59 ways How to channelize powerful negative energies of our anger, irritations and frustrations into creating meaningful and mighty outcomes.
Let us first understand few basics
- 1. Seemingly good things [meaning those which gives us pleasure] can create bad outcomes and similarly seemingly bad things [like pain of failures] can give us extra-ordinary results.
- 2. Anything done excessively can create bad results – like excessive exercise or diet or anything similar
- 3. Excessive intelligence if channeled on wrong pursuits can have disastrous impacts – the con artists/the scammers/the criminals/the terrorist are few of the examples
- 4. Anger, frustrations and irritations are the indicators of our sub-conscious mind telling us to change our paradigm and change our ways big-time.
- 5. We have been taught from very beginning that anger is bad, money is the cause of all evils and many similar ideas – yes – they are bad if not managed properly.
- 6. Anger can be disastrous if used wrongly both ways internally – in case we suppress or direct towards ourselves - to self-destruct or self-sabotage or externally[harmful to self and others] - in case we react to people and circumstances in detrimental manner.
- 7. Only a minuscule minority among us acts pro-actively - rest of us are normally reactive to situations and people.
- 8. The right mental-paradigm is to constantly anticipate VUCA [volatile/uncertain/ complex/ambiguous] changes in all aspects of life
- 9. Plus gearing up, unlearning-learning-re-learning to meet the anticipated unexpected
- 10.Plus operating from our areas of control, influence and strengths
Seemingly Very tall order– but like all things in life has profoundly simple ways.
So how do we harness the energy of these negative emotions– What to do – to channelize our negative energies – let us go through the 59 points
- 1. Understand that our feelings and emotions are not in our control at all -they will come automatically if certain triggers are pressed by people plus our own reactions
- 2. We need to treat our anger as our closest friend.
- 3. Understand that the many of the events happening in our life may be totally beyond our control
- 4. Start accepting that all our negative feelings are trying to teach us something
- 5. Post upsetting event-analyze it and introspect by asking yourself what would change if you manage to handle the situation and or the person more effectively.
- 6. Because the hindsight is absolutely perfect [at least it seems to us – at that moment] – please create action-steps that you would do based how and what you would do differently if faced with same scenario again to be more effective
- 7. visualize this and put it in practice - if this new method gives you better results – practice more till it is part of an habit.
- 8. Identify what, when and who makes you uncontrollably angry.
- 9. Do not deny that you are angry – accept it – without shame and guilt
- 10.Do not defend your actions post anger – at least as of now
- 11.When you are calm think about the energy of the anger – and - in what constructive ways you can use it to achieve take tough actions[which needs a big-push] when you are in that powerful angry mood – to give you the results that you want and have not got so far
- 12.You have to make an action plan, e.g., if angry at your own failure – create the self-improvement, the new skills needed, the attitude and mindset change you need to have to be successful next time after you have mastered these
- 13.Then scheduled all these into your daily actions to-do list
- 14.Create a strong resolve to make yourself better
- 15.Please start believing that winning an argument plus having the last word plus losing a customer plus losing a valuable relationship plus losing your job can-not gain you anything positive
- 16.Repeat the affirmation " that I always take positive actions whenever angry" and start visualizing you taking the actions you have decided in the above points
- 17.Tell yourself continuously that every time we get angry – we might not have understood the people, their perspective and the situation clearly and correctly - start asking questions to make your understanding clearer
- 18.Tell yourself that i will not blame -complain -condemn – instead tell yourself that you will take actions
- 19.Never try to suppress, deny, cover-up, hide your feelings – instead share and seek help from your genuine well-wishers
- 20.Develop the courage to walk out of relationships – which are pulling you down and draining your energies
- 21.Create a network of people – who make you feel good about yourself and those who do not have any need to flatter you - but -are courageous enough to tell you the truth and are your real well-wishers
- 22.Read positive books and find out about people who made it big – when faced with similar challenges.
- 23.Write your autobiography to list your failures + learnings and success + your emotional maturity journey
- 24.Focus on improving yourself on everyday day basis – make yourself think, believe and act in the way that your best is yet to come and make yourself buried in actions taking you towards these goals
- 25.Believe all hardship and challenges and problems are the opportunities available for you to make it great in all aspects of life.
- 26.Create a list of things and people you are grateful for
- 27.You can think about doing multiple ways to keep yourself occupied in an activity that is powerfully distractive yet is meaningful - when you are frustrated or angry – like painting, exercising, playing music etc. Etc. – identify what you can do
force yourself not to quit doing something challenging – while you are in angry mood - 28.Avoid foods that give you instant energy but later drain you physically and emotionally
- 29.Assume that other person doing all above is actually disturbed that is why he/she is taking it on you
- 30.Listen well and ask questions to clarify, by using i statements
- 31.Do not take insults personally
- 32.Do not make assumptions without verifying and clarifying
- 33.Keep focusing on the topic rather than the person
- 34.Show respect and be polite in spite of other's provocation
- 35.Do not get into the ego part by wanting to win or prove other wrong and you right
- 36.Get into discussions not arguments
- 37.Avoid topics like religion, politics, gossip and talking bad about others
- 38.Relaxation - simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery – while listening to soothing soft music
- 39.Stop expecting from others
- 40.Problem-solving find alternative solutions to the people and situations that puts you in angry mood and stress
- 41.Get enough sleep each night
- 42.If anger is the one feeling you experience regularly and frequently - it may be shielding other emotions that make you feel vulnerable – you might have learned to use anger to hide and suppress your feeling the feelings of - sadness, guilt, shame, vulnerability, or defeat.
- 43.Ask yourself what prevents you from experiencing these emotions, and practice expressing them, even if it's only in a secret journal
- 44.Identify your common destructive thought patterns includes
- A. - generalizing- saying in your mind that this person always does or says
- B. Blaming
- C. Assuming the other person is purposefully hurting you, ignoring you, or upsetting you
- 45.Reframing negative beliefs by identifying how they are giving you the opportunity to improve and change
- 46.Get creative -writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger
- 47.Talk about how you feel - discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.
- 48.Learn to express your anger in a rational way, only when you are calm
- 49.Don't hold a grudge, forgive others who have hurt you
- 50.Wait it out. "research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds
- 51.Work on your self-worth
- 52.Practice healthy confrontation – learn to have discussions rather than arguments
- 53.Create I statements which explains how you feel AND stop using YOU statements
- 54.Speak up and express yourself assertively - before you get bitter
- 55.Give yourself permission to get angry
- 56.Learn to visualize feeling and looking calm
- 57.Do exercise, yoga and meditation
- 58.Your anger may be a sign of major changes that you need to create and undergo emotionally, mentally, professionally etc.
- 59.Seek professional help if the above do it yourself techniques fails
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