Most of our life's pleasures comes from the collage of our many small-small joys.
Similarly, most of our stresses comes from accumulated little-little small irritants.
Many of these irritants [if they can be viewed objectively] – are insignificant.
But Accumulations of many small-little irritants [if not dealt-with properly] over a period of time leads to major disruptions and depressive emotional-being.
If we can learn* the art of – ignoring the small annoyances and the art of focusing on small-small everyday elations – we will have a blissful, peaceful, happy and contended existence.
On the other hand - We need to learn to live with few irritations – which are the immutable part of the game called life.
When stress* and anxiety* begin to control* your day-to-day life, it is the time to seek professional* help.
Habits of yours those irritate others - if left to fester can break down relationships, erode happiness, stagnate growth.
Minor irritations usually reach an exploding point if not sorted out.
You may not be able to change other people's behaviors - but you can certainly change your perspective and your reactions and reframe them to mean positive.
When ignorable incidents – starts bothering us and when we get caught in the negative overthinking mental/emotional state – it is a sure sign of our being depressed, requiring immediate attention and remedy.
I have given few common everyday occurrences – that singularly on their own normally should not disturb you [if they happen once in a blue moon].
But if from the following list many of them – make you feel upset, angry, go-off your handle, lose calm* and makes you tense – regularly - Then please take action right-away.
37 Everyday Irritants [includes both Major and Minor Ones] – add your very own personal irritants
- 1.Blow-up with a family member/colleague
- 2.Being denied a promotion at work
- 3.Getting dressing-down for no fault of yours
- 4.Snoring of our partner
- 5.Messiness - Disorganized habits of partner – of leaving things scattered [if you are perfectionist – this is very-very big irritant]
- 6.Road-rage [this in other countries may come under minor annoyances – BUT – in India it is major big irritant]
- 7.Complete Empathy-less-ness of our partner and close family-members
- 8.Infidelity in committed relationship
- 9.When those habits that you loved in your partner during honey-moon period – starts making you mad
- 10. When others try to put you down, boss-over you or try to bull-doze you – and you are unable to respond* assertively*
- 11. Constant nagging by others
- 12. Blaming you for all their woes
- 13. Taking credit for your efforts without any acknowledgement
- 14. Doing wrong themselves and the making you responsible for it
- 15. Showing-off
- 16. Constant Boasting about themselves
- 17. Always trying to prove that they are right
- 18. Always expecting you to do as per their wishes
- 19. When you are made the designated[unofficially] – to do menial chores
- 20. When you talk with people and they don't remove headphones
- 21. When people throw away stuff that's yours without asking first
- 22. When people leave the used teabag in the sink instead of putting it in the rubbish bin."
- 23. When someone licks their finger before touching a piece of paper, they're going to hand you
- 24. When in the airline they simply try to cross you from window to isle seat without bothering to ask you
- 25. When the plane lands and everyone gets up and start taking their baggage from the bins – even though the plane is still moving
- 26. When you are talking and someone cuts you off in conversation
- 27. When people try to correct your spelling, grammar or any such thing instead of focusing on the matter
- 28. Cut you off in traffic at the last possible second before a turn, entryway, exit
- 29. Turning without using indicators
- 30. Driving on wrong lane + with full headlights on
- 31. Insistent Honking
- 32. Traffic jams
- 33. Kids not listening
- 34. Public rudeness
- 35. Buffering Video
- 36. Tangled Earphones
- 37. Long and Slow Queues
Being Upset About Little Things Usually Means There Are Big Things – we need to deal with on war-footing.
When and Why do we get irritated
- 1.When we are stressed*
- 2.When we are depressed*
- 3.When we are upset* by something else
- 4.When we are frustrated by something else
- 5.When we have unrealistic expectations from others or ourselves
- 6.When we Magnify* the problem*
- 7.When we let the irrational take over and make ourselves furious
- 8.When we give control to others – by being submissive* instead of being assertive
- 9.When someone has taken advantage of us – and – in spite of knowing – we let them
- 10. When instead of taking responsibility – we blame others/situation
- 11. When we are trying to justify/prove that we are right – and it is not succeeding
- 12. When we are seeing things from only one perspective – that too unverified
- 13. When we are unable to face facts and reality – and insist on being ostrich
- 14. When we Quit or give in – against our wishes
- 15. When we jump to conclusions – without verifying the facts
- 16. Our irritation may mean that we have not understood ourselves fully
- 17. Many times, we are projecting what we can't accept about ourselves as the irritants triggered by others
- 18. Other people don't cause our upset – we do it to ourselves
- 19. When we take Things Personally for no reason
- 20. When we stop taking care of ourselves*
- 21. We Take Life Too Seriously and make mountains out of molehills by overthinking and over-analysis
- 22. We are constantly worrying about the minor things
- 23. Uncertainty and change* bother us too much
- 24. We are afraid of being embarrassed and looking silly ourselves
- 25. We are afraid of being wrong and making mistakes
- 26. We constantly focus on threats rather than opportunities
Ways on How to work on Handling Irritants in Our Life
- 1.Go for friendly intervention - Raising difficult issues can make you feel pressurized precarious – but once it is out in the open you will feel a sense of freedom
- 2.Before you raise anything with anyone - that is causing you anxiety or annoyance -you need to soothe yourself – this you do by exercising, by walking, by taking deep breath etc.
- 3.Speak respectfully and put the real-issues without blaming, shaming, accusing
- 4.Identify what your partner does that irritates and bothers you most
- 5.Start with I statement taking responsibility and expressing how you feel – avoid You statements
- 6.Ask yourself - am I projecting my intolerance or what I find unacceptable in myself
- 7.Express your annoyances preferably the first time it occurs - as studies show that the earlier in our relationship, we can express what really bugs us -the better it is for our relationship
- 8.Jointly Identify and Acknowledge your different drives - Many irritations derive from our basic differences in personality.
- 9.When you are irritated but don't know why - try to find all words that comes to your mind to define your mood and emotions
- 10. Stand still and get time to find your moment of clarity – be honest* and courageous* about what you come across
- 11. Then ask questions to focus on finding solutions to the things causing you stress
- 12. Understand that - A person could have done the most annoying thing in the world but how you respond is a choice
- 13. Identify to pinpoint - if your this annoyance is a Justified anger – and are you getting Irritated by the irrational behaviors of others
- 14. If you get pissed off at strangers, challenge the thoughts and diffuse your anger
- 15. Ask the following
- A.What exactly is irritating me right now - Does this significantly impact my life, or is it just a minor inconvenience
- B.How Will it impact my professional life, my finances, my relationships etc. etc.
- C.Am I simply just blowing things out of proportion
- D.Is this something that's really worth getting emotional about
- E.How can I respond to this situation and person in more effective and more productive way
- 16. Whenever you feel yourself getting overwhelmed ask
- A.Is it worth getting emotionally riled up about this
- B.What's the emotional cost of indulging in this
- C.What's the opportunity cost
- D.What could I miss out on as a result
- 17. Understand that People Won't Always Support or Like You
- 18. Understand that Life is Full of Stuff That is Out of Your Control
- 19. Understand that - Making Excuses, justifying our mistakes, Blaming others and Feeling/acting like victim - Are total Waste of Time
- 20. Accept that Things Could have been Much Worse
- 21. Call a lifeline of support
- 22. Focus on the Big Picture
- 23. Remember That We All Make Mistakes
- 24. Forgive Others ALSO Forgive Yourself
- 25. Stop Complaining* start negotiating
- 26. Remember Work is Not Your Life
- 27. Set Healthy Boundaries* and Be Verbal About It to know people around you
- 28. Take Back Your Power* - When we allow other people to make us angry over stupid things, we are letting them control our emotions.
- 29. Understand that many times not reacting is not a weakness but strength
- 30. Stop assuming that the worst will only when something bad takes place
- 31. Don't immediately assume the worst in people.
- 32. Embrace the power of humor* as a coping mechanism
- 33. As DO I HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS
- 34. PINPOINT YOUR FEARS
- 35. CHANGE Your EXPECTATIONS – from yourself as well as others
- 36. Remember Lions never bother about the flies