<p><b data-redactor-tag="b">The art of being Magnanimous instead of being mean</b>.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Through my journey of life</b> [which is a collage of <b data-redactor-tag="b">numerous happy, painful moments and all other emotions in-between</b>] – I realized there exists two scales which have the <b data-redactor-tag="b">most profound impact on almost all the aspects of our life as well as the quality and the duration of the different phases</b>.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">These scales are </b></p> <ul><li><b data-redactor-tag="b">1.</b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Meanness-to-Magnanimous scale </b></li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">2.</b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Sad-mad-glad of mental-emotional state</b></li></ul> <p><br></p><p>This <b data-redactor-tag="b">Meanness to Magnanimous scale is what decides</b> – which <b data-redactor-tag="b">mental-emotional state, we would be on a given moment.</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">I also discovered through my endless self-introspections plus through counseling, mentoring and coaching thousands of people that </b></p> <ul><li>1.Irrespective of whether <b data-redactor-tag="b">we are being mean intentionally or unintentionally </b>we get the following <b data-redactor-tag="b">emotions AND unresourceful-mental-emotional-states</b> </li> <li>I.Anger, Throwing Tantrums</li> <li>II.Controlling others, Arrogance, </li> <li>III.Jealousy, Envy</li> <li>IV.Sulking</li> <li>V.Hate, Feelings of revenge, Holding Grudges </li> <li>VI.Doubt</li> <li>VII.Fear</li> <li>VIII.Anxiety, Hopelessness, Depression</li> <li>IX.Stress</li> <li>X.Relationship issues, Conflicts, Fights</li> <li>XI.Failures. Oblivion</li> <li>XII.Accusing, Blaming, Fault-finding, Making Excuses</li> <li>XIII.Being Defensive, critical and hard to please and Emotional manipulation</li> <li>XIV.Withdrawal and denial</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">2.</b>On the other hand – <b data-redactor-tag="b">when we are being Magnanimous [this does not usually come on its own – it needs solid practice]</b> – we get the following <b data-redactor-tag="b">feelings and Resourceful-mental-emotional-states </b></li> <li>I.Happiness</li> <li>II.Feelings of abundance, Gratefulness, Gratitude </li> <li>III.Sense of Security</li> <li>IV.Bliss</li> <li>V.Love</li> <li>VI.Hope, Faith</li> <li>VII.Intimate and meaningful relationship</li> <li>VIII.Success, Growth</li> <li>3.Our being in unresourceful or resourceful state is very-very Dynamic – AND – is directly related to how we move through bottom rung [being mean] to the top level [being magnanimous] – emotionally and mentally </li> <li>4.If we can focus on and constantly disciple ourselves to be in the magnanimous resourceful state consciously – we would be successful, happy and satisfied</li> <li>5.This is a very obedient servant- AND -in some people's cases can become THEIR MASTER [it affects you mostly in negative ways]</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Possible ways of Applying Magnanimity</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Human nature reacts </b>- to anything wrong, unjust and bad things done to us – naturally - by the <b data-redactor-tag="b">impulsive feelings to</b> strike back, get-even, make him/her/them suffer Learning to be empathic.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">To overcome these, we need to go for the following</b></p> <ul><li>1.Strive for greatness</li> <li>2.Pursuing your bigger picture – which has to be larger than life</li> <li>3.Focusing on creating excellence </li> <li>4.Move out of comfort zone </li> <li>5.Challenging status-quo</li> <li>6.Going for change pro-actively</li> <li>7.Make a concerted effort to accomplish any task (and I mean anything!) with diligence. Working with diligent designs, paying close attention to detail, and actually caring about what you are doing are all excellent ways to grow in magnanimity</li> <li>8.Accepting your mistakes openly – by being specific about them</li> <li>9.Making up for the hurt caused</li> <li>10. Apologizing meaningfully – not as a general statement BUT by being specific for each of the mistakes</li> <li>11. Thanking other – again – not in general terms but by being specific to what you are thankful for</li> <li>12. Giving the benefit of doubt to others</li> <li>13. Acknowledging someone's bad mood by making statements that shows understanding </li> <li>14. Accepting that this person is really in pain and hurt and suffering – so that you can view him/her from compassion</li> <li>15. Refraining from making judgement about others</li> <li>16. A magnanimous person sees him/herself and the other person as they really are. Then he/she urges the best out of that person. As a result he/she brings out the best in him/herself</li> <li>17. Rising above pettiness or meanness; generosity in overlooking injury or insult</li> <li>18. Becoming tolerant of another's viewpoint </li> <li>19. Becoming focused on the concept on inclusion</li> <li>20. Giving of self or resources without any expectations of any recognition or reward. </li> <li>21. Forgiving wrongs done to us with no thought of retaliation or recrimination – this is for our own well-being only</li> <li>22. By forgetting indignities and bear no grudges -– this is for our own well-being only</li> <li>23. Creating love and compassion</li> <li>24. Being humble </li> <li>25. Take notice of those around you that you would normally not give a moment of your time – and - attempt to understand their life and their struggles </li> <li>26. Cultivate the fine art of listening – without focusing on what and how to reply</li> <li>27. Instead of complaining – taking the issues in the open to resolve the conflict</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">You have to understand that being Magnanimous</b> – never supports, encourages and never approves of wrongdoing – <b data-redactor-tag="b">instead it is about understanding of issues in the deepest </b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">How can we stop being mean – to others</b></p> <ul><li>1.The genesis of being mean lies in our getting hurt, unhealed wounds, our getting injustice, anger and frustrations of not able to do anything etc. etc. </li> <li>2.Find the root-cause of your anger</li> <li>3.Pay attention to other people's feelings</li> <li>4.If you are tempted to say something just to get even with them – you can be sure of that these very words will definitely hurt their feelings and may even create an enemy for you for life</li> <li>5.But if you can only control this rush of impulsive anger for some time – and later resolve it by taking the issue out in open through transparent discussions – you may get a great relationship</li> <li>6.In fact it is a thumb rule - if you can't say anything nice - just don't say anything at all</li> <li>7.Stop judging others</li> <li>8.USE A Daily REMINDER – to be Magnanimous</li> <li>9.PAY ATTENTION TO THE WAY people who are NICE to you talk, act and BEHAVE</li> <li>10. Stop trying to prove that you are Right</li> <li>11. Think of Positive Things to Say First</li> <li>12. Listen to Other People's Feelings – by reading between the lines and through observing their facial and body language</li> <li>13. Don't Confuse Meanness with Honesty</li> <li>14. Identify What You're Grateful For</li> <li>15. Talk About Yourself, Not Others – use I sentences instead of blame You sentences</li> <li>16. Change the Conversation</li> <li>17. Just let go of you the Need to Comment on Everything</li> <li>18. Say Something Kind</li> <li>19. Be Punctual</li> <li>20. Stop trying to win every argument – in fac walk away from arguments all the time</li> <li>21. Discover What You're Actually Mad About</li> <li>22. Learn to address your Anxiety issues</li> <li>23. Address you Poor Communication Skills – you choice of words, downplaying other's big gestures</li> <li>24. Stop comparing yourself with others and the resultant need to pull them down</li> <li>25. Recognize your Ego and work on getting rid of it</li> <li><a name="avoidtheimpulsetocutoff"></a>26. Avoid the Impulse to Cut Off others</li> <li><a name="focusonselfmanagement"></a>27. Focus on Managing Yourself (And Not fixing Your Partner)</li> <li><a name="lookpasttheissues"></a>28. Resolve Past the Issues internally</li> <li>29. Don't ever Hold-back your love, your appreciation, your communication and sex – just because you want to punish someone</li> <li>30. Stop Nagging, sniping and getting cranky over the small stuff</li> <li>31. Be honest about what you want, need or feel </li> <li>32. Create healthy boundaries around yourself and Respect others boundaries</li> <li>33. Spend time with your family and loved ones</li> <li>34. Stop being around people who are mean and only gossip</li> <li>35. Work on your trust issues</li> <li>36. Be Who You Want to Be</li> <li>37. Stop being a People-Pleaser</li> <li>38. Improve your Social Skills</li> <li>39. Sort out all Miscommunication/Misunderstanding</li> <li>40. Always challenge all your Negative Assumptions</li> <li>41. Introspect and identify if you use Projection - Instead of admitting shortcomings, people may project them onto other people and accuse them of the behavior they don't acknowledge in themselves</li> <li>42. Understand are you in Superiority Complex demon mood - people who are unable to acknowledge their low self-esteem may compensate by acting as if they are better than others</li> <li>43. Control the urge to go for Passive-aggressive Escalation</li> <li>44. Stop Intellectualizing your Emotions – just accept and feel what you are feeling at this moment</li> <li>45. Stop seeking other's Validation, approval, recognition, attention</li> <li>46. Learn how to be Vulnerable </li> <li>47. Understand that when You OR others are Rude and Unkind - It's Not About You and vice-versa</li></ul>