Managing anger effectively

In this article we will learn

-21 reasons Why we get angry
-21 deep-rooted underlying cause that makes you angry
-Understanding 15 anger triggers and your 10 Anger-personality
-Your 12 Anger patterns
-Understanding 15 anger triggers and your 10 Anger-personality
-59 ways How to channelize powerful negative energies of our anger

Why we become angry

Have you ever wondered -what instigates stress, anger, frustrations, irritation, negative feelings about people and situation within us

I am going to talk about 21 reasons here – you can add some more as per – what makes you angry if your trigger is not covered here

1. When we don't get what we want – and we feel entitled
2. When people don't behave and do the way we want them to
3. When we want to control others but are unable to – because the child within us [which sadly has not grown up in us]- tells us that the whole world exists to serve us
4. When we think it is our birth right to get what we want from others
5. When we feel that the world is doing great injustice to us
6. When we feel that we are the only one, who is suffering
7. When we believe very strongly that others or our luck or situation is responsible for our misery
8. When we don't take responsibility for solving the problem and want to shrug-off our responsibility of taking appropriate actions
9. When we enjoy feeling like victim and we blame others – without either understanding or taking ownership for such a situation
10.When we expect a perfect world and realize ours is far from perfect
11.When we compare with those people - who are seemingly very successful/very happy/have great relationship – and – we don't have these [we don't realize what efforts they might have put into to get this state in their life]
12.When we feel helpless to take any actions – do not know what to do in a given situation and become angry
13.When we are unable to let go of our past hurts and failures, regrets etc.
14.When we have toxic and wrong people in life and don't take action to handle them effectively or get them out of our life
15.When we have expectations that the others will act the way we want
16.When we become concerned about what others think of us
17.When we expect others to recognize, appreciate, admire and respect us – and they don't
18.When we have difficulty in accepting change and we start fighting with the change
19.When we live with the most damaging concept of "lived happily ever after"
20.When we are expecting positive changes but we don't change the way we think/belief/act
21.When we don't know how to solve the problems that we are facing and instead of learning how to do it – we get angry

Understanding 15 anger triggers and your 10 Anger-personality

How to identify what triggers your anger

Please ask yourself the following questions and answer frankly

1. Do you have a fierce temper
2. Are there people who can make you angry without doing anything
3. Are there people who can push your triggers to make you lose your cool
4. Have you lost anger in a big way and in that angry state took actions that you regret
5. Do you think anger is bad
6. Do you think anger should be controlled
7. Are you always simmering in anger
8. Have you started losing your cool frequently and regularly since recent times
9. Is your anger costing you your happiness, your peace, your relationship, creating financial losses and loss of reputation
10.Do you lose your cool only in family or in professional and social scenario as well

Now if you answer yes to any of the above. You need to identify, learn and practice the effective techniques to channelize your anger in a constructive and positive manner.

It is a tough and up-hill task, yet possible with practice.

Identify your triggers - what of the following makes you lose your marbles

1. On Being insulted
2. On getting belittled
3. On being humiliated
4. On being embarrassed
5. On being falsely blamed
6. On being mocked
7. On being put down
8. On being dominated
9. On being suppressed
10.On being pressurized into doing things against your values
11.On being threatened
12.On being harassed
13.On being lied or because of giving false excuses given by others
14.On being criticized
15.Because of being subjected to unwarranted name calling

21 deep-rooted underlying cause that makes you angry

Check the following for the probable underlying causes for what makes you lose your temper and cool at fraction of second

1. Do you always been angry person
2. Do you have the family history of blood pressure/hyper tension and anger and diabetes etc
3. Do you get easily irritated
4. Can you identify which people, which situations and which words make you lose your temper
5. Are you yet to get healed from a traumatic experience
6. Do you tend to worry or overthink or keep reflecting on what people said the negative ones
7. Do you have mood swings so that suddenly you feel angry, sad or low
8. Are you going through relationship issues
9. Have you had lots of traumatic experiences
10.Have you been failing at lot in whatever you are trying
11.Are you having problem at work or finding work
12.Are you financially troubled
13.Do you tend to take jokes personally
14.Do you have low self-esteem
15.Have you been used to drinking, using drugs or mood enhancers etc.
16.Have you been the only child and been spoilt by getting all your demands met
17.Do you tend to overreact
18.Does seeing other people having good time and you having lousy times makes you feel cheated
19.Are you aware that your anger hurts people whom you love deeply
20.Are you aware that your loved are scared of you and worried about your anger
21.But you have to understand that none of the above can be a reason to hurt others and cause damage to you and others

Your 12 Anger patterns

Identifying your anger types, pattern or style

There could be following ways you become angry

1. Your temper shots up in an instant, mercury rises to the top and explodes and it takes a lot to make you cool down – in this state you can do anything and harm others. Road rage is an example
2. You get angry fast but get calm down also quite fast – in this state you may say bad things that you may regret later, but you are unlikely to harm anybody else
3. You are blind with internal rage and people with this type would definitely have emotional issues and many physical ailments and brain hemorrhage or similar attacks
4. Destructive anger - when you lose you cool – you break things, throw things, even the most useful and expensive items you would throw
5. Revengeful anger – in this you definitely get angry but do not show and coolly plan your revenge and for that you may wait maybe months, years. Cold blooded murder may come under this vi. Self-destroying anger – you suppress you anger within and start blame, criticizing, belittling yourself
6. Passive-aggressive anger - you are too angry, but as you are submissive you show that you are okay. But do all the things to harm without getting blamed for the damage done
7. These are the people who are perpetually irritated, sometimes they can fight even with the wind on why it is blowing
8. Then there are people who maintain complete cool in one situation and lose it completely in another situation
9. Then there are people with psychological disorders, who are so nice and cool in front of outsiders, but make the life hell for their closest ones
10.Then there are people who understand who angers them and they try to avoid those people and situation. If forced into being with these people they may get away and ignore to avoid the trigger as soon as it is possible
11.These type of people, use the tremendous energy of their anger to create something extra-ordinary for themselves or for the world what to do if you are on the verge of losing your temper - if you can recognize that you are about to get angry beyond control, that in itself if by practice can lower your anger to less troublesome level.
12.Anger is generally a reaction of triggers pressed by others and many time by ourselves - this also could be a sign of we are unable to deal with the situation or people effectively.

59 ways How to channelize powerful negative energies of our anger, irritations and frustrations into creating meaningful and mighty outcomes.

Let us first understand few basics

1. Seemingly good things [meaning those which gives us pleasure] can create bad outcomes and similarly seemingly bad things [like pain of failures] can give us extra-ordinary results.
2. Anything done excessively can create bad results – like excessive exercise or diet or anything similar
3. Excessive intelligence if channeled on wrong pursuits can have disastrous impacts – the con artists/the scammers/the criminals/the terrorist are few of the examples
4. Anger, frustrations and irritations are the indicators of our sub-conscious mind telling us to change our paradigm and change our ways big-time.
5. We have been taught from very beginning that anger is bad, money is the cause of all evils and many similar ideas – yes – they are bad if not managed properly.
6. Anger can be disastrous if used wrongly both ways internally – in case we suppress or direct towards ourselves - to self-destruct or self-sabotage or externally[harmful to self and others] - in case we react to people and circumstances in detrimental manner.
7. Only a minuscule minority among us acts pro-actively - rest of us are normally reactive to situations and people.
8. The right mental-paradigm is to constantly anticipate VUCA [volatile/uncertain/ complex/ambiguous] changes in all aspects of life
9. Plus gearing up, unlearning-learning-re-learning to meet the anticipated unexpected
10.Plus operating from our areas of control, influence and strengths

Seemingly Very tall order– but like all things in life has profoundly simple ways.

So how do we harness the energy of these negative emotions– What to do – to channelize our negative energies – let us go through the 59 points

1. Understand that our feelings and emotions are not in our control at all -they will come automatically if certain triggers are pressed by people plus our own reactions
2. We need to treat our anger as our closest friend.
3. Understand that the many of the events happening in our life may be totally beyond our control
4. Start accepting that all our negative feelings are trying to teach us something
5. Post upsetting event-analyze it and introspect by asking yourself what would change if you manage to handle the situation and or the person more effectively.
6. Because the hindsight is absolutely perfect [at least it seems to us – at that moment] – please create action-steps that you would do based how and what you would do differently if faced with same scenario again to be more effective
7. visualize this and put it in practice - if this new method gives you better results – practice more till it is part of an habit.
8. Identify what, when and who makes you uncontrollably angry.
9. Do not deny that you are angry – accept it – without shame and guilt
10.Do not defend your actions post anger – at least as of now
11.When you are calm think about the energy of the anger – and - in what constructive ways you can use it to achieve take tough actions[which needs a big-push] when you are in that powerful angry mood – to give you the results that you want and have not got so far
12.You have to make an action plan, e.g., if angry at your own failure – create the self-improvement, the new skills needed, the attitude and mindset change you need to have to be successful next time after you have mastered these
13.Then scheduled all these into your daily actions to-do list
14.Create a strong resolve to make yourself better
15.Please start believing that winning an argument plus having the last word plus losing a customer plus losing a valuable relationship plus losing your job can-not gain you anything positive
16.Repeat the affirmation " that I always take positive actions whenever angry" and start visualizing you taking the actions you have decided in the above points
17.Tell yourself continuously that every time we get angry – we might not have understood the people, their perspective and the situation clearly and correctly - start asking questions to make your understanding clearer
18.Tell yourself that i will not blame -complain -condemn – instead tell yourself that you will take actions
19.Never try to suppress, deny, cover-up, hide your feelings – instead share and seek help from your genuine well-wishers
20.Develop the courage to walk out of relationships – which are pulling you down and draining your energies
21.Create a network of people – who make you feel good about yourself and those who do not have any need to flatter you - but -are courageous enough to tell you the truth and are your real well-wishers
22.Read positive books and find out about people who made it big – when faced with similar challenges.
23.Write your autobiography to list your failures + learnings and success + your emotional maturity journey
24.Focus on improving yourself on everyday day basis – make yourself think, believe and act in the way that your best is yet to come and make yourself buried in actions taking you towards these goals
25.Believe all hardship and challenges and problems are the opportunities available for you to make it great in all aspects of life.
26.Create a list of things and people you are grateful for
27.You can think about doing multiple ways to keep yourself occupied in an activity that is powerfully distractive yet is meaningful - when you are frustrated or angry – like painting, exercising, playing music etc. Etc. – identify what you can do
force yourself not to quit doing something challenging – while you are in angry mood
28.Avoid foods that give you instant energy but later drain you physically and emotionally
29.Assume that other person doing all above is actually disturbed that is why he/she is taking it on you
30.Listen well and ask questions to clarify, by using i statements
31.Do not take insults personally
32.Do not make assumptions without verifying and clarifying
33.Keep focusing on the topic rather than the person
34.Show respect and be polite in spite of other's provocation
35.Do not get into the ego part by wanting to win or prove other wrong and you right
36.Get into discussions not arguments
37.Avoid topics like religion, politics, gossip and talking bad about others
38.Relaxation - simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery – while listening to soothing soft music
39.Stop expecting from others
40.Problem-solving find alternative solutions to the people and situations that puts you in angry mood and stress
41.Get enough sleep each night
42.If anger is the one feeling you experience regularly and frequently - it may be shielding other emotions that make you feel vulnerable – you might have learned to use anger to hide and suppress your feeling the feelings of - sadness, guilt, shame, vulnerability, or defeat.
43.Ask yourself what prevents you from experiencing these emotions, and practice expressing them, even if it's only in a secret journal
44.Identify your common destructive thought patterns includes
A. - generalizing- saying in your mind that this person always does or says
B. Blaming
C. Assuming the other person is purposefully hurting you, ignoring you, or upsetting you
45.Reframing negative beliefs by identifying how they are giving you the opportunity to improve and change
46.Get creative -writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger
47.Talk about how you feel - discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.
48.Learn to express your anger in a rational way, only when you are calm
49.Don't hold a grudge, forgive others who have hurt you
50.Wait it out. "research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds
51.Work on your self-worth
52.Practice healthy confrontation – learn to have discussions rather than arguments
53.Create I statements which explains how you feel AND stop using YOU statements
54.Speak up and express yourself assertively - before you get bitter
55.Give yourself permission to get angry
56.Learn to visualize feeling and looking calm
57.Do exercise, yoga and meditation
58.Your anger may be a sign of major changes that you need to create and undergo emotionally, mentally, professionally etc.
59.Seek professional help if the above do it yourself techniques fails

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