<p><span>In this article you will learn the following</span><br></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">4 reasons why we try to fix problems of others</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">29 Signs of people-fixers</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">14 reasons why being a fixer is self-harming & self-sabotaging</b></p><p>-<b data-redactor-tag="b">50+ tips on How to get out of fixer mindset </b></p><p>Are you a people-fixer</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Do you try to fix things for people - do you try to solve problems of other people without their even asking you - do you try to change people</b>.</p><p>These people can be anyone - <b data-redactor-tag="b">your parent, your spouse, your children, your sibling, your neighbors, your juniors, your seniors, your social contacts and even the strangers</b>.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">This habits</b> - simply put - <b data-redactor-tag="b">causes unexplainable sufferings, pains, heart-breaks, breakups and many types of completely unnecessary and avoidable</b> hardships on both ends.</p><p>How <b data-redactor-tag="b">many of you can realize -that - how often you have overwhelmed those you love and care for most</b> - with your attempts to fix their problems.</p><p>Although <b data-redactor-tag="b">in maximum cases - your intent - is most positive and caring</b> - yet the method used is the most detrimental for the person you love and care for.</p><p>For <b data-redactor-tag="b">the best growth of the people you care and love - you need to wait in the wings and hold space for them to</b> struggle, sort things out, and let them grow on their own.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">If you have chosen to become a health-care or social-cause worker - because you want to minimize the sufferings and by adding positive value and making sustainable positive-difference</b> - then this is definitely a healthy outlet for your need or wish to fix problems of others.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">If you get into relationships where you feel that you partner needs fixing</b> - it can become very toxic for your partner.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Because your partner may not want or need fixing - at least from you</b> - and because of this - relationships are almost always doomed to fail.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">In fact if you realize that you want to change or fix others - rather than accept them as they are</b> - walk-away from this relationship immediately.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">If you have grown-up in an environment of constant parental disapproval, rejection and physical and emotional abuse</b> - you might start blaming yourself for getting abused.</p><p>As a result - <b data-redactor-tag="b">in the adult life - you will start projecting your own dysfunctional-self onto others and will always find flaws</b> - that needs fixing and can be done only by you.</p><p>The <b data-redactor-tag="b">wish to fix others is codependence - it is about people who sacrifices their own needs while being excessively preoccupie</b>d with the needs of others. </p><p>People <b data-redactor-tag="b">who are codependent often take on the role as a martyr - self-sacrifice for the needs of others is never a good thing.</b></p><p>Helping other people can become addictive - <b data-redactor-tag="b">and people who have this addiction operates from the mindset of - whatever your ailment, problem</b> or challenge - I have got a cure, a fix or a solution for you.</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">Later it acquires the form of destructive self-identity</b> - and reshapes the definition of love - relentless string of sacrifice</p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">A healthy caregiver nourishes their own needs to be the best version of themselves - in order to provide the best support for their loved ones.</b></p><p><b data-redactor-tag="b">4 reasons why we try to fix problems of others</b></p> <ul><li>1.We try to fix others problems - because we just can't see them suffering - but by fixing their problems - not only we are making them incapacitated but also killing their opportunity to become stronger, sharper and self-confident.</li> <li>2.Many times we try to fix things for others - because we don't want to feel uncomfortable - and we try to fast-find the solution - so that we can go back to our comfort-zone and routine.</li> <li>3.We also try to fix problems - from the sheer guilt, shame and embarrassment and also because we may feel that because someone is not doing well or struggling - there definitely is a problem with ourselves.</li> <li>4.When we are scared of confronting our insecurities - we become people-fixer.</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">29 signs of a people-fixer</b></p> <ul><li>1.The people with the fixer-mindset - also called white-knight-syndrome - get attracted towards those they can rescue and who will be morally indebted to them.</li> <li>2.People with a fixer mentality have a need to save and rescue others</li> <li>3.They believe that they have the solution for and know how to solve everyone's problems </li> <li>4.They often insist on patching something that isn't broken. </li> <li>5.Many of them certainly have noble intentions - but they keep going overboard overextend in their eagerness to solve any problem. </li> <li>6.They would do people favors and repair aspects in other people's life - which they don't need help with.</li> <li>7.A person with a fixer mentality have a compelling need to fix anything they perceive as defective, damaged or dysfunctional </li> <li>8.Fixers can also become impatient and might invariably turn out as control freaks and dictators</li> <li>9.They have belief systems which is the only right-way and are unable to understand that there may be several different views opposite to their and right</li> <li>10. They want to be a person - which everyone looks up to because they facilitate all kinds of resources</li> <li>11. They could be the people who experienced abandonment, abuse or who lost their caregiver in the past</li> <li>12. These people are very sensitive and emotionally vulnerable and need to feel useful</li> <li>13. They are very self-critical and also devalue others with vengeance</li> <li>14. They may not be happy with other's accomplishments, success and happiness</li> <li>15. They feel comfortable with and help those who are insecure, sad, afraid and with low self-esteem</li> <li>16. Many of the fixers are truly kind and compassionate - but they also need to feel needed people are people-fixers have an unaddressed dysfunction in their life</li> <li>17. People fixers fail to understand, realize and accept - that why others don't see your their help as help </li> <li>18. They don't understand the importance of personal boundaries. </li> <li>19. Fixers blame themselves if they are unable to fix</li> <li>20. Fixer takes responsibility for something that is not in their area of responsibility</li> <li>21. A fixer can rarely say NO - to anything they believe they can fix</li> <li>22. Fixers get too involved, too interfering and too controlling of others</li> <li>23. Fixers think that they are responsible for other's happiness</li> <li>24. A fixer doesn't just solve someone else's problem, they actually become the solution - and in turn problem for others</li> <li>25. A fixer feel deeply responsible for other people's emotional stability, satisfaction, or happiness.</li> <li>26. A fixer can't bear to watch a loved one experience discomfort — even if the uncomfortable circumstance is a natural consequence of their choices.</li> <li>27. Fixers are quick to step in to solve problems or create solutions for people they care about</li> <li>28. A fixer put other's needs before their own</li> <li>29. But… caring about people's happiness and well-being doesn't automatically make you a fixer.</li> <li></li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">14 reasons why being a fixer is self-harming & self-sabotaging</b></p> <ul><li>1. Because no one can anyone - being fixer - make you set yourself up for hurts, disappointments and disillusions </li> <li>2.Trying to fix others takes up hell of a lot of time, efforts, resources as well as mental, physical and emotional energy</li> <li>3.As an adult we must learn to take responsibility for our own choices and actions - but if you're constantly taking responsibility on behalf of another person to shield them from the negative consequences - you kill their motivation to change</li> <li>4.As a people's problem-fixer - you may think you are helping others - the truth is you might actually be harming these people you're not helping their situation.</li> <li>5.Fixers are confused and don't understand the difference between healing and fixing</li> <li>6.All of us should others - by providing a safe space, by listening mindfully, by coaching and guiding - but that is the limit of what you can do for others</li> <li>7.Fixers try to change the person, their environment and their luck - all of which is beyond anyone's area pf power, influence and control</li> <li>8.Fixers instead of working on healing themselves - start healing others</li> <li>9.Fixers always need to find a solution</li> <li>10. Fixers make excessive personal sacrifices</li> <li>11. Fixers think you're the only one who can help</li> <li>12. Fixers help for the wrong reasons</li> <li>13. Fixers try to help others - when you feel unable to manage the struggles and problems in your life or you are yet get rid of your past baggage - which consists of unresolved trauma, hurt, guilt, regret, shame etc.</li> <li>14. Fixers don't want to see people they care about experience problems or painful consequences - so they take on the pain and frustration of the problem as their own</li></ul> <p><b data-redactor-tag="b">50+ tips on How to get out of fixer mindset </b></p> <ul><li>1.Understand that trying to solve other's problems uninvited - is not only a habit that is toxic for you as well to all those you love and care for most</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">2.</b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Do some self-exploration - ask yourself these 7 questions and answer them honestly</b></li> <li>I.When you are not helping others - do you feel anxious or aimless</li> <li>II.Do you offer unsolicited advice to others - even in casual social settings</li> <li>III.Do you feel defensive or dismissive when you learn that the people you helped have found another person's advice more helpful</li> <li>IV.Do you imagine helping others with life-changing advice could be vital to their success</li> <li>V.Do You feel insecure when someone you are helping questions your motives</li> <li>VI.Do you expect praise and acknowledgement for your help</li> <li>VII.Do You feel as if you have made a sacrifice - after helping someone for a long period</li> <li>3.You need to commit to being an equal partner -and not a savior.</li> <li>4.Become a great coach - who work on the premise - to help build the ability when to the level when you won't be needed as coach - anymore</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">5.</b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Ask these questions to identify and understand your own motives</b></li> <li>I.Are you fixing their problem to solve your own emotional distress over their life choices</li> <li>II.Is your desire to help motivated by feelings of guilt, shame, or concerns of what other people might think</li> <li>III.Do you need to be the hero or savior on order to feel valued</li> <li>IV.Are you feeling responsible for things you have no control over, like other people's choices or emotions?</li> <li>V.Are you taking responsibility for the things you do control, like your actions, thought patterns, and responses?</li> <li>VI.Think like great leaders - who never try to fix others because - it rarely works, it pushes people away and because they come across as controlling-freaks</li> <li>VII.Ask yourself these questions -if you're the person who always wants to fix everyone's problems </li> <li>VIII.Have you applied the suggestions and solution that you are giving others - in your own life</li> <li>IX.If you are the recipient ofthe same treatment - like how you are behaving with others - how it would make you feel</li> <li>X.Would you feel loved, supported, cared and encouraged - if someone gives the same solutions that you are giving others</li> <li>XI.Are you facing the same problems in your own very life that you are unable to solve yourself yet giving advice to others</li> <li>XII.Are you trying to make better - without accepting, loving or appreciating them for who they really are</li> <li>XIII.Are you really responsible to correct what is wrong in their lives - who should take the responsibility </li> <li>XIV.Are you trying to help others - just because it makes you happy - you do not need other people to be happy for you to be happy - if this is the reason find ways to be happy by yourself</li> <li>XV.Have you become god - who has to decide who needs to be fixed and not. From your perspective, "good" and "bad" may seem like objective truths, but that is a sore illusion</li> <li>6.You need to pursue a process of unlearning through self-reflection, understanding-self objectively as well as seek help of experts and matured well-wishers</li> <li>7.Become a good listener - by actually listening</li> <li>8.Accept that people vent-out because they want to be heard - so nod, ask questions to deepen your understanding that is it</li> <li>9.Be there , offer support - stop giving advice and solutions</li> <li>10. Simply ask if they need help - usually when people need help, they'll ask you for it. But if they're too shy or stubborn or proud, then instead of just giving your unsolicited opinion, ask them, "can i do anything to help</li> <li>11. Ask yourself why you feel so obsessed to help them - be honest and courageous to face what you hear yourself say</li> <li>12. Create boundaries - as to how much you would help and whom</li> <li>13. Stop going exhausted trying to fix other's problems</li> <li>14. Understand that you don't have the power and intelligence and insight to fix everything</li> <li>15. Accept that you cannot fix everything even in your own life - fixes and correcting others is impossible</li> <li>16. Understand that even if you care about someone - you can't prevent them experiencing tough times - forever</li> <li>17. Your happiness and unhappiness depend on your own actions</li> <li>18. Learn to live with uncertainty , unknown and disruptions</li> <li>19. Become flexible cognitively - learn to change how you think about a problem plus let go of solutions that aren't working</li> <li>20. To increase your cognitive flexibility, you can ask yourself two questions: what you are doing and how effective has it been</li> <li>21. Set boundaries what you read, watch and associate with</li> <li>22. Focus on tasks which are within your area of control</li> <li><a name="how-it-affects-you">23. Understand the damage it is causing in your - like </a>-burnout, disrupted relationships,sense of failure, unwanted mood symptoms, resentment or anger toward people who don't want your help, frustration with yourself and others, a sense of losing control</li> <li>24. Listen instead of act</li> <li>25. Offer assistance in low-pressure ways</li> <li>26. It's best to avoid stepping in until someone asks for help. There's nothing wrong with wanting loved ones to know you're there for them.</li> <li>27. Instead of taking control of the situation or pressuring them to accept your help, try putting the ball in their court with phrases like - let me know if you need help- I am here if you need me</li> <li>28. If they do ask, follow their guidance (or ask what you can do) instead of assuming you know what's best.</li> <li>29. Understand everyone faces distress time to time - and all the time you can'tdo anything - this is part of life - yours as well as theirs </li> <li>30. Other people's problems— their problems - of course, you can help them - you also have to remember that you are not responsible for their choices.</li> <li>31. Someone might not have all the answers right away - and that's ok - they are still the best judge of what's right for them.</li> <li>32. Talk to a therapist</li> <li>33. Let others outshine yourself </li> <li>34. Start empowering others - stop cultivating dependency only makes the other person weaker, even if it temporarily makes you feel powerful.</li> <li>35. Stop helping everyone - it is pointless </li> <li>36. Identify the right causes and stop helping for the wrong reasons</li> <li>37. Put on your own oxygen mask first - otherwise you can hurt more than you give</li> <li>38. Spend more time improving yourself</li> <li>39. Focus of your fulfillment </li> <li>40. Manage your energy </li> <li>41. Broaden your perspective and awareness</li> <li>42. Be more selective with who you help - to free your time to meet a wider range of people.</li> <li>43. Develop deeper meaningful relationships</li> <li>44. Fix yourself first - it starts with you - treat yourself with extraordinary grace and compassion - understand that fixing yourself will be painful.</li> <li>45. Surround yourself with healthy relationships</li> <li>46. Stop trying to fix everything in your relationship - stop assuming - ask questions to clarify - set and enforce boundaries - respect other's boundaries</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">47. </b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Understand that trying to solve other people's problems through the following methods - often makes things worse, not better</b></li> <li>I.Nagging and giving unwanted advice leads to more stress, conflict, and negatively impacts relationships.</li> <li>II.When we assume that we know what's best - we act condescending.</li> <li>III.Making decisions for others takes away their autonomy and their opportunity to learn and grow.</li> <li>IV.We become frustrated and resentful that our efforts to solve other people's problems don't work and that they aren't appreciated.</li> <li>V.We get distracted from solving our own problems. For some reason, fixing other people always seems easier than fixing ourselves</li> <li><b data-redactor-tag="b">48. </b><b data-redactor-tag="b">Ask these questions before you attempt to solve someone's problems</b></li> <li>I.Is this my problem or is it someone else's problem that's affecting me</li> <li>II.Is this a problem You can really fix or change</li> <li>III.Is changing this person or situation your sole focus and motivation</li> <li>IV.How can you redefine the problem so that you are focusing on what's in your control</li> <li>V.Did they ask for your help or ideas</li> <li>VI.Are you forcing my solutions and ideas onto someone?</li> <li>VII.Am you enabling and empowering or just pushing your desires on someone</li> <li>VIII.Why in the hell you are trying to solve this problem - what is in it for you</li> <li>IX.Is this actually an attempt to manage your own fears - what are the other ways to deal with this uncertainty and feeling out of control</li></ul><div>#whoarepeoplefixers, #whywetrytofixproblemsofothers, #signsofpeoplefixers, #whybeingpeoplefixersisselfsabotaging, #howtogetoutoffixermindset, #damagespeoplefixerscause<span class="redactor-invisible-space"></span><br></div>