How to stop comparing with others


​How to stop feeling bad by stopping to comparing ourselves with others

What compels us to compare ourselves with others and how do we stop ourselves from comparing negatively.

When we are feeling great - We seldom compare and almost never with others who are less fortunate.

On the other hand, we always compare [when we are in deep SH*T] with those who are seemingly enjoying, are happy, are successful, have everything that we wish for and don't.

Meaning we compare our worst with other's best.

Just ask yourself, If you took the strengths of others, and compared them to your weaknesses, how do you think you would measure up, And do you think this would make you feel good – NO WAY.

The genesis of our comparing ourselves and our children with others, lies in our insecurities, our fears and our perceptions about our inadequacies.

How many of you can recall, being compared with others[in your growing up period] and How did it feel - IT SUCKS big time.

And You probably also know it already [theoretically and like a preacher also might be telling others] that one should never compare themselves with others AND neither one should compare their children with other seemingly talented kids.

Tell me frankly does this really happen – chances are minimal unless you happen to be a very emotionally secured person, as this is one of the easiest things to say than to actually apply in our lives.

Comparison is the fastest way to make ourselves miserable, unhappy and depressed.

When we compare ourselves with others - all it does is keep us focused on what we don't like about ourselves and our lives. And the more we focus on other's lives, the more we lose control in our life as well as of-our lives.

When we focus on other people, we lose opportunity, effort, energy, time, money and that we could otherwise have invested in ourselves.

Let us see, Why We compare – there are many reasons, but I am trying to give you few samples

  1. When we feel we deserve something which others have [off-course undeservedly]
  2. When we feel we are unlucky and naturally others are lucky and When we feel that life is unfair to us and is good to others
  3. Whenever we are feeling emotionally low, depressed and insecure
  4. When we are looking for scape-goats for our lacunae
  5. When we are expecting something When we want to justify, our not taking the appropriate actions [ and we equal our not doing anything + the excuse as in point 4] entitles us for what others have
  6. It has been conditioned in our nature, because we were always compared during our childhood and growing up period by our parents/teachers/anyone who had power of influence/control/authority over us

Some of us are addicted with and imprisoned-within our comparison-trap, which is a self-sabotaging habit of judging ourselves against others we come into contact with.

We use external cues to measure our own self-worth, landing us in a cycle of always coming up short. We feel like we're never good enough, successful enough, or pretty enough.

For many of us, we can hardly be in a room with other people for only maybe two minutes – and we start making self-limiting assumptions about how they might be better than us.

We compare everything from our appearance to career success, regardless of how much or how little we know about the person. This self-sabotage may not remain confined to our inner dialogue and how you feel about yourself on the inside.

Often, we project our own insecurities on to the world.

Comparison is exhausting. And at best a lose-lose proposition.

Why you should stop comparing yourself to others

  1. Comparing yourself to others creates always self-doubt which in turn lowers our self esteem in a vicious cycle and certainly take out all the happiness from your life
  2. Comparing yourself will give birth to hitting below the belt competitiveness
  3. When we compare with others, we link our self-worth dependent on others. If they're doing poorly compared to you, you feel good. If they're doing better than you are, you feel bad

How to stop comparing yourself to others

  1. Become aware of, and avoid, your triggers
  2. Unfollow all those, whose posts makes you feel bad about yourself and makes you compare yourself with them and also fills you with self-doubt [this is a temporary method, till you become secure, comfortable and in-love with who you are to actually wishing others and enjoying their successes, happiness's and blessings]
  3. Face the fact, accept where you are and who you are, instead of playing ostrich.
  4. We don't grow green grass by focusing on our neighbor's garden, we do it nurturing our own. therefore, spend it investing, creating, and taking care of your own needs, dreams, passions etc.
  5. Be comfortable with your past, even though Your life might be filled with Bad decisions, wrong actions, mistakes and failures, but all these were the catalysts to help you become better, wiser, and more fit human being.
  6. If you're not happy where you are today – it is alright. What you should do is to identify, where you want to go and then plan how you will get there. Them immerse yourself in taking actions towards your dreams and passions
  7. Be grateful for what you have – identify and list what makes your life really blessed. Because when you are thankful for what you have[like the blessings that you have for you're your parents, siblings, spouse, children and friends] you'll end up having more. On the other hand, if you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough
  8. Stop making choices out of fear, compulsion or pressures – instead choose what makes you feel great about yourself
  9. Don't be with people who erodes your self-esteem, but choose the people, who makes you feel great about yourself
  10. Choose people whose qualities you want to emulate, inculcate and develop in yourself – don't compare instead get inspiration from them as role-models
  11. Understand that There will always be someone who's richer, smarter, and more attractive than you – instead identify what makes you unique, in spite of your all flaws and imperfections, accept the fact that you're perfectly imperfect
  12. If you must compete, compare your yesterday with today and set about to make it better tomorrow
  13. Whenever you feel like comparing yourself with others – try to find out how they got there – you would soon find that they too went through severe hardships and put efforts – which if you put with persistence also would get you there. Stop the result only, focus on the efforts
  14. Understand that Your goal is simply to be the best you can be
  15. Start attempting new things, experiments with life, do newer things, do things in newer ways, take risk – then you would discover the joys that comes from your accomplishments
  16. Start learning to see the side-effects of people who are years younger than you, but have lots of money and big powerful position and status – you may find

A.A human being who is constantly stressed

B.Constantly working or is a workaholic

C.Has no social life

D.Has health issues

E.And That their relationships are mostly shallow and unhappy – these A to E points are not about knocking someone down, but to get the complete and correct picture

17.Understand that even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better, and those who are worse as all of us are on the ladder of accomplishments

18.Even if you do well in comparison with others, you may be artificially inflated from this comparison, which would be very short-lived boost of ego in case you win the comparison

19.When we compare ourselves with others, we end up resenting others for doing well, without really knowing the true person

20. When we are insecure and we are comparing, we might end up talking about your own accomplishments more than is necessary and we may criticize someone in public - No one appreciates that, neither would you if it happens to you

21.Most of us compare ourselves, without realizing we're doing it - the solution is to become conscious. Stop yourself. Once you realize you're doing these comparisons, give yourself a pause. Don't berate yourself or feel bad — just acknowledge the thought, and gently change focus.

22. Focus on your strengths. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, ask yourself what your strengths are. Celebrate them! Be proud of them. Don't brag, but feel good about them and work on using them to your best advantage

23. Identify your comparative behaviors, Write down comparative thoughts or feelings AND then begin the process of changing your behaviors and thoughts

24. Work on improving your abilities

25. Start Appreciating others genuinely, instead of envying them – in order to learn the good qualities that made them have whatever you like

26. Find your purpose, focus on the larger goals

27.Reinterpret what's behind your desire for possessing material things

28. Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid — Anonymous

29. Give away your need to be the most popular, most…….. of whatever it is that you are need, which makes you compare with others

30. Learn something new;

31.Spend quality time with someone you love

32. Do something that recharges your battery.

33. As long as you're making progress, who cares how everyone else is doing. Instead of competing with others, compete with yourself.

34. Use comparison to help yourself not hurt yourself

35. Use your disappointments, frustrations and upsets with yourself to draw out the plan to improve yourself

36. Start Leading - Dare to be different – and be a misfit NOT A FIT

37.Pursue the greater things in life

38. Assess Your Self-Esteem & start focusing on building your self-confidence

39. Learn to recognize and handle your FOMO

40. Stop judging others – this is one of the ways we start comparing ourselves too

41.Figure out what you can and can't change – then work within your area of control

42. Stop hating and joining gossip groups

43.Ask yourself the following and create similar questions

A.Instead of asking yourself if you're making more money than your acquaintance, ask yourself if you're making more money now than you were last year.

B.Instead of comparing your career to the careers of the people you went to school or college/university with, ask yourself if you have more job satisfaction now than you did the year before.

C.Instead of comparing your body to that of the person who everyone admires at the gym—ask yourself if you're in better shape now than you were six months ago.

44. Never let other people push you into comparing yourself to them based on the metrics that they think are important. Instead, choose your own metrics based on the things that are important to you.

45. Make Sure You're Using the Right Metrics - Ensure that when you do measure how well you're doing, take cue from these examples

A.Maybe you are being to make more and more money. But What's important to you is helping others. So, measure how well you're doing based on how many people you're helping, not based on your net worth.

B.Maybe your neighbor's son is always coming 1st in the class and your son is not, and you're pushing your son by constantly comparing – and you find that his performance is going down. But you find that he does so well in sports[or anything else] that makes you feel proud. Stop pushing your son for academics instead, ensure that your son can hone this special interest or talent. You can bet that he would outshine everyone, if encouraged in this line

C.Maybe there's a girl among your social group who has a perfect figure, and you've always been little roly-poly. Stop measuring yourself based on how much you weigh or what size of clothes you wear; instead, measure yourself by using metrics related to health – your waist to hip ratio, your cholesterol level, your blood pressure, and so on.

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