In this article you will learn
- -36 Signs of Self-Sabotage in Success
- -56 Signs of Self-Sabotaging in Relationship
- -16 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage
- -18 Ways to Stop Self-sabotaging your Relationship
- -15 Tips WHAT WE CAN DO stop Self-sabotaging in other areas
- -What causes Self-sabotage behavior in us
If I ask anyone in this world – do you want to be Happy, Rich, Successful, Powerful, Peaceful, Blissful, Have Strong Relationship with Important People, Grow Beyond Your Existing Self-image and Self-perception.
I doubt if anyone's answer will be NO.
We spend our entire life chasing these by putting our total attention, utmost efforts and complete dedication to accomplish them.
You would be surprised to know that many people sabotage these themselves – when they have already reached or on the verge of a great success or in the peak of a wonderful relationship.
Many self-sabotaging behaviors happens – when YOU FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE GOING TOO WELL and can't be better.
Difficult to believe.
Self-Sabotage is the act of destroying, buying-back or undermining yourself through destructive behaviors directed towards you which happens subtly and sub-consciously.
In many cases they have psychological reasons and require professional expert interventions, treatments and therapies.
Then you will find there are many people who have desires to be successful and powerful – but they get scared handling the power and glory attached with it – so either they walk away at the last moment or give-up on their efforts at last moment.
There are also those who are actually accomplished in one area but display these self-sabotaging behaviors – in other areas of life.
Many of us may be self-sabotaging our life, our success, our happiness, our relationships - without even realizing it.
In this article we will give you signs – those are self-explanatory as well as self-assessable – to help you identify if you are self-sabotaging your success, happiness, relationships, physical/mental/emotional security and business etc. etc.
36 Signs of Self-Sabotage in Success
- 1.You are focused on instant gratification
- 2.Self-care does not have any priority in your schedule
- 3.You expect yourself to succeed - without scheduling time for planning and implementing appropriate actions to accomplish them.
- 4.You set your happiness and success as being dependent on other people
- 5.You research endlessly, trying to find perfect solutions – making them complicated and complex
- 6.You prefer to remain stuck in those patterns – even though it is creating chaos in your other areas of life
- 7.You complain about other people's behavior when you need to make the same change yourself – meaning you project your deficiencies on other people
- 8.You operate solely on your perception of what a situation is - rather than dealing with reality
- 9.You don't acknowledge the valid points other people make
- 10. You have emotional triggers – when they are pressed - results in out-of-proportion reactions
- 11. You don't have effective methods for managing your emotions and behavior
- 12. You are a master in self-generating stress – let us say you may start several tasks simultaneously much more than - you have time and energy and enthusiasm to finish
- 13. You work on low priority tasks, but leave high priority tasks undone.
- 14. You make financial decisions based on freebies rather than the usefulness
- 15. You Blame others when things go wrong
- 16. You Choose to walk away when things don't go smoothly
- 17. You have Trouble stating your needs
- 18. You keep putting yourself down
- 19. You don't keep to your deadlines
- 20. You do a shallow and shabby job of say preparing an important presentation
- 21. You are consistently late to work
- 22. You may repeatedly put-off that has to be done by you only – till very last minutes
- 23. You start projects but never get to finish them
- 24. You get an exciting opportunity – but you just delay taking action till the opportunity is gone
- 25. You do dream big – but it remains a pipe-dream as no action is taken
- 26. You find yourself telling yourself often – that I can't do it and I don't deserve it or that even if I try, I will fail in any case so why put efforts
- 27. You may think that if you're successful, your colleagues will feel bad – so you avoid taking actions that may lead to you succeeding
- 28. You indulge in self-sabotage because it gives you the power by becoming a rescuer for that situation – to get a short-term boost to your self-confidence
- 29. You Resist change
- 30. You do not go for pro-active learning of newer skills
- 31. You do the same thing the same way – again and again – even if they have stopped giving results
- 32. You get involved in backbiting and gossiping and spreading rumors
- 33. You criticize the bosses, the management, the company - for everything wrong that is happening to you
- 34. You have difficulty in recognizing and accepting your mistakes
- 35. You can't create enough resolve to correct your unhealthy habits
- 36. You resort to unhealthy behaviors for instant mood-change
56 Signs of Self-Sabotaging in Relationship
Check how many applies to you – if more than 20% applies to you then please take corrective-measures immediately – before this relationship cracks and heads towards breakup[if it not already on the rock]
- 1.You have the exceptional ability to find the needle in the haystack – meaning a small fault among the loads and loads of positives
- 2.You notice only the negatives in your partner – however trivial
- 3.You fail to notice the significant positive contribution and value-adding that they are making in your life
- 4.Even if you notice them – you only remember only the negatives
- 5.You accuse, blame, criticize – under the guise of being hurt [from the reasons that have been created through your internal meaning-generating-machine and magnified – rather than it being a fact]
- 6.You tend to criticize more – many times by telling your partner that you are sharing these for their benefits
- 7.You Have a compelling need to Be Right – and you take all the steps through engaging your partner in arguments – when none is required or has any provocation
- 8.If your partner make you realize that you were wrong or that mistake was entirely your fault – you hold grudge against him/her
- 9.You have a special storage inside you – where you accumulate – all the grudges – that needs a small trigger to come exploding out of you
- 10. You Take Everything Personally – even jokes on one time – although that person praises and compliments you most of the time on those qualities
- 11. Even if your partner clarifies when he/she is upset or angry that it has got nothing to do with her/him – you get offended
- 12. You take offense very easily – when there is no reason
- 13. You are expert in throwing tantrums of many types
- 14. Although you claim that you trust him/her – you feel jittery for any small unexplained deviation – then it triggers many of the behaviors listed under this heading
- 15. You don't communicate what you want with your partner – but get angry if he/she is not able to read your mind – then you take this anger in many ways
- 16. You give silent treatment as punishment time to time
- 17. You also become incommunicado – when angry and don't even explain why you are angry when he/she asks for your upsets
- 18. You can keep your anger boiling for days, weeks, months, years – even on small things
- 19. You play very difficult and hard to please – if your partner tries to resolve the conflict
- 20. You try to make your partner feel bad by deliberately flirting with others when you could be doing this with him/her – to make him/her feel bad and insecure
- 21. When it comes to your relationship with this person - everything else Is more Important To You – you are just not available for him/her
- 22. You make bring up your ex – time to time to make your partner feel inadequate
- 23. You Correct Everything Your Partner Says And Does – like accent, spelling and grammar – NOT even noticing the feelings, emotions, intent that he/she is expressing
- 24. You have stopped giving surprises and romantic gestures which you used to do earlier – But expect from him/her all the time
- 25. You become mad and lose your cool when your Partner Can't Read Your Mind – and when he/she asks you don't tell exactly what you want – only on persistence you tell about your vague needs and desires
- 26. You are not yourself – meaning you are not transparent, honest, sincere and open in your relationship – you always have your mask on
- 27. You expect your partner to do all the work for relationship and emotionally build-up
- 28. You make promises but rarely honor them
- 29. You don't feel bad about not doing your part for nurturing the relationship
- 30. You don't notice, acknowledge and celebrate your partner's accomplishment – big or small
- 31. You have started taking your partner for granted
- 32. You always have an eye on the exit – this the first thing you say to your partner in time of any conflict or disagreement
- 33. You gaslight your partner – it is sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are valid or real (even though they are).
- 34. You are paranoid or extremely jealous
- 35. You avoid facing problems
- 36. You are not ready accept responsibility and take ownership for the relationship quality
- 37. You can't talk about any issue
- 38. Your life is full of Disorganization, chaos – as a result it affects your health, your work, and your relationships significant half
- 39. Your waste time and energy finish your tasks because you have either left to last minute or have not planned and organized it properly
- 40. You Initiate conflict with your partner so that you can keep him unnerved
- 41. Focusing on what is missing and what you're incapable of doing
- 42. Comparing with others
- 43. Questioning and doubting the purpose and intent of your partner
- 44. You feel unnerved if your partner is angry – even if it is not because of you and neither directed at you – which your partner has explained
- 45. You feel ashamed
- 46. You ignore your partner's boundaries
- 47. You stay mad for days - "Some people will 'stay mad' at their partner for days in an attempt to either punish them or ward off the difficult conversation that needs to happen.
- 48. While healthy distance can help cool down a fight, if you're staying mad to punish your partner or make them 'pay,' you're most likely self-sabotaging your relationship
- 49. Even after staying mad and giving your partner silent-treatment/blocking communication – if he/she tries to comeback – you fight tooth and nail – although it was your fault that the conflict or misunderstanding happened in the first place
- 50. You agree with you partner only to show that how much you understand or trying to – but internally you are adamant that you are right - "Staying adamant about things having to be your way because you know better and are right is way to sabotage your relationship.
- 51. Not having compassion or openness to your partner's ideas is serious problem. Just because they don't agree with you does not mean the other person is wrong or less than you."
- 52. You don't let yourself receive love from your partner - Not receiving love is a relatively unknown way that people self-sabotage.
- 53. This means that your spouse could be giving you all kinds of love — verbal affection, gifts, physical touch, you name it — and you still cannot or will not take it in. It's important to be aware of how you may be rejecting love and explore what may be causing your inability to internalize your partner's love for you."
- 54. That is why you don't give back any love to your partner either
- 55. You also ignore and don't honor your commitments made by yourself
- 56. You don't try to fulfill your partner's need – even though He/she is doing all that you need, want and desire
16 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage
- 1.We Lack of Self-love, Self-acceptance, Self-worth, Self-esteem
- 2.We feel undeserving of success and or happiness - Although many of highly driven people have high vision and put solid efforts to accomplish their dreams – JUST to make up for their self-imposed sense of inadequacy.
- 3.We view ourselves as flawed, worthless, incapable, or deficient
- 4.We prove to ourselves that it feels bad to fail BUT it feels even worse to succeed
- 5.To Avoid failures – so we limit our actions within the comfort of what we can do even while sleeping
- 6.For some people life's boredom triggers the self-sabotaging behaviors – like picking a fight to incite drama
- 7.We do not want to exert ourselves unnecessarily – so we do the bare minimum and hope it works
- 8.Avoid facing ourselves – fully bare - We create blames on partial truths instead facing our real self – like if your partner have left you – we convince ourselvesthat she/he left me because I was not around [to avoid facing that internal feeling that we feel that we are of not worthy of being loved by others]
- 9.It makes us feel the feeling of familiarity – as by sabotaging we get to feel feeling of instability and chaos
- 10. We use the helplessness to brandish power playing victim
- 11. Fear of intimacy
- 12. Fear of rejection
- 13. Avoidance and procrastination – to ward off the discomfort
- 14. Perfectionism – this is a great way to self-sabotage – we wait for the perfect moment that perfect time, that perfect product etc. etc.
- 15. Avoiding pain
- 16. Ego and fear run the show of self-sabotaging in relationships
What Causes Self-sabotage Behaviors in us
- 1.Patterns learned in childhood
- 2.Having been in an environment where wrong-indulgence was ignored or encouraged
- 4.Past relationship dynamics - You hurt and leave them because someone hurt and left you + People who are hurting internally - hurt other people - If you did not heal from what hurt you – you will bleed others who did not harm you at all
15 Tips WHAT WE CAN DO stop Self-sabotaging in other areas
Almost all the points have separate DIY separate blogs in both of my websites https://successunlimited-mantra.com/ as well as http://relationshipandhappiness.com/
- 1.Identify, Discover and Recognize the self-sabotaging behaviors and habits you might be using - from the lists given in this article
- 2.Identify root causes – seek help professionally or of people who are really close to you
- 3.Take time for self-reflection.
- 4.Break your pattern of behavior
- 5.Make small, meaningful changes
- 6.Understand the Emotions That Lead to the Behavior
- 7.Identify the Thinking or Beliefs That Cause the Emotion
- 8.Break the pattern Your Thoughts, Emotions and Behaviors
- 9.Develop Self-Supporting Behaviors
- 10. Practice getting comfortable with failure
- 11. Talk about it - If you notice certain patterns keep appearing in your relationships, try talking to the people you're closest to about them.
- 12. Identify what you really want
- 13. Break out of your comfort zone!
- 14. Identify, Define your fear - All self-sabotage is rooted in fear – what exactly you are afraid of embarrassment, incompetence, success, failures, what others think of you
- 15. Set small SMART goals - that are easily attainable-Make a plan of action to follow through with your goals -You will soon feel empowered and stronger
18 Ways to Stop Self-sabotaging your Relationship
- 1.WORK ON YOURSELF – your anger management, your emotional management your creating positive meaning in life
- 2.Every day, write down 3 things that your partner did or said that made you happy or that you were grateful for
- 3.Stop focusing on what wrong your partner is doing
- 4.Touch each other often, caress, rub, kiss, hug, lean against, hold hands, massage.
- 5.SCHEDULE YOUR OWN TWO PERSON THERAPY Simply have uninterrupted time to talk to your partner - Instead of snapping back and arguing in the heat of the moment when you're feeling defensive, resentful, or unfairly blamed
- 6.SCHEDULE DATE WITH YOUR PARTNER EVERY WEEK
- 7.SET BOUNDARIES HEALTHY
- 8.GIVE SPACE TO EACH OTHER
- 9.RESPONDS TO CRY FOR HELP – BEGGING FOR LOVE - In relationships, it's the little stuff that builds up resentments.
- 10. APPRECIATE
- 11. RENEW YOUR VOWS, COMMITMENTS AND DREAMS
- 12. UNDERSTAND AND SPEAK EACH OTHER'S LOVE LANGUAGE
- 13. LISTEN WELL TO UNDERSTAND AND NOT TO ATTACK
- 14. GO FOR SEX THERAPY - It's so important to keep your sex life active. Schedule a time for sex — it may sound strange but you'll be surprised how the anticipation will whet your appetite, just like it did when you were dating.
- 15. Introduce new forms of novelty to compensate for the inevitable diminishing partner novelty.
- 16. Overcome any disagreements about initiating sex by taking turns. The brain chemistry stimulated by sex is critical to renewing your bond
- 17. Get curious about how you act when you're in a relationship.
- 18. View your relationship as a partnership.
When to Seek Professional Help
- 1.If your efforts to try different behaviors and responses haven't worked, or only work for a while, therapy may be a good option.
- 2.There's no shame in needing professional support.
- 3.Therapy can be particularly helpful for self-sabotage because at some point, you might unintentionally begin sabotaging the therapy process.
- 4.A good therapist will pick up on this and help bring the issue, which you probably weren't aware of, to the surface.
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