In this article – you will learn
- -How the unhealthy state of having the feelings of no being good-enough and feelings of inadequacy can impact you and the people around you – a real incident
- -28 signs, symptoms and behavior-patterns who have deep rooted insecurities and personality disorders
- -19 experiences, feelings and emotional-states - of People who feel inadequate
- -42 ways we can overcome the feeling of not-being-good-enough or being-inadequate
Are you good enough - Why we feel inadequate And how to Feel good being yourself
How many of you have ever felt – that you are not good enough.
I can bet that all of us would have felt this feeling of not being adequate enough, of not being good enough – many-many times in our lives.
For emotionally secured people –feeling of not being good enough or feeling inadequate passes-on as soon as their focus changes from this to more important tasks.
But for people with deep rooted emotional-insecurities – this mental and emotional state of not being good-enough can drive their life choices in all aspects of their life like career, profession, relationships and how we relate with others in the world.
When these feelings of inadequacy - of having low self-worth - of feeling helpless - of feeling stupid - of feeling powerless and of feeling guilt or shame or internal-rage —begins to create obstructions in our profession, career, relationship and socially and most important with our own identity – we need to seek help.
Actually when we are being fully ourselves – we are good – good enough.
Roots of inadequacy can be traced from childhood neglect to workplace harassment to abusive relationships to overly critical parents and humiliating-authority figures.
In few cases they may also get ingrained in us because we never got the opportunities to experience positive experiences - like that of healthy competition and handling challenges which built-ups the feelings of competence and adequacy.
For some people it becomes the only reason and motivation to prove their worth every moment - Sadly for many people this pathetic condition may last their life-time.
Many of today's generation are living a life of constantly trying to do and be everything at the same time and to be to be good enough for everyone.
This also can develop as FOMO – the fear of missing out - FOMO has been recognized by American psychological association as a psychological disorder.
How an unhealthy state of not being good-enough or feelings of inadequacy can impact you and the people around you.
I am sharing a real-life event of a person
- 1.I have had the opportunity of working-together in close proximity with one person for an extended period of time.
- 2.My initial impressions though our interactions, exchanges and observations were - that this person has deep insecurities emanating from a traumatic past relationship and may have curable borderline personality disorder.
- 3.The best part was that this person was totally willing to cooperate and take actions on the crucial elements those boosts self-esteem, self-worth, emotional-security.
- 4.After a constant high exposure of "sincere and true" positive inputs PLUS many-many other interventions -over a period of six months - this person shared that he/she has been able to experience a life that he/she never though exists and that he/she feel very different and liberated – and that he/she has already severed his/her connection with his/her past].
- 5.But surprisingly after a most recent event – where the experiences were even more exciting and enlivening [in person's own words]– some invisible trigger had all the previous behaviors of deep emotional insecurities came back in this person – and earlier self-accepted and liked good experiences vanished in seconds
So how does it really work
Compliments are wonderful to receive - of course - but then the receiver has actually got to believe and internalize them – emotionally secure people can take the compliments, praises and use them to reinforce their self-worth.
People who feel inadequate feel happy only at that moment [when the compliments are given] and then they fall back into their own quagmire - as believing in themselves and their own worth—is actually very difficult for them.
Because they don't take actions needed every-day – to identify, recognize and reinforce the powerful, the positives and their strengths - without looking for immediate change.
I have identified 28 signs, symptoms and behavior-patterns who have deep rooted insecurities and personality disorders [patterns mean repeatedly displaying same self-destructive behaviors] – these people are those who would need therapy and counseling at times for long extended period of times
- 1.Unable to connect with themselves – cannot communicate nor identify
- I.What they are feeling
- II.What they are experiencing
- III.What they want - say - from a relationship or their partner OR in their life
- 2.They usually perceive insult and hurt – from those behavior of others which were neither insulting nor in any way harmful to them - many of their such perceptions are formed from communications and actions of others - which were actually helpful and beneficial to them
- 3.Unable to feel, recognize and acknowledge the hurt they are causing to others – even if these are explained to them – lack empathy
- 4.Unable to identify - specific actions, habits and behavior that they need to change [that what should they start doing or what should they do differently] - if you ask them – when they have themselves accepted that they have made mistake(s)
- 5.Unable to commit taking simple actions
- 6.Unable to recognize their mistake
- 7.Coming out with martyr or victim behavior – when someone points out [and they know] that they are wrong - to mask their feelings of inadequacies and insecurities
- 8.Unable to apologize for their mistakes in specific terms for a specific mistake – they would just use the word sorry - as a blanket statement
- 9.Usually are focused only on their own pain and need
- 10.Sometime when things are going very well – their sudden impulsive behaviors – may hurts the other person or ruins a perfect moment or breaks a promising relationship
- 11.Unable to work on themselves – at least consistently
- 12.They will show their concerns – as if they are the most caring person [although they don't feel anything – they just parrot the words read and heard]
- 13.When the other person in real pain[and have also have also communicated the same to them] – they would not pay any attention to him/her at all and instead they may come out with some of their [non-existence] pain which suddenly develops– and which they will magnify to show that they need more care than their partner
- 14.Because they don't understand themselves [due to suppressing their feelings and emotions] – they just don't have any empathy for others
- 15.Because they are scared to accept themselves as they are – they don't have compassion for others
- 16.Instead of answering something uncomfortable and difficult – they will either divert the conversation or just plain ignore that
- 17.They will be the first one to give you silent treatment by just stopping to communicate – without any explanations or reasons
- 18.You can't have two-way conversations with them – where a rational dialogue is taking place with questions being asked and answered which are connected till there is change in topic
- 19.You can never expect them to honor their commitment [which they themselves have made]– when you have explained something that they should not have done [which they accepted]
- 20.They also have uncanny knack of answering your questions with questions of their own – thereby avoiding answering your questions
- 21.They will [in a blink of second] forget all the efforts you have shown consistently of care, concern, help etc. etc. – and – will make you feel as if you have done some great injustice to them – in case you manage to infuriate them for some reason known to them
- 22.They will carry all their perceived grudges, hurts and anger indefinitely as they replay any perceived nasty comment/actions of others over and over in their head AND also bring them up maybe months later
- 23.This inner feeling of feeling helpless and inadequate - make them behave in all the manner described above and in many more passive-aggressive ways
- 24.They will sub-consciously sabotage the relationship -Even though they say that they like the experience of the newer changes brought about by a person in their personal life [due to their deep-rooted fears of intimacy, earlier abuse and other conditioning]
- 25.Because they don't value themselves - they have difficulty in understanding the value of a caring person's care, efforts, love etc.
- 26.Because they don't put enough efforts[other than in initial phases] - they can't appreciate the efforts of other person has put in
- 27.Because they don't have pride about their accomplishments - they have difficulty in praising others
- 28.Because they don't know what they want - they can never plan for their special occasions
For additional behaviors and signs read my blog on how to deal with manipulative people along with others blogs on insecurities, depression, self-esteem etc. etc.
19 experiences, feelings and emotional-states - of People who feel inadequate
- 1.Regular Anxieties - - even for small-small changes and day to day happenings
- 2.A high level of self-criticism – which – would ultimately result into their blaming others + justifying + making excuses
- 3.They have trust issues with others – because of their not having faith in themselves
- 4.They have difficulty in receiving and accepting praise – limits their ability of expressing their affection, love and appreciation to others properly
- 5.Have very low self-worth – even they might have accomplished bigger things
- 6.Fear of rejection and failures – is relatively high to very high
- 7.Feelings of being helpless and powerless – which forces them to either adopt a victim or a martyr mind-set
- 8.Generally will have difficulty in saying no
- 9.They may withdraw socially
- 10.Can resort to regular Fault finding in others
- 11.Whenever they have to do something in front of others – they will have Performance anxiety
- 12.Their Craving for attention is a major driver for all that they do
- 13.Irrationally high sensitivity to perceiving hurts
- 14.Easily feeling disrespected, hurt and insulted
- 15.Doubting themselves most of the time
- 16.Try to accomplish too many things at once
- 17.They just stop having fun
- 18.Busy themselves in chores
- 19.Comparing and focusing too much on the success of others
42 ways we can overcome the feeling of not-being-good-enough or being-inadequate
- 1.Have to start accepting ourselves as completely ok - with our weaknesses, failures, past mistakes etc. etc.
- 2.We have learn to identify who we are and being comfortable being ourselves
- 3.Once we feel comfortable with being ourselves - we need to build our capacity to experience positive feelings
- 4.When we are able to accept and love ourselves – we can recognize, feel and experience the feeling love from our real loved ones – who care for us sincerely
- 5.Questions to challenge and introspect ourselves objectively
- 6.Recognizing whenever we get into wallowing in our inadequacies - that this feeling of not being good enough was learned – it is not a fact Developing a self-talk that tells us – we are good enough as we are – although we also need to work on our own self to make us better and better
- 7.Generating self-inspiration through structured efforts – of actions, reading, watching and interacting with people who are themselves inspired and inspire us
- 8.Constantly work on finding solutions and implementing these solutions - to our mental, emotional and physical states - instead of wallowing in your own inadequacies
- 9.Giving ourselves new powerful positive labels – by linking our real accomplishments and achievements - to be able to say and back it up with real evidence – I am creative, I am brave, I have the ability to find solutions to every problem that I face etc. etc.
- 10.Always remind yourself of where all you excelled – create and maintain a list
- 11.Keep track of all your successes, triumphs and wins – however small they are
- 12.Calibrate your expectations – recognize when we are getting drained to satisfy someone else's expectations
- 13.Create your own power – read my blogs on how to be powerful and listen to my YouTube videos
- 14.Pay attention to what lights you up – identify things that makes you talk about for hours without getting tired and those that make you feel come alive – these are your passions - ignite them
- 15.Practice to - accept and feel comfortable with all the praise and compliments
- 16.Learn to distinguish sincere praise and appreciation from flattery – ditch the flattery and the people who are trying to use you through using flattery
- 17.Help someone who really needs it
- 18.Surround yourself with powerful, energetic, enthusiastic and action-oriented people
- 19.Stop comparing yourself with anyone else
- 20.Learn to be yourself - if you want to have an intimate connection, bonding and relationship with someone - being open and honest about your thoughts and your feelings is a mandatory prerequisite
- 21.Identify your wants and needs
- 22.Practice self-care
- 23.Recognize your strengths and work on maximizing them
- 24.Nurture positive relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself
- 25.Learn and practice assertiveness and learn to say no to all negative demands and people
- 26.Start trusting your loved ones
- 27.Become curious about people and yourself
- 28.Accept that everyone makes mistakes – and tell yourself that whenever you make mistake – you will correct them
- 29.Ask for feedback and then show the person that you have taken action
- 30.Find people who support you
- 31.Celebrate your achievements
- 32.Focus on excellence – let go for the urge to be perfect
- 33.Listen and broaden your scope
- 34.Learn to be vulnerable
- 35.Read, read, read – broaden your knowledge and awareness
- 36.Identify your skills – master that AND make that something to demonstrate say through YouTube videos
- 37.Teach others what you are good at
- 38.Volunteer for good cause
- 39.Take plenty of rest, vacations
- 40.Travel to places which have different culture
- 41.Learn, learn, learn – newer skills, new qualifications, acquire knowledge
- 42.Join social and professional forums – where you can share your own struggles and how you overcame them
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