How to Handle People Who Don't Care

Being sensitive and empathic is the best quality you can have - because only then you can experience the full-thrill of happiness, bliss, love, romance, affections, meaningful-connections etc. etc.. This also make you a blessing for those around you.

Being right type of sensitive means that you have very high levels of emotional, social, spiritual intelligences [ in fact real sustainable success, happiness and good relationship happens thru having 36 types of intelligences you can read in my blog named types of intelligences].

Unfortunately – this world has more insensitive people than the sensitive ones.

If you are [like me] an empathic person, who care for others, listen-attentively, gives honest suggestions, sincerely help others and can understand-others-by-just-observing => You are in for lots of upsets, disappointments, troubles and pains of every kind emotional, mental, physical, social, relationship and even financial.

This blog is about those people – who just don't care about your feelings.

If you can't avoid them - then you have to learn the effective ways to deal with them – for your own well-being.

Emotionally mature people do not get disturbed by other's insensitivities.

There are other types of people who are very-very sensitive – they take everything personally and get hurt and get offended very easily [most of the time this is due to their deep insecurities related psychological disorders].

The popular claim that women are more sensitive than men – well – is subject to debate.

I have come across [which I guess many of you too would have] - many highly insensitive women and highly sensitive men and vice-versa.

5 typical possibilities exist in our relationships - insensitive men vs. insensitive men, insensitive women vs. insensitive women, sensitive men vs. insensitive women, sensitive women vs. insensitive men, sensitive men vs. sensitive women.

Your chemistry [here this word is meant towards the quality of relationship and types of problems between any two individuals] between any of the above 5 types [except sensitive men vs. sensitive women] would be stormy and stressful specially to the person with deeper emotional-issues

If both of them high ego – constant fire-works would be experienced.

In this article the focus is on your Being insensitive to the actions of the people [who are always draining you through their insensitivities AND you can't get rid of and must live with – like your boss, your children, your parents] - maybe even your wife/husband if their insensitiveness are minor irritants [because in spouse relationship the options of getting separated is exercised by many people].

In all other relationships [where you can live without that person being in your life –it is better to get out].

If you have put in your maximum efforts [by doing the right things and explaining patiently again and again] - and still there is absolutely no regard, respect, understanding, recognition, acknowledgement of Your pains, hurts, insults – from this person.

And this person is still totally insensitive to YOUR PART and focuses on his/her part AND does not amend, make-up, correct his/her behavior => this relationship is a coercive one.

You will find many of our close relationship [in the form of friends, family members, bosses and so-called well-wishers] are Insensitive, Arrogant, Totally Self-centered and Judgmental.

How to Deal with Insensitive People [or those who never think about your feelings and emotions]

• 1.Understand them
• I.How people treat you is all about them and their personality, which reveals their real self in a subtle manner. You have to be intuitive enough to pick up those vibrations.
• II.People react to your personality, potential and work according to their own perception, capability and emotional intelligence.
• III.When people are rude - They could be struggling and anguished by their own frustrations and problems
• IV.When they are disrespectful – they could have been conditioned by disrespecting authority figures OR They could be doing it out of spite
• V.When they are indifferent – Their thinking does not go beyond their own needs, wants, pains – as they are self-centered
• 2.Convey your hurts, talk to them - It is not easy in fact very-very difficult – sometimes impossible
• I.As They have never learned to respect the opinion of others - They can't see beyond their own hurts, which appear to be overwhelming for them.
• II.They would duck your questions and would even lie AND avoid discussion on any issue that they find uncomfortable
• III.They would not answer your questions and will remain silent OR give you silent treatment
• IV.Why because probably they have never experienced kindness from their close relationships.
• V.While handling these people - Never-never-never give up your own kindness. BUT ensure that you allow them to cross the healthy boundaries no matter what – don't let anyone abuse your Self-love and self-esteem
• VI.Don't depend on these people too much as only you will get frustrated
• 3.Sometimes give them back
• I.Use strong words to convey what you have been saying softly – as most of them understand the language of reprimand better than polite requests
• II.Remind them how much you have done to boost their respect.
• III.If they withdraw into their shell, challenge them out ask them them to convey their grievances openly. This step may reveal the reasons of their insensitivity
• 4.Don't stoop to their level
• I.When they're rude, don't think about fighting fire with fire. That won't get you anywhere.
• II.Instead, try to ignore what they're saying. It's better than wasting the energy it takes to think of a snide comeback
• III.Ignore rude comments - This could be hard to do if it's someone you have to see on a daily basis - Don't give them the satisfaction of showing you're hurt or angry.
• IV.Just pretend like they never said anything at all - try acting like nothing they say bothers you
• V.Resist the urge to fight to win the argument
• VI.Be polite even though you might be upset about how they've treated you – as it would in all probability be a waste of time for you
• VII.Be upfront - If their words really bother you, especially if it's a friend or someone you care about, find a time to tell that person how you feel
• 5.Also Understanding Yourself Is the First Step to Understanding Others
• I.Observe, Observe, observe – yourself and other – how you and they react and behave in certain situations
• II.Learn to set healthy boundaries* - read my article on this
• III.We can't control other people's behavior - but we can control our responses to it.
• IV.Separate the Person from the issue
• V.Understand that only a very unhappy and insecure person would bully or intimidate others - often bullies are victims themselves
• VI.Someone who is angry is someone who doesn't know how to handle their suffering
• VII.Don't engage with them if possible -while you can't completely ignore them, you can certainly disengage by acting disinterested, or by stop to react

Signs of Emotionally Unintelligent and people with low EQ

• 1.You LACK SELF ESTEEM
• 2.You are incapable of handling the effects of stress without hurting someone in the process
• 3.You raise your voice to make others follow your wishes – at times in public too
• 4.You aren't open to other's opinions – as you are only focused and involved in themselves and your own needs
• 5.You get defensive in almost every interaction
• 6.You can't remember people's names - During the initial introductions or greeting they are so wrapped up in what they need to say
• 7.You don't think before you speak – you react rather than respond
• 8.You ignore want others to behave with you nicely – but you, yourself hurt others
• 9.You can't control your attitude
• 10. You don't act present – you listen with the sole intent of replying fittingly
• 11. You take everything personally
• 12. You always get defensive
• 13. You always have excuses and justifications for not doing something – that you yourself have agreed and promised
• 14. You see yourself as powerless and compare yourself constantly with others
• 15. You have a need to have things your own way
• 16. You have Extreme fear of failure and fear about the future
• 17. You are generally highly stressed and busy – yet you have Trouble starting or following through on projects
• 18. You believe the world is against you - and you are never at fault
• 19. You are self-centered
• 20. You never Back down from an argument - because you can't bear to lose face
• 21. You Get in Lots of Arguments
• 22. You do Not Understanding How Others Feel
• 23. You Think That Other People Are Overly Sensitive
• 24. You Refuse to Listen and understand Other's Points of View
• 25. You Blame Others for all the Mistakes
• 26. You cannot Cope With Emotionally-Charged Situations
• 27. You are prone to Sudden Emotional Outbursts
• 28. You have Difficulty Maintaining Friendships and relationship
• 29. You Lack Empathy
• 30. You withdraw often
• 31. You're jumpy
• 32. Your pain tolerance is less.
• 33. Change is extremely upsetting for you
• 34. You can never distinguish between Critiquing, Criticism and well-meaning suggestions – feels like a dagger
• 35. You have difficulty letting go of negative thoughts and emotions
• 36. You Frequently feels physical symptoms headache) when something unpleasant happens during the day
• 37. You often have bad days that affect your eating and sleeping habits in an unhealthy way -such as eating or sleeping too much or too little
• 38. You are afraid of rejection, even in relatively minor situations
• 39. You Compares self with others often (in physical, relational, social, work, financial, or other scenarios) -and experiences unhappy feelings from negative social comparison
• 40. You Often thinks/worries about what others are thinking
• 41. You find it difficult to let go - when triggered by relatively small unpleasantness
• 42. You Feel hurt easily
• 43. You would rather discuss negative emotions with others – instead of focusing on positives
• 44. You have hard time accepting critical feedback - even when it's given reasonably and constructively
• 45. You Often overreacts to real or perceived slights and provocations
• 46. You Often feels awkward in group situations and feels unable to be oneself
• 47. You Feel self-conscious in romantically intimate situations

Signs of emotionally unavailable person

A relationship with an emotionally unavailable person can be deeply traumatizing – check from the following list, how many apply to your partner

• 1.Your actions to push for closeness may feel uncomfortable or scary to them
• 2.emotionally unavailable people withdraw and say "no comment"
• 3.They don't put the same effort into the relationship.
• 4.Even if your partner says he/she loves you, his/her behavior and demeanor make you feel unworthy of love.
• 5.Few of them can demonstrate bursts of real intimacy and passion - followed by periods of pulling back and coldness and criticism and negativity
• 6.Difficulty Expressing Emotions and Feelings
• 7.Resistant to Committing
• 8.Acts Distant - Too Cool
• 9.Inability or Unwillingness to Be Vulnerable
• 10. Uncomfortable Discussing Emotional Topics
• 11. Gets Defensive and Quick to Anger
• 12. Suggests You Are Too Sensitive or Needy
• 13. Quick to Blame Others
• 14. Rarely Self-Reflective or Self-Aware
• 15. Difficulty in showering their Affection and complementing others
• 16. Disdain and Disinterested in Your Feelings and Needs
• 17. Often Self-Centered and Needing Attention
• 18. Either Overly Focused on Sex but Not Emotional Closeness OR Avoids Sex Altogether OR have sex simply to fill in the blank
• 19. Inability to Deal with Conflict
• 20. Wanting to Control you
• 21. Fear falling in love and being emotionally intimate because of their fear of getting hurt
• 22. Distrustful
• 23. avoid intimacy with distractions
• 24. uncomfortable talking about themselves and their feelings
• 25. have secrets they are ashamed of which makes them feel Unworthy, undesirable or unlovable
• 26. fear too many expectations and demands because of relationship
• 27. play games and avoid conflict
• 28. And they expect only you to work on the relationship – while they enjoy the goodies
• 29. They shallow and are happy to keep conversations at superficial level
• 30. They change the subject or make fun when you bring up something emotional
• 31. You don't feel supported by them.
• 32. They prefer to do things alone
• 33. They tell you that you shouldn't feel a certain way
• 34. They think they're expressing emotions, but they're actually not
• 35. They don't talk about things that are important to you
• 36. They're always telling you that you should look on the bright side
• 37. They haven't been in serious relationships
• 38. They don't like talking about tough issues
• 39. They not affectionate
• 40. They actually not available for their partners literally
• 41. They don't respect your time
• 42. They misunderstand you
• 43. They call you intense
• 44. They will call you oversensitive
• 45. They will say that you are being judgmental
• 46. They will say that you are ignoring them

Should you find yourself with an emotionally unavailable person - you should ask yourself

• 1.How long are you willing to deny yourself what you want and need
• 2.How long are you willing to let go of energy that is better served somewhere else
• 3.Why don't you think you are worth more than that? And if you do think you are worth more than that, then what are you waiting for
• 4.Understand that You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do – you cannot fix them or change them – they need to figure out whether they wish to change their behavior
• 5.And if they don't or aren't willing to change, you're way better off putting your energy someplace else, or with someone else.

Read My Blog in relationshipandhappiness.com- Signs You Should Seriously Think Getting Out of this Relationship – click http://relationshipandhappiness.com/should-you-end-your-relationship.html