How to manage anger effectively

Please ask yourself the following questions & answer frankly

  • 1.Do You Have a fierce temper
  • 2.Are there people who can make you angry without doing anything
  • 3.Are there people who can push your triggers to make you lose your cool
  • 4.Have you lost anger in a big way & in that angry state took actions that you regret
  • 5.Do you think anger is bad
  • 6.Do you think anger should be controlled
  • 7.Are you always simmering in anger
  • 8.Have you started losing your cool frequently & regularly since recent times
  • 9.Is your anger costing you your happiness, your peace, your relationship, creating financial losses & loss of reputation
  • 10.Do you lose your cool only in family or in professional & social scenario as well

Now if you answer yes to any of the above. You need to identify, learn & practice the effective techniques to channelize your anger in a constructive and positive manner.

It is a tough & up-hill task, yet possible with practice.

  • A.First identify your triggers, what of the following makes you lose your marbles

1.Being Insulted

2.Being Belittled

3.Being Humiliated

4.Being Embarrassed

5.Falsely blamed

6.Being Mocked

7.Being put down

8.Being Dominated

9.Being suppressed

10.Being pressurized into doing things against your values

11.Being threatened

12.Being harassed

13.Being Lied or because of giving false excuses given by others

14.Being criticized

15.Because of Unwarranted Name calling

  • B.Check the following for the probable underlying causes for what makes you lose your temper & cool at fraction of second
  • I.Do you always been angry person
  • II.Do you have the family history of blood pressure/hyper tension & anger and diabetes etc
  • III.Do you get easily irritated
  • IV.Can you identify which people, which situations & which words make you lose your temper
  • V.Are you yet to get healed from a traumatic experience
  • VI.Do you tend to worry or overthink or keep reflecting on what people said the negative ones
  • VII.Do you have mood swings so that suddenly you feel angry, sad or low
  • VIII.Are you going through relationship issues
  • IX.Have you had lots of traumatic experiences
  • X.Have you been failing at lot in whatever you are trying
  • XI.Are you having problem at work or finding work
  • XII.Are you financially troubled
  • XIII.Do you tend to take jokes etc personally
  • XIV.Do you have low self-esteem
  • XV.Have been used to drinking, using drugs or mood enhancers etc
  • XVI.Have you been the only child & been spoilt by getting all your demands met
  • XVII.Do you tend to overreact
  • XVIII.Does seeing other people having good time & you having lousy times makes you feel cheated
  • XIX.Are you aware that your anger hurts people whom you love deeply
  • XX.Are you aware that your loved are scared of you & worried about your anger
  • XXI.But you have to understand that none of the above can be a reason to hurt others & cause damage to you & others
C. Now Identify your anger types, pattern or style – there could be following ways you get angry
I. Your temper shots up in an instant, mercury rises to the top & explodes & it takes a lot to make you cool down – in this state you can do anything & harm others. Road rage is an example
II. You get angry fast but get calm down also quite fast – in this state you may say bad things that you may regret later, but you are unlikely to harm anybody else 
III. You are blind wit internal rage & people with this type would definitely have emotional issues & many physical ailments & brain hemorrhage or similar attacks
IV. Destructive Anger, When you lose you cool – you break things, throw things, even the most useful & expensive items you would throw 
V. Revengeful anger – in this you definitely get angry but do not show and coolly plan your revenge and for that you may wait maybe months, years. Cold blooded murder may come under this VI. Self-destroying anger – you suppress you anger within & start blame, criticizing, belittling yourself 
VII. Passive-aggressive anger, you are too angry, but as you are submissive you show that you are okay. But do all the things to harm without getting blamed for the damage done 
VIII. These are the people who are perpetually irritated, sometimes they can fight even with the wind on why it is blowing 
IX. Then there are people who maintain complete cool in one situation & lose it completely in another situation 
X. Then there are people with psychological disorders, who are so nice & cool in front of outsiders, but make the life hell for their closest ones 
XI. Then there are people who understand what angers you, you try to avoid those people & situation. If forced into same, you would go away to ignore and avoid the trigger as soon as possible 
XII. These type of people, use the tremendous energy of their anger to create something extra-ordinary for themselves or for the world What to do if you are on the verge of losing your temper - if you can recognize that you are about to get angry beyond control, that in itself if by practice can lower your anger to less troublesome level.

Anger is generally a reaction of triggers pressed my others & many time by ourselves.

This also could be a sign of your not able to deal with the situation or person effectively.

Tips to manage, channelize & provide healthy outlet for your anger
  • 1.Assume that other person doing all above is actually disturbed that is why he/she is taking it on you
  • 2.Listen well & ask questions to clarify, by using I statements
  • 3.Do not take insults personally
  • 4.Do not make assumptions without verifying & clarifying
  • 5.Keep focusing on the topic rather than the person
  • 6.Show respect & be polite in spite of other's provocation
  • 7.Do not get into the EGO part by wanting to win or prove other wrong and you right
  • 8.Get into discussions not arguments
  • 9.Avoid topics like religion, politics, gossip & talking bad about others
10. Relaxation - Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help soothe angry feelings.
  • 11.Stop expecting from others
  • 12.Problem-Solving find alternative solutions to the people & situations that puts you in angry mood & stress
  • 13.Get enough sleep each night
  • 14.If anger is the only feeling you experience regularly, it may be shielding other emotions that make you feel vulnerable, You may feel fear in experiencing other emotions such as vulnerability, sadness, guilt, shame, or defeat. Ask yourself what blocks you from these emotions, and practice expressing them, even if it's only in a secret journal
  • 15.Identify your common destructive thought patterns include

         a)Generalizing- Saying in your mind that thisperson always does or says

         b)Blaming

         c)Assuming the other person is purposefully hurting you, ignoring you, or upsetting you

16. Reframing negative beliefs by identifying how they are giving you the opportunity to improve & change
  • 17.Get creative -Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger
  • 18.Talk about how you feel - Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.
19. Learn to express your anger in a rational way, only when you are calm 20. Don't hold a grudge, forgive others who have hurt you
  • 21.Wait it out. "Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds
  • 22.Accept that you are upset by ….
  • 23.Work on your self-worth
  • 24.Embrace healthy confrontation – learn to have discussions rather than arguments
  • 25.Speak up before you get bitter
  • 26.Give yourself permission to get angry
  • 27.Learn to visualize feeling & looking calm
  • 28.Do exercise, yoga & meditation
  • 29.Seek professional help if the above do it yourself techniques fails
  • 30.Your anger may be a sign of major change that need to undergo emotionally, mentally, professionally etc

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