can make - keep adding
  • 89. Focus on your actions and how they can contribute to directing your life towards the outcomes
  • 90. Surround yourself with positive, motivated and self-inspired people.
  • 91. Try to look at the bright side of bad situations.
  • 92. When get into any negative feelings and moods - try to feel the pain and those emotions fully - instead of burying them like you were doing
  • 93. Take full responsibility for your emotional responses and their consequences.
  • 94. If you do choose to do something - do it unconditionally stop expecting to be rewarded with praise or favors
  • 95. Start accepting your mistakes when you are wrong - stop trying to justify
  • 96. Re-evaluate your priorities
  • 97. Create healthy emotional and personal boundaries and let people know of them - then stick with them
  • 98. Don't compromise with - whatever boundaries you have set
  • 99. Learn to be assertive
  • 100.Respect other people's boundaries -They may be different from yours
  • 101.Stop doing anything that makes you feel devalued
  • 102.Stop taking on extra work and responsibilities just to prove yourself
  • 103.Accept that not every things has to be picture-perfect and is life-or-death situation - adjust your standards
  • 104.List all the activities - Circle those which makes you come alive - rest delegate of seek help of others - so that you get the needed results maybe slightly imperfect
  • 105.Express your intentions. Communicate only with your most trusted and caring people judiciously - that now onwards you will only do these - without explaining and defending yourself
  • 106.Identify, choose and do - what you have always wanted to do and be - without bother about anyone - as long as you deliver what you are accountable for
  • 107.If you are not sure about something uncertain about what really counts with your loved ones, ask them.
  • 108.Ask yourself before you do something that you don't feel like doing - Why you have to do this - If I don't do this - will the heaven fall - is this my impression

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