How to Stop Feeling Guilty

In this article we will learn -

• -15 causes - why we feel the regrets, the guilt, the shames, the embarrassments
• -26 profound reasons which generate guilt and regret AND also are the basics of happiness, success, accomplishments and relationships
• -31 tips on how you can overcome your guilt

How to stop feeling guilty and ashamed and how not to give a damn about insignificant and low or no-priority things.

In our today's social-media driven society – many people's complete acceptance at face-value [of the posts showing] "how their life is so stunningly rocking and exciting and beautiful - AND how mine sucks" has created a whole generation of people with FOMO*s [fear of missing out] and other harmful and disempowering emotional insecurities.

This phenomenon has also made people believe that experiencing negative emotions and feelings like - anxiety*, fear*, guilt, anger, shame, fear etc. etc. Is not okay at all.

Irrespective of who you are and how well you are doing professionally, socially, financially and otherwise –chances are that you would have gone through multiple instances where you would have felt feelings of guilt*, shame*, regrets*, embarrassment*, uneasy, uncomfortable, painful emotions and feelings .

For most of us - these feelings happens in temporary small-small phases - and they fade on their own.

And even in those cases where the incidents have significant impact - emotionally mature people are able to feel, face, grow-above and overcome their - these un-resourceful states - to live their lives.

Whereas for many people - some of the instances and the subsequently triggered feelings become their life-long tormentor and create psychological /emotional issues needing expert professional help.

Here in this article we will understand the psychology behind our guilt, shame, regret and self-blame and learn the ways to deal with them in more effective and healthier manner.

We need to understand that our life is full of many-many small as well as big events, instances, events and incidences.

These are our stories of life and there is a cause, consequence and cost of each of our stories.

Then everything that we choose* to do or not do in our lives too have relevant consequences and costs.

But the problem becomes critical when we sweat the small stuff by becoming a major in minor – this will not be evident when we are going through a particular phase but later - when you look back after few months or years - at those incidents that made you feel bad about yourself is actually looks insignificant.

16 causes - why we feel the regrets, the guilt, the shames, the embarrassments

• 1.The current economic, political, social and religious climate have conditioned us to be obsessively focused on unrealistically positive Expectations of being better/smarter/faster/richer/sexier/more-popular/hour-glass-fit/ a nicer job/ a flashy car/ a prettier girlfriend etc. etc.
• 2.All these [better ]stuff that we have subconsciously bought-in - is actually fixated on what we lack and on our perceived personal shortcomings and weaknesses
• 3.Because of our these feelings of inadequacies AND not being good enough AND not having enough– we focus on making more and more money or try to become fairer skinned or be more admired or so on
• 4.Our most damaging belief - the live happily ever-after concept - is a big cause of feeling guilty - especially when we see others having it
• 5.This positive-theory – talks in terms of permanence –
• 6.How we react impulsively instead of responding - while dealing with any difficult-person* or when going through any big disappointment, or facing a tough situation, crisis*, setbacks or any adversity – which is not only disempowering* but also gives rise to guilt big way
• 7.We overreact and we compare* with others based on their social media posts
• 8.We blow things out of proportion
• 9.We get anxious about confronting a difficult situation* or a difficult person – thinking constantly about this anxiety makes us become anxious about being anxious – and – this makes us feel guilty, inadequate, ashamed
• 10. It puts us in a vicious cycle – as we feel guilty for feeling guilty or we get angry about getting angry and thereby making us even madder
• 11. Because we are immobilized by low pay-off* issues - we lose sight of our big picture and thereby we live our lives as in perpetual big emergency
• 12. This focus on the negatives many times manage to annoy people who could assist us in reaching to our goals
• 13. Often, we are busy dealing with one drama after another - our own internal circus
• 14. We are unable to recognize that the way we perceive our situation - and not the situation themselves – that has a lot to do with most of our pains
• 15. We just can't let-go*
• 16. For us failures, mistakes and hurt become the permanent part of our life – to impact our as well as future of those who are depending on us

26 profound reasons which generate guilt and regret AND also are the basics of happiness, success, accomplishments and relationships

• 1.Our desire for more positive experience is in itself a negative mindset whereas accepting negative experience leads to positive experiences
• 2.The more desperately we want to look sexy - the uglier we may find ourselves to be
• 3.The more desperate we want to be happy and loved – the lonelier we may feel
• 4.Whenever we start focusing on living the right healthy values - we feel self-proud [not EGO] - which is exact antidote to guilt and regret
• 5.When we focus our attention on putting efforts and actions and stop thinking about the outcomes – we actually not only do better BUT feel great as well
• 6.When we fail - while experimenting to solve a problem - we move forward with the understanding on what are essential to be successful
• 7.When we start accepting our insecurities - we feel more confident
• 8.When we accept and state our vulnerabilities - we feel more in control and feel empowered*
• 9.The pain demolishing our EGO by taking initiative to resolve conflicts - creates a more meaningful and sustainable trust, respect and closeness in our relationships
• 10. Facing our fears and anxieties - and taking action towards our goals - is what allows us to build courage and perseverance
• 11. When we try to hide, avoid and attempts to escape the negatives AND live in denial - it increases our insecurities and almost always gives negative outcomes
• 12. The avoidance of suffering is a suffering
• 13. The avoidance of struggle itself is a struggle
• 14. Hiding what is shameful makes us internally ashamed which is very-very dangerous
• 15. The denial of failure leads to bigger failures
• 16. We can't avoid feeling negative - but the real trick of dealing with our negative emotions is to - accept, feel and express them in a healthy manner and channelize that energy to constructive actions
• 17. Anger* is not a bad thing – it is just a signal like fever – your recognizing and changing creates more powerful you
• 18. Having problems in life and pro-actively solving problems is a recipe for generating grand success, growth and happiness
• 19. Not caring about and being indifferent and passive is bad – but we need to choose our struggles and fights - as per the right priorities
• 20. Rejections are painful – but if you can work out the solution – it would definitely bring big success later - almost all the globally acclaimed successful people - were rejected multiple times
• 21. Suffering sucks and may not be meaningful in some cases and avoidable – but our pains teach us what to pay attention to
• 22. It is not always beneficial to avoid pain and seek pleasure– experiencing and feeling emotional pain is healthy for our future growth
• 23. We may all want a life that is problem-free and full of everlasting happiness – but seriously - happiness comes only when we are solving challenges effectively
• 24. Most of us are pretty average at most things we do- even many celebrities are often at total loss in common things - and as clueless about life as the people who look-up at them
• 25. Rare people who are truly exceptional at something - becomes so - because they are obsessed with living their lives in spite of their challenging handicaps
• 26. People who become great at something become great because they solve problems - that solves many more people's same problem

31 tips on how you can overcome your guilt

Although few of the points may not seem directly relevant to overcome your guilt - but believe me - when you implement and practice them in your life - you will find your guilt and regret getting vanished

• 1.Understand that while there is nothing wrong to be wanting to make your life better – focusing* on wrong or low-priority* values will fill your life with voids, regrets and guilt.
• 2.If we want something just because someone else has it – we have already set ourselves up for major disappointments and pains and off-course
• 3.If we are literately focused on too many low-value objectives – then our life is definitely going to be full of guilt – if it is not already so.
• 4.Identify what is Meaningful for you - What is meaningful as well as sustainable for you in long-term
• 5.Clearly distinguish from bad values and good values
• 6.What unhealthy values you have - the following is a list - you can add your own
• I.Pleasure
• II.Popularity
• III.Basing your self-worth how much you have or how much you earn
• IV.To always being right
• V.Always trying to stay positive -denying feeling our negative emotions leads to our experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and eventually to emotional dysfunction
• VI.Dominating others through manipulation or violence
• VII.Focusing on going for other's approval
• VIII.Trying to please everyone
• 7.What healthy values you have - the following is a list - you can add your own
• I.Honesty
• II.Self-improvement
• III.Being vulnerable*
• IV.Being assertive
• V.Standing up for yourself and others
• VI.Self-respect
• VII.Curiosity
• VIII.Accepting mistakes
• IX.Learning from everyone
• X.Humility
• XI.Creativity and innovation
• XII. focus on excellence
• 8.Identify which unhealthy values - you need to get rid of
• 9.Identify which healthy values you need to inculcate
• 10. What are you willing to struggle for and what is the pain that you want to endure in order to gain something big that you are passionate about - you have to choose something
• 11. What is absolutely non-negotiable in long-term for you
• 12. Then choose the most powerfully inspiring goals
• 13. Then create a road-map – by working backwards from your end goals till your today's action steps
• 14. Identify the gaps, challenges, the resources needed and the resources you already have
• 15. Explore all possible solutions, options, possibilities
• 16. Start operating from area of our control* – to apply the wisdom of this proverb - change the things that can be changed, accept those that cannot, and have the wisdom to know the difference
• 17. What if I am wrong - identify and challenge your assumptions about the situation and people
• 18. Check whether - other explanation exists
• 19. Ask yourself - how you will handle the situation if your assumption is wrong and because of this the situation becomes worse
• 20. Create healthy boundaries* around you
• 21. Give your 100%* always
• 22. Identify what makes you feel guilty, ashamed and embarrassed - Then identify where all you can make-up - for rest Learn how to let go*
• 23. Learn how to be yourself*
• 24. Learn how to bounce back from failures*
• 25. Pro-actively turn your life upside down*
• 26. Seek to change* before it changes you or forced on you
• 27. Focus* on delivering meaningful value* and to make positive difference to others
• 28. Learn how to turn your frustrations* into triumphs
• 29. Learn how can you change your emotions* instantly
• 30. Learn how to handle grief*, depression*, stress*
• 31. Identify you major regrets - do symbolic atonement - if you cannot set what you might have missed or done wrong 

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