​How to be more assertive


How To Be Assertive The Greatest Gift of Life,The Why, What & How of Assertiveness

The Most Powerful Gift That You Can Give Yourself & Your Family

How Many Of You Want To Experience The Following

  1. Phenomenal Level Of Confidence
  2. Make People Respect You
  3. Freedom From Guilt
  4. Handle Difficult People
  5. Say No Even To The Most Power People – Without Jeopardizing Your Relationship With Them
  6. Gain Others Cooperation
  7. Be Positive
  8. Beat Depressive Self Beating
  9. Claim Your Rights
  10. Be Comfortable With Yourself
  11. Express What You Feel Appropriately
  12. Stop Being Taken For A Ride Or Taken Advantage Of
  13. Stop Others Manipulating You
  14. Handle Put Downs & Insults Effectively
  15. Give Your Kids – A Best Life
  16. Set Healthy Boundaries For Others
  17. Respond To Pressure Effectively – By Being Calm
  18. Make Healthy Decisions & Take Right Choices
  19. Ask Tough Questions & Share Your Views Honestly
  20. Handle Abusive Relationships
  21. Become A Role Model For Your Children/Juniors/Seniors

If You Have Difficulty In Any Of The Areas Mentioned Above – You Will Surely be Getting Many Negative & Unwanted Outcomes In Your Life

Then You Need To Practice Assertiveness.

Unfortunately The Conditioning That We Get Through Our Education & Tyrannical Parents/Teachers/Bosses/Society => Most Of Time Makes Us Either Submissive Or Aggressive Or Passive.

  • If Your Biggest Influencers In Family/School/Social Taught You To Place The Needs Of Others Before Yourself As A Child, It May Be Difficult For You To Assert Yourself.
  • If Your Biggest Influencers In Family/School/Social Or Peer Group Handled Conflict By Yelling And Arguing, You May Have Learned To Deal With Conflict Accordingly.

Very Rare People Have This Awesome Skill Of Assertiveness.

You May Be Already Assertive In Many Situations & With Some People But If You Lack It Or Want To Enhance It To Higher Degrees You Have To Gain Expertise In This Skill Only Consistently Practicing.

Step 1 => Some Basic Understanding Before We Begin Our Journey Into The Realm Of Positivity, Happiness, Healthy Relationship With Powerful People & Your Most Closest Near & Dear Ones

  1. It Is Going To Be Painfully Slow – In The Beginning – You Have To Go For Very Small Steps
  2. You Won't See The Results Soon
  3. You Will Have Immense Turmoil Within – You Will Feel Like Giving Up => Please Don't
  4. You Will Face Maximum Challenge In The Relationships – Where You Are Already Treated As Doormat Or Are A Pushover => These People Will Ridicule, Mock, Taunt, Put Pressure On You, Shout, And Do Anything To Get You Where You Were => You Will Feel Like Running Away – Don't'
  5. Only By Persisting You Get Results
  6. But Once You Become Comfortable With This New Personality Of Yours – You Would Never Go Back To Your Earlier Self
  7. The Biggest Battle Is Within Yourself => Before You Can Say No/Refuse Request/Reject Pressure & Demand => You Must Be First Able To Do That In Your Mind => You Cannot Be Assertive If You Are Dying Of Fear Internally
  8. Understand That There Would Be Some Relationships You Have To Walk Away From Or They Will Break Their Relationship With You – After You Start Asserting Yourself => It Is Perfectly Alright To Let Go Of These People As They Were Never Adding Value To You
  9. All Abusive Relationships Starts With A Very Small Infringement Of The Basics & If You Ignore These Then The Degree Will Increase Next Time & Keep On Increasing => As You Are Rewarding These People For Their Bad Behavior
  10. In Some Very Close Relationships – Like If You Are A Parent & You Put Your Needs After Your Child => It Perfectly Alright – If You Are Doing This With Pleasure & Satisfaction

Step 2 => Now Identify The Following

  1. Identify In Which Situation – You Give In To Others Demand – Even Though You Do Not Want It
  2. Identify People –Who Treat You Like Doormat
  3. Then Identify Your All-Important Relationships – Where You Need The Relationship Of Same Level & Would Like To Be Treated With Respect
  4. Identify Your Needs As Specifically As You Can
  5. Identify Your Rights => At Least In Every Situation & Of Every Person You Have The Right To Ask/Request And They Have The Right To Refuse
  6. Identify – In Each Situation & With Every Individual Person – What Is Negotiable
  7. Identify For Above Point 6 – In Each Situation & With Every Individual Person – What Is Not Negotiable
  8. Identify What Type Of Behavior/Relationship You Would Want To Have With These People
  9. Identify What Fears You Have In Defying These People – Meaning What Is The Worst Thing That Can Happen To You If You Are Assertive.

Step 3 => Understanding Assertiveness Mindset

  1. Every Important Relationship That You have – It exists - As It Is Interdependent => Both Need Each Other Equally
  2. In All Healthy Relationships => You Can Ask Questions Freely, Express Your Views Openly, Share Your Feelings Honestly
  3. All The Relationship Require You To Be Treated Equally With Respect
  4. You Are Able To Say No To Situations/People/Unacceptable Pressure & Demand
  5. You Do Not Dis-Respect Anyone Neither You Let Anyone Dis-Respect You
  6. You Do Not Encroach On Anyone's Rights Neither You Let Anyone Take Away Your Rights
  7. You Operate Out Your Core Values & You Stand Up For Something You Believe In
  8. You Have A Right To Have Different Opinion Than Anyone Else & That Is Alright – Nobody Should Force You To Accept Anything That You Do Not Want To
  9. When You Are Assertive Based On Your Values – You Will Not Be Liked By Everyone => That Is Perfect => As Long As You Do Not Do Anything Bad

Step 4 => How To Be Assertive

  1. Decide Where Will You Start – Relationship & Situations[Preferably In The Least Threatening Situation/People] – A Very Small Step
  2. Decide + Create A Script & Rehearse
  3. Visualize & See Yourself – Telling Your Part/Say No To A Very Small Demand/Pressure
  4. Decide on A Date - Then Go & Do It => With Respect & Politeness But Without Fear
  5. In Case The Your Attempts Does Not Succeed In Initial Attempts => Please Revisit The Scenario – And Improvise => Then Repeat 2 & 3
  6. In Case You Are Saying No To A Genuine Need Of Others In A Say Senior/Junior Relationship Because Of Your Very Urgent Unavoidable Need/Situation => Offer Alternative Solutions
  7. Take A Stand. People May Resist At First – Or Even Be Shocked By Your Transformation – But In The End, They Will Respect You For It
  8. If You Do Not Feel Right Doing Something, Then Don't Do It. It's Okay To Reject Someone. Remember, For Yourself, The Most Important Person Is You. If You Don't Respect Your Own Desires, How Can You Expect Others To?
  9. If You Are Submissive With Someone – Then Your Self-Confidence Will Take A Beating & Theirs Will Get Boosted. But Rarely People Will Respect You Because You Are Being Submissive & People Pleaser
  10. State Your Own Opinions In A Respectful Manner. Don't Be Silent If You Have Something To Say. Share Your Feelings Freely
  11. Ask Questions To Clarify, Understand In A Respectful Manner
  12. If In A Meeting/Situation Social/Professional/Family => Make It Clear That What You Have To Say Is Important And Should Be Noticed
  13. Identify What Makes You Happy And What Your Needs Are. This Will Help You Develop A Set Of Expectations For Other People To Follow In How You Would Like To Be Treated
  14. A Good Approach Is To Adopt A "We" Mentality And Come Up With Solutions That Will Make Both Parties Happy, If The Situation Allows. This Way, Everyone's Feelings Are Being Considered And Heard => But If It Is Only One Sided & Only They Get Benefitted => Then Assert For What Is Minimum Basic Need of Yours
  15. Speak Clearly & Be Direct – Do Not Go Round & Round
  16. Practice. Practice. Practice
  17. In Some Situations - Say Nothing – Ignore
  18. Let Go Of Guilt. Being Assertive Can Be Tough — Especially If You've Been Passive Or A People Pleaser Most Of Your Life
  19. If People Do Not Understand Or Recognize Your Needs – You Need To Tell Them. Nobody Can Read Your Mind & You Shouldn't Either Try To Do The Same
  20. Take Responsibility For Your Own Problems => If You See Something That Needs Changing In Your Life, Take Action. If You're Not Happy With Something In Your Life, Start Taking Steps — However Small — To Change Things
  21. Understand You're Not In Charge Of How Others Feel Or Behave
  22. Understand You Are Responsible For The Consequences Of Your Assertive Words/Actions
  23. Use I Statements [Which Makes You Express How Their Behavior Make You Feel] Instead Of You Statements[Which Are Normally Accusatory]
  24. Don't Apologize Or Feel Guilty For Expressing A Need/Want/Right
  25. Understand You Don't Have To Justify/Explain Your Opinion/Choices
  26. If Once It Does Not Work – Repeat Your Statement
  27. Don't Get Angry Or Frustrated If Your Family, Friends, And Co-Workers Question Or Even Try To Thwart Your New Assertive Approach To Life. That's A Completely Normal Response
  28. Practice Talking Looking Directly In The Eye – With Smiling Face If The Situation Needs That
  29. To Make Decisions Effectively => Identify The Problem => Explore All Possible Solutions => Evaluate The Consequences Of Each Solution => Determine The Best Outcome For Yourself => Choose A Solution And Try It => Improvise Accordingly If The Solution Did Not Work
  30. You May Need Additional Help => Of A Friend/Of Counselor Or Psychologist
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