All of us have come across, lived with are with people in our own family, friends, social circle and professional and work places people – who are Difficult people, Manipulative people, Controlling people, Dictators, Toxic people, Negative people, Demanding people and so on.
When we are unable to handle them effectively we lose our own self and start having a miserable existence.
Some types of people help us become better and some push us to make our life hell.
This article is about 26 signs of Toxic people plus 76 ways to remove toxic people from your life plus 22 types of toxic people you should get rid of plus 19 signs you are in a toxic relationship.
A toxic relationship is when two people are emotionally-dependent on each other – and - A healthy relationship on the other hand is when two people are emotionally-interdependent.
It is not possible to avoid toxic people and unless we know how to handle them or get them out of our life – we may ourselves need to seek expert professional help.
Many times we don't realize and recognize to spot the life-threatening impact of these life-su*king vampires.
Manipulative and toxic people drain our resources by constantly pushing us to work harder and harder to please them by making us compromise more and more. They do this because they feel bad about themselves and want to use somebody else to cover their own feelings.
Irrespective of their show-off of their power, shouting and breast-thumping and aggressions and violence – all these people are deeply insecure people with lowest self-esteem, self-respect.
In fact the more someone displays the aforesaid behavior – the more insecure they are internally.
Their toxic behavior is just a mask or facade to hide their weaknesses.
Many people we come across in life are actually annoying, difficult, demanding or unpleasant – but These people are not toxic – They are just undesirable. They help us improve ourselves – if we can learn how to handle them properly.
There are distinct differences between people who are harmful to our well-being and those who have a negative outlook because they struggling with sadness, failures, ill-fortune etc.
In this article we are talking about truly toxic people — the kind that infects, affects, impacts and makes us feel worthless.
How to recognize Toxic people These people could be might be narcissists, BPD or any other anti-social disorder.
Signs you need to spot and get rid of – these harmful people
- They only call when they want something – there is no reciprocation of help, support, understanding etc from there side
- When they need something badly from you – they are all charms and when they don't need – you get ignored completely
- You get blamed for things which you neither did or were not connected with
- They put you down, insult you and make you feel horrible about yourself. Draw a line over any friendships like this immediately.
- You always feel bad about yourself when you spent time with them
- Whatever you say – especially those which is not directed at them – they take it personally
- Tantrums and drama are part of your being together
- They are very suspicious of you, your intentions – of whatever you say and do
- They never accept their mistakes – even when it is evident. In fact they may find a reason in their mistakes to blame you, e.g., I murdered that person because you did not do this for me
- They will never apologize or say sorry
- Thy will say sorry ONLY if they need you badly [and you have put your foot down and asking them for apology] – they will say sorry – BUT WHEN YOU ASK THEM WHAT THY ARE SORRY FOR SPECIFICALLY – they will look at you as if you don't exits
- You will find them that They are aggressively competitive and jealous of you – your accomplishments will actually make them even more cruel towards you
- They are never happy for you when good things happen, although in public they may show
- They often backbite behind your back
- Every responsibility of making the life work with them is your responsibility
- They will never ever commit anything
- They will never ever accept their mistakes
- In case they accept their mistake, it is only that they are planning even more trauma for you
- They will accept to you see and understand but they never would ever see from your side – absolute lack of empathy
- They use your secrets against you and use it to make you feel guilty
- They can be so magnetically powerful – that you start feeling attracted towards them in such way – that even the thought of leaving them may feel you with helplessness
- They may force you do things to get you into trouble
- They will always talk bad about others
- They will play the triangle of Victim, rescuer and persecutors as per their situation
- They will try to cut you off from your close people and support lines
- They will threaten, shout, and even tell you that thy will kill themselves if you don't do what they want
- They will constantly rake up the settled issues again and again
- They will always talk about in grandiose terms on how great they are
- They will also expect you to glorify them everyday basis
How to effectively remove toxic people from your life – all * the marked ones have separate DIY tips in the respectively titled blogs in my two websites success unlimited mantra and relationshipandhappiness
- Don't Expect Them To Change – as they would never do that
- Understand that many of these disorders are progressively deteriorating ones – they will become worse
- Toxic people are always driven from and motivated by their own complex problems as well as their agendas - and not by what is good for them or for their relationship with you
- Accept that even if you are the care-giver and can't walk away from them – the MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY for you is to take care of yourself
- Identify what the maximum you are willing to do for them and what you will tolerate – without feeling stressed or losing yourself in this impossible maze*
- Learn and practice Assertiveness*
- Establish And Maintain Clear Boundaries*
- Give some serious thought to and what you want and don't want from partners family-members, colleagues, and friends.
- When you get a sense that something's not right in your interactions with someone, run through your mental boundary checklist and enforce these boundaries deliberately and rigidly.
- Identify recognize and consciously work-out how you will prevent yourself from getting Pulled and su*ked Into their self-made Crises – these the toxic people do make you feel that they need you - using drama deliberately in order to attract more attention and engage in manipulation
- Understand that you are not dealing with a genuine person in distress
- These are the people who constantly want our attention just for the sake of getting attention -They are not helping us develop and grow, they are just doing the opposite
- Don't spend much of your time reflecting on and trying to understand a toxic person's negative behavior - as they can su*k away all your energies even when they're no longer in your life
- When you find that this toxic person is trying to exploit your flaws, weaknesses and mistakes to use them against you – immediately accept your weaknesses – to remove the power they may drive from your resistance and justification
- Understand that they toxic people are actually projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don't want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you- it not your sh*t it is their sh*t
- This their way of avoiding, facing and accepting the truth about themselves.
- Toxic people often throw tantrums when they feel ignored - because you're stopping them from being able to control or manipulate you.
- If you resists They may increase their tactic on a very-very aggressive level - if you can sustain your not getting affected behavior manifold, but eventually being insecure , they look for another victim to satisfy their needs.
- Learn to not to give in - in when their toxic-behavior escalates, and instead remind yourself that you are doing yourself a favor and also ensuring that these people understand that their old behaviors will no longer work – with you anymore
- Ensure that you choose your battles very carefully as all the Conflicts with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time – till you know how to disassociate emotionally with these people, don't try to engage them at all
- They have unfathomable energies when they find you acting the way they want
- You must have people around you who are your genuine well-wishers. Surround Yourself With Healthy Relationships
- IDENTIFY their TOXICITY - Toxic people are manipulative and selfish They're difficult to please and impossible to work with, even when you're trying to help them and they will consistently make you prove yourself to them
- BE FIRM Be very, very clear with the person about your intentions, then keep the necessary distance to make sure your message isn't misconstrued.
- DON'T BE TOO NICE - It may sound harsh, but since toxic people tend to take advantage of any kindness that's imparted on them, being overly nice can be detrimental
- REALIZE IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE THEM
- Accept that it might be a process – it takes times, a lot of efforts and preparation and sometimes outside and expert help
- Don't feel like you owe them a huge explanation
- Talk to them in a public place
- Block them on social media
- Also understand that removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult they were and how much they harmed you
- Treat this as equal to losing your loved ones through death and separation – read my blogs on how to handle break-ups and move on in relationshipandhappiness
- Negativity feeds of attention
- See negative people as opportunities for growth
- Realize who is really important in your life
- Don't take it personally
- Accept that you're not perfect
- Do not expect to ever hear the word "sorry" from a toxic person's lips, as they are emotionally immature and therefore incapable of introspection and taking ownership of their mistakes.
- For the toxic, self-obsessed person, the only beauty is in the I , Me My, Mine, Myself of them
- By acting as a crutch for their toxic behavior, you become just as toxic.
- There are people who need a helping hand in the world, There are people that deserve it. When you come across them, help them. Help them by choice, not obligation. But don't help them forever. Teach them to help themselves.
- Who makes you a better person and who makes you a worse person?
- Take responsibility for your decision to walk away.
- The worst thing you can do is be weak about it. The worst thing you can do is be passive-aggressive or pretend like you're not really ending the relationship. Step up and be straight.
- It's not your job to change another person so don't bother with a soapbox speech.
- Very often, when you eliminate a negative person from your life, you will feel better.
- This is the ethical (and authentic) thing to do.
- Acknowledge the truth about the relationship
- Be as direct as possible
- Let the person know you don't want to see them again
- Find ways to fill the void
- Accept uncomfortable feelings
- Identify your role in toxic relationships
- Give it time
- Replace negative habits with positive habits*
- Letting the Past Go – learn to handle regrets*
- Learn to let go*
- Get rid of souvenirs and all that reminds you of them
- Have faith that life will be good again
- Embracing New Things – new people, new groups, new hobbies, new cultures, new friends, new experiences, new knowledge, new skills
- Change your environment
- Give yourself a makeover
- Meet new people
- FIND WHAT YOU ARE LACKING THAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM LEAVING
- Understand that It's better to be alone than in bad company.
- Understand that more often than not
- Understand that Toxic relationships often become abusive ones
- Tell trusted family members and friends about the situation, including that you plan to leave
- Work on your self-esteem*
- Save money
- Cut off communication with the toxic person
- Take the time you need to heal
- Work on yourself before getting into another relationship
- Understand that the toxic people are very hard to leave - If you try to leave a toxic person, things might get worse before they get better – but they will always get better - Always.
- Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change
- Accept That It Will Hurt.
Types of Toxic People You Should Just Get Rid Of Immediately
- Those Who Spread Negativity through being angry, resentful and unhappy, complaining 24/7
- Those Who Criticize You All The Time or most of the time
- Those who take advantage of you all the time or most of the time
- Those Who Waste Your Time, with the purpose of making you lose or fail
- Who abuse you verbally and or physically
- Those Who Are very Jealous of you
- Those who compete with you even though there is not competition
- Those Who always Play The Victim
- Those who never take responsibility
- Those who hold onto old grudges
- Those who always try to argue or make you get into arguments
- Those who always feel sorry for themselves
- Those who use all the tactics to manipulate you into doing things that you feel bad about
- Those Who Don't Care for you at all
- Those Who Are only focused on ONLY their own agendas
- Those Who never Keep their promise
- Those who keep Disappointing You
- Those who always try to control you
- Those who disregard your boundaries
- Those who only take-take-take from you without giving
- Those who always try to prove that they are always right
- Those who are people are never honest
YOU MIGHT BE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP plus When to Cut a Toxic Person Out of Your Life
- Are you thinking and talking about them all the time? It's time to make a break
- You can't imagine having a happy life without your relationship
- The relationship harms other relationships in your life
- The more love you give, the more hurt and angrier you become
- You talk about them a lot Talking about toxic people when they're not around gives them more power over your life.
- You lose your temper - whether you're dealing with a master manipulator or the office gossip, toxic people can stir up strong emotions
- You blame them for your behavior -Placing blame for what's going on in your life, however, is a clear sign that a toxic person has too much power over you
- You dread spending time with them
- You stoop to their level
- You resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms They always need to be right, no matter how large or small the topic.
- They act differently around others than they do when you are alone together.
- They seem to switch on a dime — one moment they are delightful, and the next they are excessively angry or cold for no apparent reason.
- They turn other people in your life against one another, or try to convince you that others are untrustworthy.
- They lie about small and big things, regularly and without acknowledging it. They may mislead people or purposefully withhold information to hide their personality flaws.
- They are never at fault and are always the victim
- You feel like you're walking on eggshells. "The person you are with is unpredictable and could get upset at the drop of a hat," Campbell says. "So, you constantly monitor what you say, how you say it, and when you say it to avoid rocking the boat."
- You are investing a lot in terms of time, emotions, and money, and getting little in return
- Your partner holds you back
- You lack independence