In this article we will learn
- -Why we feel irritated - and how constant irritation can lead to frustrations
- -7 ways How to deal with irritating behavior in the workplace
- -15 examples of irritating behaviors of others - which bothers us and drains our energy and morale
- -10 basic reasons why we can get irritated which later leads to frustration
- -65 techniques to develop effective coping mechanisms plus how to manage your own irritating behavior as well as frustrations
- -11 points to observe in yourself to find whether you are frustrated and whether you should go for expert help
- -16 Medical conditions responsible for irritation and frustrations – only an indicative list - as there could be 100s of such complications
What to do when frustrated - continuous irritation because of failures in efforts and outcome and not getting what we want leads to frustrations and dejections.
Therefore I will be using the word irritation in this entire blog interchangeably with frustration - although it is different.
How many of you have experienced the emotions, the feelings and the moods of - frustration, irritation, restlessness, being agitated, being upset, being anxious, impatient, impulsively-reactive.
Most of us go through these emotions frequently maybe few times a week.
The intensity and the degree of these emotional-swing may differs in the scale from - their being insignificant to naggingly disturbing to disrupting and bringing the life to a stand-still.
While all these words - frustration, irritation, restlessness, being agitated, being upset, being anxious, impatient, impulsively-reactive - are different and can have very different types of impact and effect on us – here - I would be using these words interchangeably.
This video/article only deals with what is within our area of influence and control plus how to deal with our everyday irritants.
All the points given as advice - have separate do it yourself - detailed - blogs in my both the websites success unlimited mantra and relationship and happiness and my various YouTube videos
Most of the times - we are able to manage our life's little irritants - either by finding more meaningful engagements to move on or using our own emotional-coping techniques.
If we are constantly in the state of anxiety, irritation, agitation– then we need immediate psychologist's/psychiatrist's intervention [especially if we are in this un-resourceful state for long period of time and even after long-gap of post traumatic or distressing event].
No one can avoid irritants in life - simply because controlling our mood, our surroundings, other people's action and behavior is beyond normal human abilities and capabilities.
Irritation is the natural reaction to anything in our life which we do not like to face - Irritation is feeling frustrated due to a particular situation—but it is not anger.
When we feel irritated - it generally leaves us feeling stressed and can generate the feeling of being powerless or undervalued.
Irritation if not handled properly will invariably leads to anger, agitation and maybe all other negative emotions and moods.
And surprisingly – our own physical, mental and emotional fatigue along with our realization of our own limitations and fear of future may cause impatience – which is the major trigger of irritations.
While facing an unwanted and undesired situation – loss of patience* makes us annoyed and cranky.
We need to learn to deal with minor but persistent annoying behavior of others in order to be happy, peaceful and successful along with understanding others and forming meaningful relationships.
15 examples of irritating behaviors of others - which bothers us and drains our energy and morale - add your own as there could be 100s of ways others can get on to our nerves
- 1.Talking loudly on the phone in public
- 2.Interrupting people - when someone is talking with them PLUS Being disruptive during meetings etc.
- 3.Being focused on only their interests
- 4.Disrespecting others in public
- 5.Mocking and ridiculing others
- 6.Creating mess in public places as well as in their home - and leaving it for others to clear away after a meeting
- 7.Promising and not delivering
- 8.Doing callous work
- 9.Being persistently late
- 10. Eating while making disgusting chewing sound
- 11. Wearing inappropriate clothing
- 12. Boasting continuously
- 13. Bullying others
- 14. Dominating others
- 15. Not allowing others to speak
More often - these people and their behaviors go unchallenged.
But when it bothers us and we don't take the right actions to address such issues - can leave us feeling helpless, deflated and miserable.
I get provoked and agitated on some issues very fast and by some people - I have also seen that when I am agitated – I do many wrong things, mostly self-harming and sometimes with irreversibly major long-term negative consequence.
Eventually any little nagging behavior can become a major distraction and builds resentment and anger within us.
7 ways How to deal with irritating behavior in the workplace
- 1.Avoid gossip – stop your urge to vent your frustration about your irritating colleague by complaining about him/her to another co-worker
- 2.Assess your irritation as it subjective. Therefore, before taking any action – try to look yourself [if that is not possible seek an independent person who is not involved with you or him/her] to look and assess objectively
- 3.In case this behavior is aggressive or damaging - then certainly you need to take actions through proper channel
- 4.It is definitely no easy for anyone [especially for me] to keep your emotions in check when we are faced with persistent, irritating behavior - bottling these feelings can have very devastating effect on our moral
- 5.We need to remember that there is a big difference between annoying behavior and the person - the behavior is the issue and not the person – in most cases.
- 6.Then it is also possible that this is unlikely to be aware of the impact his/her behavior causing you.
- 7.If tempers run high and the atmosphere is charged with tensions seek the help of a mediator [an impartial colleague] to diffuse the situation.
10 basic reasons why we can get irritated which later leads to frustration– add your own
- 1.We are tired
- 2.We are hungry
- 3.We are nursing a hangover
- 4.Have million things rushing around inside our brain
- 5.When are carrying the weight of the world [at least we feel that we are responsible for everything in this world and for everyone's actions etc.]
- 6.Few situation
- 7.Certain difficult people
- 8.Any comment made by a colleague or partner
- 9.Unexpected expenses or missing our flight or delay
- 10. You know that you are agitated – but do-not know what to do and how to control.
65 techniques to develop effective coping mechanisms plus how to manage your own irritating behavior as well as frustrations
- 1.Learning not to jump to conclusions - before jumping to conclusions, we have to inculcate the habits of viewing a larger picture behind everything that makes us upset
- 2.Let go of how people should act and what people should do
- 3.Set low expectations from others – that is be assertive when it is what they have to do say in professionally in their jobs -but t don't expect people to wow you with their manners, their thoughtfulness, their speech.
- 4.Learn how to react strategically
- 5.Learning how to better manage your anger*
- 6.Practice responding rather than reacting
- 7.Accept the things you cannot change – there are millions of them about other people and the situations
- 8.Stop trying to please everyone – by unconditionally loving, accepting and respecting ourselves
- 9.Let go of the feeling that everyone should like you
- 10. Identify what is bothering you - what is it that letting you go off your handle - is it something truly annoying or if it is something harmless that annoys you[then in all probability there is an underlying issue that you need to resolve either about the person, or about yourself]
- 11. Be aware your annoyance can be a problem with you instead of a problem with them - ask yourself - is the reason you are annoyed because the other person is behaving in a manner that is you too do and are ashamed of it
- 12. All of us get frustrated from time-to-time - we can get frustrated by – other people's laziness, stupidity, inefficiency, show-off, we may also get irritated by the irrational behavior or acts of others. Other people only press our triggers - we ourselves cause our own upset, frustrations, irritations, anger, agitation etc. Etc.
- 13. But when we get irritated or angry – we are actually projecting our own un-met desires. It is not them it is us.
- 14. Being annoyed can be a sign that we are too comfortable being in our comfort zone* - try disrupting* your life
- 15. Avoid dwelling and reflecting on your mistakes - instead take steps to correct them
- 16. Don't suppress your anger - learn to vent your anger in healthy manner
- 17. Assert yourself proactively and calmly
- 18. Communicate your needs appropriately
- 19. Accept that life is unreasonable
- 20. Stop trying to control your emotions
- 21. Practice vulnerability*
- 22. Understanding and learning to deal with our anxieties*
- 23. Reframe your circumstances – by asking yourself the following
- I.What if I am read the situation in completely wrong way
- II.What if there was really nothing to be angry about - it is only the way I am misinterpreting the situation and behavior of others
- III.How will I think about this situation in say after a month
- IV.What if this situation was a circus act - how would I respond to it
- V. How would another person interpret this situation - can I ask someone
- VI.How would a child interpret this situation -How would they respond
- VII.How many different ways could I interpret this
- VIII.Does this have some other different meanings - let me find it
- 24. Using regular relaxation techniques
- 25. Taking regular breaks and vacations
- 26. Getting good sleep
- 27. Going for a walk to cool down
- 28. Taking help of family members – just by sharing what you are going through [but completely being deaf on their suggestions, comments and anxieties - so not to get unduly influenced by even more damaging opinions]
- 29. Never try to suppress, deny or force-stop your feelings of being defeated, having failed, being sad
- 30. Never force yourself to feel good – just by sheer will. Because when we fight with these feelings, they actually become more powerful – because we start giving too much importance to our hopelessness and this is feeding into increase its momentum
- 31. Engage your mind by doing what's fun, not what's right - you need to take action/do things to get you out of your emotional state
- 32. Don't force yourself to do anything just because somebody says it's good for you
- 33. Discover [before hand – when you are actually feeling alright] - which activities are fun and engaging to you personally – then make any healthy choice that makes you feel better - watch on TV something comic, eat dark-chocolate, surf the internet to look for something that is interesting for short-time
- 34. Avoid drugs and alcohol at any cost - as they only complicate and make situation worse
- 35. Identify and write what is your major trouble - say you are feeling hopeless about your failing career, just like i was. But as you brainstorm your problems, you discover many other trivial problems, such as a faulty computer, a messy room, or even a pile of unwashed dishes
- 36. Truth is, anything you do will begin a positive upward cycle. The more trivial (but related) problems you work on, the easier your bigger problems will become
- 37. Understand that you would emerge on the other side of your painful and traumatic problems - as you would somehow manage to get through
- 38. Recognize the moment of frustration - get curious about your situation and what exactly is making you feel so worked up. Ask yourself
- 39. What is not working for you right now
- 40. How are you approaching this situation - is it healthy and rational
- 41. What is the real reason you are feeling frustrated
- 42. What can you do differently
- 43. Gain some needed clarity - by asking question on - about what it is you want to achieve, what are you trying to accomplish, what is the outcome you would like to realize - your frustrations may very well result from the fact that you don't quite understand why and what you are working on
- 44. Shift your perspective – by asking what is actually working for me, how can i make the most of it
- 45. Think flexibly and creatively -what i am missing here, what else can be done here
- 46. Remove the distractions and simplify
- 47. Explore multiple solutions
- 48. Visualize a positive outcome to the situation
- 49. Spend some time in your own company
- 50. Break connection with the world for some time - disconnect from your phone and social-media
- 51. Get it off your chest by sharing it with someone - then ensure absolute-no-complaining period
- 52. Go for vigorous exercise
- 53. Curse as much as you can
- 54. Curse God - he can take it
- 55. Don't discuss and explain the reasons of your irritation with anyone and everyone
- 56. Limit your intake of caffeine and another stimulant
- 57. Try color therapy – wear bright color dresses
- 58. Try sound therapy - listen to a tune which always makes you feel up
- 59. Get a massage
- 60. Give-in to your cravings once in a while - to beat the blues
- 61. Use aromatherapy - use scents of say orange-peel or green-mint leaves
- 62. Do a good deed - to feel good
- 63. Delegate some responsibility - stop taking too much responsibility
- 64. Prepare for the worst - by creating solutions if all the world turns upside-down
- 65. Be accountable for your own actions and decisions
11 points to observe in yourself to find whether you are frustrated and whether you should go for expert help - Ask yourself – are you
- 1.Losing control more often and almost all the time
- 2.You get disappointed very easily
- 3.Trivial issues [you too realize these] – make you upset, agitated, angry, annoyed, irritated
- 4.You may feel that others are purposefully trying to frustrate you
- 5.You feel that others are trying to take advantage of you
- 6.You may feel as if the whole world is happy except you
- 7.You feel you are stressed* a lot
- 8.You might be feeling hopelessness – that nothing will change
- 9.You are living a state of total uncertainty and fear about future
- 10. You might be having see-saw of mood-swings
- 11. All this frustration and agony driving you crazy - and you wish you could scream at the top of your lungs and just quit.
16 Medical conditions responsible for irritation and frustrations – only an indicative list - as there could be 100s of such complications
- 1.Depression
- 2.Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
- 3.PMS (premenstrual syndrome)
- 4.Insomnia
- 5.CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome)
- 6.Anxiety and anxiety dis-orders like - Generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, acute stress disorder
- 7.Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- 8.Menopause
- 9.Nicotine and substance addiction
- 10. Anemia
- 11. Low blood sodium (hyponatremia)
- 12. Nutritional deficiencies (malnutrition)
- 13. Chronic pain
- 14. Attention deficit disorder
- 15. Certain medications
- 16. Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder or any other anti-social disorders