Ask yourself – what would happen in your life – if you are able to take the correct actions[towards your dreams and passions] – without any constraints and restraints holding you back.
How many of us seek
- To be Really powerful [not through gaining a position that gives you the control of harming and cause grave-damage to large masses (in fact, this is just a temporary glamour power) and we have seen dictators, politicians and religious zealots play havoc using this type of power]
- o feel love
- To have beautiful relationships
- To move on after any tragic-traumatic incident
- To be happy, To feel Blissful and Contented
- To live a meaningful life
Almost all of us in my opinion desires these at least in the heart of our hearts.
Who is the most powerful person?
It is a person, who can let go of everything.
An example [although it's the most negative metaphor, but it would exemplify what I trying to highlight] The brain-washed fanatics are the ones who are ready to let go of their most precious thing – their life. That is why they are able to create so much damage. ONLY IF THEY USE – the power of letting go - for the betterment of mankind.
There are also many cases of people - who let go of their all their personal needs, desires and wants by devoting their life for uplifting others.
When we are going through tough times – many self-meaning people tell us let go, think positive, move on – WHEN YOU ARE THE PREACHER IT SOUNDS SIMPLE.
But when you are the one going through tough times - It sounds so exasperating, frustrating and irritating – makes you say, yes you are right – but how do I do it?
Most of us are unable to stop holding-on our past grudge, sad memories and our bad experience — no matter how long ago they happened.
All of us know it and understands it subconsciously and may also believe it consciously – that what is gone – is GONE, like the following
- The time – your childhood, your youth
- The opportunities those you didn't take
- Any person – either broken or passed away
- Your Actions already executed
- Your not doing or saying – what you now realize that you should have done in the past
- Your words already out of your mouth
When it's gone, it's gone. And it will never be the same, no matter what you do.
You are not same Today as you were yesterday.
Every birthday anniversary of ours, is either a year wasted or a year lived or a year passed or a year struggled, or a year aged – IT NEVER DEPEND ON WHAT HAPPENED – BUT WHAT YOU DID AFTER, WHATEVER SHOOK YOU UP/SHATTERED YOUR LIFE.
It is actually dependent on how much you can let go – how much you can Learn-Unlearn-Relearn.
Process of Growth is normally not an ecstatic, thrilling and enjoyable – it is a blend of down-times and up-swings.
In our lives, we are constantly losing and leaving behind many things – but it is really an opportunity to rebuild, recreate, metamorphosize your life – should you focus and learn to let go.
It is guaranteed that we will lose family, friends, relationships, jobs, social circles, positions, may be finance, health, dreams etc etc – time to time. And ultimately, we will one day lose our own existence entirely.
But these loses, even though few of them inevitable as well as painful – gives us the opportunity to create a greater and more gratifying life – if only we can accept our losses, let go and move on.
We lose big-time when we have many mental, physical and emotional attachments – and when we are clinging to our past
Letting go is liberating, exciting and exhilarating.
The Things That We find it difficult to let go of
- Our mental beliefs
- Our damaging habits, along with those habits- we know are bad
- Our toxic relationships
- Our past mistakes
- Our ability to accept mistakes and making it up
- Our Guilt, shame, anger
- What we should have, could have done or not done
- Our hurts, our sadness, our griefs, our regrets
- Leaving Our comfort-zones
- 1We fall in love with Our ideas & ate unable to view them objectively – plus we can't let go of our "idea of our future" – that might have become totally outdated and irrelevant
- Our Egos
- Our false self-images
- Our relationship with ourselves[many of us actually dislike our own selves as we are maybe ashamed of our weaknesses and what we have done] – loving, caring respecting ourselves fully and unconditionally
- Our grudges, Our feelings of revenge towards those who have hurt us
- Our comparing ourselves with people
- Our expectations from others
- Our material possessions, Clutter of mind
- Our beliefs about what is impossible for us
- Our worrying over what other's will think
- Our tendency to focus on glamorous but meaningless at the cost of our most profound and significant and essential needsOur need to prove that we are right and that we are powerful and that we matter
Why Holding onto the past prevents us from moving on in life – especially when all of us know that our past teaches us valuable lessons
- Although it is an absolute truth that our mistakes, failures and past is a great teacher – BUT – what we learn is a filtered learning – all of it in that form may not be very effective in all our future situations and with all we come across
- Because of our experiences we are constantly evolving and turning into newer versions of ourselves – so anything suitable for our earlier edition may not be right for now – unless adapted, fine-tuned and customized
- But in many cases, the lessons learned are the ones, which held us to develop into our better selves
- Then none of us can fully apply our past experiences to present situations – especially because none of the situation exactly identical to a particular circumstance happened a while back
- Many times, we use our past experiences to justify our doing or not doing something [or to avoid taking responsibility]– although the situations are different, people have changed and therefore and the results too will be different
- None of your past relationships will ever get duplicated – even if two exes get back together again – you can never replicate the same good experiences
- The most profound reason is that when we Rely fully on our past experiences – they actually prevent us from experiencing everything new that the life has to offer
- We need to treat our past almost irrelevant to enable us to experience wonderful creative present – OTHERWISE OUR PRESENT AND FUTURE BECOMES PAINFUL EXPERIENCES
Why You Should Let Go of The Past
- Because No one can change the past – to influence our present and thereby our future [also the past which our present will turn-out into] – we need to take responsibility and act through self-correction and continuous improvement
- To form new relationships
- To identify and work on to get rid of all those which caused hardship in your life
- To discover, find and connect with yourself
- Because – what is gone is gone, what is not yet with you – is not there
- Remembering your suffering creates more suffering for you
- Being angry and plotting revenge on the person who hurt you – gives more power to that person to hurt you even more [without that person being even aware of this] – WITHOUT ANY-ANY benefit to you whatsoever
- Our past, which we are not able to let go of –becomes our identity – and in turn holding you back some more – THEN IT BECOMES A VICIOUS CYCLE
- Letting go is never easy for anyone – but it is possible by creating a non-stick mind, a think skin, a real not give a damn attitude
- This requires a disciplined* way to train your mind
Why we have difficulty in letting go and move on with our lives – 10 Reasons
- We try to justify our actions and behavior
- In this process we adopt a victim mindset and create a martyr out of ourselves
- When instead of focusing our energies on how to get out of our present predicament – we focus on postmortem – it an impossible un-resourceful state to get out of
- It feels comfortable as there is no hardship of taking action – just blaming on the situation, the luck, other people
- In many instances we expect the person[who caused us the pain] to understand, apologize and correct their mistakes – but it is a wishful unreality as it will never happen
- We become recluse, passive and give-up AND let circumstances and others control our lives
- We are unable to take full responsibility for out life and begin anew
- Blaming is a two-way street — when we can't forgive others is because we can't forgive ourselves too. Others did something wrong but, deep inside, we believe we did something wrong to cause it. When we feel guilty, it becomes harder to move on
- We start believing in our stories forgetting or failing to realize that Our stories are part of our experience and past - but are not who we are
- We let our happiness be dependent on others - we fear losing that person and all the emotions attached to then – this too is one reason, we can't move on when a loved one hurts us. There's nothing wrong with loving someone and enjoying to be with that person. There is nothing wrong with forming bonds of love and friendship. The problem is attachment — when we become dependent to clinging on to others
72 Ways on How to Let Go
- Face the reality that everything ends and that ending becomes the start of something else
- Learn to manage your emotions effectively*
- Understand that Freedom & Liberty is a mindset -If you are in a relationship which you don't like, your relationship is your prison AND If you are in a job that doesn't give you satisfaction, you would feel suffocated
- If you are doing for others and expecting something in return - then you will be frustrated
- When you enter a relationship without expectations, you are leaving space for things to happen. That's why most of us love surprises
- If you are having a beautiful moment, enjoy it. Don't compare it to others (past or future) moments.
- Practice to stop judging others
- Letting go is one of the most challenging things in life. But it's a skill worth developing
- Theodore Roosevelt said, "Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. I have never envied a human being who led an easy life."
- Understand that our life is a unique journey – but there is no destination
- Learn to meditate to relax
- Identify, Understand and Accept your circumstances and remember that these things happened BUT would not define you anymore
- Identify and slowly start getting rid of your expectations from others
- Recognize that it's time to move on - The hardest part of letting go of the past is trying to make decisions to move on. Yes, it's pretty hard to make new choices that can overcome our misdeeds in life
- Make a list of things you can re-do to make your life more meaningful
- Realize that you did what you could do best, under that mindset
- Express Your Pain
- Get The Support You Need and if need seek professional help
- Correcting The Wrong Priorities - prioritizing time with the people closest to you. Off-course we need to balance our other commitments – but here the idea is to focus least on chasing achievements, fame and fortune and instead focus on the family and your most near and dear ones
- Letting go of Toxic Relationships - Look out for red flags in your own relationships, including patterns of disrespect, undermining, a lack of support, or other dynamics that regularly leave you feeling drained or unhappy. It's time to let go of those unhealthy relationships and start making space for people that uplift and support you instead.
- Past Relationships belongs to that era - stop checking the social media accounts of your ex-partner and any such thing
- Stop Caring about What The Other [Wrong People] Think – this means that ensuring that we are doing what makes us happy to make our loved ones happy & disregard the irrelevant opinions of those who don't have our trust and respect
- Stop Being Social Media addictive – instead spend time in nature and with different culture, different interest people
- Comparing Yourself to Others
- Measuring your own success against the highlight reel of other people's achievements, possessions, or relationships will always leave you coming up short because you know all the gritty details, hurdles, and setbacks of your own life. Choose to be happy with your personal best, push yourself to reach goals that are meaningful to you, and see your happiness soar as you learn to determine your own worth from inside.
- Forget Our Societal Timeline for Success – but create your own inspiring time frame and parameters
- Getting rid of Past Disappointments - If your inner voice is constantly telling you that you are good enough – train yourself to ask yourself – What is the worst that may happen if I give my 100%* + What is the best thing that could happen if I succeed
- Stop trying to control people and their lived and also trying to Trying to Change Others
- Junk Unrealistic Relationship Expectations - Even the best relationships go through difficult times - be prepared for a bit of fluctuation in your own feelings and being open to listen, initiate to resolve conflict and communicate openly
- Guilt Over Past Mistakes
- Stop Gossiping, leave the groups where the focus is talking about other at their back
- If you notice that you're drawn to gossip, chances are you're alienating others—particularly those with the emotional stability and confidence you might wish you had yourself.
- Don't take more than you chew – just to look/be busy don't take Unnecessary Commitments – this will only result into yourself being fatigued and burned-out
- If the clutter you have is causing stress, it may be time to simplify* your life
- Keep the Past in the Past – nothing wrong in it
- What Are Your current problems – create a paln on how will you solve your problems*
- Identify Who Are You Blaming
- Recognize that most people are just confused children (or at least we can be when we're emotional)
- Consider the possibility that lifelong punishment may be unreasonable
- View forgiveness as something we do for ourselves as much as for the other person
- See forgiveness not as a single act, but as an ongoing commitment
- Remember that the person who needs to be forgiven first is yourself
- Focus on what you CAN influence in your life and don't bother about what is nit within your area of control*
- Identify your negative emotions and the things you tell yourself that keep you stuck to those emotions. Evaluate these emotions and their impact – then learn how you would manage your emotions*
- Make your own happiness a priority focus
- Make it a habit to notice and focus on what's good in your life
- Take good care of yourself – become deliberately selfish*
- Learn how to change your mood.
- Manage your Anger* effectively
- Turn the energy of frustration* and Resentment to big something big
- Recognize the source of your anger.
- Practice relaxation techniques.
- Get daily exercise.
- Find workable solutions
- Be assertive* internally
- Create healthy boundaries around you
- Don't sweat the small stuff
- Learn a new skill*
- Engage in a physical activity that makes you stretch and break your own limits
- Plan a Trip, Enjoy Nature
- Explore new avenues and see new people
- Do some volunteer work. Make positive difference to others. Help to build a better world
- Seek professional help
- MOVING FORWARD -Focus on What You Desire
- Let go of the idea that you can control others' actions
- Leave room for mistakes*
- Accept the things you cannot change*
- Do what scares you* challenge your fears*
- Revisit the past for positive reasons
- Reframe painful experiences
- Change Your Routine
- Expand your view of yourself - "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." ~Einstein