How to handle Challenges of relationships on having been forced to live in close proximity with your siblings, children, parents and spouse – 24X7 for very long extended period of time.
Many of you are in the lockdown since quite some time and this period seems to just go on and on – AND it is getting on your nerves AND you are getting on other's nerves .
But understand this basic – that – if you don't treat this as an opportunity to grow in every area of your life – and don't emerge out – as the best of yourself [father/mother, son/daughter, husband/wife, other-roles].
AND a new skill, a new plan, more knowledge, better health and fitness, better rapport & understanding & more intimate relationship & improved quality of relationship.
Then you don't have – those qualities to succeed big-time – in face of great adversity.
Because – it definitely cannot be the question of time nor opportunity.
Then it has to be wallowing in the face of challenges and letting your energies directed towards unresourceful emotional, mental and physical states and/or lack ambition and/or lack discipline and/or have given-up.
Yes – this situation is tough and going to be tougher for most of the people especially in the Asian/African countries economically in the worst possible ways - but even in the world of seemingly wealthy-echelons - most won't escape harshly negative consequences in other parts of their lives.
Also understand that many of you in the family would be displaying or undergoing symptoms of stress depression - like – irritation, frustrations, anger, feeling low, crying, taking everything personally – you may also be contributing to others member's anxiety etc. – by getting on their nerves as well.
So irrespective of whether you are having great time and enjoying being together with your most loved ones or finding yourself in hell like misery – this is the time to turn your life upside down – by changing all your beliefs, mindsets, expectations, assumptions, plans, the idea of future etc. etc.
And through this come out stronger, more powerful, having developed better understanding of self and others.
This can be done – fully possible and completely within your area of influence.
But for this first you need to take stock of your own particular situation.
You may find yourself to be in one of the following situations - Please mix and match as per all that applies to you [I have chosen few tricky ones] – yes, your situation may have something entirely different, in that case please amend accordingly.
- 1.Small space – many members – absolutely no-privacy
- 2.Barring the social functions – this is the first time all of you have been together for so long
- 3.Both spouses working from home and with no help – sharing of chores becomes flashpoints
- 4.Both spouses were working and now no work and total financial, work, job uncertainty
- 5.You are used to seeing your family members only late-night and vice-versa
- 6.Adult Children's final/board examinations postponed
- 7.Might have the type of job – which can't be done from home and completely clueless as to what to do with your time
- 8.In addition to your parents, siblings, children, spouse [choose all the permutations that applies to you] – there are pets all put together
- 9.You have sick people like people on dialysis or requiring regular hospital visits or people with psychiatric issues
- 10. You may already be having acrimonious relationship
- 11. You might have been stuck in an unknown place – alone – OR because of sudden lockdown you are stuck separately from your beloved and besotted one
- 12. You had planned a great leisure trip
Tips for making your life – the best that can be under the situation
- 1.Sit when you are feeling comparatively calmer– introspect to understand the current ongoing unprecedented crisis and how it is going to impact you, your life and all your loved ones
- 2.Identify – what are absolutely beyond your control – like
- I.Your job
- II.Your prospects of getting a new job in case you lose it – due to the impending recession
- III.Your earnings
- IV.Your investments and state of Your financial health
- V.The state of economy
- VI.The chaos that may ensue in wake of the large-scale negative impact on a very-very huge part our society
- 3.Imagine the worst-case scenario
- 4.Create plans from the premise – should you lose all
- 5.Have candid and open discussions – in way that others don't become more tensed
- 6.Involve entire family in future planning – seek suggestions and implement
- 7.Reframe that you are stuck at home with – you have an opportunity to create something larger than life right now – should you get motivated and passionate to do so
- 8.Maintain you daily routine as much as you can like on a normal say working day and teat only Sunday as Sunday
- 9.Treat this phase as the moment to slow down mentally and emotionally - and to learn to appreciate all the small-small and good things in life
- 10.Give space to everyone including yourself – even if all you have a room shared by 4-6 people.
- 11.It can become a gas-chamber – in case you have teenage-children, siblings, parents, spouse – with whom your relationship is already strained PLUS you have very small house.
- 12.Identify the triggers that makes others irritated – control them – this you need to do it by force, till you learn a more effective way
- 13.Don't give in to your urge to get back and get even with your family members – even if they have done something that have made you angry and upset
- 14.If your children are in board-classes and their examinations are postponed – kindly don't pressurize them to study it would backfire by way of poorer results whenever the exams are held – in any case they will get enough time to revise for at least 1 month if not more.
- 15.They are going through toughest times too – as you can't revise again and again in face of uncertainty – so let them be
- 16.Develop hobbies that can be done inside house
- 17.Stop watching news channel altogether – instead watch discovery types of channels
- 18.Volunteer to do house chores, Share work – cook for the entire family, take responsibility for one major work
- 19.Exercise exercise exerercise – if don't have any space just jump and stretch on the space you need to sleep - Please read by blog on - https://successunlimited-mantra.com/index.php/blog/how-to-create-healthy-sustainable-life - for healthier life
- 20.Learn and Dance or simply sway
- 21.Read read read, Enroll in online courses
- 22.Most of you won't have access to your regular addictions – try to use this as a catalyst to give it up totally
- 23.Develop healthy mental and physical habits
- 24.Write Blog about your experiences
- 25.Teach something online
- 26.Find opportunity to help people through internet
- 27.Identify all your challenges – that you are facing/were facing professionally, physically, mentally, emotionally
- 28.If you are scared of losing your job – read my blog - https://successunlimited-mantra.com/index.php/blog/what-to-do-if-you-lose-your-job-now AND ALSO https://successunlimited-mantra.com/index.php/blog/essentiality-of-redefining-your-future-right-now-1
- 29.Address these challenges – by finding out simple solutions
- 30.Ask for their feedback – on how could you become a better father/mother, son/daughter, husband/wife, brother/sister
- 31.Catch up with your friends and relatives – you have not connected with recently
- 32.Find ways to make your house decluttered and more beautiful
- 33.Learn something that would make you most valuable in your job
- 34.Take help of family members by being candid about it – should you feel it would create bonding
- 35.Ignore minor acts of family members – they are also going through the same sets of challenges
- 36.Learn to meditate, Do pranayama
- 37.Identify the things that as family you can do together – ie watch movies etc.
- 38.Have self-discipline but don't enforce it on others
- 39.You will certainly be getting on other's nerve – try not to be bothered by minor violations of your code of conduct
- 40.If you have very-bad relationship – discuss and call truce – if possible, stay away
- 41.AND if you can't - avoid triggering negativities in each other
- 42.Keep all the essential medicines and replenish them ASAP - place order the moment you are left with 10 days
- 43.Do one thing together every day with entire family
- 44.Listen to all without any bias and without any distractions – only to understand them better
- 45.See differences as exciting, fun and healing rather than problems to fix
- 46.Avoid absolutely the temptations of criticism, Contempt through name calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile-humor, scathing-sarcasm, Defensiveness (making excuses to explain away your actions), Stonewalling (withdrawing from a conversation, even if physically present)
- 47.Learn and experiment with better methods of conflict resolution
- 48.Be more Kind to the suffering of the masses – do what you can – it is contagious, too
- 49.Maintain healthy sleep habits
- 50.Go for self-care in big way
- 51.Be yourself – fully completely yourself – get rid of all the show that you wear as mask
- 52.Be comfortable in sharing who you really are
- 53.Practice tolerating uncertainty
- 54.Don't use distracting methods to deal with your anxiety through unhealthy ways like drinking, eating or being on social media much more
- 55.Seek professional help if you need it – in case you find it difficult to deal with the situation and find it overwhelming
- 56.Ask what each other's fears and worries are
- 57.Think about how others are feeling
- 58.Keep work as separate as possible
- 59.Be forgiving of yourself and others
- 60.Improve your soft skills, EQ, SQ, SpQ
- 61.Create the right BOUNDARY
- 62.Give space to others
- 63.Accept that all that YES EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS OUT OF DATE – so we actually need to start from scratch in many areas of life
- 64.Few Financial checklist
- I.Take stock of all that you have to pay – the loan EMIs etc.
- II.Relook into your savings and investments
- III.Don't touch your stock-market portfolio for liquidation – unless that is the only thing that you can in a dire emergency
- IV.If you have spare money – invest in Gold ETF or any such real-gold based non-physical instruments
- V.If you were looking for selling your real-estate – this may not be the correct time
- VI.Keep enough cash at home – try to pay through online [while protecting yourself against spurt in the frauds and scams that are taking place now] – especially if you find ATMs going dry
- VII.Stop all unnecessary expenses
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