How to deal with criticism in life, Dealing with criticism in life, How to deal with destructive criticism, How to deal with criticism positively
If you are a person who feels on the top of the world when praised by others, then you would be a person whom, the criticism impacts very badly and long-term too.
If you are being criticized, it may mean any of the following
1.You have reached a position of envy, power, esteemed one
2.You are facing people, who are habitually in criticism mode. They need help, not you
3.You are actually being given an honest feedback, which could be crucial in your future
4.You are being bullied, by people who are insecure and use the tool of intimidation to make people tow their line
5.You are standing up for something that is larger than life, and naysayers are criticizing as knee-jerk reaction
6.You are unique, authentic and genuinely you or being different. Which is making people uncomfortable, in this world designed to create robots, through academic, religion and social protocols
If you link your #self-worth*, #happiness* etc, to, how many people like you, how many people approve of what you are doing, how many people like and praise your work.
If you have constant craving for attention, approval and pleasing others, then too you would be too sensitive to criticism.
If you are a perfectionist, criticism would be extremely painful to bear, especially after, you have done so much to do a great job.
If the above three paragraphs are true for you, then you are programmed for feeling hurt and wounded more deeply than others, while facing, all the essential elements of growth in life, like rejections, failures and criticisms.
If these applies to you, then you must seek professional help to learn to live a better quality and happier life.
The worst criticism is when you are overly critical of yourself. The equally matching is the criticism you get from the person you love unconditionally or revere.
No one likes to be criticized. For some people the pain of criticism lasts few minutes and or hours, and for some it may last years or even life-time.
Where as people who are #Assertive*, #Resilient*, #Confident*, #Love and accept themselves* - are the people who have developed the #habits, #mind-set and ways to shrug-off criticism, #failures, rejection etc, easily and move on with their life.
Throughout this article all the words marked * has my separate blogs in the "From the heart of Subhashis" in https://successunlimited-mantra.com/ as well as in http://relationshipandhappiness.com/ with practical #DIY tips.
Criticism is a fact of life. And since we can't avoid criticism, we need to learn how to deal with criticism, effectively.
"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." – Aristotle
How to deal with criticism
1.Evaluate the person, who is criticizing you. By asking yourself
I.Do you believe that this person is a true well-wisher of yours or not – as Criticism from someone who is closer to you, has more impact than criticism from strangers
II.Do you value/respect his/her opinion
III.Does this person have a pattern of being helpful or hurtful or mean
IV.Are they irrational due to physical or emotional strain
V.Are they making assumptions based on their perspective of the world
VI.Are they feeling insecure, because you're a threat - maybe you are/have become better than them
VII.Are they abusive by nature
2.Evaluate the criticism itself
I.Does it make you feel very bad, feels like insult, feels like bullying, or a personal attack
II.Or somewhere, you feel that some part may be truly constructive
III.Does it seems like, a tantrum thrown to vent his/her feelings, and not really directed against you
I.Are there circumstances that are making you feel depressed
II.Have you had to deal with a recent big impact event, failure, death, sickness, break-up etc
III.Are you stressed, for reasons known or unknown
IV.Are there particular people, who bring out the worst in you
V.Are there few people you find difficult to say No
VI.Are there few situations you feel it beyond yourself, to deal with comfortably
VII.Are you beating yourself up, Do you tell yourself – that You look ridiculous, that You are no good, that You are a failure and that You are unlovable etc
4.Understand few basics
I.Most of the critics wants you to react, to use it for their advantage, if they are not your well-wishers
II.Many times, the person criticizing is not actually attacking you, but you have to be the person, where he/she is able to let off the steam
III.Unless you take personally and accept what others say to you, criticism, does not have any power
IV.Many times criticism, made by others, if you learn to disassociate – NLP* and observe/view objectively, it would be downright funny and silly. You will fall down laughing
V.The criticism, can be reframed from many perspectives, you need to learn how to reframe – NLP*
VI.The initial reaction phase is the most dangerous one, when most of us may feel like hitting back, if you can cool this period, then your reaction, if that happens would be much less harmful
VII.The real harm of criticism takes place, when we keep ruminating and reflecting about what others said, long time after they said it
VIII.Since most of us make mistakes, it's entirely possible that the criticism directed at you is, probably right, if coming from a person, especially if more than two people, whom you care for are saying
5.Get in touch with your feelings, learn to recognize and name them, then practice the EFT techniques* of tapping and saying that, even though I am feeling angry/insecure/ashamed/guilty/afraid/any other feeling – I accept myself full
6.Learn to face the truth, rather than suppressing them
7. Learn to practice humor to turn a bad situation into a humorous one*
8.Learn to differentiate, are they looking to help you improve, or are they looking to put you down
9.Listen carefully, engage them in a dialogue, by asking clarifying questions*
10.Challenge your feelings about criticism, look for, whether we have misinterpreted it to give negative meaning, or actually they are negative
11.Get rid of toxic people, right now
18.Stop being defensive or justify your mistakes, Remember that constructive criticism can make you a better person
22.Remember, you don't have to listen.23. Learn to practice assertiveness* and saying no 24. Create the habit of responding instead of reacting*
25.Continuously focus on your area of influence to take action towards your dreams*
26.*Give your 100% *
27.Focus on excellence*
28.Make yourself better, every day, in every aspects of life, by continuously learning*29. Remember the Benefit of Getting Feedback 30. Ask Questions to Deconstruct the Feedback 31. Acknowledge That You Might Be Wrong 32. Understand whether you do something bigger, something different and something new you would be first ridiculed, then violently opposed, then accepted, if you prove yourself 33. Accept that Criticism will anyway come, and that there will always be some who will try to throw a spanner in the works. You cannot avoid it, therefore able to create counter strategy is the only way
34.Learn to create a thick-skin both for praise as well as criticism, you need to practice, so as not to get too excited by either of them
35.Learn to recognize the internal drama-script "He said this" or "She did that" and how dare they
36.Haters are always going to hate, no matter what you do, as they draw their power from hatred, that is why they are the most pitiable people in the world37. Understand you Don't have to Explain or justify, if you don't want to
38.Understand that those who insult you, they often just want attention, Or they want to look intelligent – by criticizing you. Or because Destroying something always seems more powerful
39.Never try to convince people who are trying to convince you, because they don't listen to you to understand, but they listen to reply. Simply ignoring them could be your best tactic.40. Do what makes you happy and you are passionate about them* 41. Cultivate your unconditional love for yourself* 42. Learn to ask powerful questions and challenge everything, from the perspective of gaining power, because when you ask and they take the bait of answering, the get diverted and lose momentum 43. Ask calmly for further explanation 44. Consider if this could be a case of genuine misunderstanding
45.Constant self-criticism makes it harder for you to deal appropriately with criticism from others.
46.Smile and take long deep Breathe
47.Work on your fear of being judged*
48.Read, listen and watch the videos of people who made it big, in spite of being rejected, failed, having miserable circumstances