In this article you would find the following in details
- 9 ways - how our expectations affect our happiness, peace of mind, relationship and our success and creates disappointments in our life
- 6 broad - categories of expectations
- 15 ways - how we can reduce our chances of disappointment, unhappiness, failures and relationship-woes
- 14 tips - on how to manage expectations in our relationship
Expectations have direct and very powerful impact on our Professional, Career, Relationship, Success, Happiness, Health, name, Fame, Recognition, Respect and Our-standing in society etc. etc.
Expectations fall in two broad categories of Hope [all positives] and Foreboding [ of Despair/Gloom/ Fear-Fright/Hopelessness etc.].
Our expectations from ourselves as well as what others expect from us – plays a very-major and very-profound role – in what our life turns-into as well as who we become [our personality].
Our expectations affect and impacts the following
- 1.Our likes and dislikes.
- 2.Changes our perception of reality to make it look distorted to us and this becomes our truth.
- 3.Influences how we think and behave and perform and also how others behave towards us.
Expectations have the power to make us into successful, happy, contended person OR turn us into bitter, acrimonious, hostile, angry, revengeful, stressed person, who is a loser in every aspect of life.
The genesis of our expectations begins in our growing-up and personality-forming years and happens due to the type of expectations authoritative people [around us at that time] – have of us.
People whom we are in awe of – when they expect positive and extra-ordinary from us and appreciates and encourages us – we outperform ourselves and these can take us to the pinnacle of life.
And equally - when they have low expectations or show total lack of faith in us -we turn into insecure person with our own bouquet of psychological issues.
Our unrealistic expectations [both from ourselves as well as others] are basically our resentments that we are clinging with.
Our expectations from others - can sometimes place uncalled for demands, stress or burdens on other people - this in turn can create a lot of unnecessary stress and discord in our relationships.
Same thing applies to us when others expect something unrealistic from us [who are powerful and we can't refuse them for whatever reasons] and we just have to do whatever is forced on us through these expectations.
When our expectations from others [ originates from our sense of entitlement]– it ruins our and jeopardizes all our major relationships as well as almost all areas of our life AND manages to create all forms of negativities, stress and failures in our life.
Broadly expectations fall in the following six categories
- 1.Our Expectations from others – these could be our Loved-ones, our Social-circle, our Professional-circle, total strangers, the society itself
- 2.Our Expectations from situations – as to what we expect our future to turn-into – positive or negative
- 3.Our Expectations from ourselves – these could be our self-image, our belief in our capabilities and how we visualize us to be doing in different circumstance, situations and with people
- 4.Our expectations of what others expects from us – we know this because they have mentioned it clearly to us
- 5.Our expectations of what others expects from us - based on our perceptions, assumptions and presuppositions
- 6.What we expect others to understand us – without our telling them or even without giving them any clue as to what we expect from them – in fact we expect them to read our mind
How our expectations affect our happiness, peace of mind, relationship and our success and creates disappointments in our life
- 1.When things don't turn out the way we expect them to
- 2.When people don't behave the way, we expect them to
- 3.When we expect something those are beyond our area of influence, power and control - This is applicable almost-always when our expectations involve the behavior, attitudes or abilities of others
- I.When we expect others to do as well as we do
- II.When we expect them to understand what we want by just looking at us
- III.When we just tell them to do something and expect them to do it – even though they don't have the requisite abilities, resources, attitude, desires, needs etc. etc.
- 4.When our expectations are not SMARTS
- 5.When we just expect – without putting in appropriate actions, time-span, efforts
- 6.Most of the disappointments that we have are predictable and preventable – some disappointments however are unavoidable.
- 7.The trick is to learn to differentiate between these two categories so we can know how to act and react appropriately.
- 8.As per a simple theory the less disappointments we have in our lives – the happier we would be.
- 9.Being disappointed for prolonged periods of time can lead to chronic physical, psychological, mental, emotional problems.
How We Can Reduce Our Chances of Disappointment, Unhappiness, Failures and Relationship-woes
- 1.By reviewing all the beliefs, expectations, and disappointments that we have formed and identifying common themes
- 2.By changing redefining, reframing and modifying our expectations of ourselves and of those around us along with what we are expecting the situation to become – by asking the following objectively evaluating our expectations
- I.Are our expectations realistic
- II.Are they reasonable
- III.Asking for feedback and if others are consistently telling us that we our expectations are unreasonable, then we need to seriously look at changing them.
- 3.By changing the way our brain thinks
- 4.By letting go of our past and our past disappointments and of our past experiences
Focusing on the present with the big picture of how we can make ourselves happier and improve our relationships and how do we become better and better
- 5.By communicating our expectations clearly and seeking other's cooperation in our needs
- 6.By clarifying with others on what they expect from us – and seeking their support
- 7.By managing our life – and by not letting others' expectations define what we do and how we feel
- 8.By building up our own happiness and confidence through working on all those that we have the power influence and control over
- 9.We have to start expecting more from us by focusing on how to improve our performance and how to become a better person in every role that we play in our life
- 10. By celebrating Victories
- 11. By stopping to expect the following from others
- I.Expecting them to agree with us all the time
- II.Expecting them to respect us more than we respect us
- III.Expecting everyone to like us
- IV.Expecting them to fit our idea of who they are
- V.Expecting them to know what we're thinking – without giving them even a hint
- VI.Expecting them to suddenly change
Managing expectations in our relationship
- 1.Instead of doing something for your partner – start doing because you want to do it and it makes you feel great doing it – meaning you start operating from your desire to give meaningfully
- 2.By understanding that expectations and guidelines or rules never creates intimate relationships
- 3.All fulfilling relationship are created through safety, transparency, intimacy, bond, respect, care and love that we share as a couple.
- 4.Creating trust and openness in a relationship requires the courage to be vulnerable and express what you want and don't want at all times in a kind and respectful manner and correct manner – without being accusing and blaming
- 5.By understanding that the opposite of unconditional love is fear and control – because where there is an environment of fear and control – love can never exist
- 6.By understanding that to build intimacy between you and your partner you need to approach issues from a place of non-judgment, non-defensive, non-accusing, non-blaming – BUT from compassion.
- 7.By understanding that all of us have inadequacies, failures, weaknesses and things that we are ashamed about
- 8.By being a person, your partner can trust
- 9.By creating the lines of communication with full honestly and openness - where both of you feel important, supported and loved
- 10. By understanding that when you confront your partner out of fear instead of love you become opposed, argumentative, defensive, arrogant
- 11. By not acting in the manner so that if your partner raises the issue – you make him/her the problem
- 12. By believing and trusting that your partner wants to please you and give you the world.
- 13. And by understanding that for this to happen your partner needs to see that you are kind and respectful and willing to allow them the freedom to be who they are
- 14. Your part is to take up and solve the problem - so that both of you can move forward as a team without having to rehash the past
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