DEALING WITH BIG LIFE CHANGES

In this article you will learn

• -47 Reasons why is change so hard to adopt the change
• -18 Major changes are inevitable and may happen many times in life naturally
• -15 Classic psychological reactions to change
• -12 Hardcore action steps to create changes that you need and want in your life
• -56 tips on How to handle changes effectively
• -18 must dos in the times of overwhelming changes for Creating the right mindset for changes in your life
• -24 Reasons why organizational changes fail

Dealing with big life changes

Why change is difficult.

Reasons why change initiatives at personal, family, organizational levels fail.

How to deal with big life changes effectively.

All these questions are those- which most of us struggle to find answer of.

Many of us think that if we wait it out - our obstacles would go away - but the truth is that these obstacles are our life.

I am yet to find a person who has not gone through the roller-coaster of huge life U-turn making changes in his, or her life.

It is natural for almost all of us to get unnerved by unanticipated changes.

Many of us actually manage to turn our crises, our setbacks, situations – into more meaningful and successful and happy life.

And many of us may turn our life bitter, resentful and waste.

This we do by resisting and fighting the inevitable changes and putting ourselves sometimes in no-win situation.

The trick is to learn and practice - not reacting to the situations and people by on our impulse.

Instead we need to wait till our initial feelings of all-is-lost or all-will-be-gone if I don't do anything immediately.

If we can manage to get into our nature the habit of think-through and working-on our fears and anxieties to move towards self-understanding, self-love and inner stability.

Then we can start to repair the damages.

Many of the changes and events those happens to us - are usually out of our control.

But after something has happened – we can control how we act and respond – from our area of influence.

When we are in control of our feelings and are feeling relatively calm - we need to analyze and question the change – in identifying how this change would be beneficial or be detrimental in long term.

Plus- how can we prepare ourselves to make the best of the situation this time and handle it more effectively next time.

All the while we need to be aware of our resistance to the change itself as well as finding if resisting it will cause more troubles us.

47 Reasons why is change so hard to adopt the change - why we resist and make it difficult for us to face and adjust

• 1.Changing our behavior and habits takes time – as we are conditioned to act and react in some specific ways
• 2.We are more motivated more by negative emotions rather than the benefits
• 3.We get trapped by thinking fallacies of all-or-nothing thinking
• 4.We try to eat the entire elephant – that is try to solve and fix everything and everyone all at once
• 5.We just start taking action - without gathering the necessary tools, aids and support
• 6.We try to change too much and too fast
• 7.We misunderstand and underestimate the process of change
• 8.Fear of failure - we forget that failure is part of change
• 9.We are not commitment enough
• 10.We are terrified to step beyond our comfort zones
• 11.Sometimes we may not go for it because it could make us unpopular
• 12.We are biased
• 13.Our old baggage and experience from our past make us resist
• 14.We see transition and change as a stressor
• 15.Some of us just resist every change out of habits
• 16.We don't want to look dumb
• 17.Our friends, family, or co-workers think it's a bad idea
• 18.Fear of loss of status or feeling of insecurity
• 19.We view changes as harmful
• 20.We do not think it is worth the efforts
• 21.Fear of the unknown makes us not take actions
• 22.We don't take actions because of peer pressure
• 23.We lack trust in ourselves and our abilities
• 24.We lack the right competence, skills, knowledge, discipline, mindset and habits
• 25.We are hopelessly in love with our old ways of doing things
• 26.We are mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted
• 27.Not taking personal responsibility and accountability
• 28.We are into blaming others
• 29.We are unable to pivot – because we feel we have invested in the old thing a lot and we can't write-off – e.g. - when you have spent a great deal of time in a situation relationship, job - we feel difficult to walk away
• 30.We really are not willing to change
• 31.We are simply going through the motions - out of respect for someone
• 32.To change more efforts are needed and the prospect of additional and more work frustrates us
• 33.Misunderstanding about the need for change, when the reason for the change is
• 34.Fear of the unknown
• 35.Absolutely no idea on how to deal with this situation, person
• 36.Don't see any way out
• 37.Not willing and comfortable in changing our routines and habits
• 38.Exhaustion, saturation, burnout
• 39.Sometimes the threat is real
• 40.There's no precedent
• 41.Past experience of similar changes
• 42.Being overwhelmed by the big change - feeling lost in the magnitude of change
• 43.Change seen as unnecessary
• 44.Change seen as extended pain
• 45.Cannot see and relate with our big picture
• 46.Find greater payoff in sticking with present
• 47.Lack physical, emotional and mental energy and enthusiasm

18 Major changes are inevitable and may happen many times in life naturally

• 1. Getting a new boss
• 2.Loss of job
• 3.Loss of financial stability and security
• 4.Problems in children's life
• 5. Moving to a different town
• 6. Separation, divorce
• 7. Dealing with a serious illness
• 8. Caring for elderly parents
• 9. Switching jobs
• 10. Death of loved ones
• 11. Relationship with your spouse
• 12. Relationship with new bosses
• 13.Relationship with your children
• 14.Marriage
• 15.Birth of children
• 16.Financial troubles
• 17.Relationship issues
• 18.Accidents

15 Classic psychological reactions to change

• 1.Shock
• 2.Disbelief
• 3.Confusion
• 4.Denial
• 5.Anger
• 6.Depression
• 7.Struggle to find feet in the ground
• 8.Looking for solution
• 9.Taking actions
• 10.Acceptance
• 11.Moving on
• 12.Giving-up
• 13.Fighting-with
• 14.Transforming life
• 15.Creating better habits

Creating the right mindset for changes in your life -

18 must dos in the times of overwhelming changes

• 1.Understand that we're often scared of change because we are afraid of the unknown
• 2.Understand that it is okay to have the following emotions - when overwhelmed – initially – but later you have to gain control
• I.To have feelings of sadness
• II.To grieve over the loss of something and someone
• III.To feel angry about your situation
• IV.To blame
• V.To feel pity
• VI.To feel vulnerable
• 3.you have to give yourself the permission to feel these emotions, but only for a day or two, and then you have to move on
• 4. If you spend too much time in emotional-state of anger or pity or blame – it will make you feel like a victim and helpless and will create many psychological disorders
• 5.Some of us like to project an image of being strong and fearless – when we project false emotions externally it creates more serious issues – as the truth is that we are scared, we are feeling vulnerable, we feel weak and we need of help
  we need to allow ourselves to rely on others
• 6.Understand that- showing our vulnerability is perfectly alright - it may make us feel like we are exposed- but when we allow people to really see our stress, pain and crisis - they will be able to help
• 7.Showing vulnerability makes us get over our pain faster
• 8.Understand you are never actually alone
• 9.That we need to ask for help time to time
• 10.That we can adapt to anything - just look for your past
• 11.Recognize that all big transitions are happening for your own good
• 12.Start believing that everything happens for me instead of feeling that changes are being imposed on me
• 13.Understand that every shock that shakes-up in our life is a wake-up call to make changes in our mindset, belief and life styles
• 14.Every transition is an opportunity which usually illuminates the cracks in our personality, belief system or mind-set, to unable to create a better and more effective one
• 15.Remember- that there is nothing in life that we can't recover from
• 16.Understand that life is not a perfect live happily ever after journey
• 17.Understand that our being rigid would create more pain than solutions
• 18.Remind yourself that you control your attitude and actions

56 tips on How to handle changes effectively

• 1. Don't fight the change
• 2. Find healthy ways to deal with your feelings
• 3. Reframe your perspective
• 4. Find time for self-reflection for following
• 5. Analyze and think in detail and ask yourself -what is the worst that can happen
• 6. Ask yourself how much you can control
• 7. Ask what are the actions that you can take those are totally within your control
• 8. Take action
• 9. Learn and improve your ability to handle stress and relaxing techniques
• 10.Experiment and choose what works best for you
• 11.Let go of the old and welcome the new.
• 12.Give up control, surrender to what is, trust the natural process of your life
• 13.Let go of expectations especially those where you expect your life to be a very specific way
• 14.Make the best of what you have got
• 15.Have faith in yourself
• 16.Pray and converse with god
• 17.Don't give up on life
• 18.Never give up on yourself
• 19.Acknowledge the changes that are taking place in your life
• 20.Face your fears – by taking actions
• 21.Confront your feelings and seek support
  be flexible
• 22.Continue to do your work and keep taking actions being focused on your big picture
• 23.Trust yourself based on past successes
• 24.Relax – exercise – rest – take vacations
• 25.Allowing time to adjust - expect new patterns of living to take time
• 26.Start seeing changes as opportunities
• 27.Take ownership for your situation, decisions and actions
• 28.Let go of what has happened and move on
  find the humor in the situation
• 29.Focus on solving problems than what you are feeling
• 30.Fix what you can
• 31.Figure out when to accept and when to reject the change
• 32.Take good care of yourself
• 33.Don't make too many changes at once
• 34.Remember that you will eventually adapt to the change as you had done in the past
• 35.Learn to vent your frustrations, angers and disappointments effectively
• 36.When overwhelmed – for some time choose to do nothing
• 37.Break big tasks into small ones and focus on small actions
• 38.Improvise your strategies as needed
• 39.Increase your sense of control by achieving small victories
• 40.Never make decisions out of fear
• 41.Count your blessings
• 42.Be curious
• 43.Expect to feel uncomfortable with what is uncertain and unfamiliar
• 44.Give yourself permission to feel weird.
• 45.Create incentives and rewards for changing
  be yourself and do what makes your emotions uplift
• 46.Reconnect with well-wishers in your life
• 47.Learn something new
• 48.Expect failure — and don't let it stop you
• 49.Stop compare your own life with other peoples' lives
• 50.Don't over-commit
• 51.Everyday tackle the one thing that you have been putting off
• 52.Stop multitasking go for single-tasking
• 53.Focus on one goal
• 54.Analyze and eliminate the non-essential activities
• 55.Practice random acts of kindness
• 56.Help others
• 57.Pursue only what is within your span of influence feasible

12 Hardcore action steps to create changes that you need and want in your life

• 1.Ask yourself
• I.Do you take initiative or do you react to the events, people?
• II.Normally do you take an active or passive role
• III.Do you only concentrate on the current nor your actions are based on future
• IV.Do you make decisions only when you are forced or do you make decisions consciously
• V.We have to start believing - a famous quote "future is not what it used to be"
• VI.Understand that contrary to the saying that history repeats itself - the future will never be exactly same as per our expectations or experiences of past
• 2.Envisage, Dream and create your Vision - sit quietly– and ask yourself
• I. What are the result you don't want but getting in your life
• II.What behaviors or habits are causing these negative outcomes and result
• III.Whether the habits your behavior are worth the pain
  Identify the forthcoming changes
• 3.Now identify the forthcoming changes in your life
• I.ask yourself what changes you can foresee in your important relationship – with your parents, spouse, kids, boss
• II.What changes you anticipate in your age, health, maturity
• III. What would be different in your profession, business, market
• IV.What type of financial liabilities you may encounter
• V.What types beliefs, attitudes, mindset gives you negative results or outcome
• 4.Then Note down
• I.What specific results you want in each area of your life
• II.What competencies, behavior, attitude, belief, habits you need to develop to get this results
• III. What would be the ultimate results you will get if you inculcate the aforesaid positive habits, behaviors and attitude
• 5.Create the priority of - which changes in which habit are needed first and so on change as per the results you are most passionate about
• 6.Create a realistic timeline for actions towards achieving
• 7.Make a list of people who will support you in this
• 8.Create urgency - why now – what would be the losses in you do not change
• 9.Set up and organize links with people, institutes, websites – from where you will draw the support, knowledge, counseling, guidance, mentoring, directions etc. etc.
• 10.Start taking action on daily basis
• 11.Create a simple single page monthly 1-31 sheet for reviewing, monitoring and improvisation, correction sheet
• 12.Create a celebration & reward mechanism at regular intervals

24 Reasons why organizational changes fail [in addition to the applicable reasons for change failures given above in why we resist change]

• 1.Climate of mistrust
• 2.Organizational politics
• 3.Fear of failure
• 4.Faulty implementation approach
• 5.Poor timing
• 6.How the change is being implemented by the leaders
• 7.Changes are introduced in an insensitive manner or at an awkward time.
• 8.Not involving the employees – leaders believe top-down still works
• 9.Not having taken buy-in from the stakeholders
• 10.Ignoring current organizational culture
• 11.Not dealing proactively and effectively with resistance
• 12.No clarity in the objectives and benefits
• 13.Changes are being implemented all the time for the sake of change only
• 14.Absence of a winning strategy
• 15.Change criteria not specified
• 16.Structure and systems requirements needed are not present
• 17.Appropriate skills and resources and not developed
• 18.Inadequate support from leadership
• 19.Lack of resources
• 20.Inadequate change leadership skills
• 21.Not knowing what you are trying to achieve
• 22.Causing more disruption than needed
• 23.Not following a formal change management and communications plan
• 24.Poor processes

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