Reset refocus recalibrate your mind - How to readjust your expectations -How to change your expectations of others - How to Recalibrate your mind
In this article we will learn
- -The 25 basics - Understanding what are Expectations
- -9 Broad categories - from whom we have expectations from the following 9 categories plus from ourselves
- -15 common expectations - what we expect from others
- -19 expectations if we have them
FROM OTHERS - are recipe for emotional disaster - you can add yours
- -8 unhealthy and unrealistic expectations we may have from our partner
- -89 tips on how to reset and recalibrate your expectations
Many times in life - we don't have any influence over our circumstances and can't change the situation affecting us -in these phases - recalibrating our expectations and changing our perspectives may be the best solution at that time.
Understanding the Expectations - the 25 basics
All of us live and breathe expectations.
Expectations are about believing [many times with certainty] - that a specific person or group will behave and act in certain manner OR our circumstances would turns out the way we like them to be.
In all probability most of you have experienced - that it doesn't always turn out as you expected- especially in your relationships.
It is also a fact - that if we expect nothing from others - we will rarely feel disappointed, hurt and rejected.
But this is only easy to advice and write - but - almost impossible to completely switch-off our expecting and expectations.
Expectations are two ways - others expecting from us and our expecting from others.
Some expectations which others have from us - are the motivation that makes many of us overcome odds and accomplish big things in life - but this happens when we get the right support from our influential figures in life.
On the other hand - some expectations of others may put us under tremendous pressure and may trigger depression in us.
Our expectations from others - generally are more self-harming and damaging.
Many of our expectations are unrealistic and few of our expectations are even based on hallucinations, illusions and societal and growing-up conditioning.
If you are feeling frustrated in your close relationship - take an objective look and see if you have very high and unrealistic expectations from this person or persons
Let us do a quick check - make a list of your closest people - from every area of your life - personal, family, professional and friends.
Now list - what you expect from these people - and then tick - how many of them fail to fulfill your expectations.
You may discover - that most of your expectations from these people - caused you unnecessary pain, heartburn and negativities.
Recalibrating and adjusting what we expect from others - makes us feel less anxious, less stressful, causes less frustration, anger, depression and makes us less neurotic.
Many times in relationships - when we don't get proportionate reciprocation of what we have done [off-course expecting something in return] we feel hurt or used - especially when what we have done is solely with the focus to add value by going out our ways.
This hurt is the result of our expectation - that they would treat us as we treated them.
This expectation is based on our wrongly-conditioned perception of - if I am good to them - they ought to be good to us.
The moment we assume certain behavior or action from others - we set ourselves up for pain, hurt and disappointments.
When we expect anything from others - the control does not lie with us - and hence when these don't get fulfilled [and when people closest of us don't do it] - we feel rejected, dejected and hurt.
This is called living in a fantasyland of illusionary hopes, beliefs, expectations, and assumptions.
Excepting some situations - we can never pull strings to control and direct others, especially in our closest relationships - as the other persons too have their own mind, emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, flaws and perspectives.
People do use their power, coercion, manipulation and pressure to gain control - but it is not the real control anyway - as it is only because that person is unable to resist - he or she is doing what you want - it all the more so in cases he or she does not want to do what you want.
How many of you have relationships - where you want them to be someone else.
Ask yourself - how many of you have used the technique of soft emotional-blackmail - to get your way with your near and dear ones - many of you may say yes.
If you want to deal with constant disappointments in your relationships - simple solution is to change and recalibrate your expectations
Our expectations are broadly from the following 9 categories plus from ourselves
- 1.Your family - spouse, kids, parents, siblings, your in-laws
- 2.Your organization - your bosses, your colleagues and juniors
- 3.Socially - from friends, relatives and acquaintances
- 4.Your customers
- 5.Your country - the government
- 6.Strangers - you will be surprised - how many people expect from strangers things that many times won't happen from your closed ones
- 7.From situations - especially for their turning into miracles
- 8.About your future - on how it is going to turn into - even if there are no solid foundation for it
- 9.From God
Our 15 common expectations - what we expect from others - add yours
- 1.That all of them would respect us
- 2.That all of them would care for us
- 3.That all of them would understand what we want - without even our telling them what we really want [in some cases even we may not know what we want - still we would want others to understand us]
- 4.That all of them would do what we say
- 5.That all of them would do what we ask - exactly the way we want it to be done
- 6.That all of them would like us and love us
- 7.That all of them would accept us - as we are
- 8.That all of them would appreciate us
- 9.That all of them would recognize us and our worth
- 10. That all of them would support us
- 11. That all of them would put our need as their top priority
- 12. That all of them would tolerate our tantrums, our drams and our childish behaviors - just like that without reprimanding or hitting back
- 13. That for all of them urgencies would be as important and urgent - as for us
- 14. That all of them would think, understand and act - exactly like we do
- 15. That all of them would respond to things as we would
19 expectations if we have them FROM OTHERS are recipe for emotional disaster - you can add yours
- 1.That others would understand you perfectly and clearly - always
- 2.That others would agree with you all the time
- 3.That others would not challenge you on anything
- 4.Expecting a perfect world - where we can live happily ever after
- 5.Having kids - who are super-heroes and best in everything sports, arts, academic etc. Etc.
- 6.That your bosses will understand our worth and we would get promotions - just like that
- 7.Finding that perfect mate - who fills your life with symphony and harmony of positive kind
- 8.Expecting disciplined structured copy-book behaviors from others
- 9.Expecting everyone to kowtow and to behave and act the way you expect them to be
- 10. Without loving, respecting, caring and accepting yourself - expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment
- 11. That others would feel excited with what you are excited about and support you whole heartedly
- 12. That others would be jubilant with your success and happiness
- 13. That others would understand and acknowledge how magnanimous you are
- 14. That others would go out of their ways giving you everything that you want - without asking anything in return
- 15. Expecting that you would be rich and would attract the most desirable partner - without having any basis for this assumption
- 16. That you would pass the exam in flying colors - although you studied and your answers in exams were average
- 17. That others would forget about - how you have caused them hurt
- 18. That everyone would step aside to give you the stage
- 19. That you will have instant riches, glory, name, fame and power
Check if you have these 8 unhealthy and unrealistic expectations from your partner
- I.You expect your partner to apologize first
- II.You expect them to have no friends of the opposite gender
- III.You expect that your family and your life takes precedent.
- IV.You expect your partner to take care of things around the house.
- V.You expect your partner to always take your side
- VI.You expect your partner to always know what you're thinking.
- VII.You expect your partner to fill every void in your life at all times.
- VIII.You link your happiness and worth with your partner
88 tips on how to reset and recalibrate your expectations
- 1.Be aware of reality - look at patterns and how others treat you -don't be fooled into believing things are going to change and be different
- 2.Start becoming aware - when you yearn for specific responses from others - like their giving you standing-ovation, treating you as if you are god, accept and applaud everything that you say and do
- 3.Stop using manipulation techniques to get other's approval and validation [many people when they don't get the response they were expecting - they speak or behave in certain ways to try to elicit the desired outcomes and responses].
- 4.Let go of your expectations from others - detach yourself from the part that depends on others doing or behaving in certain manner - assume nothing
- 5.Slap on your head - when you start getting into the thinking mode of - what could be or if only this had happened
- 6.Care about and focus on those who really love and care for you -who make you loved, worthy and great about yourself
- 7.Identify your strengths, qualities and accomplishments - which make you feel good and feel proud rejoicing these
- 8.Be yourself - express what you feel - let others know - what are your expectations from them - in crystal clear form - then check and verify their understanding
- 9.If you feel manipulated, exploited and used - walk away as your feelings and emotional state is the most important - let go of your expectations of people changing
- 10. No one can control others emotionally - but all of us can choose what makes us feel good and happy
- 11. Disassociate and detach from outcomes - because not everyone will act as we would like them to be - neither things will go as per your plan
- 12. Understand, respect and follow - murphy's-laws
- 13. Understand and expect - that you are unique and have your wants, needs, likes, dislikes and fancies - which is not of liking of many people - similarly the vice-versa is true
- 14. Because others have their owns [just like you do] flaws, imperfections and habits which would irritate you - that is why we need to let go - it might not be easy - but has to be made possible through conscious reminder and practice
- 15. We need to learn to stop judging people
- 16. We also need to give people space - so that they can be what they want to be
- 17. Understand that - when people don't come up to your expectations - it is not always intentional and rarely because it is about you - it could be because of who they are
- 18. Learning to manage your own feelings and moods regardless of what others say or do - by becoming more comfortable with who you are and by accepting and becoming more emotionally intelligent
- 19. Start being happy - with other's accomplishments, successes and qualities
- 20. Help others - when they are in trouble
- 21. Cheer people up and encourage them
- 22. People have the right to feel and react anyway they choose - if you happen not to like it - you too have a choice
- 23. Choose whom to share your achievements with
- 24. Choose whom to spend your time with
- 25. Choose how to respond to other's moods, words and behaviors - as your happiness and your emotional state is your domain
- 26. Our disappointments never comes from what others did or say - but - more from what expectations we had from these people
- 27. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people - in some cases they may not be your family and friends - as in few instances - they may not necessarily always be the default support option for you
- 28. Challenge your assumptions - be curious - look at the world through a child's eyes
- 29. Identify, challenge and discard various societal-conditioning or illusion- fantasies - like
- 30. Acknowledge the role of your expectations - identify what you are feeling and then ask yourself why you are feeling so - is it because of ego or real damage - identify the real cause - instead of blaming someone and something
- 31. Define what you really want - ask yourself what is your objective and what you are really trying to achieve - find different ways and solutions
- 32. Revisit and rest your goals - instead of saying that i am going to finish my blog today - just say that i will focus, sit and write for at least 1 hour - which one do you think will be attractive enough and get done
- 33. Decide to choose your mood - when things don't go as planned, you can either choose to sulk or choose to move forward
- 34. Get rid of your unrealistic expectations - by changing those unrealistic objectives into realistic ones by setting achievable goals and objectives.
- 35. Have an alternative plan and option
- 36. Realize nobody's perfect – not even you.
- 37. Even with the very best intentions, sometimes you'll find yourself feeling annoyed with somebody - that's ok - till you try to understand and either reject your feelings or know the truth
- 38. Take time to reflect and work out what you could do differently in the future
- 39. If somebody else disappointed with you -cut them slack – they are human too and prone to misunderstand and making mistakes just like you
- 40. Stop expecting validation from others - if you are speaking from the heart - you don't need it
- 41. If you are disappointed - first acknowledge your disappointment
- 42. Accept that you are disappointed - allow yourself to feel the negative feelings of being disappointed
- 43. Don't try to find whom to blame - as it cannot make you feel less disappointed - instead try to understand it objectively - as it will allow you to see the bigger picture
- 44. Develop the habit of seeing things differently and from multiple perspective and angles
- 45. Communicate what you want with the people you love - never expect anybody to read your mind
- 46. When things don't go your way- choose to let go and move on– instead of wasting time and energy dwelling on your disappointment
- 47. Learn how to manage expectations in a relationship
- 48. Avoid pointless arguing in a relationship
- 49. Demonstrate and share more positives - show your appreciation rather than disappointments
- 50. Express compassion - give unconditionally
- 51. Demonstrate consideration - create understanding
- 52. Show respect to their feelings
- 53. Spend quality time with your partner
- 54. Give space to each other - for individual growth
- 55. Avoid throwing tantrums and never threaten your relationship
- 56. Never ever compare your relationship with other people of your social circle
- 57. Try to accept others - for who they truly are
- 58. Correct your expectations of others - improve your reality or lower your expectations
- 59. Do you have unrealistic expectations in my relationship - most probably
- 60. Maintain a level of independence within their own individual lives—it creates a healthy amount of distance that breeds desire for closeness
- 61. If you don't like your results, change your expectations.
- 62. Admire where your high expectations from yourself have given you great results - give yourself credit for these areas as these expectations make your life fulfilling and smooth flow
- 63. Set your expectations and think about what is possible, what makes sense and what is realistic. Don't base your expectations on hope.
- 64. Adjust your goals as and when necessary
- 65. Nothing lasts forever - avoid comparing with what your life was before - if right now it is not exactly rocking
- 66. Make a habit of accepting the new normal and your new recalibrations.
- 67. Take self-care in such a way to manage your -emotional and mental fatigue, compassion fatigue effect and physical fatigue - these happens because long periods of disappointments, failures and setbacks
- 68. Re-prioritize deadlines — identify what deadlines can be extended, postponed or ignored
- 69. Re-assess your standards and benchmark needed - what is realistically achievable
- 70. Understand and accept that - if you're experiencing a big life change - a transition to a new job, a new romantic relationship, relocating to another place - you can't expect all other aspects of your life to remain the same.
- 71. Accept and understand that you are good enough
- 72. Be aware if your perfectionism is becoming unhealthy - few signs are - you feel small mistakes have catastrophic impact or you constantly worry about failing and feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious
- 73. Practice gratitude
- 74. If you find yourself making unfair comparisons with others - reduce your social media exposure
- 75. Begin each day with doing things that matter most to you
- 76. Opportunities for growth and learning
- 77. Surround yourself with focused, confident people
- 78. Understand that everyone's life is a series of trade-offs - most of time we see only ours
- 79. Continual improvement, adjustment and calibration is necessary to have a fulfilling and meaningful life
- 80. Also accept the fact that this world can do very well without us
- 81. Take time off if you can - relax - take a break - travel to exotic places
- 82. If possible - wait five minutes before you respond - I can't do it myself as I don't remember when I need this wisdom - but if you can it would be marvelous
- 83. Force yourself to look and think from alternate points of view
- 84. Change how you present yourself
- 85. Try on a different personality for an hour
- 86. Rearrange your home environment to see new things
- 87. Take different routes and find new areas to explore
- 88. Get out of toxic emotional attachments
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