If I ask you - Do you lose your calm, YOUR answer would only differ FROM OTHER'S ONLY in terms of frequency with which you lose your calm, composer and control.
All of us loses our calm, now and there.
Very few of lose our calm because of the events[although the events/situations/difficult and toxic people do play their part] – MOST OF US LOSE OUR COMPOSER BECAUSE OF HOW WE PERCEIVE AND REACT TO THE SITUATION/EVENT/PEOPLE.
Some of us lose calm because we have faulty and untrained coping strategies – which are mostly subconscious level reactions.
Why we lose our control can be broadly categorized into the following
- 1.When we are expecting something and we don't get
- 2.Our expectations of how others should act and how they should treat us[meaning admire and respect us]
- 3.When we are operating from a very high sense of entitlements[this one is from our insecurities]
- 4.When we are feeling wronged, cheated, let down[it is again in a way the point 1 reason]
- 5.When we are trying to prove that we are right in an argument[again this is from our insecurities]
- 6.When we have been exposed to a totally unexpected event, situation and circumstances and When we are facing unprecedented crisis
- 7.And when someone challenges us – it hurts our Ego and we get sucked into a continues spiral and cycle of proving why and how we are right
- 8.When we are irritated and troubled by our own helplessness and foolishness
- 9.When we are trying to control someone or something and failing
- 10.When we are trying to cover our embarrassment and mistakes and not succeeding
- 11.When are trying to cover up our own insecurities, weaknesses and fears but unable to
- 12.When we have to put up a brave front but we are sh*t scared ourselves
- 13.When we are facing problems that we don't have any clue about
- 14.When we want to pass the buck but not succeeding
- 15.When we are comparing ourselves, are jealous/envious of others[this too is from our insecurities]
- 16.Some of us also could be even wired to lose calm for no obvious reasons because we have acquired overthinking and over-analyzing habits
- 17.We are Hot-Headed by nature or our personality is of anxious type
- 18.We have been spoilt through overindulgence during our growing-up and personality forming years so much so that we assume that the world is the to serve us
Please Add your reasons for losing calm, those I have missed
Those who are financially very sound – may have many more external recourses and resources to handle stress – like going on a trip, indulging in your senses, getting help of the experts etc etc.
But still there will be times – when our total composer and calm will be shattered and we will be so stressed that the tips and techniques that we might have learned/read – we would not even remember them to use.
When there was no internet and mobile and other modes of information attacks on our senses – we had healthier emotional capabilities to handle stress AND THE STRESS TOO WAS LESS– as we were not overstimulated by multitude of conflicting stimuli bombarding on Our senses - to make our response system, emotional strength fatigued and tired.
Stress, worry, and tension has become part of our everyday exitance vis a vis staying calm and relaxed.
We have become so used to being stressed, worried, and tense that many of us can't even realize that we are high-strung and on edge.
Thinking is necessary to survive, but when our thoughts floating around in our head leads to over-analysis and unnecessary thinking – which replays the same thoughts over and over again to magnify and create out of proportion – THEN IT IS VERY HARMFUL.
Our brain needs break the constant barrage of thoughts that plagues us most of your day.
Most of us spends major portion of our days either worrying about the future or reminiscing about the past. In both cases, we are absent in the present. Therefore, absent from life.
We need to learn The art of living through Mindfulness which is not mediation[which many people take it to be] – but it is an operating system for our lives.
There was this story about Buddha traveling with his followers and his asking one of them to bring water to drink[this was the person who had asked Buddha how to be calm]. When the disciple brought the water it was muddy as it was a rainy season. Buddha asked his disciple to keep the pot still for sometime.
After few hours, Buddha again asked the same follower to look in the pot and this time he found that The mud had settled down and the water looked clean and good enough to drink.
Buddha looked at the water, and then at the follower and said, "Look what you did to make the water clean. You let the water be…and the mud settled down on its own, and you got clean and clear water."
He further told his follower, "Your mind is also like the water. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time and it will settle down on its own. You don't have to do anything, nor put in any efforts to calm it down. It is effortless and it will happen on its own."
117 Tips to practice to inculcate – THE HABIT OF coming back to a state of control and calm when the storm passes over.
These 117 tips are mastered only through regular practice – doing these only when you are in jam, won't ever work – ALL *MARKED ONES HAVE MY SEPARATE BLOGS ON DIY TIPS FOR THAT SUBJECT MATTER
- 1.Our bodies are designed to sense and respond to chaos. It's about survival - Take a moment to assess your condition as of now
- I.How do you feel - tired, anxious, frustrated, stuck in a resentful story about someone else or your current situation etc etc
- II.How have you been behaving recently – in a state of busyness, Procrastinating, Anxious, fearful, Irritated, Feeling down etc etc
- III.Focus on your body - What sensations can you notice in your head, neck, arms, hands, shoulder, hips, butt, legs, feet etc etc
- IV.Stay with these feelings for a moment, just being curious and non-judgmental about them.
- 2.When to do this – mind you – this can only be done when the situation is less threatening, AS WHEN YOU ARE IN A CRISIS OF VERY HIGH UPSETTING TYPE – VERY LESS OF THESE ARE POSSIBLE
- I.When in the shower and while sitting on pot
- II.Immediately when you wake up[before leaving the bed, lying on the bed itself] or right before you go to sleep, again on bed
- III.While commuting
- 3.Calming DOWN - USING YOUR SENSES
- I.Change Your Scenery
- II.Smell Calming Fragrances
- III.Breathe in fresh, natural scents. Experience natural scents that lift your mood, like the scents of the forest, mountain, or sea air.
- IV.Mindfully Eat Calming Food rich in Vitamin C, Vitamin B complex and Vitamin D supplements
- V.Tune Into Soothing Sounds
- VI.Find Calm Through Sense of Touch, Hug, Cuddle – if possible with a caring human being otherwise a pet
- 4.By choosing situation shift
- I.Say No to anything and anyone – who increases your stress levels
- II.Just don't do anything – let go along with the flow
- III.Get out of the familiar into an unfamiliar environment
- IV.Get along with groups of people who are unaware of your situation and are themselves in energetic and active mode
- 5.What is Mindfulness
- I.It the ability of living in present without being judgmental instead operating with childlike curiosity
- II.Being aware of your inner dialogues and struggles
- III.Not trying to suppress any feelings, emotions and thoughts – just being awraae of their passing through your mind body and heart
- 6.Learn to visualize and anchor the happy, successful and your confident moments – read my blog on how get mood on demand
- 7.Learn techniques that work for you to manage your stress, read my separate blogs on managing stress, depression and beating the burn-out
- 8.Do the next right thing if you have done anything wrong - Make amends immediately
- 9.Practice to get of perfectionism to accomplish excellence*
- 10.Let go of the regrets*
- 11.Accept yourself and learn to love yourself unconditionally
- 12.Learn to live yourself by Being Yourself*
- 13.Simplify your life*
- 14.Do what you enjoy on a regular day to day
- 15.Find a relaxation technique* that works for you
- 16.Stop making mountains out of molehills just to please yourself and others in gossip groups
- 17.Slow down
- 18.Unclutter your world, unclutter your mind*
- 19.Be 10 minutes early WHENEVER YOU NEED TO SOMEWHERE
- 20.Let go of your regrets*
- 21.Ask instead of guessing – learn how to ask questions effectively*
- 22.Escape for a while
- 23.Solve a problem* that is weighing down on you
- 24.Disconnect over the weekend
- 26.Remember – There is going to be a tomorrow for you again
- 27.Go for a walk, Enjoy nature
- 28.Play with a pet
- 29.Learn to laugh at your miseries – develop a Sense of humor*
- 30.Go for regular health checks
- 31.Don't take yourself too seriously
- 32.Be assertive*
- 33.Speak your mind – express yourself*
- 34.Enjoy your company
- 35.Bounce back from failures* - See failure as a learning curve
- 36.Connect with others
- 37.Find positive outlets for negative emotions
- 38.Challenge your shoulds and musts
- 39.Stop comparing yourself with others*
- 40.Save money* as often as you can
- 41.Learn to Always keep your eye on the bigger picture
- 42.Stand up for what you believe in
- 43.Get enough sleep
- 44.Spend Quality Time with Loved Ones
- 45.Resolve all that is unresolved
- 46.Surrender and accept what is
- 47.Take full responsibility for how you react to others
- 48.Take full responsibility for all your actions and outcomes and consequences
- 49.Become aware of and sensitive to feelings rather than ignoring them
- 50.Prioritize peace and happiness over how others perceive you or over fame etc
- 51.Stop blaming Yourself – take action
- 52.Treat the past as past. The past is just, the past, long gone and passed on by.
- 53.Focus your attention on those things you can control
- 54.Exercise on a regular basis
- 55.Do Good Deeds
- 56.Avoid trying to change others
- 57.Learn to manage your anger* - Don't lose it
- 58.Stop taking on others' emotions
- 59.Remove yourself from the situation
- 60.Understand that if you are anxious - It's not "All in Your Head" – seek help
- 61.Watch a funny video
- 62.Learn to Pressure Point With Hand Massage
- 63.Shake It Off and You'll Free Yourself From Fear*
- 64.Have a little faith.
- 65.Curse if you have to
- 66.Fight stress* with more stressful situation you take proactively through thrilling hobbies and interests
- 67.Learn to Accept criticism* gracefully
- 68.Start Small in the Right Direction
- 69.Admit that you're anxious or angry
- 70.Challenge your irrational thoughts about worse-case scenario And what if thoughts
- 71.Relax your body – by relaxing your lower abdomen muscles and changing your breath patterns from shallow and fast to deep and slow
- 72.Drop your shoulders and head in a muscle relaxing manner
- 73.Identify pressure points behind your neck, back of head and forehead and press them
- 74.Practice patience every day by practicing these - get in the longest line whenever you go to the grocery store next time
- 75.Learn the NLP techniques of Observe, detach and disassociate
- 76.Use Your Hands. Cook, bake, clean, repair, craft, play, paint, weld, scrapbook.
- 77.Question your perspective by asking How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes or What would someone else do
- 78.Set boundaries* for yourself[like start and stop time of work, no work on weekends etc] and for others*
- 79.Just take care of today
- I.Determine if you're stressing about something that is in the past
- II.Determine whether you're stressed about the future
- III.Take care of yourself mentally and physically.
- 80.Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
- 81.Don't Say Anything To Someone Unless You Can Say To Everyone
- 82.Release control – let go of the need to control others and things
- 83.Let go of the need to impress others
- 84.Give up people-pleasing
- 85.Getting rid of Yourself from Toxic People
- 86.Let go of your The Need to be Right
- 87.Letting Your Ego Control You – rather work on your insecurities to gain confidence*
- 88.Let go of The Need to Have Everyone Like You
- 89.Know your triggers
- 90.Listen well * -Focus on what the other person is really trying to say
- 91.Exit argument by even losing
- 92.Note your patterns of exasperation
- 93.Create a calm environment with peaceful rituals
- 94.Take care of the essentials
- 95.Only focus About Now
- 96.Be In Your Nothing Box – this can be attained by practicing mediation to get into thoughtlessness state – find what type of meditations is suitable for you
- 97.Be Realistic
- 98.Ignore Small And Insignificant Events
- 99.Mind Your Business
- 100.Ignore Opinions
- 101.Don't Be in a Rush -Do Everything Slower – Walking, Talking, Breathing, And Moving
- 102.Choose Your Battles – don't get into what can be avoided easily
- 103.Get Your Priorities* and Life In Order
- 104.Avoid Stooping Down to other's level when provoked
- 105.Choose your values and live a life of values*
- 106.Learn to Procrastinate* purposefully
- 107.Avoid Drama And Negative People and Things
- 108.Label the emotions AND then Re-label your emotions through reframing techniques of NLP – an example Fear - need to prepare, learn and practice
- 109.Take actions about the things you can control
- 110.Create Your very own Mission control strategy for staving off panic - By asking yourself a series of questions like - What was the worst thing that could happen as a result of the situation or like What immediate steps could be taken to continue making progress in the mission or keep everyone safe?
- 111.Ask Open-Ended Questions*
- 112.Agree To Disagree
- 113.Be open to being wrong
- 114.Understand why you're triggered
- 115.Be solution-focused
- 116.Find opportunities to turn crises into life changing events*
- 117.Reach out to people who are underprivileged